"My Strength" by Rosie B

Love is the strongest force is the world. It binds people together and allows people to grow, but the love we have for one another is nothing compared to the love that God has for us. This is what I have learned despite all the hardships I have endured in my life, the most prominent of which was the death of my cousin Andy.

It was the last week of freshman year, the Sunday before finals when I received this devastating news. I was informed outside of my aunt’s house that my cousin Andy died in a car accident. He was twenty-one years old. I remember feeling numb at first, just holding onto the little piece of strength I had left in me to try not to break into a million pieces.

I know this might sound odd, but for me, being emotional is tough, I almost feel like crying is a sign of weakness, which I know is unhealthy, but I never want people to think I am weak so I hold in every tear until I am forced to crack.

So finals came and went, like a blur that had no importance to me at all, time seemed to stop and the only thing I could hold onto was my friends, family, and most importantly my faith. The following months were filled with ups and downs, during the summer I would wait until everyone was sound asleep in their beds to break down. Cascades of tears and anguish flowed through me but during the day, I was just trying to hold myself together for everyone else.

My family all shared memories about Andy constantly, we still do, but my biggest regret to this day is that the most constant encounters he and I had consisted of the phrase “Andy! Leave me alone!” coming out of my mouth. It wasn’t like we hated each other or anything, but he was constantly trying to be the bully older cousin, who acted tough on the outside, but loved us all so much. He was like a protective older brother who was the only one that could bother us, his baby cousins.

As the months passed, I began to cling to my faith more and more, as I knew that my cycle of crying in solitude was not making me feel better, and as I started my confirmation classes at Sacred Heart, I began to open up more to God.

The most memorable encounter that I have ever had with God occurred around Christmas time, as I again began to feel the void in my family. It happened during Holy hour, as the Life Teen choir was singing, the Eucharist was in front of me and I completely broke down. However, that was the day I finally felt relief, as if God had told me “you are loved” and “everything is going to be okay my child”. I learned that day that God was at my side ready to catch me at my darkest times, I learned that God is always near and he will never abandon me because I felt his presence in my soul and his hand on my heart, I am eternally grateful that I was able to experience this kind of love despite the hardships I had to endure to reach this point.