Preparation,
hard work, and dedication. Those were the three things he had. Those were the
three things he knew he had to have if he was going to win. And oh did he know
he was going to win. In his mind he was the best. Adam was always going to be
the best because nobody prepared like he did. No one worked as hard as he did.
But, most importantly Adam pushed himself harder than anyone else could because
he understood that in the end of it all, failure or success, the end result is
on you.
July
23, 2 days before the big race, there was Adam, 5:30 in the morning on his
Saturday off training on the track. Adam knew that when the goal was to win,
there were no off days. As he began his run, in the crisp morning air, the
breeze settling upon his face, he saw him across the track. The only other
person Adam considered a competitor. Jordan Williams, his rival and fellow
competitor since elementary school. Adam had never beat Jordan, but this coming
Monday he would. He would finally taste victory and feel what it was like to
come across that track in front. Adam
thought to himself, “it’s time for Jordan to feel what it’s like to see my
number ahead it’s time for him to taste my dust.”
Jordan
approached Adam. He didn’t know why he felt uneasy today, he did. As far as
Jordan was concerned he would always win. “Hey Adam, looks like your training
hard, hope you can get those knees higher if you want to beat me.” Adam ignored
him and continued around the track. There was something different in the air
that day. Adam felt it, Jordan felt it, and even the track seemed to stir as in
temptation of a new pair of feet crossing its finish line.
“HERE
IT IS FOLKS THE DAY YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR!! RACE DAY, GRAB YOUR NACHOS PUT
THE KIDS ON YOUR LAP AND LETS WATCH THESE ATHLETES PERFORM!” “The announcer
seemed happier than usual,” Adam thought, “Don’t think about that, remember
your training, lets win this race. As he lined up, there was Jordan, same smug
look on his face. “Ready to lose Adam?” Adam thought, “Not today.”
“RUNNERS ON YOUR MARK, GET SET,
CLAP!!!! The gun sounded off as the runners leaped forward. Jordan pulled ahead
first with Adam close behind. First turn Jordan was ahead with a comfortable
lead but Adam was catching him. At the 2nd turn Adam was closing the
distance. Around turn 3 Adam pulled aside Jordan. Both pushing towards the
finish as fast as they could go! Jordan in front, no its Adam ahead, no they’re
neck and neck.
“Adam! Adam! Adam! Wakeup his dad
screamed. You can’t sleep in son, it’s the day of the big race you’re going to
do great!” Adam sat up with a smile on his face. “Let’s go he thought, Let’s
Go!”
15 comments:
Your imagery really pulls this piece together. The ending also makes your piece quite interesting. The fact that he was visualizing, or dreaming himself winning really allowed the readers to connect with your character.
-Lauren WIlliams
Percy, this was a great piece! I loved how you described the mental struggle faced by every athlete. Your use of imagery was so effective that it made me feel as if I was the one standing on the track at 5:30 in the morning, looking across the way at my rival. I liked how you centered Adam's dream around his race. In doing so, you portrayed the true depth of his desire to win.
-Christina Tapia
Ahhh! You tricked me Percy. I thought Adam was actually going to win and then it was all a dream. Not fair. Anyways, I really liked the story's plot and the way you portrayed Adam and his determination. The short sentence structure contributed to the sharpness and intense feel to the piece. I like how you put your own humor in the story as well like what the announcer said and such. A little criticism for you, make sure your punctuation is on point. Overall, I loved the imagery which made the reader feel as though they were experiencing what Adam was feeling.
-Mackenzie Hopkins
Every athlete knows that half the game is mental. If you can visualize yourself making the shot, scoring the goal, or crossing the finish line first, you increase you chances of it actually happening. Percy, you clearly portray this in your piece by conveying Adam's excitement and enthusiasm the morning of the race when he wakes up and exclaims, "Let's Go!". There is no need to walk the reader through the events of the day because we already feel satisfaction, as if Adam has won the race before running it.
Alyssa Anderson
I definitely thought this story was going to go a different way because of the confidence Adam had! I liked the fact that the main character was so determined. Even though he was an athlete and was preparing for a race I think that his determination and desire to be the best is something everyone can relate to. Great use of description to convey the extent of his determination and the hard work that he was putting into his race. The attitude with which you wrote Jordan's comments made it easy to root for Adam and picture adam as the "villain" of the story !
This was a good story! The ending was a perfect fit to the story, even if it left it on a cliff i thought it was a great ending. The suspense was giving me goose bumps as i was reading it. I could see every moment of the story.
Great piece of writing! As an athlete myself I can relate to many aspects of this story. Half the fight when playing competitive sports is the mental fight that the athlete has with him/herself which gives them that extra energy for "one more" (one more: jump, mile, kick, block, drill, shot, etc.). Your use of imagery really put me into the situation where Adam was practicing at 5:30 in the morning and rounding each part of the track. Adam's attitude really described the determination, dedication and discipline he had which makes a great athlete. This piece was very good and displayed a topic that I greatly related to.
In this story you can kind of feel the imagery and the suspense within. It kinda makes you want it to continue on and on. Like you have to read this at a fast pace or else you dont get the feel for it because the story is about running so you need to imagine yourself as one. Overall great story and great way to end. !
Nice job.Good with adding expression and excitement to your sentences.I like how it was suddenly a dream and he woke up at the end with confidence that he really was going to win this game. -Marchi Boggio
Lol this was cute. It's very relatable and shows that when you put your mind to something and are determined you can do anything. great story.
I really enjoyed your piece because it was very relatable since I run track. Your use of dialogue really brought your story to life. I was a little confused by the simile “new pair of feet crossing the finish line”, I did not understand what you were trying to express. Also in the end when Adam realizes that the race was a dream, I felt like the addition of emotion he felt would have been nice to know. Overall the piece was good, I felt like with the addition of emotion, the piece could become more powerful and intense.
Wow Percy, this story was really good, it not only took the readers inside the mind of the runner, but allowed us to feel the emotions of the runner. I could feel the cold air as Adam ran across the track, in preparation, and found myself rooting for him till the end. I must say the ending was a complete plot twist though. WOW! Didn't expect that at all. It had a very good and steady rise to the climax, good job, and very well written.
Good Job Percy! I thought that this was very interesting and it showed true tenacity. The voice of the narrator kept me involved and I liked how it was a dream sequence.
-Kyra Young
I was not expecting that ending. I was so ready for Adam to finally beat Jordan. Your imagery is fantastic, I felt as if I was there on race day.
Your detail and imagery really helped connect the audience with the main character and story. I was able to feel as if I was really there on race day with the character. It was a shocker to me, when I reached the end of your story, only to realize that it was all a dream. Nice work on your story. It was very fluid and enjoyable to read.
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