One night, I walked into the woods behind my house. I walked
for hours, not knowing where I was going, I walked and walked. Until I came
upon a sign, the sign read Beware: For
when you enter you will never be the same. I was scared, but intrigued so I
kept walking. I walked until I came upon an old village.
The village
was dark and grey. The willow trees surrounding the parish draped into the town
and made it dark, cold, and musty. The town looked terrible; it looked like it
had been there for centuries. The buildings were slanted, and the paint had
vanished off the miniscule structures. As I walked through the parish I felt as
f a thousand eyes watched my every move, so I walked into a small little
bakery. The bakery looked worse than the town. The food was old, moldy, and was
infested with bugs.
An old
woman stood in front of the counter. She was young, she looked new. She looked
like she didn’t belong in a town so ugly. So I asked her for the best thing on
their menu. She stared at me with glazed, whimsical eyes. When she finally
answered, but it was an unusual answer, in fact she wasn’t even speaking a real
language. All of a sudden the woman charged at me with a knife. I ran out of
the bakery as fast as I could.
Then the
whole village was chasing after me. I stopped to catch my breath for only a
second when a man grabbed my arm. He told me to leave and never come back; he
told me that outsiders weren’t welcome. He let me go and I ran for my life. I
ran out of the woods, into my house: locked all the doors and windows and
packed my bags and left. I got in my car and drove away. In the surrounding
woods I saw the villagers come through the woods and watch me leave. After that
day I never looked back, I never returned and I never will. The last I heard the
house was vacant. And the village was never seen by anyone ever again.
28 comments:
I was surprised at the end, but i really loked it
Oh my goodness, this piece caused my pulse to quicken! The detailed imagery effectively painted an eerie, frightening scene within my mind. I loved how you portrayed the bakery as a potential escape from the creepiness outside and then shocked the readers when they least expected it. I also enjoyed how you not only described the narrator's escape from the village, but also his/her decision never to return; that decision intensified the horror of the village.
-Christina Tapia
Your story was thoroughly creepy....The way you described the woman behind the counter allowed me to picture her clearly in my mind, with her glazed, whimsical eyes. I think that the way you set up the setting and tone for the story using imagery and diction heightened the level of suspense in the story and drew me in.
From the first line, I knew it wasn't going to end well. In my head, I was thinking, "DON'T GO FURTHER!" It was a nice thrilling read as you've incorporated lots of vivid imagery to allow the audience to imagine the eerie village and the wild villagers, allowing the reader to be drawn into the story. Great job!
-Ben Chang
Your story was very interesting and actually scary. I liked the ending and how there was mystery to it. Good use of description and sequencing of events.
What a great story to me the beat part was when no one has seen the village
-Ashleigh perez
I loved it!!! I was really able to connect with the characters and what was going on great job
I really liked this piece it grabbed my attention because of the suspense I couldn't stop reading.
This was a really great story. From the very beginning I was yelling for her not to go to the town. Great use of Imagery to describe how scary the town was and I really like how you gave so much detail in doing so and also in saying how the lady didn't even speak a real language! I was waiting for her to turn into a monster or something scary like that. When she was driving through the woods and saw the people and they came out I was so scared they were not going to let her leave. The ending made me feel like this was the beginning for a really scary story in which someone finally found the town and they weren't able to leave. I definitely would read more of this story if there was another part!
From the beginning this story gave me the creeps The BEWARE sign and then the way you described a very ghostly village foreshadowed impending danger, but she kept on going. Like every scary movie, I get frustrated whenever characters continue exploring, but this shows how well you used your imagery and developed your story because I was drawn in and I couldn't stop watching.
I really liked how the setting had an impact on the plot of the story. The person walking through the woods at night and finding a mysterious sign foreshadowed an unfortunate event to occur. As soon as the town’s appearance got described, I already knew that the place would not be safe. The setting was a great device to shape the story. I enjoyed the imagery that you brought because it added life. Describing the town and the people created more drama in the plot. Overall, your story was great and creative.
Wow this was actually a very good story. When I first read the title, "The Village," I did not expect so much to occur. However, was I wrong, the story had a great use of imagery which was used when describing the town as "dark," "cold," and "old." You also used a great use of suspense when you made it seem that going to the bakery would lead to a way out of the creepy village but, instead, going to the bakery made the situation worse with the baker chasing he with a knife and the entire village following. Then the fact that the villagers watched her leave the house made the situation even more scary and creepy. Overall it was a great story and I've learned now to not judge a story by its cover (title).
This story is very vague and mysterious. This is the main reason that I liked this story. We'll done on this work!
i love the way you used imagery to create the perfect setting for a creeping setting. I'm not very good at writing creative stories so I'll probably almost never be able to create such a setting awesome job.
- ryan cuthbertson
I liked the story. very good use of imagery as I could feel the creepiness and darkness of the setting. the drama created throughout the plot was good and added a feeling like you wanted to help her but just couldn't. overall nice job!
- Cody Molla
Wow!!!!! You sounded like you were on your way to writing an excellent novel, great job I enjoyed reading this piece very much.
--Kynzie F
I liked your story. I like how you made it a dark story.
This is a good story it gave me the chills. Its very intense in a creep way, nice. -alyssa rackley
You described the setting very well it was mysterious and creepy it fit your story great.I really enjoyed reading this story.
-Chelsea Gonzales
I enjoyed the story.The story had a lot of imagery because I as the reader felt like I was in the story. It was very descriptive. The story was very suspenseful because I wanted to find out what would happen next. The story held my attention.
great job on the piece!!!!!! i really like how you spent time to really establish the setting to really give it that spooky factor! - Hizkia Mambo
This was very intense. The pace was extremely quick and the story swept me off my sweep after the 2nd paragraph. The imagery was also very potent to the actions taking place.
-Kyra Young
Wow this story is very spooky and suspenseful. Your good use of imagery to describe the creepy environment the speaker is about to enter (which if I were the speaker I would've booked it the moment I saw that sign) really helps convey the tone of suspense presented in this story. I couldn't help but think the speaker had it coming for being too curious and refusing to heed warnings which clearly foreshadow conflict
no don't walk into the woods lol this was a good story /jakob cadena
wow, super creepy! The villagers sounded savage and the "clean" woman was a nice touch to represent someone that was maybe taken by the villagers. It was very frightening, it felt like I was watching a horror movie... Good work! Keep writing, a start to a good story could be on your hands!
Alexandra! Your story was quite creepy and I liked the fact tat you used such great imagery. I could literally imagine the dark village and the scariness of it. Something that you should do next time is that you should proofread before you send it in. There are a few grammar mistakes, but that is okay. Great Job on your story though!
-Tia Basa :)
Holy shmokes.
What a fantastic story you've written! I'm thoroughly impressed with your skills.
I always dabbled in creative writing ever since I was in middle school, but I can honestly tell you that the capacity of my creativity and maturity in literature composition was definitely not this complex when I was your age.
As dark as this story seemed, I very much enjoyed it. I read through it so fast because it captivated and held my attention from beginning to start.
My favorite aspect was the complete plot twist and "resolution" you created. My mind is completely blown now because of that ending.
Maybe you should consider submitting this story into Creepy Pasta!
I hope you continue to write, you have so much potential and I can see the talent in you as a future writer. Kudos!
That was very suspenseful . I was liking every bit of your piece, it was interesting. It was kind of the type of stories that someone wouldn't get up to go use the bathroom because they want to know what happens. Make a part 2 ! I love it
-Funmi Sule
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