Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
He
stared vacantly at the bland world before him. Drops of water streamed downward
to their final destination. The large window beside him shielded the young man
from the dying storm. Alone at a table for two, the empty seat across from him
brought forth something he could not label. It may have been isolation, sorrow;
anything but nothing. He feared numbness. A pit formed within his throat; restricting
the air.
Steel eyes stared
up at the grey sky and it stared right back.
“What
did it see? “
A
chill breeze from the opening of the coffee shop’s front door stole him from
fantasy, a few wet pedestrians streamed
in, shuffling to put away their ineffective umbrellas. The people here were transient, never staying
to chat or enjoy the day, always moving on. The inviting atmosphere of the
lounge enticed few to connect. It all felt the same, yet so different now. Cold
fingers gripped his lukewarm cup and he once again turned away. On the windowsill sat a potted plant, its
tiny leaves seemed so frail that if he were to touch them they might turn to
ash. He refocused his attention to the passersby with unknown destinations.
The
storm settled into a drizzle. The pace of the city slowed; no longer did people
run frantic for cover, the frustration washed from their faces. Oh, how he envied them. The young man broke
from his rigid paralysis, then without bothering to finish his beverage, stood
and tossed the cup haphazardly into the nearest trash can. He promptly left the
shop, but not before glancing back towards the table they used to share.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Endless
dark clouds enveloped the city; he couldn’t remember how many days had passed
by without notice. The coffee shop today felt warmer, the aroma of coffee
roused his senses. Once again the young
man sat at the table for two. He took a sip of rich, piping hot, coffee then
looked through the wall of glass beside him. A few stray puddles spotted the
cement sidewalk and street. Running children came into view. A boy in a too-small
blue coat chased a bulkier boy in red. Rain-boots disturbed the puddles and sent
water flying. The boys smiled and laughed, oblivious to the trouble they’d
caused for others walking. They played like fawns, jumping to and fro,
forgetting the danger and embracing the thrill of running; being free.
This
sight stirred something within the young man; a memory of long ago. It warmly bubbled
within him, hoping to escape and excite; to be felt again. Suddenly, he became
starkly aware of isolation. He pressed a cold hand to his pale cheek and rested
upon it. His eyes closed and relived wondrous
days in the light. Together again. It
felt like sunflowers and tasted of brisk sweetness. He slowly opened his fog colored eyes and
breathed in heavily. He stared down at
the little plant. Although, insignificantly, it had started tilting towards the
window, reaching for what little sunshine the sky would offer.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Music. For the first time the young man
noticed music playing in the background. It sounded soft and classical yet also
stirring and jazzy. He couldn’t decide
whether or not he liked it, but the young man certainly did appreciate the
company. Settling into his usual seat with a black iced coffee he eagerly
looked out upon the world. The pale greys of the city contrasted with the cozy
interior of the coffee shop. He bounced from scene to scene watching throngs of
people in various stages of socialization. Yet finally, when his eyes did
settle, they rested upon a singular stray cat. It sat alone near the base of a
thin birch tree. Numerous people walked by focused on their destination, until
a man of middle age dressed in a grey suit snapped out of his daily
routine-trance to look down at the poor emaciated creature. His face changed
and he slowed to meet the cat. He dropped to one knee and began to pet it
before carefully gathering it up in his arms. Without hesitation, he walked
with the cat back in the direction he came, a smile on his face as he seemed to
talk to it.
At this time, the
young man realized a smile beginning to crawl out from within his depths. He
set it free. Yet, nearly as soon as he did, the young man raised his hands as
if to hide his joy, but blue heather eyes conveyed genuine contentment. He hadn’t felt such an emotion in what seemed
an eternity. He glanced towards the seat across from him. In his mind he saw
them smiling and laughing together. The
plant caught his attention, now seemingly a flower as it grew taller in recent
pleasant days. It had not yet bloomed,
but it was at the brim.
“What is holding you back?”
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
He could see
clearly now, the skies blue with flecks of clouds and birds. The air tasted
untainted and crisp. The aroma of the coffee shop wafted about carrying a sweet
scent masking a bitter beverage. Bright lighted streamed through the windows,
warming skin and chasing away residual dampness. On this final day, the young
man heard the chatter all around him, tasted the delight of a sweet macchiato,
felt the warmth radiating from his cup, smelled fresh flowers, and saw people
going about their lives. He focused on the chair available across from him at
his table for two; no longer did he stare out the window. For a moment he felt
a familiar presence pass by on the other side of the glass, but he didn’t chase
it with a glance. He instead looked at
the potted plant. Its petals seemed to glow orange and red, it reminded him of
a phoenix; now he would not touch it for fear of burn. He stood after saying a silent goodbye to the
thriving plant. The young man smiled openly. As he walked towards the door, a young worker
approached him,
“Are you leaving
already? You’ve never left so early…”
“…Goodbye. Thank
you for the memories.”
He
gave a pained smile and his lucid blue eyes filled with crystal tears. He
walked away from the coffee shop,
Step.
By
Step.
By
Step.
21 comments:
Masako, this story is absolutely incredible. It is so beautifully written with vivid details and imagery. Your ability to captivate the audience and make them feel the emotions of the character is astounding. I felt sad and alone just like the character did at first but I soon became hopeful and happy when the character did not feel sad and empty anymore. It was really interesting how you wrote "drip" in the beginning of the story and "step" at the end to tie everything together. I loved this story so much and thank you for sharing with us!
Wow, you should be a writer. I was engaged the whole time. You painted the perfect picture of the man and his similarities with the plant. By the end I was cheering for his happiness. I fell in love with the coffee shop and wanted so desperately to see that flower. Amazing!!!
Reading your narrative made me feel all warm inside, the descriptive imagery really emphasized the internal feelings of the speaker. I also took notice of the development of how weather relates to the speaker's feelings as well. Great work!! :-)
The way in which you presented this narrative left me in awe. The amount of thought and detail put into this story, from the description of the boys playing in the rain, to the similarities between the man and the plant, is absolutely amazing! I would absolutely recommend you becoming a professional author, as this story is amazing, great job!
-Carianne Lefebvre
I am one who loves writing that constantly keeps me engaged and tis is exactly what your piece did. I really admire how the weather correlates with the emotions as well. I really really enjoyed this overall and even if writing isn't already an interest of yours, you should consider it. I would love to read more of your work.
Masako, this piece is so incredible. It is as if I am still attempting to process everything and all of the detail and emotion you conveyed. Honestly this piece is probably the best one I have seen on here. Congratulations on this piece you are such an amazing author.
Sara Perez Period 5
Masako this was piece was absolutely amazing! I was so interested and eager to keep reading this piece because it was so well written. I loved how much detail you added it made it feel like i was sitting there with him. This piece was so creative and different, i realy enjoyed how you added the “drips” it was a great way to intruege me from the very start! Great Job Masako!
Wow. I knew I was in for a treat when I saw how you opened your story, and was somehow more pleasantly surprised when I was presented with a three-course dessert. This piece was packed with so much fantastic imagery. Your brilliant conveyance of the character let us as readers understand his story without any real background. I was so compelled without even knowing this character's name, feeling like I knew him, like I knew his story. It's been a long time since I've been able to really immerse myself in a story. Thanks for allowing me to feel that feeling again.
- Ty Koslowski, Period 1
Masako! I am going to start by saying that by the end of this piece, inside I felt very warm and content. The sensory details in here really made me feel and understand what is going on within and around this character. Your use of vocabulary is outstanding which really stuck out to me and made your writing even stronger and conveyed more depth to this character's experiences. Well done! you're truly a magnificent writer!!
This piece was so beautifully written! The details of describing the ambient weather cold weather which contrasted with the heat and warmth of the coffee shop was brilliant. The growth of main character seem through the plant was a wonderful symbol to use as he finally moves on from the coffee shop.
Excellent work!!
Wow, what an amazing story Masako! You're use of imagery really made me feel the emotions of the character in the story and in the end I felt quite content and a warm feeling just enveloped me! I really loved your story!
Masako, I knew you were gifted artistically, but I've never had the chance to read your writing before. Now, I'm glad I have. The entire progression of the story, I felt like I was in the story and seeing everything going on in and around the main character. I could feel the emotions, and that's how I decide whether I like a book or not. This was so beautifully written that I could feel the emotion of the main character throughout the entire piece, and that's what made me love it even more.
Carly Soos, Period 5
Beautiful. The description of the weather and how the coffee shop is a place of peace is just amazing. Bringing in the flashbacks and how everything started in the coffee shop is beautiful.
This narrative was very engaging from the descriptive vocabulary to the structure of the paragraphs. It almost felt that as if I was in each scene. Great Job!
Masakooooo, why must you outshine me both in the visual and literate arts. I'm sure you've gotten plenty of praise about your piece, and it's pointless to be repetitive. However, there is so much in this story that I feel can't receive enough praise. The symbolism with the weather is so clever and expertly done, the emotions you successfully expressed really close the rhetorical distance and resonate with the audience, the syntax (extra credit for using vocabulary Mrs. Cogswell ;) kept the story fluid and progressive, the story itself feels unique and doesn't follow the standard 'beginning/middle/end' template. I love your talent Masako, truly incredible.
As soon as I saw who this was written by, I knew I absolutely HAD to read it. Immediately, I was captivated by the details within your piece, from the way you had structured your writing, to the way your words sparked images within my mind as I read. This was written in a way that could be felt by the reader, beginning from dark and dreary, to vivid and alive. I commend you for having the ability to write about something so simple, yet so adorned with detail and imagery. I hope to read more of your works in the future because you are so artistically and creatively inclined in your own special way, and I'd love to be entranced in your stories.
Wow this piece was very well written through various descriptions of the coffee shop throughout the different days and the description of the mans feeling was very complex but also easy to relate too.
Poignant and written wonderfully well! I love how the character's grief was portrayed through the environment and the plant on the windowsill, rather than explicitly stating it. I especially appreciated how the passage of time and the drips of coffee were structured in the story.
Wow Masako! Where do you find time to do all of this? I've never seen your writing before and I'm amazed! I felt like I was reading what could eventually become the start of an anime! I hope you also had sketches that go with this piece too, I would die to see them! Thank you for ending my day with this great work of art and made me feel less stressed :)
Very clever and a very good read! I really enjoyed your use of syntax it really give this piece depth and forces the reader to find deeper meaning to your writing and well for me it was also just very visually appealing which made me keep reading ... but maybe that's just me :)
This was definitely different from most of the pieces I have read. The feeling of being in a coffee shop can be felt by all and I think you describing a situation of an individual watching the world and its constant run of daily life really added to his feelings
-Sara Hernandez
Per.6
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