Every day of your life do you ever acknowledge
your heart as it’s beating?
Not just the idea of your heart as something
that beats in your chest and is apart of your body, but as something that keeps
you alive vouluntarily, and is the main reason why you’re alive. It’s something that you constantly take for
granted because you aren’t necesarilly having to be the boss of your heart and
tell it what to do every second of your life. Your heart is the first thing
that is given to you as a fetus, and other than your brain, it’s that doesn’t
really change drastically as you become older.
For my whole life, when I felt my heart
hiccuping and racing, I assumed that it was normal. I assume that that’s what
my heart was supposed to do, because I don’t have control of it. This past
year, I finally began to acknowledge my heart. I remember so vividly, the
feeling of not being able to breathe, and the pains that I would feel in my
chest, but after finally having enough,I asked to go to the doctor. Earlier
this year, in April, I did myself, and my heart a favor. After hundreds of
tests and monitors that I had to keep on for months, my heart shattered as
multiple doctors told me that they had no clue what was wrong with me. They
agreed that my heart rate shouldn’t be a hundred and eighty beats per minute
while I was sleeping, or that it shouldn’t be over two hundred just because I
got excited over a baseball game. They concluded that my heart did beat
abnormally, yet they still couldn’t come to a diagnosis for my heart and I. I
remember crying out of frustration at night and being so angry over the
littlest things because there wasn’t anything to be done, and it wasn’t that
I blamed the doctors, but I blamed
myself. I hated that I was restricted to doing things over the summer, that I
couldn’t go swimming, because I couldn’t take my monitor off, or I couldn’t
ride rollercoasters because my heart rate would get too high. I started to hate
my heart, I hated the pain that would radiate from it, I hated that at times I
had to tell myself that I couldn’t participate at cheer practice, and most of
all, I hated that I knew my heart was supposed to be something that kept me
alive, but for some reason, it was choosing to not do it’s job. At times I
would ask why my heart was doing this to me. I often wondered what I could do
to make my situation better, and I would constantly stress myself out that even
my doctors couldn’t figure out why my own heart beats were abnormal. Finally,
after six months, I came home from school and my mom told my that my
cardiologist finally called with an idea of a diagnosis. He told her that I had
Sinus Tachycardia, which is pretty much a condition that your heart just begins
to race at anytime, he says that it’s what he believes I have, but it could be
much worse, they just weren’t a hundred percent sure yet. My cardiologist said that
this condition could be life threatening, because my heart can fail at anytime
due to it beating too quickly for my body, and I was given the option to take
Betablockers, or even have an ablation. Even with an answer, I was still upset
with my heart. I hated it even more because I didn’t want to be on a drug that
would slow my heart rate down, and make me tired all of the time, or get
surgery. I constantly wanted my pain to be over and just have my life be done
with, which I now know nobody should want. Other than your brain, your heart
keeps you alive, and when you think about it, you should never hate something
that is there to help you. I still haven’t chosen to be on Betablockers, or get
a surgery for my heart, but for now I’m choosing to just live my life day by
day, and to be thankful for everyday that I have. Through all of that, I’ve
learned that sometimes, you can hate a part of yourself, and that at times life
really does beat you up, but I know that I will never take anything for
granted, especially the gift of life.
29 comments:
Katie, I cannot even imagine how it felt going through all this and I am so sorry that you had to. I can relate to feeling frustrated over things out of our control and I know how defeating it feels. You are such a strong person for continuing to persevere despite your condition and not letting it affect all the great things life has to offer. I also loved how you showed how ordinary it is nowadays to take the most important things in life for granted, yet they can easily be taken from you at any moment. Stay positive and keep up the great work!
This piece hit me emotionally... I cannot believe such a beautiful human being as yourself go through so much pain. Keep smiling and live to the fullest!
Eddie Avila
Period 1
This is absolutely beautiful. I related the frustration and pain that you experienced. I could even put myself in your shoes and feel how it would be when something is so far out of your control. However, towards the end I could sense the change in tone at how you are at peace with yourself and accept what you do have. Not every piece has someones eyes glued to the screen. Excellently written and keep up the good work!
Katie, thank you for being able to share your personal piece on the blog. I know it might've been tough to do, so thank you. I appreciate you and your piece.
When I read your piece, I couldn't believe that you are going through this much pain emotionally and physically, but I love your positivity to live life day by day. You have such a strong will and perseverance. Through your piece, you have opened my eyes to be aware of myself mentally and physically, because it's good to take care of yourself. Like everyone else has said, stay positive! Keep living life your way and not for anyone else. :))
I am so proud and happy that you wrote about this. So many of us high schoolers just see common faces walking around the halls but never stop to realize that that is just an excoskeleton holding in a ton of emotions and issues. I applaude you for having the courage to share this with everyone. You taught a huge lesson on the things we take for granted and don't value. Thank you Katie. -Sabrina Wilkerson P.1
Katie, you are so so strong. The raw emotion coming from this piece is just awe-worthy. You are such a symbolism of hope, the fact that you are keeping such a strong and level head about this is just in lack of better words. Amazing. Stay positive always! Sending you the best of wishes.
KATIE! First thank you so much for sharing something that was probably was so difficult for you to write or say. You are one strong person for going through this and just being so great about it, even though it is probably so hard to do so. Your story brought be tears and was just so amazing! Great work and stay up!
Katie, I so happy that you shared your story with everyone. I know how much this hurts you and makes you feel. I'm glad that you are enjoying life right now and staying positive about the situation. People need to hear stuff like this to know not to take life for granted. Love you and stay strong!
-Mia Tolliver
Period 1
I can't imagine what it must be like living with the knowledge that you could die at any moment. I think it's amazing that you were able to accept your condition (to the point where you felt comfortable writing about it!) and live your life alongside everyone else. Reading about a classmate's experience with such a terrifying medical condition is definitely a lot more impactful than hearing about a stranger's experience from a charity (no offense to charities, this piece just feels more authentic to me).
Katie, I’m so proud of you for persevering through this all. I can relate to having an injury completely out of your control. This piece was very well written and I’m in awe of your bravery. Keep pushing :’)
- Taylor Vasquez
It's amazing how you were going through so much and you were still able to stay positive. I really admire that you decided to share this story as your writing piece. I feel like this was such a eye opening story and that we shouldn't take everyday for granted. Stay strong Katie !
Your story is so inspirational to me. I know how hard it is to open up and just pour raw emotion into something. I respect it even more so because you put it out there for everyone to see. Very well written and executed.
Kaite, It takes a lot for someone to be able share story like this. So i salute you for everything you have shared. It's gives us hopes and believe in ourself that we are so blessed with this beautiful life. We complain about every little thing from the moment we wake up in the morning to till we go back to bed. But there's people they can't sleep because of nightmares. We all have scars but you have just taught me to wear our scars with proud because they build us strong everyday and every moment.
-Taslima Ahamed
-Per: 05
Medical issues are often hard to talk about and how personally and openly you shared your story truly left me in awe. These are things no one can tell just by looking at you. You live so happily and positively every day. This work was deep and meaningful. You told the story as though we, the readers, were going through it with you. Wonderful work!
-Elaine Molina
This is amazing Katie. Thank you for openly sharing something about yourself most wouldn't want others to know. The way you introduce your story and how you explained it, it was as if I was experiencing this with you. If you ever need anything I'm here.
Avalon Freeman pd.2
Katie, you are one of the sweetest and most positive person I know. It hurts me to know that you are going through something like this. Your piece was so raw and emotional, I thought it was incredibly brave the you not only told us what was happening to you but also how you felt throughout the whole thing, and what you have pulled out from your situation. I wish you all the best!
Absolutely amazed by your story. We've been friends for years and I've never been more proud of you for remaining persistent and hopeful. You are such a strong person, and I commend your attitude throughout your journey, despite the frustration and pain of your situation.
Katie, I really loved this piece and I'm so happy that you shared something so personal with us. I can relate to how you are feeling because my mom is experiencing Sinus Tachycardia just like you. I too never understood how something that is supposed to help you, is the thing that is tearing you down. Keep your head up!
It takes a lot to share something like this. I'm sorry you have to experience such a thing. You're becoming stronger and stronger. This piece was very well written and very much heartfelt.
It takes a lot to share something like this, well done. I'm sorry you have to experience such a thing. I felt the emotion throughout this entire piece. Stay strong!
Great job Katie! I thought your piece was very relatable and I found it very inspiring reading about how you've been living with your heart problems. We all have our inner demons but the best thing to do is to stay positive and keep moving forward.
As another human being I cannot imagine the pain and the struggles a sweet determined girl such as yourself had to go through. I want to thank you for sharing your story and I pray all ends well. Stay strong and keep doing what your doing.
-Sara Hernandez
Katie,
Your piece is truly touching, than you for sharing something so personal it really connected to me as a reader and I thoroughly enjoyed it. This reminds us that for the most part we look fine on the outside but we all face things internally that we struggle to overcome but this reminds us to keep on pushing:)
A beautiful story, and it gave me many feels. I love how you were able to share your amazing story with us. It definitely gave me a drive to continue on despite the negativity and staying strong. Stay strong Katie ~
I hope it wasn't too difficult for you to share such a personal story, but you should know that something like this can only make you into a stronger person once you've dealt with it. I cannot begin to imagine what it could feel like to learn of your heart condition and the frustration of it all, knowing what it can do and what it already has done to your life. It is good of you to decide not to let this problem loom over you and cause even more damage than it already has done. I hope however you deal with it, whether to go with medication, surgery, or to continue to live life one day at a time as you described before, you stay well enough to continue enjoying life and take the time to relax.
- Justin Presto, Period 1
Katie I am so happy that you decided to share this personal piece of your life with us. Your story was told very well and I love the message that you left with us. I will remember, because of this, to always cherish the life I have. And I want you to especially stay strong, keep positive, and be you!
Thank you for sharing this personal piece about you. Your piece really moved me and made me emotional. It really reminded me not to take things for granted and to take care of myself if there is any possibility that something could be wrong. Continue to stay strong and positive, you'll can get through it.
Katie I really admired your story and I'm happy that you decided to share it. I liked how you expressed your love and frustration for your heart because sometimes when you hear there's a problem with something very important, you get frustrated as it's supposed to work and I like the message of it. Katie everything is going to work out for you and whatever you decide to do you're going to make it through.
Katie, it amazes me how you're still able to put up a smile every day in dance and have fun with the class when you're going through something as difficult as this. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I care for you and admire you for writing something that you struggle with every day. I believe you can get through this!
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