"Self-Satisfaction: A Personal Narrative" by Kyla H

      The year is 2015. The very beginning of a new year; essentially a new start, some 2,000 miles away from home. Engulfed in a small, economically advanced suburb of Minneapolis, my family expected to be reminded of the fun filled, community oriented childhood we experienced growing up in Michigan. With a chilling regular temperature of -12 degrees, taking the steps from the garage door, across the crisp, white blanket of crispy snow, to the freezing cold car, is a challenging task in itself. Fast forward four weeks later to the first day of school in this frigidly white town, I crawl out of a spacious bed before the warming sun comes up to a dark and cold room in an empty, gigantic home. Nerves and worried thoughts raced through my head as I was driven down the long brown slushy roads to my new school. What would these kids be like? Will people like me? What will the students look like? Am I dressed like my peers? These questions would eventually be answered. Needless to say, it is a universal truth that people brought up surrounded by different cultures and societal norms will differ in the way they act, dress, and think. Throughout my experience, I learned the importance of self-satisfaction. Although I might have not recognized this lesson three years ago, it is evident that this understanding of a higher level of self-appreciation and respect was instilled in me without my conscious knowledge. Anyways, getting back the story I am sure you are itching to hear, as my brother and I walk into the double doors of this brand new four-story indoor high school, bustling with over 3,000 students, uneasiness is an understatement. As I am guided to my first class, up three flight of stairs, I think about my friends back in California still in bed sleeping with the time difference playing to their advantage. When I walk into the clean, modernized physical science room, all the blonde heads snap in my direction as I introduce myself. I sit down in my newly assigned seat uneasily and quietly, questioning my appearance and hoping I impressed at least a few peers, all while still feeling the countless similar pairs of colored eyes glancing in my direction. Winter morning after dreadful winter morning, I came and sat in that same seat, with the same insecure feelings, hoping that this day I would impress someone with my appearance or actions, enticing them to befriend me. I was not desperate or even discouraged at the time, I was wanting to get to know other people that I thought I was being forced to spend the rest of my childhood years with. Because I looked and dressed differently than the caucasian, tall, and athletically built blonde and brunette lacrosse and hockey players, I thought I had to change myself to fit in, all in attempt to make friends. I wore expensive jackets and leggings, running shoes and straightened my hair to fit in, but none of these changes aided me in making friends. I wondered why day after day, I was putting myself in an environment in which I was constantly suppressing my personality and remaining quiet because I had no one to talk throughout the day. Over time, I grew more and more tired of eating lunch with my brother and attempting to make friends with people that did not even seem interesting. As a result, I isolated myself and focused on myself, my passions, and my family. I was not going out of my way to befriend people because in reality, no matter how hard I tried I did not fit in. As a result of this shift in my attitude, a hatred for going to school everyday and interacting with my peers grew, which made it so much more relieving when I was told we would be moving back to California . On the flip side, in my solitude, I learned more about myself, my passions, my views, and talents, more than I ever knew was possible. This is when my self-appreciation began to evolve. I realized that I did not need friends to be happy as long as I was taking care of myself and my interests. I

learned that self-love is the basis of motivation in order to perform any task exceptionally. Without being completely satisfied in who you are and what you bring to the table, other people have no reason to respect your full potential and presence. As I look back on those few months in Minnesota, I realize that without this experience, I would never have the level of self-confidence and self-satisfaction I have today. Trying to change my appearance and attitude in an attempt to fit in was simply a mistake, but I am glad I went through this because, while oblivious to the concept being shown to me at the time, now I am able to understand that self-satisfaction is the basis to a more successful way of life.