There was a boy by the
name of Joseph. Before we begin, lets get to know his dad. His dad was a star
baseball player in college. Every professional baseball team wanted him to play
for them. He was a stud. On draft day he was drafted first round to the Dodgers.
On opening day he was so excited to play for his favorite team ever! Before the
game even started he was warming up and then there was a terrible accident. He
tore a ligament in his shoulder and in his elbow. He was never able to play
again. This all happened because he didn’t stretch before the game. Now when
his son was born he knew that he would be a baseball player. He had all the
right tools and knowledge to make his son the best. From one month old in the
crib he would stretch his legs and arms. Once he was able to walk (about 1 year
old) he taught him how to throw and catch a baseball. By the time he could
start to play competitively he was the best in not only California, but the
world. Now when he was in kindergarten his life was school then baseball. He
had done so much working out that he already had a cut body. He was already
being scouted at the age of five. After school he would want to go play with
his friends. This didn’t sit well with his father at all. The answer was no!
After years of hating his dad, for not letting him experience hanging out with
friends and the world. He was a freshmen in high school and made varsity his
first year. One day going home from school he had enough. He refused to
practice or workout. Then they got into a huge argument and ended with Joseph
saying that playing baseball is your dream and not mine. I can be whatever I
want to be, it’s my decision. His life would change from that moment on. He
never talked to his dad since. After that day he never would pick up a baseball
again and resented his dad. He finally experienced the world first hand and
hung out with friends after school. He eventually graduated and got a
scholarship to USC for his grades and got a PhD in Anesthesiology. In the end,
he realized that all his dad wanted was the best for him. But he had every
right to be what he wanted.
Find the shape and tell it!
33 comments:
I really enjoyed your story. The story has a good moral to it and it is well written. I like how you ended the story with that statement showing that people should be in charge of their life and not others.
Really enjoyed this easy to relate to and well written with details. - vymian san
I was quite intrigued by your story. It is full of wisdom given simply through a life lesson. It kept me in suspense from the first sentence, and i liked the metaphor that you used, because i could relate to it directly.
-Nate Shepard P.1
You are great at telling stories. I think this is a normal problem for many kids but their parents just want them to finish what they had to put down, great story. Bethany Stitt Febuary 2, 2015 6: 50
Great concept and portrayal of ideology as well; hearts break and all sorts of emotions flow when stories deal with unstructured, complicated, but in the end, ever loving relationships between fathers and sons; and that's what many readers like to experience. This short story really equipped itself in doing this; there was the main conflict of the fathers desire versus the sons desires, a reasonable understanding of the father's desire as well as the sons, and the ultimate acknowledgement of the fathers intentions. Nice. However, fixing the order of which things are presented (such as chronogicaly) and better structured sentences would bring the most out of it.
I really enjoyed this story and the way you wrote as if it happened to you was amazing. It was a surprise how the kid ended up not pursuing a baseball career being that good. I would love to read more from you and see what you write next.
This piece was very well written and had a great plot! I like how you started it talking about Joseph's father and how cool he was and how he was a great baseball player. Then how he raised his son to play baseball but instead he wanted to live another life and he went his own way and I feel attached to this character and I can feel how he feels.
Sarah Skibby
Period 6
This story was the best one I've read so far. The way you put things that really happen to kids with their own parents was amazing. The fact that he didn't end up pursuing his baseball career was a big surprise to me. I would like to see what happens later. Good job!!
I liked the story and it was well put together and I like the fact that this is a true story and parents do this.
-Kamau O
-Period 2
Noah Martinez
p.2
Great story I would not want to have my parents make my decisions for me either.
This story shows how you shouldnt let people control your life and to follow your own dreams ! I like your story ! good job!
imalla ramirez
period 6
Hallie Deeds
p.2
I loved your story great job. I like how some people can relate to this story and it had a great message to the story.
I like that in the end he learns a valuable lesson. Very well written story. Keep it up.
I love how the story began with the father's life then transitioned into the child's life. I love how you portrayed that the father just wanted the best for him but the child wanted to follow his own path and pursue his own dream. You did a good job.
That's a touching story. The relationship between the dad and the son was realistic and entertaining.
Josie Starr
Period 2
Good job jesse i loved your story and how you took it to a pesonal level
Love the relationship between the father and son, great job!
Anthony Absher
Period 6
I loved the powerful message in the end! Great story, great characters, and great message! Keep it up!
Per 2
Marian Hollinquest
Period 4
This story empowered the new beliefs in the counter culture; not traditionally doing what our parents want us to be. This piece expresses clearly the failed dreams of parents being passed on through children. Well done!
Great story! i liked how Joseph stood up to his dad and told him what he wanted to do. Keep it up!
Joseph Mendez
per.2
Wow what a great story! i like the message it brings out.
Angel gonzalez
p2
Great story i love how you wrote about a subject that you knew which put more detail in the story .Also i really enjoyed how it shows us a valuable lesson.
Valerie Perez
Period6
great story! i liked how joesph stood up for what he believed it i wouldve done the same thing nice message!
oscar rodriguez
period 6
Good story I like how you introduced the character and from there wen to the story,but yes it was missing lack in details. I did like that the kid went with his dreams in life not his dads. Good Job (:
~Clarissa Rojas
Period 2
I liked how you made the story seem realistic and how you added enough description to make people relate to it. Although you lacked in some areas, this was a good story.
Jobelle Dauz
Period 2
Very inspiring story. I like how joseph put his foot down and said "no". good story.
Luis Toro
Period 6
this was well written and it as also inspiring and it was really a good story.
Good story plot. It's relatable in the fact that many young people find themselves living their parent's dream. Using more complex sentences or even writing it from the boy's perspective could be really interesting.
Your story is what everyone in the world should strive for. Most people suffer through their work, telling themselves that this is what they need to do in order to have a happy life in this world. In reality, people need to make their own decisions for themselves and not for anything else. Once people do this, they will feel much happier in their lives. Although money does bring some happiness in life, it's gonna run out eventually along with your happiness. Don't just try to survive in this world, live it the way you want to by not being a slave to hard work all the time. Make your decision and make it so that your life would be a happy one, not a bleak and dreary one.
-Justin Presto
Period 2
I liked how this poem seemed so realistic , it had some ruff areas but above all it was quit interesting. It also had a little inspiration
I really enjoyed reading your story. It is very relatable to todays society. A lot of kids today suffer because a lot of parents push there kids to live out the dreams that they could not. I really enjoyed reading it.
-Alyssa Anastasi
Period 5
Great job with this story! I like how it was brought down from a personal prespective! Great job! -Altierre Paris
I really liked the concept of this story. The story was very touching and had a great message.
Faisal H
Period 5
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