"So?
What do you think?"
The anxiety
was killing me and my fingers were practically twitching with the effort of not tearing my paper from his hand, throwing it to the ground, and stomping
on it until the surface was soiled and illegible. But, just as my hand began to
reach towards him, he sighed and looked up at me. I knew that look. A low groan escaped my lips as my head fell
between my knees in defeat.
"Just tell me. It's horrible, isn't it?" He grimaced.
"Uh,
the title is centered." Wow. It was worse than I thought if that
was the best he could come up with.
"I
hate writer's block! I know I can come up with something better than this if I
have more time!" He looked bored, like there was some obvious answer I was
missing in all of this.
"Then
don't turn it in." I scoffed.
"And
tell Mrs. Darles what, that my dog ate my homework?" Zack just
shrugged, his eyes glinting playfully.
"You
could take off!"
"You
mean ditch class?" I asked
incredulously.
"If
you want to be official." He shrugged, biting into his annoyingly perfect Granny
Smith apple. It was a completely
ridiculous idea… but somehow I found myself considering it.
"Well,
it would give me enough time to write a better paper..." The bell
shrilled loudly and I felt the panic seize me as other students started filing into
the classroom.
"Decision
time. Staying or going?" He wagged his eyebrows and all I wanted to do was
wipe the smug expression off of his face. Zack was enjoying this, but did I
have the guts to prove him wrong? Could I, innocent little Caroline, break the
most fundamental of all school rules? Zack didn't think I could. Personally, I
didn't either but I really didn't want to turn in my crappy assignment
and it was only one class
period… Before I could think too much about what I was doing, I swung my
backpack over my shoulder, my seemingly confident strides taking me towards the
door. Then, just before I walked out, I turned around and flashed one of his classic smirks.
“You
coming?”
26 comments:
This is cute and quirky Rae. If I didn't know you better I would think this was your internal conflict. Your personality plays out through Caroline, you would never turn in a paper unless it was completely perfect. Good job Ravenn.
-Lauren Williams
So Ravenn....this is a great story. Your character development brought the personalities of the character to life.... and I agree with Lauren your personality does shine through just a bit with Caroline. Great job, this story was entertaining and I would like to hear so much more about these characters! Where does the story go from here?!
Wow Ravenn, I believe that your personalities blend with Caroline. I was amused by the way you wrote this and how it seemed like it was actually you in this conflict. Honestly, if I was Caroline, I would not come to class without a perfect paper either! In fact, I would not bother coming to school! I loved how this piece can relate to anybody and it makes you wonder what others would do in this type of situation. Writers block seriously is the struggle! I totally love your piece Rae! Great job!
So, I realize everyone is saying this, but I have to agree with Adrienne, Lauren, and Sarah; you and Caroline seem a lot alike. Just from what I know about you, I can imagine you not wanting to turn in a paper unless you felt totally content with it. Plus, I know you're a writer, which makes you all the more like your character. This was really intriguing; I'd love to take a deeper look into Caroline's character, learn her backstory, and find out how ditching class turns out for her (something tells me she's not the ditch class type). This could potentially be a great story. I want to see more!!!
Ravenn, this piece made me smile. Caroline's inability to submit an imperfect paper reminded me of the countless hours of editing we spent on our sophomore research project. I definitely see a resemblance between her personality and yours. I like how you made such a common action (ditching class) appear to be so grand a form of rebellion. Plus, Caroline's expression in the final sentence added a pleasantly humorous hint of irony to the story. Nice job!
-Christina Tapia
I don't know why but this somehow reminds me of the many times we'd have to redo spreads for yearbook, thinking that it's done. At the same time I couldn't help but smile throughout this because I know most, if not every single one of us in AP English have gone through this situation. You did a great job making this a comical piece somehow. Great job Ravenn!
-Michelle M
Ravenn! I love your ability to put your voice into your writing. That's not an easy thing to do, but it seems almost effortless for you. I enjoyed the character Zack and not just because his name rhymes with mine. He sounds like someone who could actually exist! Not just a character in your story.
This story was so cute! I think that we can all truly relate to the main character so easily because we have all been in the same position more or less. Unsure of our work for class and dreading on going because we know its not our best. Then there is also the ditching factor and I thought it was cute how she was so worried about ditching a class and the "pressure" of it all.
Overall it was a very cute upbeat story, good job!
You have such a talent in writing. I enjoy reading just about everything you write and this was no different. I like how you created the suspense in the beginning and put humor in your story. Great job.
I think that this story is a great representation of friendship, and how we all need to escape the pressures of school every once in a while. I'm not sure if ditching is the best way to go about it, but the characters are so playful and fun, I can't help but encourage them. It's easy to relate to the pressure that Caroline is going through with her paper, and I definitely can understand having friends like Zach. I remember several occasions where I have had a friend persuade me to do things like blowing off homework to go to the L.A. County Fair, or going to the mall to watch a movie. Those have always resulted in some of the most fun memories I have. I think that you've captured a bit of that fun-loving spirit in your story and your characters. I loved the little "You coming?" exchange. It left us with that guess-what-happens-next ending. Overall, I thought this story was funny and light-hearted. Great Job!
When I read the first few lines of your story, I honestly had no clue what was going on. But, as I read on I found this story to be very simple and pleasurable to read. I can relate to Caroline and understand the urge to want to ditch class in order to avoid embarrassment or being shunned for turning in a bad assignment. I didn't expect Caroline to end up leaving...but she DID! I like how you added that she "flashed one of his classic smirks" at her friend Zack; that made me actually laugh out loud. Caroline seems like a good-girl character but who knows, she might have a rebellious side right? Overall, this was a cute and fun piece to read.
-Alexandra Aguilar
I couldn't help but smile at the last line of this story! It was such a fun and light-hearted story! I think we have all had that moment where we wanted to skip a class because we either missed or did a bad job on something! The point of view you used that allowed the reader insight into Caroline's feelings and the descriptive language you used to describe them kept the story relatable and made it easy for me to connect your story with a past situation of my own that was like Caroline's. Great job making making the story clear in terms of who was speaking because it made it easier to follow Caroline and Zack's conversation..
This really shows how we should escape the stress of school and life to just relax. I love the descriptive language and the way you show Caroline's feelings. It was a nice story. Great Job.
This story is so real it happens everytime i have to turn in an essay =(.... the back and forth dialogue between the characters brings a down to earth story that much closer.... Good job!
-Arturo Ayala
I swear I will have to do this one day. I get so nervous that my essays are so terrible I just don't want to go to school. Your story was really funny though, cause when she contemplates on whether or not to ditch class, those are the same questions I ask myself. But she had the guts to leave, while I definitely am to scared to ditch! I love the way you ended the story it just made Caroline more of a bad butt in my eyes!
-Taylor Robles
I understand her feelings compelety, even though skipping school is bad,but I am very tempted sometimes. This is why your story is so great ! It's relatable and easy to read; I was taken into the story and didn't even realize I was already at the end when I got there. I felt as if I was right there with Caroline and Zack but I was sad when I got to the ending because you left me in suspense of where/what they were doing to do ! Your tone and voice can really be seen through the words, as if you were reading the story aloud to me. Great job!
I love Caroline, and I think her sass is PERFECT. She seems to be student who cares about her grades, and I can totally relate to that. The dialogue was interesting and fun to follow, and her internal conflict is a fantastic way to show her obviously inherently rebellious nature. ;)
I definitely relate to this! Sometimes I feel like I should have tried harder on an assignment and just don't want to go to class. I really liked the dialogue between Caroline and Zack, but the ending KILLED me! I hate suspense! But overall great job I really enjoyed it :)
This story was awesome I can really relate to Caroline because I am sometimes tempted to ditch class only because of one assignment that was really bad, but facing the consequences was better for me, instead of being dishonest and ditching class.
This flash fiction was so well written. I loved your use of italicized words, how you stressed certain words to bring to life the natural personality of Caroline. You developed these characters so well in such a short span of time using descriptive explanations of their responses to each other. You're a great writer, Ravenn. I know I tell you that all the time but, gurl have you got the skills to pay the bills. Okay, good job. I support you...
The sexual tension between Zack and Caroline is so obvious! ;) the biting of the apple, the banter, the wonderfully infuriating glances he gives her. I love it!! and i love how she shows him up in the end. oh yes very steamy! ;)
- Justin Myers ;)
Amazing, this story totally defines my friend and his struggles of being a goody-two-shoes or a rebel. The title of the story and the story itself reminds of the meme of a stickfigure flipping over a table. She is unable to decide her destiny and continue to struggle. She definitely cares about her grades but she does not accept her own work. In her mindset was probably like this.. "If I turn it in now, I will have an unsatisfactory grade... but if I leave now, I would have more time to better my work... but" and something that contradicts her thoughts.
I connected with your characters on a personal level because I know, and pretty much every AP student does, that you want to turn in the most magnificent paper ever created. The struggel that caroline went through was relateable and the character development added to the audience understanding the story more clearly. However the first couple of lines were confusing and it took me some time to realize who was talking and when the other character began to speak. You should be more clear when seperating diologue of different characters
-Marcopolo Anzora
Ravenn!!! Hey girl, you know I can totally relate to Caroline's insecurities concerning her essay. "Writer's Block" is the worst. I enjoyed reading the dialogue between Caroline and her friend, Zack. Your use of active voice and imagery makes it easy to visualize myself in that same type of situation.
WHOA, THAT ENDING THOUGH.
This was such an enjoyable read!
The dialogue in this piece was simple, and definitely a conversation any student could have with a friend.
The different uses of tone with the two characters gave that extra character development, while Caroline had a worrisome tone with some attitude, Zack had a teasing tone.
Caroline's comeback with Zack's classic smirk and that sassy reply just got to me. I LOVED IT.
Haha, hope Caroline writes a better paper to turn in!
I loved it! The playful nature between the friends made me really happy! I love stories with close friends. The topic is something that I think a lot of people relate to and I'm glad you wrote about it! The descriptions were really good and I loved the characterizations!
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