I remembered the day that changed my life today, but
why today? I kept hearing voices in my head, voices from 9 years ago; but why
am I hearing them today? I kept wondering those things as I was sitting cross
legged on my bed, hugging a pillow, staring out of the window, and listening to
my iPod which was on full blast to try to drain out all of my emotions….
I remember the day so well, it was the 5th
of July; it was a gorgeous morning. I remember my father knocking on my bedroom
door as I was in the corner of my room at my little writing desk, I was drawing
Disney characters the best I could considering I was a 7 year old. My father
tried to sneak up behind me but he stepped on the creaky floorboard so I knew
instantly that he was there, and I quickly turned around. He was surprised that
I knew he was there, he told me that I must have some sort of super power but I
laughed and told him no, that I didn’t, that I am just an ordinary girl. He
corrected me and told me I was extraordinary, not just ordinary. I remember the
smile I had on my face, I was smiling so much that my cheeks hurt, and my father
told me that my face was as red as a tomato as he placed a kiss on my forehead.
And that was the last time I saw him.
The phone rang later that day but my mom was out in
the back tending her rose garden, and she has a rule that if she was out
tending her flowers that I should not disturb her. So I ran over to the
telephone, stood on my tiptoes, grabbed the phone, and pressed the button the
top right corner, underneath the screen. I held the phone up to my ear, “Hello?
Who is this?” The lady on the other side responded, “Hi there sweetie, may I
speak to your mom?” I was confused, why would this person want to speak to my
mom? “She’s out back taking care of her flowers and she told me to not bug her
when she’s doing that.” There was a moment of silence on the other side of the
line then she suddenly took a breath and answered, “Well can you tell her that
this is an emergency?” And without another word, I went to the back and handed
my mother the phone.
The rest of the day was like a hurricane; it left
destruction that I’d have to clean up for the remainder of my life. And it left
a scar that still hasn’t healed, and that was the day my father died, the day
that changed my life forever. And 6
years later I’m still trying to patch up my wound.
44 comments:
This is a very emotional story and it is very sad. I like how you used similes in this "The rest of the day was like a hurricane."
Period 2
~Clarissa Rojas
This story is very emotional and sad. It is perfectly well written and it all goes together smoothly. I enjoyed how you used a lot of details the show how much pain the character is going through. Overall, this is an amazing story.
Shayan Khan
Period 6
This story was very well detailed. It was very emotional and good to grab the attention to the readers in the story. Good Job.
~Mia Tolliver
period 2
This story was very well written and detailed but also sad and depressing. You did great on it. You have a very good writing skill.> Bethany Stitt 2/2/2015 6:32 PM
The emotion the character felt in the story was what made it so good. You portrayed the character very well in the story and showed the connection between her and her father. The details used to describe her feelings were also very great. I would love to read more from you.
This story was very sad. It really emotional and you can feel the sadness of the story as you read. Great job.
-Brandon Icamen
Period 1
Oh my gosh Kim!!!! This piece brought tears to my eyes and I feel that you very clearly explained what the character was and is going through!! I felt attached to this piece and I want to know so much more and that's why this story was just amazing!! You write very well and its great how you express your feelings in this!! Great Job it was truly amazing!!!
Sarah Skibby
Period 6
This story was very well done, as I read the story I questioning why this story would be called "Wounded". Then you delivered that reason perfectly, personally it was very unexpected. Very well written, great job!
-Daniel Alaniz
Period 4
Great story, you did a good job in describing the situation and made the story very detailed.
Chiquitita Annisa
Period 2
When I firs saw the title, I thought it meant physically wounded lol. Poor girl, lost her dad at the age of 6. It's a good thing I have both my parents!
This is a nice story and pretty emotional but keep up the good work.
-Kamau O
Period 2
I found this story to be very emotional and deep. I am glad that you are able to talk about something as hard as this.
Noah Martinez
p.2
This story was very deep and really emotional good job
Hallie Deeds
p.2
I found this story very emotional and deep. It was an amazing piece of writing I loved reading it good job.
Your wrote it in a way where it captured the emotion of the girl and i really really liked it ! I want to know so much more about the girl!
imalla ramirez
period 6
Wow very sad and emotional. It feels like your telling an actual person's life story. Keep up the good work.
Your story was very relateable because we have all lost a loved one and for some reason we always remember the exact moment and day that we found out.
I loved how this story started out with the child describing her relationship with her father. I was very sad when I read it was he last time you saw him. You did an excellent job.
This is a really good story and really sad. Good job!
-Sukhmeen G.
Period 2
This is a very well written article about a young girl and a life changing position she faces and with every word I felt every emotion is was almost as I was witnessing it all happened very well done.
Dean Garcia period 6
This story is extremely relateable for we have all lost a loved one and are possibly still trying to heal the wounds. I loved reading the story and going on the emotional trip with the girl, good job and keep up the good work.
Very emotional and sad story, but a great one also, keep up the good work!
Anthony Absher
Period 6
Very emotional and sad story, but a great one also, keep up the good work!
Anthony Absher
Period 6
Good Job! Very sad and emotional , but overall good story!
Good Job! Very sad and emotional , but overall good story!
Hey dude honestly such an incredible job. I can tell the amount of grief with the heart of the protagonist and how much that unfortunate impacted the character. I love the way you described it as wounded and personifying as it is "healing" which frankly we can all understand. I love your piece great job man
I felt the emotions while reading this story. You did an awesome job utilizing the literary device of pathos. Many people can relate to this story, if they too have lost a father or a family member, even a friend. It's always good to share a story that is easy for your audience to connect wit, Great Job!!
Kaleha Spencer
Period: 4
Wow. What a amazing well written story I love how you put lots of detail and emotions in such a descriptive way .One of my favorite stories so far
Valerie Perez
Period 6
This was a very emotional story, but great story!
Joseph Mendez
Wow! you did a really fantastic job!! keep up the good work.
Angel Gonzalez
p2
I liked the way you described the emotion in this story. I hope you continue to work well in you writing pieces.
Jobelle Dauz
Period 2
This story is very heart felt and amazing .. i really think this story is so far the best because it has such detail and feeling to it 👏 good job keep it up
This one of the greatest stories I have read. This is a sad story and very emotional. A lot of detail on how you described yourself and the way the floor sounded. Very good story!
LuisToro
Period 6
this is one of the best stories I have read on the blog. its really amazing and it was really emotional.
This is definitely one of the saddest pieces I've read. I loved the way you described your emotions and feelings on this tragic day of your life. Great piece
Madi Cordura
p.2
This was absolutely amazing. I love how you wrote down every detail to help everyone picture what you saw. My heart goes out to you and your family. The way you laid your emotions out for all of us to read is beautiful. Very well written
This piece is very thought-provoking. The idea of looking back to a very impacted part of your life is well-written. The tragedy and remembrance you have for your father is well apparent and I commend your writing. Well done!
Andrew Trinidad
Period 1
Wow, you write so eloquently. Your vivid descriptions of that morning help to get your audience truly invested in the piece! I felt like I was in your head, hearing your thoughts. I also really felt the father daughter connection between the two of you through your sweet descriptions. Keep writing!
The beginning of the story was the most touching because the final memory of your father was so heart warming which is something to cherish because you never know when we may lose our loved ones, so you should always make every moment a memorable one. But also with the concept of losing a parent at such a young age is something that most of us cannot fully connect with, but we do our best to comfort others who are in need. So that was a very though-provoking piece and I really enjoyed it.
Mahlon Howard
Period 4
I like all the details that you incorporated into this story! Great Job! -Altierre Paris
This is a very sad and emotional story. It was really well written with some great connections.
Faisal H
Period 5
The beginning of the story is really cute how she was happy about seeing her dad and how he was trying to scare her! And how she was smiling so much. It's really sad how her father died when she was only seven. This really does leave a wound on children growing up without their father. Great job I really enjoyed reading this and also great use of imagery I felt like I was sitting in front of them watching this happen.
R
Post a Comment