Find the shape and tell it!
Friday, September 30, 2016
"Greystone Manor" By Raven F
On a foggy autumn night, the horseman slowed his steed as he began to approach the large sign that read, “Welcome to Greystone Manor”. Although the horseman was weary from his journey, he was reluctant to go any further towards the large manor with the imported polynesian cobblestone that was clearly aged and untended to. This weary traveler had heard stories of the Greystone Manor that went as far back as the mid 1500s. According to legend, the Greystone family came together in the most peculiar of ways. Aurther Greystone had apparently met his wife, Cornelia Spruce, during a festival of which she took part in. Cornelia was raised with what today’s society now referred to as gypsies, and her family worked hard during these festivals to keep the commoners amused and make enough money to feed themselves. Aurther and Cornelia fell madly in love as time went by, but Cornelia's father, Odinah, did not approve of his daughter’s relationship with a non-gypsy. Enraged, Odinah put a curse on Aurther, making it impossible for him to give Cornelia children. Unwilling to part with her lover, she marries Aurther, and with the money from his family's inheritance, Aurther hires workers to build the Greystone Manor. As the years went on, Cornelia grew sad over not having bear any children of her own, and fell into a deep depression. Eager to please his wife, Aurther went mad trying to find a way to bring a child into their lives. Aurther couldn’t stand the thought of Odinah’s curse being the downfall of his marriage. So in a trump of desperation, Aurther left his residence in the middle of the night and went to the nearest orphanage in the village, snuck inside, and stole a small green-eyed, brown-haired infant in the dead of night. Those that speak of this story are never able to comprehend why Aurther did not just ask to adopt the orphaned infant, but assumed that his madness and desperation drove him to it. That morning as Aurther sent his chambermaid fetch the infant to show to his sad Cornelia, the chambermaid told Aurther that the infant had passed away in his sleep. Aurther was devastated. The curse that Odinah put on Aurther was truly a force to be reckoned with. Aurther began to think to himself, that if he could not give his wife a child, then he would take his own life, so that she may find happiness with another man who can give her a child, and so he did just that...Aurther hung himself from the tallest railing in his manor. So distraught over Arthur's death, Cornelia died forty-nine hours later, from a broken heart.
An with this tall-tale in the mind of the horseman...he banged on the door with a frontal stalling motion...KNOCK...KNOCK...KNOCK.
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26 comments:
What an awesome piece! It had me wanting to know more considering the amount of suspense you had with such little time of reading. This story is similar to that of Shakespeare's tragedy plays. I really like your choice of diction and the way you utilize them in order to create and set a tone of misery and suspense. I also noticed you used words like "chambermaid fetch", although I do not know what it means, and Polynesian to describe and better paint an image to your story. Excellent!
Amazing piece! This story had an eerie sense to it that remained consistent and compelled me to read more. The detail used throughout this piece also kept me interested and really brought the story to life! The organization of this piece was also unique as it takes the readers from the present, (the horseman) to the past and back again. Well done!
The descriptive detail you put in the backstory was really incredible! I truly felt like I was immersed into the story. With the orphan dying and how it related to the curse Aurther had,it gave a good twist to the plot and how the curse actually works into the story. Very entertaining story.
I enjoyed reading this story. Your descriptions of the characters really depicted their personalities, and the imagery described the setting and mood well. This is extremely captivating and left me wanting to read more.
The descriptive details in this piece really popped and made it an amazing read. The story was dark but this only made it more interesting to read. I don't know if I just really get invested into stories but I enjoyed this a lot. A fascinating tale and i would love to see what else may have happened to the horseman
I loved how you incorporated the back story of Greystone Manor! It was does so well that it does not confuse readers. The description used brought the story to life and I was so enthralled,but I was sad to see the last sentence. Well done!
The first sentence drew me in from the beginning. It was suspenseful and entertaining, and by reading the title it got me even more intrigued. You used very good diction and imagery. Overall very good story.
If this was a book, I would buy it. Now I have questions, like what is the horseman doing there, why did Arthur not try to actually adopt a baby, what is he going to find in the house. The story was suspenseful and compelling, and i the word choice is very intriguing
Nathan Smith
I really enjoyed all the detail that went into the setup of the story, and the dark tone. I especially like how the curse was held true in the story, like when Aurther tried to bring the orphan home but he died before he met Cornelia. I was honestly expecting a cliche happy ending but was left satisfied with your decision to keep it dark. Good job!
I really enjoyed all the detail that went into the setup of the story, and the dark tone. I especially like how the curse was held true in the story, like when Aurther tried to bring the orphan home but he died before he met Cornelia. I was honestly expecting a cliche happy ending but was left satisfied with your decision to keep it dark. Good job!
This was the perfect story for me to find while I was out on my porch in the evening haha. The forbodding mood of the manor was established well from the beginning and held true once the story returned to the horseman. I liked how the story served as a beginning of the weary traveler's encounter with the manor. I can easily see flashbacks or further back stories heightening any discoveries the traveler is bound to have inside the manor, after we leave him knocking on the door.
I really enjoyed your story. All of the detail and imagery really drew me in and I couldn't stop reading it. The eerie tone of this piece kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time. Good job!
I like how the whole story was written as a backstory, basically describing why the horseman was there in the first place. Throughout the story, I imagined the entire Greystone Manor and the descriptive detail that you used to describe it. The story actually has a very deep meaning from what I've read, and I like how you used this imagery to show the recurring theme of love.
This was an amazing piece. Great use of detail throughout your whole entire piece. With the background story and the curse made the piece more realistic. I am still curious on why Arthur stole the baby instead of asking to adopt. Good Job!
Wow, this story kept me in suspense. I really liked the way you started the story with the horseman and then told the tale of the owners of the mansion. I felt really sad that the couple couldn't have any children, not even adopted ones. The details of the story gave it life, good job. Though I am bummed out that I don't know what happens to the horseman.
I really enjoyed this short story. You transitioned from the present to the past very well, and also gave enough information on the characters to be able to understand them. I especially enjoyed the detail you used to bring the story to life. Would be awesome if you would write a little more so we could find out what happens to the horseman.
This is a very well written piece, Good Job! I loved all the imagery in the story, from setting the scene with an foggy night and the manor with the Polynesian cobblestone, it gave the story that dark mysterious feeling. the organization of the story was quite nice with that one sentence alone at the end, leaving you questioning what will happen to this lonely rider in the night. A story that left me wanting more
The connection of the beginning and the end truly added another aspect of the story that made it amazing! The story let's the reader imagine a scene that you have not described and by allowing the reader to go further beyond the piece it sticks with them. Fantastic work!
-Kynoa V
IN this very short story, you managed to create a full cast of characthers and draw the reader into the passagge as if they had known the characters all their life. The plot provides exitement at every sentence and it makes the reader feel more connected to the main characters.
I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS SHORT STORY. It was brief, yet very engaging. Every sentence in this piece was very detailed, it had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. I love those "once upon a time" type of stories with the usual plot of a forbidden love that has a curse attached to it. This story, personally, showed a different perspective of love. Not everyone will be able to continuously look pass a curse despite the amount of love they have for their partner, and sometimes the idea of sacrificing the life of being together will bring happiness and be better for the other one. But turns out in the end they remain united in their deaths. This was a different type of fairytale, I like it. Once again, good job!!
Awesome job at creating a setting in which can be seen through your use of description. The story behind the manor was engaging and was very enjoyable to read. The story had a very eerie tone, which had captured my attention to keep reading.
Your piece was so intriguing to read, your use of imagery and fantastic diction made this piece come to life. I liked your story because it was not the typical happily ever after fairytale. My eyes were locked on my screen the whole time. Great job!
This story was so entertaining! Although the gist of the plot is common, the tragic ending was very unique and unexpected, pleasantly surprising me. In addition, the various details of the story were new to me, so I was overall satisfied. My only comment would be to add a little more purpose to the present tense aspect of the anecdote, either building it up more in the beginning or adding some meaning in the end. But all in all, awesome job!
This was a great read. Your use of diction and imagery really drew me in and made me want to keep reading. Greystone Manor was a great location that gave meaning to the story both literally and figuratively, well done.
This story was soo good it was so intriguing to the point where i could not tale my eyes off the screen. Your use of imagery really helped me make out the characters although your story ended as a tragedy i wish it were long enough so we as the reader could have a clearing understanding of where exactly both families came from. Great job Raven!!
This is a very interesting piece, it almost sounds like the prologue to a horror novel, or perhaps the backstory given halfway through a horror movie. Your use of imagery creates quite a haunting environment. Well done!
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