I
kept running. I didn’t stop because I could hear the screams fading away behind
me. I stood there and watched, helpless because I didn’t know how to kill it.
It took her away, dragged her into the vents, that thing, whatever it was. It
was human; it was a crewman, one of my friends at one point, until he turned
into that hideous, horrid creature. It was occupied for now, but I knew the
others would hear me, they could hear everything. At that point I stopped
caring and just kept running, hearing my footsteps pounding on the dark, metal
floor of this ship. I was stuck running down narrow hallways, with vents above
me, still shut luckily because they hadn’t come through yet. How many of us
knew these things were on here? People were disappearing, but how could we not
know it was those things causing the crew to vanish? In all of my madness, my
rage, and constant thoughts, I realized I was almost at Med-Lab. There would
still be people in there I could warn and hopefully save.
As I punched in the code to open the
door, I didn’t realize the bloody marks on the floor. It opened, unveiling to
me a sight I can’t quite grasp still. Blood was everywhere, covering the
hospital beds, the floor, the entrances to the vents, yet no one was in there.
It was utter chaos, however I was still gripped by confusion of how this could
have happened. I knew, but those who were here didn’t. I walked through the
room, taking it all in, hoping I could find someone. Finally, I came across a
doctor lying against a turned over cabinet. She was barely alive, in utter
shock, unaware of the gruesome injuries she had faced.
Through her last gasps of air, the
only word she was able to say was “run.”
I looked up and through the
flickering bright lights in the lab, I saw the shadow of those things coming
right up behind me. There wasn’t anywhere for me to go, except into more
hallways that seemed endless. Running, I could hear them, behind me, making
their awful noises as they ran after their food. Room after room, chaos and
blood was all I saw until finally a door opened to actual people. I stopped and
turned around and realized they were gone. Where did they go? Everyone was
confused and curious as to what had happened. I tried to explain it to them, as
I knew they all knew very well what was going on, but everyone kept trying to
deny it. Argument after argument arose until finally the lights went out,
causing everyone to stop and panic. I could see the shadows of those things
falling through the vents, attacking everyone in the room. Objects flew around
the room as those things ran through them, Suddenly, the power kicked in and I
could see everything plain as day. The yellow lights glared upon us all, while
we each watched this horrid scene fall before us. Crimson red blood contrasted
with the dark grey metal floor of the ship. Pieces of crates, trash, and other
various things filled the floors. The vents were sprung wide open, their wiring
sticking out dangerously. Chairs and tables were turned over and paper was
littered upon the floor, something that once was so important, no longer
mattered to any of us. The worst thing of it all was seeing what they looked
like. A human being turned horrible. The head remained with an elongated jaw
filled with razor sharp teeth. The body, which was also elongated, was pale
pink, and had no distinct features on it whatsoever. Its elongated legs were
also pale pink, with large claws for feet. The arms and hands were the worst.
The arms were especially elongated, with these formed razors for the hands that
could cut through just about anything. It was so horrific to see these things,
it made you freeze in your tracks.
The only thing you could do was run.
Trying to find someplace safe or anyone left alive is near impossible now. Room
after room, supply after supply, it is the scariest nightmare you would ever
experience. How this happened haunts me.
I can’t help but think we did this to ourselves. Not intentionally of
course, but there are some things that are better to be left alone. We came out
here into space as explorers, loving the unknown and the idea that there was
something out there with us. I guess we had always imagined that it wouldn’t be
as horrific as all of this. It didn’t matter anymore. No one could hear us, no
one could save us, and no one was coming for us. We were stuck out here in this
never-ending stretch of darkness full of planets and stars that we would never
see again.
I don’t know how many days it has
been. I keep moving or I know those things will find me. I’m not sure how to
kill them yet so I just hide. I haven’t seen another person in God knows how
long, so I may be all that is left. I made this video log in the hopes someone
will receive it and never attempt to come out here. You won’t go back home so
be warned. I am going to log off now and keep trying to survive because that is
all I can do. This is Lim from the Ishimora signing off. Please, I am begging
you, don’t come out here.
16 comments:
The use of imagery and description makes the piece/essay so realistic. I can see the scene vividly and I felt as if I was watching a horror/a action movie! Knowing you personally, I know I can always looks out for your adventurous stories since it does reflect your personality! This essay was truly marvelous and so captivating to read. The more I read, the more I got into it and little did I know that I was wanting more when I was done! Great job Jordan!
Jordan this reminds me so much of a movie series that I can't remember the name of. HOWEVER, I like this piece so much because of that, the use of imagery has us the readers playing with our vivid imagination depicting how it looks. I want more of this story, I'd definitely buy this if it were a book ! - Ariel Foster p.3
An incredible piece of work that leaves the reader running away from digital device they are reading this from. Excellent uses of imagery and a firm groundwork laid way for the reader to be transported to the hallways, running for their lives alongside the narrator. A captivating, yet terrifyingly dark experience reminds myself of a time, possibly in a place known as Dead Space. Simply marvelous!
An incredible piece of work that leaves the reader running away from digital device they are reading this from. Excellent uses of imagery and a firm groundwork laid way for the reader to be transported to the hallways, running for their lives alongside the narrator. A captivating, yet terrifyingly dark experience reminds myself of a time, possibly in a place known as Dead Space. Simply marvelous!
If this was a movie, I would pay to see this movie in 3D. Not only is it exciting, but it kind of leaves me feeling like I have to go find the rest of this story somewhere on the internet so I can feed my need for more Ishimora. Imagery was a prevalent strength in the work, but there are many other smaller factors that made it all so dramatic. The reader can't but help feeling the anxieties of the main character as she runs around in the dark passageways bathed in blood (scary touch), and that's definitely the feeling that I bet the author was aiming for.
I commend you, Jordan.
Eloy Guzman
Per. 2
I like how you set the setting up. You have monsters in a place you can't even escape and you can't tell anybody else on the outside world. I would be a bit tempted to go if I heard this message. But, even I would be a little frightened if I were stuck in there.
Great use of detail to create impressive imagery. The set up was well done and the environment created seems pretty apocalyptic.
Amazing piece, and my Lord the use of imagery in this story incredible.Easily as a reader you see the setting and run through it all as its being "narrated". And the entire time I thought it was a simple tell but ending with a video sign off gets you. You not once lost me, I was captivated by every word. It kind of reminds me of the movie World War Z, and man if this was a movie or a book i will be the first in line!
Allyson Bol
Period 3
Jordan, the vivid imagery you provided allowed me to imagine the beginning chase scene, the endless hallways, the bloody hospital room (as much as I didn't want to picture the blood) with extreme clarity. I like how you started the story in the middle of the run because the reader could immediately feel the main character's terror and urgency. The doctor's last word was also a hauntingly, nice touch that added to the suspense of the already very suspenseful thriller. Great job!! (on a side note, you left me extremely worried about the fate of Lim and I really don't know what to do with this worry)
Fiona Cheung
Period 3
Wow...that was awesome!!!
I felt as if I was in the ship being chased. The use of imagery was amazing. The details with the hospital and the blood were nice.
Outstanding Job!!
The title was really great for the reader to understand what was going on in the plot it was well written! Having minimal dialogue really added on to the feeling of isolation in the story and contributed to the lost of hope in my opinion. Wish you could write more!
This story is very reminiscent to horror movies and horror games in popular media. This is a very well done story, altough it had some flaws. In my opinion you described too many unimportant things such as the paper crumpled all over the floor, the coloring of the ships halls and the blood. It took away from the horror aspect a little. Also the necromorphs were described too lightly. There was a lot of room for description of the monsters other than sharp hands. There could of been the description of their other arms on their bellies and their vampire like teeth and other horrendous features. Overall however, this story gave me a chill. A nice ending could of been somewhere along the lines of "twinkle twinkle little star" to add to the chill factor. Very well done.
-Cristopher Orellana
Period 5
WOW!! What a great story!! It was such a suspenseful story. The way everything was described and how you ended the story without telling us what the creature was. It makes you wonder what happened to the characters and why the creatures where hunting humans. Also what caused the creatures to become how they are. I hope you make another great story like this. Great job.
-Calaya, Period 1, Cogswell
Great story! You did a great job in describing the horror setting using what im assuming the game Dead Space as inspiration from the title. You described a perspective that was not explored in the game very well. I like how you not only described the horror elements the blood and gore but how you described the other scenes that showed the amount of chaos on the ship, a ship so orderly had been thrown into chaos. I also like how the character had not gotten "caught" or killed by the monster in the story it gives the story a more suspenseful tone and leaves the reader wondering what happened to the character.
-Marvin Virola
Period 5
I am thoroughly impressed with your use of a first person narrative to allow readers to walk in the shoes of the main character. Your use of detail also allowed readers to immerse themselves into the story even more so than before. Now I'm left with a whole bunch of questions on what the creatures were and why everyone seemed to ignore the main character. Great story!
Christian Zaldivar P.3
I find it interesting to see you based it off the Ishimora mining ship from the Dead Space.series
- Christian Ortega
Prd 5.
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