"Growing Up" by Alexis H.

            Growing up this fast wasn’t something I chose, but something we are all forced to do. Every passing day we get closer to entering the “real world” the more fear builds up inside me that I’m not going to make it on my own. I sit alone at my desk every night, my homework laid out all over the table, scattered in every direction, with a blank stare as I look at the plain white papers of my work. Seated at the desk, my emotions running high, the tears roll down my cheeks and smear my makeup over my face as I realize, I know nothing. I turn my face towards the wall, hoping my parents and brothers don’t witness my sorrow.  Every night I lose my sanity, trying to focus on what needs to be done and it never works the way I plan. I sit in my desk chair and twiddle my hair and stare at the blank screen and wonder….How am I ever going to make something out of myself in this competitive world we live in.

I look at myself in the mirror and realize, I am no longer the cheerful and bubbly girl I once knew. The dark, purple circles that are accumulating underneath my eyes. My skin, once soft and clear is now a harsh bumpy wasteland of acne and pimples from stress. The increasing amount of headaches I get every night lying awake at two in the morning, hoping the best for my future. I spend every morning before school, piling on makeup, trying to cover up the evidence of my lack of sleep the night before, due to my tremendous amount of homework and studies. What fears me the most is the fact that I try my absolute hardest, and yet, I still don’t feel good enough. I look around and see and hear people talking and showing off their acceptance letters from their dream colleges while I’m still walking empty handed.

Being a teenager is definitely not easy. The amount of stress that I have every day is almost unbearable. I push myself to the limit and yet, I still fear for what’s to come. I’m not the smartest girl you’ll ever meet. I’m actually the opposite which makes everything that much more difficult for me. Even sitting here writing this for you all to read right now, I have no idea what I’m saying. I have all these emotions trapped inside of me that are screaming to come out but I don’t want them known, being that everyone will see me for the weak and broken person I truly am. So when my mother comes home and asks me “How was your day honey?”, I respond with “Great mom!” as I flash her my pearly white teeth.