*news reporter: breaking news, there has been an accident on the CA 60 west involving a motorcyclist and a white escalade
Ana rushes into Kaiser Permanente in search of her husband. "He's in room 102 in OR, ma'am, you may take a seat in the waiting room" says the receptionist. "Thank you" replies Ana. She waits patiently, listening to the clocktick, tock, tick, tock. The door opens and Doctor Reyes walks out, looking around the room he spots Ana immediately. Ana stands quickly asking Doctor Reyes if her husband, James, is okay. Docotor Reyes assures Ana that James is physically okay, although he is currently in a coma. As a lump forms in Ana's throat, stopping herself from crying, she nods her head and asks to see James. Doctor Reyes escorts Ana to James's room and Ana sits, speaking softly to her husband. She comes to realization that he probably cannot hear her, so she decides to write him letters instead.
Dear James,
It's been a month that you've been in a coma. Our little princess was born just a week ago on May 28, 2013, I wish you were there to see it. She has your eyes and your nose, I hope you wake soon so you can see your precious Sadie.
Many letters later
Dear James,
It's Sadie's first Christmas, and you have yet to woken from your coma. The doctors asked to take you off of life support, but I didn't allow it. I have such high hopes, I know you're going to awaken, I just know it. I pray to God you'll be able to take care of, give love to, and meet little Sadie.
Dear James,
Happy Valentines day! Your room is filled with wonderful smelling flowers, colorful cards, and big balloons. Sadie's attempted her first words, it's close to "dada". She's quite the intelligent little girl. You'll fall in love with her once you awaken. Until then, I love you. Xoxo.
Dear James, It's May 28, 2014. Sadie's first birthday is today! She has been staying with grandma and grandpa lately since I've been working long shifts. I'm headed over there in just a few minutes to celebrate with the birthday girl. I wish you were here to celebrate with us.
Morning of May 29
"Hello James, it's nice of you to finally join us" says Doctor Reyes. James looks around and touches his skin, the bed sheets, and sees all of the dead flowers, colorful cards, and deflated balloons in his hospital room. He's awake and out of his coma and he cannot believe it. "I feel as if I've been buried in my own body. I yell and yell, asking for help, and I felt so hopeless" says James. "
Doctor Reyes, where's Ana?"
Doctor Reyes hesitates to answer. "James, I'm sad to say that Ana has been in a severe accident. A drunk driver slammed right into her, onto the driver's side. She's in very critical condi"
*beep* *intercom: code blue* *Dr. Reyes rushes into Room 203; James following*
"Ana!!" James runs towards her bed side, tears running down his face, but the nurses gently push him aside in order to try to revive Ana, but it's too late.
"Call it, Mary" says Doctor Reyes.
Mary, the RN looks to James and quietly says "13:28".
James is discharged from the hospital a week after Ana's death, and although he has lost his beloved, he has now met his princess Sadie and lives out the rest of his life treating his princess as his queen.
Find the shape and tell it!
32 comments:
Katrina, you've done a great job maintaining the melancholy and somber tone of this flash fiction post. I love how you organized the story to where one tragedy occurs after the next because it adds even more sadness and shock value to this tragic love story!
This story was so sweet although most people would consider it a heartbreaking story I think it had an overall happy ending. I love how I could feel the emotion throughout the story from the character of Ana. The organization to your piece was as well very interesting because it was composed mostly of letters and not the usual paragraph form. Excellent work!
Evelin Conde
period.5
1/29/15
Ellodere Katrina!
Congratulations on a very sweet and simultaneously saddening piece of writing. I had to say that I very much enjoyed the epistolary format in which you chose to format this, as it emphasized the chronological extent of the piece and allowed for a development of the ethos of Ana and her hopefulness for the awakening of her husband. I also enjoyed the crispness of this. A lot of flash fiction pieces tend to have hanging endings, or pieces that feel unfinished, but this does the exact opposite and though the ending is not exactly what the reader hopes for, it is an actual ending and provides some closure. Besides the sparse grammatical errors, this was a very cute piece.
Really great story Kat! I enjoyed reading this! The amount of detail and emotion you put into it made it seem so real. I don't know if it was intentional to put Ana's time of death as 13:28 almost the same numbers as Sadie's birthday, May 28, 2013, but I liked that touch. I like how you broke the story up in certain time frames and used letters to express Ana's emotions and thoughts. I also liked how you included the news reports and hospital announcements. It was sad in the end, but I liked how it wasn't a predictable ending where he wakes up and sees his wife again. It's tragic, but okay since he gets to live and see his princess Sadie. Overall, great job!:)
Wow, this is a crazy story! You really got me hooked with the tile "Tragic Love" because I started to question what love is so tragic? I found it interesting how you used CA 60 West and Kaiser Permanente within your story to get the readers more aware of the setting. The tone of this story is so romantic yet painful because as a reader you want their love to last. The way you expressed hope as well as disappointment brought many emotions for me. I honestly love the way you wrote the ending because even though there was a tragedy, the story ended with joy coming from Sadie. You definitely helped open my eyes to life in general. Overall, very beautiful.
Wow this is a really good and really sad story. The fact that Ana never gave up hope, then on Sadie's birthday and the day before James wakes up Ana is also hurt in a car accident is overwhelming. This story left me with many different emotions, but the deepest one was sadness.
This story is great and heart touching. Its so sad and cute too when she never gave up on him. The irony of this is huge because she passes just as James revives, I loved you writing! > Bethany Stitt 2/2/2015 at 7:51 pm
Oh my goodness! I absolutely loved this piece Katrina. You did an amazing job conveying emotion all throughout your story, it made me a bit teary eyed reading it. But overall it is a sweet story in the end, keep writing more stories as amazing as this one!
-Kimberly Tsuyuki
oh gosh this definetely brought me to tears, it reminded me a lot of Romeo and Juliet in a sense because it has to do with death and love and tragedy.Great use of detail because it made it feel so real!
Katrina, this was such a heart wrenching story. The amount of events that occurred in this short blog entry is absolutely incredibly. The way you condensed the story into such a small, simple entry truly amazes me. I enjoyed the format of this story due to the fact it shows how Ana is struggling to keep her husband alive with each passing moment. The imagery in this story really allows the reader to visualize the anxiety and stress Ana went through, and the depression and grief James went through when he found out Ana was gone. The ending touched me a bit, and I like how you tied up the ends with James treating his daughter like a queen. Great job! :)
Simran Bajwa
Period 1
Katrina,
I loved your piece! It very much reminded me of Romeo and Juliet except worse because in this case there was a child involved who ultimately lost a parent. The piece was very sentimental overall. I felt like i was going through the motions with the characters. You did a great job keeping your reader engaged. Great job!
Leasia Spicer
period 4
Elisabeth Domond, Pd.5
Dang Katrina, you made me want to cry so bad! It started off sad, then it got better, then it got sad again. Honestly I had tears starting to form in my eyes. The description and the set up of the story was amazing. I love the transition between the letter entries.
Great Job!
WOW.Your piece made me tear up a bit. From the beginning, I had a whole different expectation of the ending. Overall, your story really touched me. The tone really pulled in all the emotions together, there was both a romantic and a tragic tone. I really enjoyed how you used letters for Ana to express how she feels and what shes going through. I honestly was surprised that he woke up, but my heart broke even more when she died. It was heartbreaking knowing that they didn't get to see each other one last time face to face. Amazing piece!
Grace Panjaitan
Period 4
This story is both ironic and poetic. Right as he awakens and is ready to rejoin the world, his wife is sentenced to her death bed. Its so tragic and sad to know the year he was unable to hold his wife he'd never get the chance to even when he woke. However beautiful at the thought that after a year of waiting helplessly in a coma he finally gets to meet his daughter for the first time. The added citations of the letter she wrote to her husband I thought was the a great side detail to add to the story. Great work on this piece very well done.
This story is very good. i love how you were kinda creative with it, very different.
Wow. You kind of messed up night because now I'm all sad and depressed lol. But you did a great job with this piece, it seems like it could be the next love story blockbuster. I like that you had the couple have a daughter so that James would have a reason to stay strong and keep moving forward. I really feel bad for Sadie because at first she didn't have her father, but then she gets her father back but losses her mother. Great job
Nehemiah Barnett
Period 4
Your story was really interesting. I kept wanting to read more and more until I got to the end. I like the idea of using letters instead of Ana speaking to him. Overall, that was a really nice story.
Shayan Khan
Period 6
This is such a sad story. The more I read, the sadder I became, especially at the end. I like how the structure of the story allows for the readers to see from the girl’s perspective how much she loves him. It also gives a good indication of how much time has passed and how they are kept apart. I also liked the ironic twist at the end, even though it was so sad. Overall, great story!
This was a great story Kat! I really loved how you put a time frame in this story and I loved how everything was organized. It was a great yet sad story from beginning to end! I didn't want it to end!I loved how you used detail into the characters emotions and the wife's as well as she wrote to her husband. It was like I felt what she was feeling. And also, May 29th is my birthday so this kind of makes me sad hahaha! Now when I think of my birthday I'll of this story LOL. Great job Kat! Really liked this story!
Katrina, I really loved this piece and how well you conveyed the emotions of the characters. I was so invested in whether or not James would awake from his coma and when he did, I was left heartbroken at his wife's death. This is such a well organized and tragic love story. Overall, this was a very beautiful and well done piece!
The title itself drew me in. I read it and wanted to know what was so tragic. As I read it, I enjoyed how well you broke the story up and how you demonstrated the emotions of Ana and James very well. The way you set up the story allowed for suspense to build and when I was getting close to the end I thought that James would wake up and maybe he had lost his memory or maybe everything would be perfectly fine, but no there was a plot twist. That also made the story more intriguing to read. Well done Kat!
Idalys Martinez
Period 1
Wow! This is a really good story keep up with what you're doing .
Angel Gonzalez
p2
wow. I really enjoyed how it was written in a form of a letter .good job
Valerie Perez
Period 6
Wow !! I didn't see that coming!!! I love this story its something i would be proud to share to my kids or family or even friends!! Good job in this story and own it n run with it beacsue it truly is a amazing story
Hey Katrina!
First of all I really love the idea of family and faith here as Ana waited for James to recover from the coma. From there we can see Sadie, the daughter grow as a person yet at the same time James recovering from his coma as well. I felt very glad inside my gut when I read that James had recovered from his coma, however there was a twist I did not see coming. Never in my imagination would I think Ana would be the one who ended up dead. Despite all her efforts to raise Sadie and wait for the return of James, a drunk driver had to end it all. It is a very sad ending and it makes you realize that this actually happens to people. A very well written story Katrina, I'm proud! :)
Tedman Nguyen
Period: 1
Well, if the objective was to make me thoroughly depressed and hit me right in the gut, then you did it! I'm kidding; the story reeled me in and had me hooked from start to finish, and when I read the part where the husband woke up, I thought everything was going to be fine, but no. One wakes up and another dies, but it was a really good plot twist. Despite the tragic ending, I really enjoyed it, and I liked the theme of perserverance in the end, because there's always someone who needs you. Nice job Katrina!
Anthony Hurd
Period 4
Madi Cordura
p.1
KAT! This is absolutely amazing. I can't help but to think this is some kind of a modern twist on Romeo and Juliet. The guy is now alive but the lady is now dead. It's tragic. The letters made me so sad, which is a great thing because You made me feel emotions for these characters you have created. I can't help but to read more. What happens to Sadie!? This is absolutely amazing and all I want is to know more. You're an amazing writer!
What an amazing story! Nicholas Sparks status for sure! I really enjoyed the plot twist. Great use of the letters to show all of the important points of Sadie's first year. What a beautiful interpretation of the ill-fated love story.
Katrina! Your story was really great! I love how you used diary entries to tell the story. It made me feel like I was more connected to Ana. So when she died I was really upset that she passed away. I started to care for her. It put me in her situation and how much it must hurt to go through that. The plot twist made me feel even more depressed, but it was a great piece!
This was another great piece for this month. The use of letters and the months that fall in between was the most effective style that you put into the piece and that really made my heart sink by every new letter, but in a good way. But the tragic irony that led to the ending was the most heart breaking moment within your work and just made me lose it, but in a good way haha. But very nice job Katrina!
Mahlon Howard
Period: 4
Oh Kat this was interesting , I like the stage directions you gave us to let us be able to picture hat was all going on in those scenes
Very creative story. I liked the overall tone of the story and how well organized it was.
Faisal H
Period 5
Post a Comment