Find the shape and tell it!
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
"Regrets" By Justin P
I remember that day. It was the beginning of spring during a bright, early morning. I had opened my eyes and as they had adjusted to the rays of sunlight peering through the cracks of my window I saw her. The most beautiful thing I had ever seen. A warm and welcoming smile, glistening eyes that always made me melt on the inside, and a wearily spoken “good morning” in a tone that made me have the biggest grin in the entire world. As I gazed upon the beauty of the most wonderful creature to have ever existed, I knew that this was one thing that I wouldn’t mind never changing. She was one of the few things in the world that was worth living for. We chose to stay in the bed for a few minutes and just talk about a wonderful life we would spend together. It was around that time when the doors had burst open.
It was my girlfriend. I had hoped that she wouldn’t know about this. She, too, was the kind of girl that was great to have, but I just couldn’t decide between the two. She was kind, sweet hearted, and very beautiful, too. She, also, was something in this world worth living for. Although the look on her face had made my heart sank. As gentle as she was she was as angry as people can get. She cursed out at us repeatedly saying that she knew all along about this and asking why I would do such a thing. I tried my best to defuse the situation, but she had stormed off at that point. The other girl had also started going into a panic over what just happened. I hadn’t told her about my girlfriend, too. She just grabbed her stuff and left my house, never to be seen again.
After a few days of drinking and a couple of bad nights, I had decided to go apologize to my girlfriend in hopes of restoring our relationship. Once I had made sure I was sober enough I drove over to her place. I rang the doorbell a few times, but there was no answer. I tried to call her but she wouldn’t answer my calls. I asked her neighbors where she might be and what they told me I couldn’t believe. It turns out that she died in a car accident due to drunk driving. I had lost the most important thing in the world and I didn’t even realize it until it was too late.
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24 comments:
Excellent work! I must admit, when it came to the end, I hadn't realized it would be so sad! But the beginning paragraph detail and imagery was stunning, and appealing to the senses. The beauty of this piece is what a large audience it can reach: those who have loved, those who have cheated, and those who have lost. The writing itself is excellent, and the emotional reach is just an added bonus. However, I wish it were longer!!
Chloë Miller, Period 5 c/o2015
I wasn't expecting that ending at all! While reading, I was thinking this was a strange thing to write about for a school blog. But once I read the ending it all clicked, the reason you told this story from the first person and why you made the main character emotionally transparent. Great job!
I really like the unexpectedness of it all. The fact that we didn't know he was cheating until after the fact, and that his girlfriend had died after the fact too. We always hear the woman's side, so nice way to break the cliché.
Jacob Valdez
Period 4
I understand as a man, that sometimes we cannot control our feelings. There are moments that we cannot run away from; this is one of those moments. This is a very interesting story that had at the edge of my seat. Clearly, this is an example of irony because the guy was drunk driving and the girl died in a drunk driving incident. It makes you wonder, was she trying to see him? This story got me in the feels, and can be valuable lesson to not cheat in relationships or drive drunk. Great job!
Tedman Nguyen
Period 1
This story was just...wow. It was really interesting and definitely shocking when he finds out she has died in a car accident from drunk driving. He must of felt awful and angry with himself. I really enjoyed your story and would want to read more from you.
Great job! I really thought it was a really sad and unfair to the guy and it really made me feel sad for him. But overall it was a good story great job!
Period 2
Sukhmeen Grewal
OMG that guy just got SCREWWWWWWWD. I'm going to listen to the message of this story and make sure I chose one girl and that she doesn't have an addiction to drugs. This story is cool, I'd recommend it to someone who can't stop talking about girls even when they already have one! (I described my best friend XD)
This story is amazing, It's well written and I can imagine how awful he must have felt after finding out she died
Chiquitita Annisa
The title of this story caught my eye so I decided to read it expecting something good, and let me tell you I don't regret it....haha ._. Anyway I really enjoyed this story that has such a turn of events teaching us that each day could be our last and to grasp the things that matter most to us. The future can bare the worst things we fear but lead to brighter days. Cherish the beauty of the world and those that live in it, don't live in the moment but still treat everyday as if it were your last.
-Beautiful Story
This story brings tears to my eyes. The fact that one split second can change a life forever. Change the lives of those around you forever. The story is filled with plot twists that engage the writer as well as the reader to keep them from staying on the page. This is a perfect example that if you are going to write something, make sure it is meaningful. This has exceeded that. Great job Justin!
Wow, nice! That story definitely took a turn that I did not expect. After reading it, it reminded me a great of the music video for MAPS by Maroon5 because a similar incident occurred in that music video that connects to your piece. I liked how you used a flashback to retell the story of a time that you regret. I also thought it was adorable the way you used diction and imagery to describe one of the girls, it shows that you still care for them and suggests a nostalgic moment for you making it rather nostalgic for the audience as well!
Wow. The first thing that caught my eye was the title, "Regrets." Everyone has something they regret, whether it's something big or small. But from reading the title, I did not see that coming. I could see where the girlfriend was coming from when she started to drink. She was hurt, we all do reckless stuff when we're hurt. Getting hurt and being cheated on is probably one of the biggest fear of being in a relationship for both the male and female. This is a great piece, I love it. We can all learn to think twice of our actions because we may regret it and receive a bigger consequence.
Grace Panjaitan
Period 4
Justin, your story was really good! I loved the vivid imagery you used and the diction, especially when describing the two girls. I couldn't stop reading! It was very intriguing and I loved how you made the ending such a shocker. I really liked the message too: don't cheat or drink and drive!
-Sophia Bobadilla
Period 1
I find this short story to have a significant underlying value. Many people don’t realize what they have until they have lost it, taking others as well as things, for granted. The title also relates to the whole situation of how you may regret an action that can afflict others around you. I like how you expressed this through your story and how you realized how important others may be to you when you may not realize it. -Nate Shepard
Wow! This story had me on edge the whole time. I found myself guessing what was going to happen, but I would have never guessed the ending. Great details, love the drama throughout the whole thing!
period 2
Josie Starr
The way you portrayed the feeling and emotions of the characters were outstanding. I felt like I knew the characters personally. I was curious as to why this would be something with significance to write about, when I got to the ending I immediately dropped that question from my thought process. I sat with my mouth wide open because of this horrible tragic thing. I could only imagine what the man felt in that moment, complete loss and humility. I want to read more. You did such a good job!
First of all i really love the detail that you put into this story and also the imagery. This is by far one of the most interesting story i have written on here so far i love how it ended even though it was sad it made the story even more interesting
Valerie Perez
Period 6
10/12/14
You have a really good imagery in your story. Keep up the good work. At the end was sad when his girlfriend died :(
-Daisy Fuentes
Per. 2
Amazing. Simple amazing. The tone of the piece throws the reader into a whirlwind of emotions. With the vivid imagery in the first paragraph, it starts out with such a beautiful, serene feel to it but as the story progresses the tone goes darker and darker. Great way to throw the reader a curve ball.
Margaret Moyer
Per 5
I have no sympathy for the guy in this story, the writing really reenforced this playing with the reader's emotion. At first they sounded like a happy couple so in love. When I found out he cheated on her I got mad at him for doing this to a girl he loves. The end though really twisted my feeling with how she died. The way this was written is perfect for this story.
Wow! That was really good ! i liked how you used imagry in the first paragraph ! i also like the detail ! Great Job! .
Lucca Kayahara
Per. 2
Great job on story telling and letting us really know the character. Your use of image was absolutely stunning, it ignited my senses. Great job !
That was probably my favorite story. I loved how you helped us get to know the character.
-Aliza
good job on using a lot of imagery in the first paragraph that was pretty nice i liked how you explained alot about your love and emotion and talked about beauty it was pretty intresiing good job
Omid Raziani
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