One
sunny day, Tyler and his family decided to take a vacation to a small town in
Sunshine Drive. They rented a luxurious cabin in the outskirts of town
surrounded by woods and nature. Sunshine drive offered many activities, such as
carnivals, hiking, horse back riding and many other adventurous outdoor
activities. On a gloomy day, Tyler decided to go hiking with his little
brother, Dylan. They packed snacks, water, and other essentials for the hike
and dressed accordingly to the gloomy weather. Starting their hike at six a.m.,
Tyler and Dylan were refreshed by the peaceful aroma the woods emitted. Tyler
and Dylan went to the hiking center and got their supplies out. They raced up
the hill and suddenly Dylan tripped and fell and scraped his knee. Tyler looked
back and heard his brother crying he ran to his brother and helped him up.
Dylan started crying and made a big scene and everyone around them raced up to
Dylan and helped him up. Tyler was worried and didn’t know what to do and
didn’t even have a cell phone with him to call his parents. So Tyler asked one
of the people if he can use their phone.
Tyler
immediately called his parents and told them that Dylan had got hurt during the
hiking trip. Tyler looked back at his brother and noticed a significant amount
of blood weeping down his knee. Dylan was unconscious and had to be rushed to
the hospital. When the ambulance came Dylan was escorted to the ER. When Tyler
and his family had arrived to the hospital, the doctor told them that Dylan has
had a brain injury for the last four months. Tyler was so shocked and
overwhelmed about his brother and asked the doctor if he was going to be fine,
the doctor responded saying he has traumatic brain injury and was critical and
could lead to prolonged coma in the future, and the doctor said he needed
surgery right away. Tyler and his family
waited patiently to see Dylan after his surgery, when the doctor told them that
you can see Dylan now Tyler rushed into the room and hugged his brother really
tight and said “Thank god your alright I thought you were in a coma for a
second.” Tyler stared at his brother waiting for a response.
Tyler
started to scream and shout and yelled, “Dylan wake up”, Dylan did not respond
and Tyler started to cry and the doctors immediately rushed into the room and
informed the parents that Dylan had passed away due to his massive brain
injury. The mother and father were in shock and looked at Dylan and starting to
cry and kept repeating, “Dylan wake up”, “Please honey, wake up”. Tyler was
standing on the side of the bed looking at Dylan, traumatized and could not
believe that his best friend, younger brother Dylan had passed away.
This vacation for Tyler and
his family will always be their unspeakable moment in life.
31 comments:
All I can say is wow and this story seemed just like the Scarlet Ibis to me but good job
-Kamau O
Period 2
the amount of detail used to describe the scenery of their vacation gives me a perfect image of a happy family enjoying a family outing. I love the progression of drama used in the story, everything escalates quickly and the story takes a dark turn for the worst (this keeps me on the edge of my seat)which makes it a tragic story in the end. A happy family enjoying a vacation turns into a family nightmare that may no longer be the same, makes me realize not take any moments for granted with my family and to constantly keep up with my families health.
This story caught my eyes, it was well described and written with many details.
- Vymian San
The use of details you used in your story was amazing and made the story very enjoyable. The way you described Tyler's family vacation and the tragic incident that occurred made me feel as if I were watching it happen. Overall this was a very good story that made me want to read more.
This story really got my attention. This was a sad story but very well writtern.
~Mia Tolliver
Wow! I definitely did not expect Dylan to die :( I enjoyed your descriptive diction, I was able to picture the whole story in my head. I also like your tittle, it's very catchy and it what made me want to read your story. I also agree with the first comment as well, your story does remind me of the Scarlet Ibis. Great Job! :D
Kaleha Spencer
Period: 4
10/9/14
This story I actually brought me to tears. I wasn't expecting him to die but this story was very detailed in how I can see what was going on in every scene. I really thought your title was very fitiing for the story since it literally was a "Tragic Turn of Event". Plus it had shocked me when you find out Dylan had brain injury for a while which if the parents had known Dylan might have lived.
Sarah Skibby
Period:6
October 11, 2014 at 10:07 AM
Wow this story really takes a turn. Your a great writer. Great Job.
Bethany Stitt
Period 2
Like the other comments, your story did remind me of the Scarlet Ibis, but I enjoyed your story because we actually know how the boy dies. That sounds a bit gruesome...but anyway, I enjoyed the imagery of a happy family on vacation, unaware of the tragedy that will soon happen. And when that tragedy does happen, Tyler and his parent's reactions are very believable and very nicely written. Great work!
-Cristina Sanchez
I was surprised the brother didn't live. This story was so suspenseful. I didn't expect the brother to have a brain injury.You did an amazing job.
Jocelyn Rangel
Period:2
10/11/14
Love your story! It's well written and descriptive
Chiquitita Annisa
Love your story! It's well written and descriptive
Chiquitita Annisa
I enjoyed this story. It was sad how something like a scrapped knee can lead to the doctors finding brain damage. it was sad a sad story, but good.
-Pierce Bryant
Very detailed and mysterious. This story was my favorite because i felt like i was apart of the story and it was just well written. Good job
Whoah. That was definitely a dramatic turn of events... Your piece was really amazing, it kept me going. As I read I questioned how he received that brain injury and how long have he had it? This really got to me because I have a younger brother. I don't know what I would do If I lost him. It made me imagine what would happen if I was in Tyler's shoes. Amazing story, good job! :)
Grace Panjaitan
Period 4
This was a pretty sad story. He died just because of a little accident. Lots of good detail and good imagery. Great Job!
This piece had brought tears to my eyes, I don't think I've ever felt this way in a long time. I really felt for Tyler and his family. This had given a shocker. The title perfectly fits the story because everything that happened was "A Tragic Turn of Events". This was very detailed and well written and I kind of really liked it more than I expected. Job well done Sukhmeen.
Sarah Skibby
Period:6
This was my all time favorite story. i love the curiosity of the story and very descripted. Very well written. Good job!
Reminds me and many other people of the scarlet ibis (both were really good stories). This story was worth my time and i really enjoyed it. I was pretty surprised about how much damage Dylan had taken all because of a scraped knee. I did not expect him to die. You also kept me thinking and thinking whats going to happen to him. Good story :D
Andrew Hernandez
Period 2
Reminds me and many other people of the scarlet ibis (both were really good stories). This story was worth my time and i really enjoyed it. I was pretty surprised about how much damage Dylan had taken all because of a scraped knee. I did not expect him to die. You also kept me thinking and thinking whats going to happen to him. Good story :D
Andrew Hernandez
Period 2
I was not expecting that ending at all! This sad story had such great detail, I could imagine how traumatizing it was for Tyler and how painful it was for his family members. You are truly a great writer.
Jobelle Dauz
Period 2
This story really got to me. The amount of details used to show the pain Tyler was going through was incredible. The end was very heart wrenching. This was a really terrific story that was written well.
-Shayan Khan
Period 6
October 12, 2014 at 9:12
Wow this was a great piece. Great use of imagery. It used a lot of emotions too. Keep up the great work.
Bethany Stitt
Period 2
This story was very sad I thought it was a minor injury but then it turned out he had a brain injury and then he died. This story was very detailed and I liked that about that.
Period 2
~Clarissa Rojas
Oh my gosh!! This is a really good story it's kind of similar to the story Scarlet Ibis. The second paragraph was shocking u did a great job.
-Daisy Fuentes
Per. 2
I like the description of what happened to Dylan and that " blood was weeping down his knee". Good story tragic ending. It was a twist in events.
-Luis Toro
This story really touched me. I did not expect that to happen in the end. I really love the emotion that you put in the story at the end when you were describing the brothers reaction to his younger brothers death. I also like your description and the twist on the story. It was very interesting and kept my attention! Good Job!
Alyssa Anastasi
Period 5
10/13/14
This story started off with a good connotation but then led down hill to the lowest point of the story when Dylan dies. Good Story!!! -Altierre Paris
That was a great story and I loved how the boy died in the end, it was a really good plot twist.
-Aliza
I really liked the amount of detail you put into the story, the setting was very clear and the emotions were conveyed perfectly, keep it up!\
Period 2
I really got into the story and it was dramatic and suspenseful and i just loved it. I love how the story kept me hook and at the end it was sad but it was a great story. Only if the little brother survived that would of been a happier ending. Good Job!!!
Juan Acero
Period 6
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