We decided that coffee would be ideal for catching up, as it was something for which, in our youth, we had a common affinity. I remember vague details of him: we were childhood friends, his name was the same as mine, we were born within the same year, and we were in the same graduating class in secondary school. I cut communication with him because I decided that I would be a new person entirely, and had legally changed my name before accepting a manager position at a new internet startup company in New York City. After pulling up to the place of meeting, I advanced into the small coffeehouse to find him already seated.
Greetings, handshakes, and small talk ensued of the most mundane topics. As he extended his arm for the handle of his mug, it was difficult to conceal my disgust for what looked like a poorly constructed tattoo on his wrist, resting atop an ugly scar on his green, rootlike vein. Taking note of the direction of my gaze, my friend looked up at me and said, “‘I am’ is what it says. It’s small, but it took about a month to complete. It’s an excerpt from a favorite novel of mine about a young debutante that spent most of the course of the story in therapy after trying to off herself, and on the very last page she found her reason to live. I first read it when we were still friends in secondary.” I must have not been a decent friend because I don’t remember seeing him reading The Bell Jar, let alone anything at all. He continued in generous detail about the August night that he tried to end his miserable existence.
After understanding what he was insinuating, I arrived at the idea that I was looking into the face of a loon. I decided that I heard enough and had started to get up to leave, but my old friend read my expression and reassured me that there was of nothing to worry.
“That’s great,” I slumped back down, refraining from eye rolling, half out of irritation at the inappropriate nature of the story, half out of a nervous habit as if I was being personally threatened. I rested my chin on my fist.
“Do you remember me telling you that I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life? I ended up choosing a career as an artist.”
I could tell by the look of his tattered garb that he wasn’t making much. “I’m sure that you’re doing quite wonderful. But listen, I have to go. I have an appointment in a half hour.” I left the little establishment and felt around my coat for the key fob that would disarm the car alarm. As I drove, instead of focusing on the damp tarmac that chafed the rubber of my tires, I eyed the occasional dandelion sprouting between the cracks in the weather-torn road. I was desperately trying to recall the bits of our conversation that I was too distracted to pick up before. There was this word he had used to describe himself that I never really heard of. Eleutheromaniac? I think he defined it as being a zealot for freedom. I’m certain that was what it was.
19 comments:
First of all, your vocabulary is on point. I liked the words you chose even though I had to look some of the definitions up. I enjoyed your story and reading all the details and descriptive words you used to describe the setting. What I liked most was how you included the dandelion growing through the cracks and how it related to your point of being "eleutheromaniac." Typically in stories you would know the character's names, but you didn't include that except for saying the two had the same name. It was different and it gave your story some mystery. Leaving the names out wasn't too important to know, and I feel like you gave readers freedom, in a sense, to use their imagination and come up with names. Overall, I enjoyed reading your story, great job!:)
Hey Fernando. I honestly loved your piece. The message it gave off is really one of relevancy and I must admit, it made me stop and think for awhile which one of the two characters I was most similar to. I liked the fact that you began first portraying the two characters as quite similar people with much of the same background, but then ultimately contrasting each with one another as to show the two, opposite paths each took. I think something you did interesting with the piece is especially contrasting the two character's occupations. With the speaker, changing his identity and being a company man, I really could envision what kind of person he was, even when he was judging his friend for being an artist, which is often associated as an unsustainable career. But despite this, the artist had something, the speaker could not seem to grasp, which was the value of freedom and options. Amazing piece!
Ellamae Armado
Period 1
Wow, Fernando. The use of imagery in this piece is incredibly vivid. Honestly, I felt as if I was actually watching the events unfold right before me when I was reading your blog entry. I am always in awe when I see how wonderfully you utilize your extensive vocabulary, and this piece clearly depicts that you know how to incorporate fancy terminology. I see a common relation between the two friends in this story with the everyday events that occur in life. After awhile, two friends become caught up in two totally different worlds, and I can clearly see that in this blog post. Both friends had, key word "had", something in common when they were younger, and after time passed by, one friend clearly is disgusted by his other friend, and can't seem to remember anything about the other friend. It's sad that our society actually does function like this. But overall, you never cease to amaze me Fernando! Great job! :)
Simran Bajwa
Period 1
Wow. I could connect with this real easily. In your first statement when you talked about the coffee and how it means a sort of "catching up" scenario, which is frankly choose. Nowadays all you hear is let's catch up, I'll meet you at Starbucks. So it can definitely connect to other people's lives as well. I loved the small conversation they have, it's insightful and I like how their lives turned out. I feel like this is like a prediction of the future for some people. Some of us will remember vaguely of one another and then one day we'll meet up for coffee and discuss careers and what not. I love how they contrast in jobs: one is a struggling artist and the other has become a manager. The detail when you describe the artist's garb shows the audience how he is not doing well. Then with the friend leaving, I feel like it shows how he feels bad for his friend, but he knows that life is unfair that way. However he knows that his friend is "Eleutheromaniac,… a Zealot for freedom." Great piece and I wish there was more to it.
-Katheryn Valle
Period 1.
Knowing Fernando, this is an experience that most likely really happened. I like how you described this person as a perfect representation of the word "eleutheromaniac", one who follows their dreams and does what makes them happy.
The use of vocabulary is done wonderfully here. I now know the word eleutheromaniac so hey "you learn something new everyday." Also, imagery is done nicely with the realism of two people meeting up for a small conversation, and the use of the tattered garb as a sign of struggling makes the story easier to picture. -Joey Roest
The text within this story is very verbose. I loved how the vocabulary was more than just words; it carried a certain weight that contributed to the imagery making the story even better.I like the way that you connected the story to the title also. A very well thought out piece. Good job!!
This was such a great story to read. I loved the vocabulary you chose to write this and I loved all the imagery put into this. I felt like I was the main character and I really felt like I was in the story. I also loved how you used the word, "eleutheromaniac" that describes someone so happy and free when the word itself sounds a bit odd, which I bet was kind of the point. I loved reading this, great job!
Fernando, honestly, I loved the depth of this piece soo soo much! This piece is probably one of the only pieces I have read that has symbols embedded within the piece itself very slyly! I loved it so much! The thing that intrigued me so much was how you explained a scenario that can actually happen, to anyone. Knowing your personality, I can say that I can really see you through this piece, a lot! The way you strung the words together really drew me in! SO great job once again! ((:
Dude I really liked how many layers this piece had it was really touching. I liked how you picked a very difficult topic and turned it into a story that I never heard of or even thought about. Suicide is always difficult to talk about but I liked how you wrote the piece from the perspective of someone who never went through that. I liked the symbolism of the flower of new life, really good job Fernando...
Fernando, I genuinely love your style of writing! I was in awe of your sophisticated vocabulary as well as the depth of your story. I like how there was a sense of mystery behind what these character's past together was. I also like the idea that the character's perception in the end was changed by his old friend, whom he never really listened to until now. The connection between the title and the ending was very creative and interesting. Overall, excellent piece!
Fernando, I loved the way you wrote this piece. It was greatly structured and had really amazing vocabulary. I loved that you gave the reader an insight to the main character's thoughts and feelings towards this long lost friend. The mystery behind this story was great, and I caught on to the symbolism of the ending where you described "the sprouting of a dandelion in the cracked road" as the beginning of something new or perhaps a new discovery in the main character's life. I loved your story and thanks for making me feel dumb by having to look up some of the words you used!
-Sophia Bobadilla P.1
You've truly created the ultimate devil in the details. I greatly admire your quips about the mundanity of conversations started in awkwardness or the "poorly constructed tattoo." I picture this as a small scene in a film, one of those greatly written ones that are so small and don't carry over into the plot of the movie, but still inexplicably create character development to the watchers. I don't know what I'm saying but it's a compliment I'm sorry
Charles Purcell
Period 5
If I am being honest, I had to read your piece twice through because it was so good. Also I didn't want to miss anything, I wanted to pick up on all the imagery that your diction very well portrayed. Very good intriguing piece.
- Zac Coaston Period 5
And you said you didn't think your story was good. The detail was insane and every little thing had some meaning to it. I thought he was going to get in an accident at the end... and I interestingly I see a little bit of you in both characters. Not bad. Not bad.
I really enjoyed your piece and the structure was very well thought out. The diction you used really helped to give an ominous tone to your piece. I also really like the amount of detail you put into your story, it was very well thought out. Good Job!
-Alyssa Anastasi
Period 5
You, sir, have a command of and finesse with the words you choose that brings a unique voice and tone to the piece. Its not often that get to read something so masterfully put together by someone of my age. I found myself not only reading your words but also entertaining the idea that to get to this point you must have done a lot of work, correct me if im wrong, but I assume you've spent many hours writing and many more reading. In any case, your depiction of the speaker was incredible; and with less than 500 words you have endeared him to me. I could say more but its Friday morning and i need to publish these comments. I would love to read more of your work sometime. Keep writing.
Adan Chavez
Per 4
Fernando, you know damn well you are a superb writer and have a certain finesse with words- vocabulary is simply your forte, and you don't throw it around pretentiously like a kid that discovered the SAT Vocabulary book. I genuinely enjoyed this piece, from its disconnected attitude and rather complete lack of empathy or sympathy, for that matter. I brings us into the realm of a reasonable conscious, as most others would have received the man's half assed replies as offending. Great job, but you don't need me to tell you that.
That was pretty damn interesting.
I was captivated by your topic and your use of vocabulary.
I enjoyed not only learning something, i love how you are able to bring two characters completely to life in such a short span of time. Great Job!
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