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Friday, October 5, 2018

"The Blue Door" by Rauhl M



      In life, we grow up experiencing new things and events that change our lives and gives us
a chance to tell a great story. Some are good but others may be bad, but it also depends on if people they tell believe in it enough to take it seriously. There are many myths and legends that have us question if they truly exist, but a lot of times it’s more believable if someone experiences it for themselves. What draws listeners attention is the thrill or suspense that the story gives them and can lead a hunt for the answer. Sometimes the decisions they make are from temptation and can be either good or bad.
     It’s been months since a high school student named Valerie Chambers went missing. Her disappearance mostly impacted four of her closest friends Celeste, Jordan, Ryan, and Madison. They always wondered what happened and started to question that if they would have believed her then maybe they could have helped. A month before Valerie went missing, she always spoke of seeing a tall blue door that she’d see wherever she’d go. It was never open. All that stood out was a white light that was seen around the door and the mysterious dark figure standing next to it just waving. She never wanted to believe that it was all real or even get to close as she was afraid what happen and what would be on the other side of the door. Whenever she told someone they’d take it as a joke, including her closest friends. She found it normal for Jordan who’s known for being a jock and only believing in the stuff he saw for himself unless it was his girlfriend Celeste who he had a soft spot for and who everyone loved for how compassionate she was. Ryan Who mainly focused on school and didn’t pay much attention to what was going on as he found it irrelevant to him going to Harvard. Lastly, there was Madison who was Valerie’s best
friend and who believed her at first but thought moving on and ignoring it would be the best thing to do.      The four friends carried this burden for months, but suddenly one member of the group seemed off. It was as if she completely forgot Valerie even existed. Celeste was confused when Jordan, Ryan, and Madison were talking about their friend. Time passes and she still can’t remember her so the others decided to not bring up Valerie as it would be best to move on. Days pass and the group has the memories of their friend behind them until everyone but Celeste started to see the blue door with the black figure standing next to it waving as if it came to greet them. The three decided to meet after to school to talk about the mystery but couldn’t come up with an answer to why they’re seeing it especially why now instead of before. They each tried to ignore it but they saw the door everywhere they went. Ryan came to a conclusion that it seemed as if they’ll be fine overall if they don’t open it themselves since it seemed like the dark figure nor the door would get closer to them as time goes by. It was all reasonable enough to believe although Ryan started to do some research on the unknown to find the meaning of the door and if it can go away on its own.
     One night the three stayed at the library trying to find clues on how to end it and Ryan decided to use the restroom. When he was just about to open the bathroom door, from the corner of his eye, he saw the dark figure though this time there was something different. As he turned his head, the features of the dark figure became even more real as it waved with its fleshed hand and its face red and mouth with sharp brown teeth that had blood dripping off that caused Ryan to run and warn the others. As each of them ran, all that they saw was the dark figure and the door just waiting for him to approach as they looked up until suddenly someone calls for their
attention. The voice sounded familiar but hard to believe as the person who it could be was presumably dead. Each of them turned towards their right and heard Valerie’s voice coming from the door. As much as they resisted the temptation to open, the idea of possibly seeing her again made Madison think that maybe there’s a chance it’s actually her behind the door until finally she breaks and decided to walk towards it. Ryan and Jordan stood there shocked as she approached the door and as the dark figure stopped waving when she was in front of it. Ryan looked at Jordan then they both walked towards Madison and when they saw a shadow go past the white light behind the door, Madison put her hand around the door handle, twist it, and opened the door to a bright light flashing before their eyes. They walk in but see no sight of Valerie. When Madison turned around she saw two puddles of blood where Ryan and Jordan were standing. Out of nowhere she hears Valerie’s voice again and turns back with a frightened look to the black figure charging at her with a growl.
     Celeste is back at home babysitting her little sister and received a text message from her mom saying that she’ll be home shortly. When she exits out of the conversation she notices that she got a text from Jordan expressing how much he loved her and was sorry for the times he was ever disrespectful towards her and hoped that they’ll be together for many years to go. As sweet as it was, Celeste looked at the text with a bit of disgust as if he was crazy since she had fully forgotten who Jordan was.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Raulh, your story was amazing, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. It's a perfect example of a quick flash fiction story. I loved how you introduced the characters and gave it that mystery feeling of wanting to find out what happens. Your attention to how a mystery story is written was perfect. Also the way you introduced the next scene, even though I don't know what it means, you go back and explain it. The best part was that you left me on a cliff hanger, how could you(lol)? I would like to know what happens next.(lol) Again awesome job on the flash fiction story.

alex le said...

I really liked the risk factor of this fiction, and how it may or may not be focused on that, since you introduced that the decisions that people make on a whim can have consequences. This fiction really demonstrated that, and after reading it for a while and stopping every now and then, I found it really cool that you gave each one of Valerie's friend a background and then played it into the story until the end. For instance, Madison being Valerie's best friend, would only make sense for her to have the temptation to actually open the door and the feeling of having a loved one forgetting you can really have readers feeling eerie if they related to the characters well enough.

Kayla Evans said...

Rauhl, your story is amazing! It draws the reader in the whole time and it makes you want more. Your diction was perfect, it focuses on the emotions of the characters and the fear in the story and giving each character a background really helped me to relate to the story and it drew me in even more. The best part was the cliffhanger. It's as if you are to write another story to accompany this one; not only that, but it draws the reader in even more.

Ivan Larrondo said...

Well Done!! At first I thought it was going to be a normal school day but as the story progressed I became more captivated and you grabbed my attention until the end. This transition from the normality of life to the superstition of the blue door and its effects was amazing. The detail is so realistic yet imaginative that it almost seems that the story could have occurred in real life.

Alicia Garcia said...

I enjoyed your story very much, the imagery, the suspence, and even the intriguing detail of Celeste and her lost memory. The story made me want to know the background and even what may happen to her in the future. It felt like I was reading a clip from an even bigger story and I wanted to hurry to the end already to see what happened. The part that really interested me was when Celeste completely forgot about all of her friends and the curiosity I had as to why she wasn't affected like the rest of her friends. The story really made me think, which was what I loved.

Evan To said...

I LOVE a good mystery story! The way that you left just enough detail to make me wonder about the figure with the door but not too much to spoil was great. The imagery throughout was incredible and gave such a perfect tone. And that sudden ending: superb good sir!

Evan To said...

I LOVE a good mystery story! The way that you left just enough detail to make me wonder about the figure with the door but not too much to spoil was great. The imagery throughout was incredible and gave such a perfect tone. And that sudden ending: superb good sir!

Nufsat Khan said...

I really enjoyed your story. The suspense and the anxiety seized my attention for the story. I love horror stories and the best ones are the ones that keeps you guessing. This story kept me excited to read how it will end and also i was very descriptive about the little details. At some point it also made me thing that none of them will survive.

alicia kaing said...

Rauhl I enjoyed your story very much! The introduction was something I can relate to all the time. Nice use of using imagery to describe the scenes, especially at "the features of the dark figure became even more real as it waved with its fleshed hand and its face red and mouth with sharp brown teeth that had blood dripping off", it was very realistic and added fear to the story. Also nice use of direct characterization when describing the characters of the story, it made it easier to understand the actions taken by the characters themselves.

Valarie Ly said...

I'm glad I got to be a part of the story. It had such a mysterious tone to it, which kept me interested after every sentence. As I was reading the story, I thought it was going to have an ending where everyone was reunited, however I loved how you added that plot twist on everyone dying. It felt like the story was left off on a cliff hanger, making me even more intrigued as to what the next part of the story was going to be. Once again, I loved your story and how it left me thinking about what actually happened to "Valerie" and everyone else.

Karen Loeung said...

From the introduction to the very end of the story, I was genuinely intrigued and eager to find out what would happen next. The amount of thought and details that went into writing this was very well done and I wish it could be made into an actual book because I would love to see how the story continues from there. Great job! :)

Natalie Cerrillo said...

This was great! I really enjoyed all the suspense throughout the story because it kept me off my feet The entire time. Both the beginning of the story and the title do not give you any hints on how the story was going to turn out which is why it was so amazing. Your use of imagery really made the story come alive. -Natalie Cerrillo

Evanne Turner said...

I really enjoyed your story! The mystery left me wanting to know more of the background of the story. The story kept me interested the entire read. You focused on each individual character and their interactions with the door and the dark figure. The imagery was perfect, it was like a movie playing in my head. Really great job!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Rauhl! This story was amazing! Loved the mysterious tone and feelings of anticipation reading this piece! The imagery that you used at the scene of the library was so descriptive, especially when describing what that dark figure looked like with its sharp teeth and dripping blood. It facilitated the way I was able to picture this figure! Wonderful job. :) - Sandra Mae Samin (per. 1)

Anonymous said...

Rauhl, you have seriously done such an amazing job with this story. I was beyond fascinated and intrigued by your story. I really did not want it to end and luckily for me, you said you would let me read the rest of the story that you had left out. I can't wait for much more. Good job again.
- Taylor Archuletta :)

Brooke Leslie said...

Rauhl, your story was mysterious and captivating. The ominous tone of the seemingly all-knowing narrator adds a level a suspense to the story. You managed to add just the right amount of detail and background about each character that led the audience to begin to grow attached to them. I can't wait to read the rest!!! -Brooke Leslie

Angelina Lim said...

Can there be a movie please? This story is so compelling and makes me want to read more! The aspects of darkness and mystery makes allows the reader to want another! I loved how you were so descriptive and set the scene so flawlessly. Great job!

Angelina Lim said...

Can we make this into a movie please? The aspects of darkness and mystery allows the reader to want another story! You did an amazing job setting the scene and intriguing the audience. Good job!

Ryan Kang said...

First things first, why did you depict me as a recluse that cared about nothing except school, I feel like I'm quite a bit the opposite of that. Anyway besides that, I enjoyed your narrative quite a bit. The strange power that exists behind the blue door and the dark figure are quite interesting. The idea of an entity such as a mysterious blue door slowly erasing the very existence and memory of a person is intriguing. I enjoyed the fact that the end of your story stayed quite open ended and suspenseful. If there is a sequel to "The Blue Door" I do hope that questions such as "Who is the dark mysterious figure?" and "What is the true identity of the blue door?" are answered. Thanks for the interesting read! - Ryan Kang

Omar Sandoval said...

Starting from the beginning, I think the short introduction about the makings of a good story, people's perceptions of myths, and the nature of searching for an answer was a great addition to the story. I like how the story begins by presenting the mystery and very smoothly transitions from explaining the mystery to introducing the characters. I also like how as the story progresses, more questions appear, but all the new questions aren't randomly thrown into the story, they are questions we could infer from the exposition. For example, when Ryan sees the blood on the shadowy figures teeth, we could've inferred from earlier in the story that it had killed Valerie. Lastly, I like how the story ends by posing one last question while also concluding, there is no cliffhanger for the reader to be left in, the last person alive doesn't remember anyone, so it raises the question of why doesn't she remember, but doesn't leave the story unresolved.