"John!, John wake up! We're going to be late!"
"Huh? What's going on?" I thought; Brandon is being
awfully annoying this morning.
"Come on John, we're going to be late!"
"Late for what? What's going on?"
"We're going to be late for the first day of high
school!"
The moment he said that, dread filled my head.
"Ugghhhhhhh, five more minutes" I said as I rolled over and thought
about the hell that awaited me. It felt as though the last day of middle school
was just yesterday. Just another one of those "I hope summer never
ends" thoughts I guess. After I finally got out of bed (twenty minutes
later) I ate breakfast and then Brandon and I started walking to school. On the
way there, he tried telling me something but I guess I was too tired or annoyed
to pay attention. Once we arrived at school, it was already halfway through
first period because of how long I slept in. What a great way to start the
school year right? Anyway, we got through the day pretty fine and as time went
on, I was able to get into a rhythm which allowed me to get through each day of
school without thinking too much about what was going on.
This made the whole high school thing pretty bearable. One day
I was even invited to a party after school by this girl I liked, Elaine Henry,
so I obviously couldn't turn it down. That night was probably one of the most
amazing nights of my life, even scored a girlfriend. I ended up getting home
really late and I was glad that my mom was already asleep so I wouldn't have to
deal with a scolding yet. The next day, I woke up incredibly exhausted. When I
looked at the clock, I almost screamed when I saw it read 3:00pm. But since I
couldn't really do anything about it, I was able to calm down. However, by the time
4:00pm rolled around I started to ask myself "hey, where's Brandon?"
As another hour passed, I realized something was wrong. When 6:00pm rolled
around I heard the garage open, my mom had finally arrived home; hopefully with
some answers. As she walked through the garage door, I heard sniffles and I
realized she was crying. She told me that on his way home tonight, he was hit
by a drunk driver. My heart stopped for a few seconds. As I begged for more
details, all she could manage to tell me was they identified the licence plate
to someone named Joshua Collins. However, the authorities said there were not
enough details and it was too late to try to track him down. I couldn't believe
my ears. I slowly walked upstairs and prayed in my bed. I cried so much, it
felt like I was laying In a puddle of my sweat on a hot summer night. As I fell
asleep, I hoped I would never wake up.
"John!, John wake up! You're going to be late!"
"Huh? What's going on?" I thought; Elaine is being
awfully antsy this morning.
"Come on John! You're going to be late for work!"
Shoot! I got up and showered as quick as possible. Luckily I
was able to get to work on time. As I was sitting at my desk, my boss came up
to me with a man by his side. He said "Hey John. I'd like you to meet your
new coworker, Joshua Collins".....
When he said that, I finally remembered what Brandon said to me
on our way to the first day of High School, "we can do this John, whatever
happens, we're in this together"
60 comments:
OHHHH MYYYYY!! I am speechless; I do not know what to say because I am so dumbfounded.
I can say with such great appreciation; THIS IS SO CAPTIVATING!!! Sean, not only did you get into the heart of the reader, but your emotion is portrayed within this story, This is a perfect example for "world versus man". So many tragic events come upon us in our daily lives ranging from small to big and you definitely portrayed those characteristics throughout this short story. I am a little upset however, that this doesn't have a series..
MAKE A SERIES! This is truly captivating and touching in a way that makes the reader sympathize. Great job, I loved it!
Lilibeth Martinez
Period 3
Woah, this made my heart sad, although this was a short piece, it conveyed a lot of emotion; dread, excitement, anxiety, and hate. Great use of dialogue, especially how it began and it how it ended starting off in one direction, then all of sudden veering off to another, only to end sad and heart breaking. I don't know if you planned to do this or it's just me, but it gave me a Of Mice and Men kind of feel, as two people, care and love one another, one annoying, the other stubborn, only to have lost its other half. You go Sean!
- Samar Elshekh P.3
This story was very sad and intresting to read.The only problem that i had was reading it because the sentences were to close to each other.To be honest i think i actually skipped a line LOL.But other than that the stories were great.
Marco Garcia-Ordaz
Period-4
I absolutely love this piece. You have so skillfully fit so much emotion into so small a synapses of this boys life. The addition of parallelism at the end of the piece seems to tie up the tragic effects of the death to this man. The consistent mood of dreariness if held till the end and even stays consistent through to the last sentence.
jordyn france
per 3
cogswell
ap english
I absolutely love this piece. The use of parallelism near the end of the story grabs the readers attention. The way you consistently kept the mood of dreariness and fit so much emotion into so short a story shows the skill of your writings. great job!
Jordyn France
per 3
Cogswell
AP English
I loved this story. So much emotion in such a short time. I Really liked how after Brandon died, it skipped over to when John was an adult, and how he has to work with the guy who killed his brother. Weird coincidences. Anyway, great job.
Michael Retana
Period 1
WOW!!! I loved this story it is very well written and very intriguing to me personally. I literally didn't want to stop reading at anytime. I just now wonder what will happen to John and his
co-worker. I give it 5/5.
Ashley Garcia
Per.4
I loved this story because I honestly wake up every morning and say, "five more minutes." I especially enjoyed the cliff hanger. This story really got to me. This story left me wanting to read more and find out what happens to Joshua Collins. So, my question is, what takes place after John meets his new coworker?
-Brianna B.
Period 4
Oh my, this story was very upsetting I enjoyed the plot twist at the end. When I read this you affected my emotions and actually made me sort of sad. I hope you make another short story to add onto this one, maybe do it involving Joshua and John?
-Miren Cancio Per. 5
I loved this story! I enjoyed how you used a topic that most people are familiar with and created a story. I like the plot twist and the end. I'm sitting here wondering how hard it would be working with a person who caused the death of someone I cared deeply about.
Whoa!! Such a turn of events! That was unexpected and it only made me want to continue reading more. Good job I like the point of view of John and the emotions he described himself of having in that very moment.
Arianna Serna
Pd. 3
I simply loved your piece. It was creative and had a great plot twist. I would have loved if your story was longer and you added more detail. However, you still did a great job on your piece. Well done.
- Deborah Fraire
Period 1
Your story makes me want to cry in the best way ever. That kind of twist is the kind no person wants to experience in real life, and even tend to hate it in most stories, but it's what makes it so amazing and captivating and gives the reader the need to finish hoping the whole time it was only a bad dream and the main character will wake up soon. My favorite part has to be the last sentence of the story because it give the reader the sense that john realized that even though brandon is gone, he's still there, which is what everyone who has lost someone wants.
To be honest the first few lines really grabbed my attention and I couldn't stop reading until the very end. This was a really great piece and I thoroughly enjoyed it, very captivating! Really conveyed a lot of emotions in such a short story. Great work, I hope there's a sequel!
Abby E
Period 3
Awesome! 10/10. Even though the story was a bit sad, it was a great stroy. It really caught my attention and the last couple of sentence were great. Wonderful job
Ricky Martin
Period 4
Your story was so interesting that when i finished the first time i had to go back and read again. i love how the story started off so simple and then bam plot twist and all the sudden you're in a whirl wind of emotions. My favorite part had to be at the end when John realized what his brother said and it made me wish you could continue to add onto this just so i could know how he feels.
Megan McCann
Period 5
This was a really amazing story, I really wish there was more to it. You made it so touching, that it was as if we all had lost Brandon too. I loved everything about this story, even though it was kind of sad towards the middle. Still it was a really great story, really AMAZING and EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!
This story was absolutely fantastic. Just the circumstances of losing someone your close to really touches many people who read this piece. I like how you made Brandon's death vague. It really allows the reader to use their imagination to fit together the pieces of the story. Finally, I loved the parallelism towards the end of the story with John waking up. I feel as if that brought the story back full circle. Great work and I hope to read more later!
Joseph Joshua Jacinto
Period 5
I really liked the title, as it grabbed my attention and made me want to read the piece. Not only did I like the title, but it also appeared that the essential idea of this piece was "waking up," tying in a past event, the first day of high school, and the now current event of finding the man who had killed the brother. The piece was very interesting because it started with the dream,/flashback, and was very well written.
Adam Burgos
Period 2
Wow was not expecting that kind of ending, finally a good story with an amazing twist to it took me by surprise. I love how your title matches the story so perfectly, in the beginning of the story I related to the waking up and saying 5 more minutes totally!!
~Audriana Youssef
period 4
When you said id cry reading this i didn't believe you. So many unanswered questions linger in my head. Please make this into a story! This piece has a good hook to connect the reader with their emotions that it makes it easy to in a way relate to the story. Great job Mr. Powers (---:
- Ariel Foster
Period 3
When you said id cry reading this i didn't believe you. So many unanswered questions linger in my head. Please make this into a story! This piece has a good hook to connect the reader with their emotions that it makes it easy to in a way relate to the story. Great job Mr. Powers (---:
- Ariel Foster
Period 3
Sean, you got to me. Let me start by talking about the end first. It was totally unexpected and If I was in this situtaion, I would feel a lot of anger and confusion. I'm positive that I know the meaning and your muse behind this story and all I have to say is that it left me very emotional. Oh why would you do this?! However, to put feelings aside, you did an excellent job in luring me in as i started reading. I didn't get bored with it and kept wanting more as the story progresses. I like how you ended the story sort of like a cliff hanger and I hope that you'll continue writing about this even if it's not for an assignment. Then you have make sure to show it to me afterwards!
-Noelle Mariano
Period 2
What. A. Twist. An entirely true account of how the first day of high school starts for each high school student in the morning, not wanting to get up, another 20 minutes. Traveling through the first day made the audience feel they were apart of this transcending tale. Switching paths so seamlessly and toying with the reader's heart is something few literary works can accomplish. Astounding!
What. A. Twist. An entirely true account of how the first day of high school starts for each high school student in the morning, not wanting to get up, another 20 minutes. Traveling through the first day made the audience feel they were apart of this transcending tale. Switching paths so seamlessly and toying with the reader's heart is something few literary works can accomplish. Astounding!
Great piece Sean i expected something unique and plot twisting and this was exactly it, the poem had a lot of detail of how i feel about waking up and gives me the feels on how the story plays out with the loss of his brother.
Oh man, you have the POWER of great writing! Sorry, it had to be done. Anyways, this truly was a great read, even if it was short. You made us feel so bad for the main character in such a short amount of time and you just add on to that sadness by adding in the killer of his brother. I would really like to read more about how Josh deals with this whole "My brother's killer" situation. Again, great job man!
Antonio Barron
Period 3
Oh wow! You have left me totally speechless. It definitley blew me away. You did a great job of breaking my heart; I felt so much empathy for John. It felt as if I was actually in the story and I felt so much anger and grief. The story really got me by surprise with the unexpected ending. I really enjoyed it. You did an amazing job with this piece.
I really liked this story and how you set it up for the shocking end. I had no idea in the first paragraph that this would take such a turn and i was happily surprised. I especially liked the end where john was now an adult and came face to face with the man who killed Brandon. You did a great job at gripping the readers attention and making them feel all the emotions John goes through in this story.
Period 2
that story was amazing!! i had no idea that was going to happen! that was such an amazing story and i was not expecting that ending. what a wonderful way to end the piece with a great plot twist i love the ending. i wish it had been longer but it was still a great story to read. i very much enjoyed it!!~julianna alvarado period 1
One word. WOW!!! You had me wanting for more, you started off in the very beginning with allowing the reader to visualize how agonizing it is to wake up in the morning for school and then the flash forward of the story gives it that unexpected twist. I hope you finish it before graduation, i wand to know the ending!
Allyson Bol
Period 3
Great piece Sean! I really liked how you were able to convey so much emotion through the details and the dialogue. I was hooked from the beginning and it had me wanting to read more to find out what happens in the end, and when I finally got to the end, WOW I was not expecting that plot twist. Great story, I enjoyed it very much.
Daveena San
Period 2
wow what a great story I couldn't believe how good that story was not even good I should say amazing keep it up
-Dylan may
-per.1
Great piece Sean! I really liked how you were able to convey so much emotion through the details and the dialogue. I was hooked from the beginning and it had me wanting to read more to find out what happens in the end, and when I finally got to the end, WOW I was not expecting that plot twist. Great story, I enjoyed it very much.
Daveena San
Period 2
Wow great story. It plays out a normal teenagers life with having a brother and going to school and gathering feelings for another individual. Then u throw in a sudden twist and the main characters brother almost dies from a drunk driver and later on in his life he ends up having to work with the man that almost killed his brother. Great story and great job on the detail hope u make more.
Wow, this story is so sad but so good. I didn't expect Brandon to die, and to meet his brother's killer at his new job, such a plot twist. I love this story but now i want to know what happened after John was introduced to Joshua.
- Valarie Ly
Period 1
I had absolute no clue and did not expect brandon to die was confused about it for a sec not gonna lie i had to reread that part like five times. Now I'm left wondering what is gonna happen between John and Joshua.Love how i got into the story to quick. :)
Wow. just straight up wow. 5 stars. 10/10. This story was confusing to read the first time around but when I read it again it made so much more sense. so I read it again. And every time after that it just got better and better. what happened to Brandon... tragic... in the end meeting the killer... WOW! Now I need to know what happens next. Payback? Nothing? THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!
-Braden Bailey
Woah man. I loved the unexpected plot twist and the cliff hanger at the end left me wanting more! I also felt the emotions conveyed in your piece- the dread, shock, and sadness. You also had a nice dialogue going which helped seam the story line together. Overall, it was very nice and unique piece that I enjoyed reading. :)
WOW! The irony in the beginning really speaks the common teenager toda, but those turning points were heavy to take in because the casualness of the beginning just to end in his brothers death, the another turning point where his brothers killer is now his co-worker! Really mind blowing and great way to catch a reader!
This story was so unique and different from the other stories i have read on this blog. The ending was such a plot twist and unexpected it was amazing.And the way you left the readers hanging was super crazy and suspenseful!
Karina Blocker
Period 4
The plot twist of this story was very unexpected and i really enjoyed the imagery and details you provided to make it more suspenseful. The ending really left me wondering what happened so i hope to read more from you on the blog soon! Great job Sean!
Victoria Hurtado
Period 5
I thought this was a pretty cool story. I thought John had a lot of emotions going on. He was happy, sad, mad, surprised confused, and sleepy (joke). This story really kept me on my feet. I must admit I did not know where the story was going.
M Baptiste
Cogswell Period 1
I was certainly not expecting an ending like that. I loved how you started the beginning with John waking up late for the first day of high school, and the end with John being late for work. It showed us, readers, John's personality and how he is still the same as before. You did a great job in writing this story by showing John's emotions and actions when he heard the news that Brandon was hit by a car. It really made me feel sad as if Brandon was a part of my family. It would be hard for John to work with Joshua as his co-worker. Overall, it was a very suspenseful story and was a good one to read.
Jessie Santos
- Period 1 Cogswell
I really,really enjoyed this story. It was sad and very interesting. The whole first paragraph is COMPLETELY relatable. You did a good job on this piece.
Period 4
Justin flores
sean p was really making a great story of writing in the past of being in high school for the first day of school.you always remember high school experience no matter what you did during four whole years.but then to have your brother their one day and the next day have your own mother hearing her cry before worried you the most wondering why shes crying then hearing bad news about your brother being one and all you could hear of him waking you up for school
alexi medina
period 4
Wow great powerful story! I did not see the ending coming, I thought that it was going to be a high school experience story. It was a shocking ending which made the story very interesting. Great story Sean keep it up!
JC Bagro
Period 3
This story got me on a roller coaster of emotions and the major twists throughout were incredibly shocking. You definitely know how to write an unpredictable narrative. This story is completely unlike those cheesy horror films where the audience can exactly predict when the monster is going to attack for a jump scare.
I really liked the way you were able to develop the main character's day using emotional and illustrative descriptors. As a reader, I felt a deep connection between the speaker's reluctance to go to school and my own reluctance to go to school. I was also very entertained by your ending. Although the speaker's loss made the ending more sad, the way you were able to make a connection back to the Joshua Collins character made the tone more reminiscent and gave the speaker some optimism that things would eventually get better with his friend watching over him.
I love how in the begin it can relate to all typical teenagers. This story did have a strong intro and it really caught my attentions from the way you started the story off. Good job i really liked how strong of a piece this was.
Jorge Rodriguez
Period 5
Oh my goodness that ending just threw me off so badly but in a good way. I'm glad you wrote this type of high school story rather than just a typical one. You showed how in life the most normal everyday situation can drastically change.
Jessica Perez. Per 3
The ending of this story totally caught me off guard! Wow what a series of events that lead up to the final paragraph! You did a great job of developing the plot of this short story.
Wow! Though it was a short piece, your work definitely had my emotions going all over the place. It was everything from sad, comical to shocking, especially at the very end! I enjoyed your use of repetition of the first line again at the end to add a sense of reminiscing, along with the flashback you included which again was upsetting. However your twist of events left me speechless at the end and made me think that your story overall was very perplexed and interesting! Keep writing, you have the talent of keeping your readers entertained, great job!
I applaud you in your ability to capture my attention and completely make me come to a halt half way through your story where the tone totally shifts to being mournful. The way you set up the story to end was very clever indeed and the tension was very intense.
Lot of "wows" comments. Anyways, I found this piece to be upsetting but humorous at the same time. I did not see the ending coming so it took me by surprise. Well done.
-Christian Ortega
Prd 5.
I really enjoyed this piece , it had my attention from the beginning to the end , leaving me wanting more , I want to find out just what will happen between Brandon and Joshua Collins , or how Brandon would react to working with the killer of his brother . At first I thought it was going to be this common " I hate high school " type of story , but it was more then that . It was a very compelling piece I really enjoyed it .Well done!
Short and interesting. A truly mysterious piece, that even in the end leaves you hanging. What happens next? That is truly one of the most important aspects of a fictitious narrative. So my suggestion, write another blog post for next month, because I am lookiing forward to "the next chapter."
Wow Sean. That actually have me chills. The emotion you captured in that piece is truly impressive. Your kept the reader interested with the simple beginning, the first day of school, something we can all relate too. The underlying love story between John and Elaine is also something warm that keeps the reader captivated. Then you throw those plot twists at us and seal the deal. Good job! I would love to see a part 2.
-Annika Joshi
Period 5
Wow Sean. That actually have me chills. The emotion you captured in that piece is truly impressive. Your kept the reader interested with the simple beginning, the first day of school, something we can all relate too. The underlying love story between John and Elaine is also something warm that keeps the reader captivated. Then you throw those plot twists at us and seal the deal. Good job! I would love to see a part 2.
-Annika Joshi
Period 5
I feel like I am going to sound like a broken record but the ending really causes the reader to take a step back and realize everything has come full circle. That karma that resides in the story really affects the story as a whole and almost completes the mourning cycle. Have you considered adding some dialogue between the main character and his new colleague?
I liked this story. It was interesting and I wanted to read more. The ending was a surprise.
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