The day started out like any normal day for Ajax. Wake up, change into fresh clothes, use little
water to brush his teeth and last but not least, walk his pets.
Scanning the area, he cautiously stepped out onto the road and began his walk. Every once and awhile he would look behind him to make sure his beloved pets were following and likes always, they were.
He let out a sigh of relief as he made his way down the quiet road and towards the old convenience store, kicking the small rocks here and there.
Once upon reaching the store, he stepped inside quietly but not before tying up his pets to a post outside.
Now he was reluctant to do so but he wasn’t going to impolite and let them wonder in with him. Ajax let his eyes flicker to and fro, looking down the isles that were a bit misplaced and picked around at. Grabbing what he could, the medium sized male left some money on the counter and left the store.
After he grabbed his lovely pets, Ajax made his way to his friends house. Knowing it would be empty he walked straight in and into the back supply room. He grabbed a few boards of wood and some tools, humming softly as he did so to block out the noises his pets were making. Looking around he knew Daisy and Daniel wouldn’t be back anytime soon so he took his sweet time and assorted what he truly needed.
The sun began to set as he finished up his mess and walked out to the street. With a new bat he had made from the wood, Ajax whistles a soft tune, one the reminded him of a lovely little lullaby Daisy used to sing when they were younger. He swung the wooden bat, that wasn’t perfect at all, and completely zoned out. The walk to his house seemed longer but it was worth it because now he was tired and he knew perfectly well that his pets were too.
Entering his house quietly and to his own backyard, he let his pets wonder freely without the old patchy leashes.
Jumping back slightly as one of them lashed out, he huffed in annoyance, “ you were so good today and then you go and do this? Such a shame!” Ajax shook his head before he felt a horrible pain on his side.
Completely caught off card his other pet had gotten him. Letting out a groan of pain, Ajax pushed him off.
“Great just great! Now look what you’ve done. Daniel why did you go and bite me? Just because your sister distracted me doesn’t mean you have to hop on that train.” He looked down towards the bite and inwardly cringed. “Now I’ll become like you lifeless little pets! Who will take care of me huh?” He poked his bat towards Daisy and Daniel, their lifeless eyes completely ignoring it as they smell the open flesh wound. “I won’t get to feed you anymore, I’ll have to feed myself,” Ajax shook his head shakily.
The edges around his eyes started to haze up as he wobbled slightly, the soft noises of those pets were more prominent more than ever. The smell of grass soon hit the male as he stumbled over, landing next to his bat. The bat seemed to mock him in triumph of not being able to turn to these ugly little beasties of pets. “Why what a wonderful way to go down, death and turned by my beloved pets,” Ajax mumbled out, closing his eyes as he welcomed his new life. The life of a pet or rather known to world as the dead that comes back to life.
Scanning the area, he cautiously stepped out onto the road and began his walk. Every once and awhile he would look behind him to make sure his beloved pets were following and likes always, they were.
He let out a sigh of relief as he made his way down the quiet road and towards the old convenience store, kicking the small rocks here and there.
Once upon reaching the store, he stepped inside quietly but not before tying up his pets to a post outside.
Now he was reluctant to do so but he wasn’t going to impolite and let them wonder in with him. Ajax let his eyes flicker to and fro, looking down the isles that were a bit misplaced and picked around at. Grabbing what he could, the medium sized male left some money on the counter and left the store.
After he grabbed his lovely pets, Ajax made his way to his friends house. Knowing it would be empty he walked straight in and into the back supply room. He grabbed a few boards of wood and some tools, humming softly as he did so to block out the noises his pets were making. Looking around he knew Daisy and Daniel wouldn’t be back anytime soon so he took his sweet time and assorted what he truly needed.
The sun began to set as he finished up his mess and walked out to the street. With a new bat he had made from the wood, Ajax whistles a soft tune, one the reminded him of a lovely little lullaby Daisy used to sing when they were younger. He swung the wooden bat, that wasn’t perfect at all, and completely zoned out. The walk to his house seemed longer but it was worth it because now he was tired and he knew perfectly well that his pets were too.
Entering his house quietly and to his own backyard, he let his pets wonder freely without the old patchy leashes.
Jumping back slightly as one of them lashed out, he huffed in annoyance, “ you were so good today and then you go and do this? Such a shame!” Ajax shook his head before he felt a horrible pain on his side.
Completely caught off card his other pet had gotten him. Letting out a groan of pain, Ajax pushed him off.
“Great just great! Now look what you’ve done. Daniel why did you go and bite me? Just because your sister distracted me doesn’t mean you have to hop on that train.” He looked down towards the bite and inwardly cringed. “Now I’ll become like you lifeless little pets! Who will take care of me huh?” He poked his bat towards Daisy and Daniel, their lifeless eyes completely ignoring it as they smell the open flesh wound. “I won’t get to feed you anymore, I’ll have to feed myself,” Ajax shook his head shakily.
The edges around his eyes started to haze up as he wobbled slightly, the soft noises of those pets were more prominent more than ever. The smell of grass soon hit the male as he stumbled over, landing next to his bat. The bat seemed to mock him in triumph of not being able to turn to these ugly little beasties of pets. “Why what a wonderful way to go down, death and turned by my beloved pets,” Ajax mumbled out, closing his eyes as he welcomed his new life. The life of a pet or rather known to world as the dead that comes back to life.
27 comments:
Well that took a turn! I expected a kind of “good day sunshine” type of story and then now it’s zombie dogs! Nonetheless great story and a good transition! - Joshua Kidwell
woah, this story took a huge turn. this story is very interesting overall. i like how in the beginning it was just normal and casual , a man taking his dogs pon a walk while he does a couple of errands, but then the plot twist at the end made me want to reread the whole story to really understand it. you did a really good job of capturing the little details that really pull the story together.
Well that took quite a turn... Leading up to the plot twist, I appreciate your use of vivid imagery in order to describe this man's routine. Seeing him walk his pets, go to the store, and doing other activities made it seem as if the day was like any other day. This "normal" behavior as well as the effective transitions made the plot twisting all the more powerful. Good job! - Eugene Kim
Woah I love a good plot-twist, and this story had exactly that. Throughout the story, everything Ajax did seemed fairly mundane, and it seemed as though this story was going to be some kind of 'slice of life' story, but then the last paragraph came in and I was pleasantly surprised. I loved the all the minute details inserted into the story- it flows very nicely. Wonderful job!
wow..what a poem! This was very well written. I was able to very easily understand where I was and you have very excellent use of imagery such as"kicking the small rocks here and there." Great Poem Alani - jayleen lupian
I love a story with a plot twist. By using a title with a happy connotation and starting it off with a good relationship between the owner and the dogs, you made it seem like your story was going to have a happy ending. I love how you effortlessly transitioned from a pleasant tone to a sad one. You had me wondering why the dogs turned against their owner, who had cared for them? -Kailee Hinds
Loved the plot twist, very well written. i loved all the imagery you used, definitely wasn't expecting that lol. Good job!
Although spooky season is over, I always enjoy a story with a touch of horror. I kept anticipating the climax as I got the sense that something bad was going to happen and I found great satisfaction with your ending. I admired the consistent imagery you included in your piece.
- David G Jimenez
Wow this took a sharp turn that I didn't expect. Loved the plot twist good job. I also loved the imagery you used. Excellent written piece!!!
- Jasmine Hernandez
I'm just going to be honest. I, and I assume most others, thought the whole time that the so called "pets" were actual pets. Instead, I had to shake my head and look for the clues you dropped during the story, letting me know that they were't really pets. Great job!!
I loved the interesting twist within the story and the end in which you were able to piece everything together like a puzzle. Your story was so creative and made me want to know more about how the pets became what they were, as well as why Ajax took care of the pets in the first place knowing what they are capable of. Great job!
Thank you for writing an interesting surprise into your story it really wakes the reader up and gives them something to think upon like, "what is the reason I have pets?" Excellent Job-Andrew Macias
This was a very intriguing story and the amount of detail really helped the reader imagine the story. I love how you kept the reader engaged to the very end with the plot twist. Going back over the story I loved to see how the details may be interpreted differently after reading the story the first time.
Okay, wow, uh, yeah that about sums it. I was not in the slightest expecting that to happen. I absolutely love a good twist like this one. Great job!
i always loved spooky stories with lots of suspense. Your story quite took a turn. After reading the title i was expecting a story sweet and full of innocence. But the actual story was totally different and i really enjoyed it.
i always loved spooky stories with lots of suspense. Your story quite took a turn. After reading the title i was expecting a story sweet and full of innocence. But the actual story was totally different and i really enjoyed it.
The story was very good. What made it so good was the plot twist and the irony you out into the story. I read the title and thought that this was going to be a nice calm story. But then I read on and finally realized it wasn't. Adding all the details and imagery also made the story pop out. Overall great job.
I loved the plot twist at the end. The tone of the piece really shifts from a bright, ordinary day to someone seeing another life. The details created a vivid image that allowed me to picture the scenery and atmosphere well. Great piece with an amazing plot twist at the end that made it much more enjoyable to read.
Alani, I was really intrigued by the title of your story, I kept wondering how it was going to play out in the story. I was excited to see that in the end of the story, Ajax called his pets “beloved” and it was so ironic to me. Great job and great story!
-Amber Rich
Wow Wow Wow! Great overall story and plot twist that was so unexpected. It really kept me interested and wanted me to keep reading to see what happens. Your imagery in the piece made me actually image my self in the story and that was so amusing. Great Job!
I was not prepared for the plot twist! From he title through most of the story it was a very happy and good day. Your imagery made it seem like it was going to be a fairy tale ending. Then boom the dogs turn on the owner out of nowhere. Love the shock in the plot twist! Job well Done!!
That was very unexpected but great!! The shift in the story was very captivating because as a reader I expected a very light and happy ending but the shift at the end was the real highlight of the story. It made me jump out of my seat because I would have never thought of such a great ending.
- Ivan Mejia (Per.5)
I loved the way you build up the tension from the start and towards the end you slammed it with a plot twist that I'm pretty sure shocked all of us. I also found it witty that you foreshadowed the death or beating of the dogs with the baseball bat. I am very impressed with the way you structured or planned out the plot it was very clever.
Woah I wasn't expecting that ending, but it was a really cool and interesting twist in the story! your use of imagery was written well and really added to the rest of the story. You used tone in such an interesting way as it was light and fun in the beginning and shifts into a much darker tone. Overall, a really interesting twist on a well written story!
Easy to read and not complex, I like how simple yet it grabs my attention and leaves me with whats to come next. Great plot twist at the end of the protagonist being in an apocalypse setting, overall good story.
Great plot twist, the piece seemed so normal at the start but the more you read it the more suspicious everything starts to become. Your use of imagery really helps enhance the story as well!
I loved the creativity of the story and how you tied everything in the end along with the plot twist. It made me want to learn more about why Ajax was taking care of the pets knowing what they were capable of and why the pets were the way they were. Great job!
-Alicia Garcia
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