Slowly I opened my eyes. They felt so heavy and
everything was so blurry. I tried to focus but I couldn’t pay attention to
anything with the huge headache that I had. My heart was racing and it felt
like it was on fire. I didn’t know where I was. I looked around but could only
make out shapes and colors. I heard something from afar but couldn’t make sense
of what it actually was. I couldn’t move. I felt like my body was so much
heavier than what it actually was. I tried to stand up but then realized I was
strapped to some sort of chair. Although I was still a little drowsy, my vision
started to become a little clearer.
I was in some
sort of basement. Everything was dark and dusty. The walls were made of some
sort of brick material and there were pipes connecting throughout them. A
staircase on the opposite side of the room led to a door which I assumed led to
outside. There was one light hanging from the ceiling and in the top corner
there was a small window. I had no idea what time it was or where I was and I
couldn’t remember anything whatsoever. It was so cold.
I looked down
and all I had on was what seemed like a hospital gown. It was covered in dirt
and there was blood around my stomach. I looked up and I saw a mirror in the
corner reflecting some boy with his face half swollen. I started to look around
for the boy only to realize that the reflection in the mirror was actually me.
My hair had been cut off and one of my eyes were swollen shut. I had cuts and
scratches all over my face and body. There was dried up blood that was coming
out of my nose. I didn’t know how long I had been here or why I was here.
I started to
freak out. Suddenly, it became super hard to breathe and my heart began to race
again. There was tears coming out of my eyes and, because of my swollen eye, it
hurt even more to cry. There was a sharp pain coming from my right side. I
screamed from how much it hurt.
Once again, I tried to get my hands untied. Aside from
all the agony, I managed to break free. Instantly I stood up and immediately
realized what a mistake that was. Everything got blurry once again and I began
to feel very dizzy. I fell to the floor and hit my head on the ground. I began
to crawl towards the window. Pain going through every inch of my body with
every movement I made. I pulled myself up but soon realized that it was locked.
There was nothing around to break it open. I stumbled to the stairs and slowly
made my way up. The door had five different locks on it and all of them keeping
me from escaping.
Suddenly the door opened and there was a big man
standing at the doorway. With his big deep voice he yelled, WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU DOING!”
I turned around
and tried to run down the stairs but he grabbed me and pushed me down. I
reached the bottom of the stairs and every part of my body ached. It felt as if
I was paralyzed. He was coming towards me and I couldn’t move. He dragged me
back to the chair and tied me back up.
I began to cry, “Why are you doing this? Who are you?”
“Don’t act foolish Amanda you know who I am,” he
responded.
“My name is not
Amanda, it’s Samantha. Please you have the wrong girl. I’m 18 and from San
Diego,” I cried.
He then pulled
out his gun and pointed it at my head. My breathing was heavy once again. I
wasn’t ready to die. I wasn’t ready to leave the people I loved. My mom. My
dad. My brother. My friends. My teammates. I wasn’t ready to stop living life.
I didn’t know what to do.
“Please,” I begged, “don’t do this.”
“I’m sorry Amanda,” he said as he pulled the trigger.
Suddenly I woke up. It was 6:00 am. Time for another
day at school.
48 comments:
Wow, as was intended, I definitely didn't realize this was a dream until the very end. It was very well written and had me intrigued. I really wanted to know what would happen next, and I was totally thrown off by the ending. Nice job!
Wow I really enjoyed reading this piece. I was on the edge of my seat of how intense it was getting. I loved how it all turned out to be a dream and i enjoyed the usage of imagery to picture the scene more
Oh my gosh this story is so crazy! As I kept reading, I was eager to know what was going to happen. The large amount of detail you had and the suspense you were able to build added to the effect that the story has on your audience. My eyes were literally glued to the screen and when you added that plot twist at the end of how you woke up, I was relieved that it was only a dream. You are a very good writer and thank you for creating this piece for your audience to enjoy. Great job!
WHAT!!! I was so scared for Samantha, so scared!! Then she woke up!! Wow you got me man. I seriously thought I knew what was about to happen, but then it didn't even happen! I find it amazing how you were able to trick readers into thinking one thing, but twisting it and completely blindsiding us into having a completely different outcome in your story. Not a lot of people can do that. Great job girl. XD
Your blog post literally had me skipping lines as I was so excited to continue reading the story and find out what happened to the girl! You had such great imagery and detail which really allowed me to picture the entire scene in my head. This was such a great story and I'm glad you decided to share it with us to read.
This piece had me sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to read what would happen next. The vivid imagery helped me to picture the scene in my head. The ending was a shock to me, especially because it was right at the climax of the piece. Great job!
I must say, I was intrigued with how the story progressed. Your use of first person perspective and detail helped to create an immersive experience as I read. I wasn't really sure what was going on and understood how confusing the situation was for your character. Although, I really did not expect that ending and it was a fun twist to read. You did a good job with your story and I enjoyed reading it.
-Justin Presto (Per. 1)
What a plot twist...While reading I thought this is a nightmarish tale but I was not prepared for the actual nightmare. This story is real good and makes me want to learn more about Samantha. Does she get these nightmares every night? Because that girl was super casual with the just another day at school.
That is a well-written piece! I felt scared and just as confused as the character in the story. My heart started to pick up as I tried to figure why she is trapped and why there is this man. It then made me exhale with relief that she woke up and all was just a dream. Good job!
Great piece. You had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. You did a good job of describing the scene to bring the story to life. I really enjoyed the ending when we find out it was just a dream
Such a crazy story. You did a very good job using description as well as senses to affect your audience. This piece definitely had me on edge wanting to read more about what happened.
-Sara Hernandez
Per.6
I was reading so fast, I started to mix the lines up! This is an amazing piece and well-written. You did a really good job on imagery, I can see the setting as I was reading it. I was so surprised at the end to only find out it was a dream! AHHH Bravo Ana
This piece especially had me on edge because at first I was confused on what could possibly be going on. You did a swell job progressing the story, I had especially liked the plot twist at the end. Situations like that are crazy and you did a good job describing how one could possibly feel and think in those terms.
I was on edge and very intrigued while reading the story. I was wondering what was going to happen to her all the way through. I liked how you created a sense of rush through your imagery. Good Job!
This escalated real quick. I love the detail you put into the setting and the surrounding. It was a very intense and had me on the edge of my seat. Good job!
-Mia Tolliver
Period 1
Oh wow! This is crazy and so scary, i was getting to scared while i was reading each lines. i really understand this kind of nightmares which we all have but i don't think i would ever be able to describe this well. Most of the time, i get so scared by sharing my nightmares because i have always this feelings that what if actually that happen. So thank you so much for sharing this. I am so pretty sure that, it will change lot of peoples thought about nightmares.
-Taslima Ahamed
-Per: 05
Wow! This story was amazing, I was hooked from the beginning. The detail you put into your story was amazing! It was suspenseful from the beginning to the end, I'm glad that at the end it was all just a nightmare. Did the stress of school cause this nightmare? Also, I liked how Samantha didn't gave up and tried to escape. When she was saying that she wasn't ready to die really got to me. Overall, it is a great story.
Wow this is probably one of the most intense pieces I've read. I was so excited to get to the next line. You wrote this piece so beautifully detailed, and descriptive! It was very well written. Great job!
I was kind of confused at first, but as I started reading more everything started to come together and it got me more interested to keep going. It was suspenseful and I didn't know what to expect, near the end was when I figured out it was a dream and it tied it all together. It was different reading about someone else's dreams I enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing.
Anita! what a huge plot twist! I love the use of detail you had regarding the setting and what the character was feeling throughout. This was a very well-written piece and great job with the use of imagery, I was able to imagine this whole piece in my head, and I absolutely enjoyed reading it.
- Eliana Rodriguez
Ultimate definition a plot twist. I absolutely loved the use of imagery and diction. It made everything feel so real and allowed me to envision it all in my head like a movie. I would actually love to know what happened to the killer after he killed the girl. Once again school gets in the way of everything LOL. Great work Ana.
This was so intriguing and I became so immersed! The ending left me shocked and wanting more, but also gave me a sense of relief. I felt like I was part of the piece and experiencing a nightmare myself with the use of imagery and first person point of view. My heart was racing and reminded me of sleep paralysis, getting pulled into it without having any sense of control, and feeling the heavy weight lifted off after realizing it was only a dream.
- Travis Ly
wow, what a vivid story!!! i loved your use of imagery and description of the protagonist and the setting, that really brought your story to life. i could honestly visualize your story. and then the plot twist at the end really brought a lot of relief to the story line which was perfect especially when considering how intense it was. great work!
Whoa plot twist! From the beginning I was already intrigued as I was left in suspense when I didn't know what was going on. Your use of syntax by using simple short sentences was a good effect because it gave the rapid pace thought process that the character had as shes confused and close to death. Good job Ana!
This story was so intense from beginning to end! Of course, the ending threw me off and left me feeling a bit frustrated... However, I was completely enthralled with your story as soon as I began reading! I was captivated by your descriptions and eager to find out how the story concluded! Nice Job!
Wether or not this was meant to symbolize the few moments of half sleep when your alarm wakes you up or not, i can relate it to the hardest moments of my morning. The part where i actually have to get out of bed. the writing style was well done and keeps the audiences attention throughout.
To have such a vivid nightmare such as this one, wow, must be extremely frightening. Good job on the blog. It was very descriptive. The long sentences made it feel like time was really going fast and that made me, the reader, feel like I was having a panic attack too.
Erl Lee
Wow ! I was so captivated throughout the whole story. The detailed imagery, ominous and scary tone, and with such interesting characters it really had me at the edge of my seat. Love the piece, you did a great job !
Wow what an amazing story! A real thriller this one is! Your descriptive and deep imagery really played out the images in my head and it was as if I was watching a movie! Really great job, keep up the work!
Your story had my attention the whole time! I liked how you used details and imagery in the story. It really brought the story to life!
Your dreams really are crazy! The imagery in here was great because I could actually visualize everything occurring to her. I got scared reading because I just wanted to know what was happening to her. Nicely written and very intriguing.
I have to give it to you... ya gave me the spooks! Sleeping at night is nothing but a traumatizing experience now. The way the story started had me wondering and questioning "Just what is this "They" that was on top of you?" Not to mention the amount of imagery put into this made it all the more richer. Thumbs up to you, keep up the good work.
Your use of imagery and senses had kept me more interested in finding out what will occur next. Great story!
Wow. This piece was jaw-droppingly amazing. Your use of detail and diction had me on the edge of my seat the whole time I was reading this. I started to read faster and faster, hoping to find that the girl would get out alive. The ending left me wanting to know more about Samantha and was shocking to me, especially because it was the climax. Great Job!
I really enjoyed your vivid descriptions of the basement. The story left me with an ample amount of questions: What did the dream mean? Why was the man doing that to Amanda? Why would you wake up so early for school (unless you have a zero period)? I enjoyed the nice plot twist at the end.
This was such an amazing story!!! I have always found listening to another person's dream to be a dope experience because its a peek-a-boo into someone else's thoughts. Your imagery to describe this dream is incredibly vivid and make the reader honestly feel like they're there. And the abrupt ending had me like "O:" but still wanting to read more. Amazing job !! -Imani Crenshaw
Ana I was so captivated by your story, it was amazing. The way you used similes to describe the emotions of the characters helps me feel apart of the story. The way you described her heart as if it was on fire really helped me realize how anxious and nervous she was. Great story Ana and i was definitely not expecting that ending !
-Valerie Cortez Per.5
ohhh Ana you really had me there, quite literally sitting on the edge of my seat completely captivated by your story. I really enjoyed reading it and after such a high intensity reading the knowledge of knowing it all was a dream was a great touch that really allowed me to come down from the shock of it all. Thank you for this slight roller coaster ride of a story.
Wow! This had me in suspense the entire time. And that plot twist at the end was wow. I loved the details and imagery you used and how intense it was. I loved the ending and it left me wanting to know more about Samantha.
This was so captivating. I thought it was nonfiction for a moment. Amanda seemed as terrified about her situation as we are reading about it! Thank goodness it was just a dream, an extremely vivid dream.
I enjoyed your story so much! I couldn't stop reading and was excited to find out more and more details on what was going on. The imagery let me feel as if i was in the room as well. Great plot twist at the end by the way.
- Jacqueline Cortes
I could not help but anticipate what was going to happen next in this post. You used a lot of imagery to portray this event and it certainly kept me off the edge of my seat. I love the plot test at the end. Great job Ana!
-Taylor Vasquez
I love how your story started off, it drew me in as a reader and rose questions on what's happening. As I continued reading I realized I was on the edge of my seat anticipating what was going to occur. Right when the action reaches its peak the reader is thrown back processing what they read.
I absolutely loved the switch up at the end with how you awoke to find that all "it" is just another day of schooling. You wrote this so well that you drew me in from the very first line and kept me on the edge of my seat in suspense. Keep up the great work.
I really enjoyed this piece! I️ like the use of imagery to help build up the scene and I️ was very happy with how this was brought together at the end. Great work!
At the beginning it was very interesting to see what would play out from the first parts of the story. Also the amount of imagery you used was great. I felt so immersed in what was going on. The tension that was being built up was also very nice. I started to clench my chair as I kept reading. At the end, I was so relieved to see it was just a dream. Very well done!1
Jeremiah Credo P1
This story was a complete nail biter. What made it so entertaining was the suspense involved in a mysterious, unknown plot. You did a good job of incorporating new things every paragraph that kept the reader questioning and interested. Well done.
I loved the suspense and how you kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time. Great job!
-Kaitlyn Rueda
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