I bear the marks of men, scars the
highest form of status for men, a trophy of status to pride yourself with and
share stories, but my scars are not imbued with pride. My scars from two years
ago, are scars which embedded themselves into me surrounded by hazy clouds,
scars which clouds my mind like a heavy fog. Though I may be able to see
through the fog I bear a scar which cannot be seen, a scar which covers my eyes
in the fog leaving me stranded, ever further from the answers in a veil of
fear. So I fill my lungs with smoke and pierce my skin with needles yet the one
true poison was in my mind as the quivering boy repeated “she’s coming.” My
life was empty like my house, one could say that a prison cell was more
decorative than my house, yet my empty life changed when I met Faith a 2 year
old baby girl who was in a basket on my doorstep.
She looked familiar all too
familiar it caused my scars to sting yet I took her in and in that basket was a
paper that said “Faith”. My house was a void, though as time passed the void
filled with scribbles a toddler called art and books that knew not the concept
of bad endings, my needles and herbs no longer filled my void, instead my
“Faith” filled my void. Faith was my reason, to work, to live, and to love, and
their wasn’t a day that passed by that her words didn’t heal my scarred mind,
they were simply “daddy let’s play”. But as weeks turned into months, and
months into years Faith grew of the age to enter pre-school, her fear of school
and love for me was blatantly apparent as she clung to me like a cat to a tree.
Yet a malevolent thought crossed me who were Faith’s real parents? And what
would I do to the people who abandoned her.
To heed my malevolent desires I
took Faith to the doctors so that i may find my answer yet my scars stung as if
to say I shouldn’t do this. When the doctor finished his job with Faith he
looked dumbfounded, the doctor asked me to come into his office, alone so that
we may have a private chat. My scars were beginning to sting more as if rats
were feasting on my ankles and wrists. The doctor spoke with first a question
“Sir are you alright, I mean why did you have your daughter take this test it
seems rather strange for a father to make his own blood related daughter to
take this test.” I replied in sheer shock of his words “U-um d-doc are you sure
you didn’t mess up the test, I mean I already told you I adopted her, she’s not
my blood related daughter I mean for crying out loud I’ve never even had a
girlfriend let alone have sex with a woman.” The doctor replied “Sir there have
been no faults in this test, Faith is indeed your blood related daughter.” My
scars surged with pain as if my wrists and ankles were being stabbed furiously
over and over again by a madman and I grabbed the doctor’s shirt “CUT THE BULL
DOC I AIN’T HER FATHER NOW TELL ME WHO HER ACTUAL DAD IS SO I CAN STRANGLE THE
JERK FOR LEAVING HER!” The doctor was scared his eyes radiated pure terror yet
he pressed on with words “Sir you must calm yourself as the pressing matter is
her mother.” F-Faith’s mother, the pain stopped in my scars and I let go of the
doctor but what replaced the pain was a chilling cold that froze me as I heard
the quivering boy’s words again “She’s coming.” but that was not all I heard
another voice whisper into my ear the voice was cold and overpowering, it was
the voice of a woman and the voice whispered “I’m coming.” I bolted out of the
clinic with Faith and headed home. When we got home I tried to treat Faith like
I normally would but I just couldn’t I botched the lullabies I would sing to
her and couldn’t even look her in the eye as I said goodnight, yet Faith asked
me “Daddy are you alright, did i do something bad?” she asked with innocent
eyes worried about me, I started to cry and hugged Faith.
After Faith went to bed I entered
my room and saw a boy naked in the corner of my room with spots of blue, black
and purple littered about his skin almost as if the parent’s fist were not
enough. The boy raised his head to show his tearful and scared eyes and that’s
when i noticed the most glaring features of the boy his wrists and ankles were
bleeding profusely and in front of the boy was a blood stained rope. The boy
looked at me and said with a quivering voice and scared tearful eyes “Run, Run
away, she’s coming, you know she’s coming, if you don’t run now you can’t
escape. You’ll know what happens to if you don’t it’ll be just like those times
all those years ago. Don’t you remember?” I couldn’t take it anymore, not the
voices, not the test, and not him again.
“SHUT THE HELL UP NOBODY’S COMING, I'M SICK OF IT! IF YOU WON'T TELL ME WHO
THEN SHUT THE HELL UP!” The boy got up from the corner and limped slowly and
eerily with a crimson trail behind him. In his hands was the bloodstained rope
and when he was right in front of me I was terrified, it was as if I was shot
by lighting and paralyzed as my whole body was stinging as he grew closer, and
closer. The boy grabbed my hands and used the rope to tie them together, the
ropes felt moist with warm and heavy blood, then the boy looked me right in the
eye and said “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten this.” I woke up screaming in
terror with cold sweat pouring down my face, yet I took Faith to school and
went to work but when work ended Faith wasn’t at school.
I rushed into the school’s office
demanding Faith’s teacher in which she was brought to me with a dumbfounded
face and asked me a question “ Excuse me sir why are you here Faith has already
been picked up by her mother, did your wife by chance not tell you she was
picking her up today.” After she said those words my heart sunk, my skin was
crawling as if my very skin was an ant’s breeding nest, my only reply was, “i-i
don’t h-have a wife.” The teacher’s face contorted to a horrified shape and
quickly called 911. I staggered out of the school’s office and slowly approached
my car lifelessly as if I were a zombie and once i was inside i slowly drove
home, I knew Faith was there, When I arrived home the front door was already
unlocked.
I slowly opened the door and entered
the house to which I heard the noises of my kitchen being put to use, and the
sound of a knife repeatedly chopping something up in a joyful rhythm. As I slowly
walked into the kitchen I saw a woman. I asked trembling “where is Faith?” The
woman replied, “Oh she’s in her room waiting for food.” I asked another
question “Did you do anything to her?” The woman answered “Of course not she’s
my daughter after all.” and i asked her one last question “why are you here?”
The woman answered “To see you of
course.” I was scared, terrified of this woman her presence alone sends chills
all over my body, freezes me in place and yet my heart is beating as fast as it
has ever been. I said with a shaky voice “get out.” The woman immediately stabbed
the knife into the meat that she was cooking and looked at me dead in the eyes
with a maniacal grin and mad eyes. “Get out? You can tell some pretty funny
jokes sometimes now and then can’t you. Do you think you can order me around,
huh? Do you remember what happened last time you tried to do that, huh?” I
couldn’t speak, I merely trembled in the wake of her words. “It’s okay though
it’s been years since we’ve last seen each other so you're bound to act up here
and there, don’t worry I forgive you.” yet as she said this she grabbed
something from the ground and placed it on the table, it was a rope bathed in
old blood stains. The woman then pointed the bloody knife at me and said “Hey lil brother Faith is just a sweetie now
don’t you think, and I think she’s been a good girl, don’t you think? So I was
thinking how about we reward her with a lil brother.” I wanted to run away, i
wanted to scream for help, I wanted to fight back, but I knew it was all
useless, because big sis always gets her way, and tonight was no
exception.
10 comments:
I really enjoyed reading your piece, my only complaint would be that the spacing is a little too cramped, but it doesn't detract from the message in anyway or form. I basically interpreted this as the struggles one may face with a convoluted past of abuse and disbelief topped off with the sadness and horror that comes from mental illness. I also felt that this piece shows how certain people are unable to stand up for themselves and lack a voice. When reading this, I felt the horror story vibes and it definitely kept me on the edge of my seat wondering what would happen next as the protagonist loses his mind and will. Great job! -Taha Uddin
I thoroughly enjoyed your piece, it really gave an insight on how you process creating characters and making a good story. I like how you used caps lock on when the characters are yelling to give that emotion onto the line. I like the way you described Faith and overall, was a really good piece that demonstrated your ability to come up with a good story. Great job my friendo!
This story was just wow! I can't believe you made such an amazing piece. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time, ever since the first line. The first line instantly hooked me and I was interested. Not many stories can do that and this did and that's just astounding. I know that you love to write but I never knew it was this good. You should continue to write stories Uriel!
Wow this is honestly the best thriller piece I’ve read on this blog so far. The suspense, the repressed memories, and the incredibly dark nature of the story were instantly captivating. For once, there were plot twists I never saw coming. The writing itself was also very solid and easy to follow (except in the parts where it was necessary to keep the mystery.) Great work!
I am thoroughly shocked at how the story pulled me in and didn't let go. Starting off the story with the description of the male protagonist led me to believe is was going to be a story about fighting addiction or bettering oneself, and even though it had that vibe the entirety of the story had a whole deeper meaning. I love how throughout all the darkness Faith remained the light, unknowing to what was going on due to her young age, continuing to give the protagonist faith..aha. As well as how the story kept you questioning and left you in the dark. Really good job! i enjoyed this story quite a bit.
This piece was enthusing. I enjoy reading stories like these that are unpredictable. It's like a roller coaster ride in the dark. You never know what to expect which fuels our interest even more. Your piece was magnificently crafted from beginning to end. - Jerico Dizon
After reading that piece, I'm speechless. The characters just felt so real and emotional. I love how the speaker is riddled by his addictions, and raising a small innocent girl colors his world, how "Faith" is his motivation and color in his empty world. The way he talks and his descriptions of the world really shape who the character is and makes him seem so much more than a fictional character. Really well done.
This is probably the most creative stories I have read on the blog. The story was very captivating and kept me trying to anticipate what was going to happen next. You did a spectacular job in painting very clear images of what was going on through your word choices and descriptive details. You did a great job at creating suspense within the audience and conveying a deeper meaning to your story as it depicted a character who struggles with his past and what haunts him in the present. Amazing story!
I enjoyed the way you showed how the characters express their emotions. It was very unpredictable and that added a sense of suspense, also the imagery in the story is great!!!
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