Finally home. It had been hours before my group Mikayla,
McComy, Shawn, Jess, Greg, and I came home from our
graduation ceremony including a party which may have been a
little out the norm for me but a few of the drinks there
helped ease me into having some fun for once. As we arrived
everything seemed normal except for when we got inside. A
window was open and there seemed to be a weird smell kinda
like a wet dog mixed in with something else that so pungent
that would’ve made me gag if I didn’t walk back outside. As
I was trying to breathe while my friends, already used to
smells like this from other parties began to help clean I
saw something at the corner of my eye dash behind a huge
rock from a tree by the shed in seconds. But that wasn’t
possible, that tree was a good thirty meters from there.
Greg pulled me inside before I had time to think about it
anymore with the smell gone and the smell of caramel
popcorn being made by Jess, never have I ever met anyone
who could get hungry so quickly after eating only an hour
ago. Shawn and I being the netflix addicts we are turned
the tv on, only for Mikayla to snatch the remote claiming
it was her turn since she didn’t get to watch it the day
before. After an hour though everyone began to head to the
two rooms that were right by the kitchen to finally get
some shut eye. It started with one voice while we slept. My
eyes opened already adapted to the dark night with the rest
of the guys. No words were spoken as we saw McComy shushing
us as he pointed outside our door. But as I looked there,
there was nothing I could see. Shawn and Greg looked
confused at him as if he was crazy only to hear a loud
crash in the kitchen. Adrenaline rushing in us as the wind
outside began to crash branches against the window.
Cringing and holding our breaths as a maddening, clawing
sound echoed into our room. I felt my hands run cold and my
lungs stop as the door slowly creep open and my breath
finally came back to me when I saw that it was Mikayla and
Jess. I looked for Greg who had jumped into the closet so
fast I didn’t even notice that he had moved from beside me.
No words were spoken as steps so light that it would’ve
been impossible to hear if we weren’t shushed by McComy
again. The gentle thumps began to slowly creep towards the
room beside us and slowly head towards. I pinched myself
hoping to wake up but nothing changed. Thump, thump, thump
was all I heard before I held my breath praying that this
animal whatever it may be wouldn't hear me or the others.
It slowly began to make its way right beside the door,
sniffing, then a growl that was so deep that I could feel
my chest vibrate. I lost control of my breath and was about
to lose it until I heard one of the cars outside begin to
go off. I looked at McComy who had his hand on my mouth and
the keys in the other before I looked back at the door it
was already gone. He finally let go and allowed me to keep
myself from suffocating. We looked around the house as
quietly as possible only to hear a howl in the distance as
if queuing us to run to the truck. As the engine started
there was a loud crash in the bushes and an image seared
into my eyes of a seven foot tall creature with black fur,
claws that were as long as my entire hand and furious gold
eyes that shined with the lights on its face. All lasting
seconds before Jess slammed on the gas pedal. I laughed
thinking we were safe until I saw where Mikayla was looking
which was beside me. Looking to my left as I was right by
the window I was greeted by the same two golden eyes that I
thought we had escaped and for a moment I thought that I
was about to greet death personally as it leaped towards
and broke my window I felt a pain in my arm before Jess
swerved the beast into a light pole before pressing the
turbo button and taking off again. I passed out from the
pain and let the darkness take over. The next morning I
woke up in a bed and saw a tv in front of me saying that
there was an animal attack at a house that I then realized
was ours. I saw the Mikayla in the other bed with bandages
around her left eye who then told me it was glass that hit
her in the eye. I got up and went to the bathroom I looked
in the mirror at my arm that had a bandage as I unwrapped
it I could see three claw marks that seemed like they had
already scarred. I don’t know what that thing was,where it
came, or even why it chose to chase us. But I don’t care
all I know is that I am gonna make sure that my friends and
I are gonna be gone by dusk.
15 comments:
I like the use of onomatopoeia as in thump it adds suspense to the story.
The mixture of figurative devices like imagery, onomatopoeia, and sensory details(ex.¨I could feel
my chest vibrate.¨) made the story very interesting to read. Another thing I liked was that you ever gave away what the beast was, it kept the readers wanting more
-Grecia Sepulveda
Jacob, your blog was so interesting to read! The amount of detail and imagery used really allowed me to understand where exactly they were, what was happening and who was around them. I liked the fact that I was able to picture everything and feel as if i were then in that moment. Excellent blog! - jayleen lupian
In the beginning, I like the way you present your word choice, being untraditional words such as,"norm" and "kinda," it reminds me of J.D. Salingers' word choice in his novel, "Catcher in the Rye."
I love the detail and imagery used. In the second page, I was really able to picture the scenery and hear the sounds that took place like the thumps and growls. It gave me chills reading that portion of the story specifically. Overall, it was a pleasant blog to read.
This work that you made was honestly attention grabbing and entertaining. It reminded me of classic horror stories that I heard when I was a kid. I can see that you really put effort into the story just because of the content. You also did a great job on describing your characters and their actions in such a concise manner. I would give it an Amazing/10.
Jacob, your piece was so intriguing! The format of your blog lured me in right away because it was so unique. While reading your blog, I was anxious and fearful of what would happen next as if I was hiding from the animal too. Each second was unpredictable and never seized to keep me on my toes. Your use of imagery and description in this piece is unbelievably strong and it made your work so exciting to read. If you haven't already, I definitely think you should consider being a writer!
-Chimi Nebedum
This was such an amazingly written story! It was so suspenseful and the imagery and detail you used played a key role in making this story come alive. It felt as if i was a part of the story too! I’m so glad to have read this great job!
This story’s use of imagery help build the feeling of imminent danger which kept me on my seat locked into the story to see what would happen next. As the character held their breath I found myself in the same state. -Sezar Guitron
With an intense, heart-sinking tone, your story successfully conveys a short horror story that best fits in well with the month of October. I really enjoyed the detail that you provided to provoke a sense of fear from the audience and have them at the edge of their seat. The sound and visual imagery that you portrayed would have many viewers stare at the screen closely with shocked eyes. As a reader, I'd say I'm one of them. Well done! -Charlene Sangalang
The imagery in this story is astounding, I could easily paint a picture in my head of how the story was progressing and to be completely honest I could follow this story better than other stories made by experienced authors so I commend you on being so clear and concise
I really like how vivid the story was with a nice amount of detail, I was confused a little on all the characters however I liked the story. - Adam Huizar
The amount of descriptive detail to describe the imagery truly paves the horror element to the reader. The tone of the first person perspective of the main character adds many tone shifts, from reliefs and happiness to intense panicking moments. This adds great horror elements to the story as the audience feels like they are the main character fleeing hopelessly from the malicious predator.
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