April 2, 2014 My hobbies include photographing kittens, composing jazz pieces on my Casio keyboard, and studying the many works of Steven Spielburg...
I don't even know what I'm talking about...
Man, I know it doesn't seem difficult to write down your own thoughts, but I'm having a hard time. Dr. TC told me I needed someone to talk to in my last session, so I decided to start this stupid journal. I can't concentrate on a specific topic to write about, but that's probably due to my ADD. I think I'm wasting my damn time. Writing in this journal like a thirteen year old girl in vibrant pink ink with my Hello Kitty pen seems insanely ridiculous. But who doesn't have ADD? By the way, my name is Wolf.
April 3, 2013
Come to think of it, there's one particular topic that I'm always thinking about. It occupies my mind every hour of the day. The grey matter contained in my uncomfortably large cranium craves thoughts about one thing in particular as opposed to the millions of other things that brush my mind throughout the day.
All I ever think about is her.
She moved in two blocks away from me last week and I'm undeniably in love with her. I don't know her name, but I've studied her relentlessly. The way she glides across her lawn to open her mailbox is a verification that she is indeed a reincarnation of Aphrodite herself; walking the Earth among us common men. I've never asked her name, but when we walk home from school; I walk behind her to make sure she makes it in safely.
May 10, 2013
I asked her name today.
Salem.
She's the most gorgeous woman I've ever laid my eyes upon. My inamorata, my lover, my girl... at least that's what I think. Salem. Infatuation strikes me deeply with every lustful glare she directs my way. Her forest green eyes inviting me into her intriguing world full of privacy... at least that's what I think. Salem. An enigma, devoid of empathy and satiated with sympathy. She greeted me with her middle finger today, as an indication to me how much she understands the abundance of feelings I've developed for her...at least that's what I think.
May 12, 2013
We spoke today. I've previously discovered that she's currently in a relationship. We strolled down the street together while she cried to me about how her boyfriend, Sam, cheated on her with Agatha. What an imbecile! I comforted her while attempting to refute my dark desires of hurting this ignoramus for inflicting so much pain on my beloved Salem.
I stopped her in the middle of the street, wiped her tears, and remarked, "I love you."
She replied, "Me too."
My heart skipped a beat as I tried to process the fact that my true love, loved me in return.
May 15, 2013 .
..at least that's what I thought. Come to find out, she got back with Sam.
Find the shape and tell it!
20 comments:
Well done! The organization of this story into several disconnected entries really serves to limit the amount of information that reader had, forcing them to hear only one side of the story with very limited details thus making the story more engaging as readers are forced to make assumptions based on limited information. I'm sure that the feelings of the main character are not entirely foreign to most people our age. We have all at one time another had feelings for another person, and although they may not have been taken to the extreme, liking another human being truly is a unique and interesting experience.
Madison P. period 4
The structure of your piece really gave me a way into the feelings and emotions of Wolf and also depicted an ADD personality very well I believe. Scattered thoughts, going from one subject to the next in a blink of an eye. I can not say I don't do this myself, as you said "but who doesn't have ADD?" The various dates these events happened around prolonged the story and offered more depth to each day. Overall great job!
I was just casually reading this, and then as I continued I realized that you were alluding to the Tyler, the Creator album trilogy and I couldn't help but feel absolute awe at your genius. Your storytelling ability is superb and Wolf's stream of consciousness was so interestingly written that I suddenly advanced from a fourth grade reading level to that of a college student because I was excited to watch the story unfold. Bravo.
Hi Ebohni. I really enjoyed reading your piece. I thought the way you introduced your character through starting a journal was a very blunt way to do so, but I think it was appropriate. The dynamic of character is really interesting to me in that he first introduces himself as being a very distracted person, but then goes on to explain at the one subject he focuses on. Not only that, but the stigma that goes with loving someone "unreachable" is something, I feel, a lot of people can relate to. The fact that your piece was organized into a journal further delves into how personal the reader may feel with your character. The character gives off the impression of being very profound and sensitive, which I really liked. I find it ironic, as well, that his name is "Wolf" which connotates a very strong personality, but in his journal he seems very vulnerable. Good job on the piece!
Ellamae Armado
Period 1
I find this to be very comedic because this is probably very relatable to the reality of romance.It reminds us that romance is very complicated and is never a for sure thing.It reminds me a lot of high school relationships.
Great Piece! I love the character development through the journal entries. You create this view of Wolf being the type of guy with no real direction at the beginning until he becomes infatuated with Salem. The way you describe and convey his feelings towards Salem shows a change in his demeanor. You would think with the way he likes Salem he is truly in love. Until the end when she says she loves him back but then goes back to Sam it reminds the reader they are still young and very much infatuated with no real idea of what love means.
This story's great! It caught my attention right away and kept me eagerly reading all the way. Great diction and use of the journal theme to convey the message.
I really enjoyed this story, it reminds me of a song I heard by Tyler The Creator called "Her". Your word choice was great, I love how you utilized a complex but understanding vocabulary at times. I like how it was also written as diary entries it makes the story easy to follow. I also appreciated your use of imagery, I was able to depict an image of Salem in my head. The story was great, but I was sad that wolf didn't get to be with Salem, but nice guys always finish last unfortunately :( Overall this was a great short story, I really enjoyed reading it.
Kaleha Spencer
Period: 4
Ouch. I love how you formatted this story in a journal like way. i like how you started off with how the narrator was writing a journal for the first time instead of just jumping into the love drama. The time lapses between the entries really helped space out the entries, and further added to that journal feeling you had going on in your piece. The ending of the story is very realistic, and somewhat heart crushing (in the good way.) Good job Ebohni!
LOL BON! Your piece was amazing. I loved the way you formatted and structured it, i felt as if i was walking down the street with them. I love the ending simply because its not cliche and unexpected. the diary format made me more intertwined with your characters. Overall i really enjoyed your piece.
Leah Hernandez
p.4
Dean Garcia period 6
The way that the story was formatted feels like i was with the characters walking down the street. By this point in time i believe that almost all the readers can relate to Wolf. Just trying to approach a crush but have been fiercely rejected. Overall the piece was immensely fun to read.
I like the vivid detail, it really helped me create a mental picture of Salem. I enjoyed that you wrote it in a journal format because it only lets the reader know what wolf knows. This seems like an accurate portrayal of the way women seem to think, and how they never notice the guys who truly love them. Great job!
Nehemiah Barnett
period 4
I thoroughly enjoyed the format of this piece, it reminded me of the book “ The Perk of Being a Wallflower” which added to the intimacy between the reader and the writer. What I enjoyed about this piece was that it gave a glimpse into a rather unconventionally creative character’s mind. For example, with their social signals being totally off and the way they character describes their almost obsessive love of a girl whom they know nearly nothing about yet. Great job!
Isabelle Huynh
Per.1
Hey there, Ebohni!
I really liked your piece (:
I was just confused by the dates even though I'm certain you mean to put them at 2014. I loved the characters names and the way Wolf expressed how he felt about Salem. I laughed when Salem said, "Me too," because I interpreted that she meant that she loved herself too, not Wolf. But, overall, I enjoyed your entry as a diary. It reminded me of the book "Perks of Being a Wallflower" because of it's format. GREAT JOB, MAN (:
Marian Hollinquest
Period 4
This story was so sweet! I remember reading a poem about someone with ADD in a relationship, but it did not end happily like this one. I love the intimate perspective it was written in. Good job!
Bon Bon!! I enjoyed that I think you did a really good job with building the story up the way you did. then having a plot twist effect or a different possible outcome.
His interpretation of "Me too" tied together the whole story. You had a great build up of events that resulted in the fantastic ending of simple confusion, which basically reiterated the characters obsession with Salem. I like how innocent you made him appear, like a child trying to understand grownup issues. Great story, I really love how simple and sneaky its underlying messages are!
Katelynn Gutierrez
Period 4
Aww, I seriously thought it was going to be a happy ending ): but anyways, I love how you set it up in a journal format, allowing the reader to understand the time period. Also, I love the descriptions you used. It helped the reader interpret your imagery come to life in their mind. It was definitely a twist in the end of the story and a way to show that not all guys are the type to "say things that girls want to hear". In fact, girls too say things to guys just because they want to hear it, and they can not mean what they say at all, and I feel that your story shows that. It's a way of separating fantasy from reality, and sadly, reality always wins.
Madi Cordura
P.1
Ebohni you are an amazing writer. This is my favorite blog that I read. I love your writing style and this voice that you create. I love the choice of names you gave your characters. I love how you alluded to Aphrodite, and the part when Wolf says he walks behind Salem to make sure she gets home safely.
You tugged on my heart strings with those last lines.
Relating to my life and such. Many girls will choose what their used to and comfortable with over someone who will actually treat them right.
Never trust a naive girl in love.
I love you Ebohni this is amazing. I'm going to read this over and over and over!!
Delia Munoz
P.1
Great composition Ebohni. Your voice definitely shined through your piece. I loved the fact that you were able to convey character development to the audiences in such a concise manner. I think it's great that the subject of the piece initially adopted an indifferent attitude towards the world, but got progressively passionate as the plot was carried out. I enjoyed the buildup that you created, leading the audience to believe that perhaps the main character in the story would somehow arrive at her "happily ever after," but instead ended up with disappointment and heartbreak.
Good Job!
Post a Comment