Find the shape and tell it!
Monday, January 26, 2015
"Innocence is a Virtue" by Leah H.
*sigh* You know that subject that I never want to talk about, well I'm ready. I know from previous sessions, i may seem perfect, but behind closed doors...*sighs* I'm not who you may perceive me to be; I have story...*sighs*
Growing up I lived a good life, carried myself like a lady at all times, made good grades, always listened to my teachers, and even stayed in extracurricular activities. Although I was a very shy kid, I always did above and beyond. In my household, family has always been valued. Me and my siblings were always told, "Family comes first and you can always trust and confined in them" No matter what, I always believed that when it came down to family; I knew fershure those were the people that I could trust. *pause* When I was fifteen years old, that changed. Every other weekend I would go to my aunt and uncles house to spend time with them. One Saturday night my aunt was on call so she had to go to work, leaving my uncle and I at home...*pause*. I started getting sleepy so I went upstairs to the guest bedroom and went to bed. As I turned over in the bed I heard the floor squeaking in the room and a male voice, before I could turn the light on, he grabbed my arm and slammed me back on the bed. That's when I knew that was the night I would never forget. I kept thinking "WHY is this happening to me?" "Did I bring this upon myself?" "Where's my uncle?"...*long pause* that's when it started *pause* At that moment, I blacked out and the next thing that I remember was him standing over me laughing. Inside i kept screaming STOP but nothing ever came out..
When the man spoke, I instantly knew who it was..the man who was always there for me...took me to my dance recitals , brought me clothes and even taught me how to swim. That man was my uncle. I thought I could trust my family! Why would someone that I was so close to want to take my innocence away from me..I guess my mom was wrong, if you cant trust family then I cant trust anybody. You know what I cant take this anymore *grabs purse and storms off*
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16 comments:
Leah, this piece is very intriguing from start to finish! I admire the way in which you formatted this piece into a monologue because it helps convey each and every emotion going through the narrator's head. Amazing work!
Wow great story Leah! I think it was really great how this piece was written as a monologue. I could almost feel the nerves of the speaker as if I was experiencing something like that myself. Shivers ran through my spine at that shocking ending. It's terrible when someone trust someone else and it all turns out to be a lie, I guess that can happen not just with family but with anyone. I admired the way you added the characters actions such as her always breathing and sighing.
Evelin Conde
1/29/15
period.5
I am very moved by your story, it was extremely personal and overwhelming, and real. The sad truth relayed by the message of this story is one that should never be forgotten. It made me feel the emotions as intended, and had me in suspense and under the readings control as it continually shocked me sentence by sentence.
Nate Shepard
P.1
Your piece shocked me every sentence I read. As I read I found myself gasping and sighing in the intended spots and trying to catch my breath at the disbelief the piece contains. I liked how you wrote the story in your own voice and did not attempt to make it fancy with big vocabulary. I think this story could move people who have experienced this themselves to talk with someone about it and use it to encourage others that this doesn't have to put an end to your life but you can live stronger.
Madison P.
period 4
I love this piece.It is one of the most tragic concepts to learn about in life. Unfortunately people have let us all down in life at times. As we get older we get shown the sad truth of how our world really is.
Your story was amazing. It kept my attention from beginning to end. I enjoyed the reality of it and the suspense of the entire thing. It entails, what is usually a hard topic to speak upon. This type of instance is dramatic and I admire your courage to bring the subject to light. The piece was filled with emotion and remained interesting from start to finish. All in all great work!
Merosa Uiagalelei
Per.5
Wow this is an amazing story. I was very intrigued with it fro the beginning and all throughout. I loved your use of description in this piece; it really added detail to the story. I also like how you added that twist of her not knowing who it was at first, and then revealing that it was her uncle, that was a great, but unfortunate touch to the story. Great job!
Kaleha Spencer
Period: 4
I found this story very interesting. When I first saw the title I thought this would be a story of the child doing something to lose their innocence but that's not the case. Instead the child didn't go anything but have to sit and struggle no matter how useless it was to struggle and have their innocence stripped from them. It was a very well written article with an interesting twist. The plot of the story was well thought out and well put together when it all fell into place. good job
-Dominic Talley
period 6
Wow. This story is dark but well written. I like how you did not reveal who it was until the end, it really added shock value. The ending when the girl is thinking about all the good things her uncle had done for her was really effective. This makes the reader see that the uncle was not always some weirdo who everyone knew was a freak, but he seemed like a good and loving uncle. Great job
Nehemiah Barnett
Period 4
Oh ! wow Leah yaay good job it really pulled me I was able to really picture this. And I feel like it does a great job for those people that can relate to this situation its kind of an awareness piece.
this piece was very good. the overall message is very good because you cant trust anybody even your family.
jesse jauregui
I liked how you portrayed the message of your story, Leah. I liked how you placed in the places where the character would sigh and pause to really emphasize what is about to be said by them or what has already been said by them. The message, I feel, is something that is sensitive to everyone. Trust is an important thing, and without it, relations cannot be built. It's crazy how sometimes the closest people to you are the ones who betray you the most, and that is exactly what I feel your story portrays. Good job in getting the message across to your audience.
Madi Cordura
P. 1
Leah this is amazing. I love how you started off the piece by setting up an image of some sort of a therapy session. I love how it is hard for the character to talk about it, even though it is being told to someone who is used to hearing stories of such crude nature. One of my favorite parts is when you said one of the most important things to the girl is her family, yet her family is what destroyed her.
This is really great Leah I enjoyed reading it:)
I truly appreciate how you presented the theme of the story. Well written and great job! It is difficult to write about an extremely sensitive topic especially with the implication of what happened between the two characters. Well done and I commend you for your incredible work!
Andrew Trinidad
Period 1
I truly appreciate how you presented the theme of the story. Well written and great job! It is difficult to write about an extremely sensitive topic especially with the implication of what happened between the two characters. Well done and I commend you for your incredible work!
Andrew Trinidad
Period 1
This is very ironic in the sense that the character had complete trust in her family, yet it was her family, her uncle, that took ruined her life. Your story raises the question of who can one truly trust on. If you can not even trust your family, than who is there left to trust? I like how you set up your story into two distinctive parts. The first part you give us a feel for the character and in the second part you describe the scene of the uncle taking away that characters innocence. Very well done.
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