I
remember my first day of fourth grade, getting up and getting ready I was so
excited that I couldn’t wait to start a new school and make new friends. It was
so hot and humid that day but I didn’t care I knew that I just wanted to fit in
and make a friend. But days, weeks, and months went by and I was still eating
lunch alone and walking alone. Until finally one day a group of boys came up to
me and told me to sit with them I felt so overjoyed that I could possibly make
friends today. The next day as I walked up to my “friends” they started to call
me names like: Fag, Freak, Loser, and Waste of space. Day after day I would
hear these words and after a while I began to believe that I was these words. I
would look in the mirror and see these words painted across my face and body. I
would look in the mirror and see these ugly black words becoming a part of my
body to the point that I no longer saw my own reflection. It became like a
virus that consumed my life no matter how hard I would try to wash away these
“stains” on my body they never came off. After years of this silent torture I
finally began to see the words change: fag turned to proud, loser turned to
strong, waste of space changed to purpose, and freak turned to just tall. After
I came to the realization that I was not those words that I was better than
those black, judgmental words. After I saw the words change and slowly slip of
my body I finally saw something that I hadn’t for a long time, I saw “Me.”
Find the shape and tell it!
22 comments:
This story's message is nice. All my friends are jerks, but not like the guys in the story.
I thought this was a great . The message about how names don't matter is amazing. I think this is something we all can relate to. Great job Christopher.
It is not right to judge a person even though you met him for one day. I like the end of the story because you clearly explain how you are a someone and not a no one and to not let others control your life.
Per.6
Isaac Garcia
I like how you described a universal problem that happens at school. People get bullied but this did not stop the speaker. He stayed strong and became an independent person who did not really need anyone in his life that would break him down. Usually, words like that would hurt someone at such a young age but it didn't for this fourth grader. I liked the use of flashback to show how the speakers past used to be and the hardships that he had to face to get through school and how he dealt with it.
My goodness I love this story! I appreciate that this is a personal experience story and admire how in the end you were able to be yourself, and not let negative words define you. This is a genuine open piece, that describes an innocent child suffering from self-concept as a result of bullying. The internal conflict you convey shows the emotional toll labeling has as well as making it relatable to the audience. We all at one point in our lives were consumed and changed by the negative words people placed on us letting it destroy who we really are( also like how you described the words as stains, very creative). I'm happy that this encounter led to the realization that you are not defined by the words people give you, but by knowing who you are.
This story shows a conveys a powerful message that verbal abuse from others can hurt one's self-esteem and consume your thoughts about yourself and others.
I really appreciate this piece simply because it really shows how others can really demolish ones self esteem. Overall it delivered a powerful message and was well thought out.
Leah Hernandez
p.4
This story got me really emotional. It was an amazing story! I loved how at the end he finally saw himself and not what other people said about him
-Jocelyn Rangel
P.2.
Bruh!! This is a amazing reflection. I admire you for what you have done in your life. You have done what it takes people a lifetime to do- accept themselves. This gives hope to everyone else who has their flaws pointed out to them also. I loved the way the story was thoughtful, sincere, and from the heart (pretty sure all of those are the same thing but that is what I feel this story embodies lol). Amazing job!! ***Crying Emoji (but they're tears of happiness and admiration)
Christian Black
2/5/15
Period 1
I loved this piece Chris; people toady can just be cruel. However this story that takes after the old saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words won't hurt me" makes this piece an original. Nice job.
I really enjoyed the darkness with in this, I believe all of us have gone that whole stage of believing what people categorize us as and I love how the character was able to past it great job topher!! You're an amazing person!
Growing up as a frail, non-athletic young boy with parted hair and a knack for getting a high gpa, I definitely relate to you and this piece. This piece was equal parts heartbreaking and heartwarming. I especially found the simplicity in the statements, mostly in the beginning, to be the golden element. It becomes so real because of that. I also enjoyed the subtle elements of humor that you placed in order to balance out some of the tragic elements. Well done
Wow Chris your story was so emotional. Your message was very meaningful because it shows that treating people cruelly can weaken their self-esteem. Keep up the great work.
-Philip Ahn
-4th
I liked this story for a couple of reason. Number one is that I liked the overall story and how he realized how he was. I also like that this can and does happen everyday so people can relate. good job and keep up the good work.
Jesse jauregui
Your story speaks loudly to most people in school. People would always take the opinions of others very seriously and just try to change themselves for the "better," even if it meant shredding almost everything that makes them "them." Sadly I can say I am one of the many who had done so, and that is why your story really touched me. Great job.
-Justin Presto
Period 2
I too went to a new school in fourth grade. It was my first time going to a public school actually. So in a way I can sympathize with you when it comes to the fear of the new school. Although I didn't experience the name calling that you did, I did have my moments of insecurity. It is great to be able to see the way you changed your outlook about yourself.
Chris, this piece was absolutely relatable and I respect you a lot for writing it--especially in the way you ended it with. Unfortunately bullying is such a common thing that occurs constantly and everywhere. I liked how you started the piece with a vivid imagery which shows how much the day impacted you, essentially demonstrating that words--good or bad-- stay with you for a long time. This was a great piece, awesome job.
Chris, I really enjoyed the insight I gained from reading your piece. I think your social critique of people's tendency to disregard the power of words really conveys to the audience the drastic effects that this practice can bestow upon a person. I think you brought up a really good point in regards to the topic of identity. Nowadays I think it is so hard to determine who you really are, because as people we are constantly told what we must be, giving us the impression that we don't really have a choice in the matter. I think your piece makes a statement, and relates to the reader that even today it is still possible to decide for yourself what you will stand for. Good job, this was very powerful.
Through your piece of writing I was able to be reminded how much power words contain. I like how your story contains lots of ups and downs and finally ends in a positive note, with the main character seeing himself for all the good things he truly is when he finally sees himself. By ups and downs, I am talking about how the story starts with a student looking forward to meeting friends, he meets no friends for the longest, he than finds some, those friends turn out to be fakes by calling him names, he than in the end sees that he is not those things that his friends call him, he is the exact opposite of those things. I like how you end it with his self evaluation of himself as he looks at himself in the end. This piece of writing reminded me that words do affect how people feel as this character for a time believed he was a "Fag, Freak, Loser, and Waste of space". Great job.
Your piece was very powerful and shows how much bullying can affect someone negatively. The saying, "sticks and stones my break my bones but words may never hurt me", is something that I do not believe is true because words can definitely hurt someone a lot more because of how emotions are a lot harder to heal. I really like how you ended it with how you found yourself and although you were bullied you overcame it and found out who you truly were.
-Alyssa Anastasi
Period 5
Oh Chris I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Society has raised kids to be judgmental at first sight. I'm glad you were able to find who you really where and didn't let any words paint you a different color.
I definitely believe one of the very valuable aspects of this piece is its relatability. The metaphor of the the slanders being black words on the body is highly emotional. Your inclusion of the title in the last line adds a sense of completeness to the piece that fits in perfectly. The reader early on is rooting for you. I am truly sorry you had that experience but your ability to grow from it and more so to share it shows true character and strength. Keep writing about things that interest you.
Adan Chavez
Per 4
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