“Titus, Titus, Titus…” Yelled the swarming mass of roman
legionaries. They had just been to battle and were cheering in glee at their praetor,
who won them the battle. He was legendary. His swordsmanship was the greatest
in all the Roman Empire, his cunning outsmarted the best, and his leadership
allowed him to conquer the land. He was standing at the top of the hill in his
purple cloak, and allowed the cheering to go on for thirty more seconds. Then,
he raised his hands and everyone became silent.
I spoke
“today, we have won a great victory, and tomorrow we will win another but this
is not the end. We will conquer all of the land in the name of Rome!” “Senatus Populusque Romanus (The senate and the people of Rome)” “Senatus Populusque Romanus”
the legionaries chanted back. I dismissed them and they proceeded to the
victory feast where they bragged about what they did during the battle. I went
straight to my tent and laid down. Sleep wouldn’t come to me, and as the feast
died down, I thought of the battle. The clashing of metal, sword on Scutum
(roman shield), and the cries of pain abruptly cut off by a fatal blow. I
shuddered. I was just about to close my eyes when I saw my tent flap being
pulled back and a figure dressed in a black toga enter. I wondered how the
intruder had gotten past the Praetorian Guard. I slowly reached for my knife so
I wouldn’t alert the intruder that I was aware of their presence. My hands
found the hilt and I leapt up and slashed at the intruder. He lept back with a
nimbleness that I hadn’t expected, and at the same time parried my attack with
ease. I kept slashing and forcing him back out of my tent and into the open. I
managed to slash at him and grab my sword by the opening of my tent. Throwing
my knife at him, I then unsheathed my sword with a flick and gave him a cut on
his upper bicep. He seemed shocked by this and drew his sword. He tried to
thrust but I parried easily and slashed his right arm. At this time most of the
camp had woken up to the sound of clashing metal and came to watch. They could
see that the attacker wasn’t a big threat, so they stood there and watched. The
attacker came at me with an overhand cut and I had barely enough time to bring
my sword up to block him. We were locked at the hilt, each fighting for control
when I kicked him in the knee. He then fell on the ground where I then relived
him of his head. I picked it up by the hair and tossed it to one of the guard.
“Put that on a spear at the border of the camp.” I then turned to return to my
tent when I felt a knife slide between my ribs. As I fell, I saw my most
trusted friend standing over me with a face of stone. My last view of the world
was him spitting on the ground, inches from my face.
14 comments:
Well to start with, I would just like to say wow! This piece was extremely compelling to read. The imagery was absolutely wonderful. You provided so much detail and the subject of Rome and battle was extremely a wonderful topic to read. I love how even though it was a short story, you were able to use such strong vocabulary, properly structured sentences, detailed imagery, and a very interesting subject to create this small compelling piece. It captured my attention right off the first words that I read. I love the imagery of metal clashing against metal, the feast, and the speech the character provided to address Rome and their victory of the battle that wasn't over yet. You also incorporated the language of the Romans which I also loved. It really all came together with a dark twist at the end of the story. The betrayal of friends during the Roman time period was not uncommon. Wonderful job and excellent piece!
The title is in Latin
In English its:
All it takes is a knife
-Adrian M
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it.
Wow, Wow, Wow! To say I legitimately enjoyed reading this piece is an understatement. Adrian, you did an amazing job writing this piece, it is very well written, organized, and you did not lose my attention for one second. I especially love your use of imagery and detail! Overall, it was easy to follow and fun to read. Keep up the good work!
I sense some Percy Jackson vibes (not complaining though!). First of all, great use of imagery and detail! I can clearly envision the scene set before me which is critical for developing drama especially during the fight scene (and the "relieving of the head")!! Also, I admire that you went all the way and used Roman terminology as it makes the piece so much more unique and interesting. I must say though, that the plot escalated extremely quickly and I definitely was not expecting to read something with such a sudden plot twist on this late Wednesday night- thanks for waking me up :D
Zoe Wong
Period 2
The imagery couldn’t get any better as it felt as if I was in the middle of the fight. I’m glad you defined the phrases that were in a different language because if not it would have been hard for me to follow along. Just coming down from the high of winning the duel filled with a sense of security, I was just as shocked as Titus when he felt the stab of betrayal. Loved this post!
Darian Henry period 2
I have to admit, youre a fantastic writer! There is so much imagery and you know exactly what you talk about when describing the scene and what the soldiers are wearing. I love the allusions and how you connected them into this story; such as the purple cloak meaning royalty in those times. When i finished reading this i had my mouth wide open. The fight scene was so detailed and it's almost as if i were standing there watching the entire thing before my eyes.I did not expect that plot twist toward the end it just hit me! A friend betrayal is probably the hardest thing one can go through and oh my goodness you gave me the feels!!! Keep it up!! You made it fun to read and it made me want to read more!!!
Awesome job, the use of imagery made me feel like I was there. Very well written, I enjoyed this story very much... And I see that all it takes is a knife!
-Braden Bailey
The description of the fight scene was superb. I feel like it is no easy feat to capture that feeling of the heat of combat in words, but you did and in a nice span as well. I also found it felt appropriate for his murderer to be his own friend, as I feel it would be an accurate portrayal of early Roman Times where the glory was sought and power was envied, and possibly even looked upon negatively due to worry of its misuse. Maybe that was the motivation of Titus' friend; jealousy or fear of his growing influence could have been a driving factor for him to attack. Now know that it's a wish and not a critique when I say I wanted it to be longer, and maybe even include the actual battle before hand. Overall, I thought you did a good job.
Wow the description you used to describe the epic battle scene was incredibly intense! Your word choice shows you have an astronomical amount of knowledge on Ancient Rome, which is very cool! I also liked the plot twist in the end, reminded me of the story of Julius Caesar. Overall, i really enjoyed your story and i was really able to imagine the scene you depicted. Amazing! - Salman Ansari
This is a great story i liked when it got to the middle it got really good good job
wow the middle of the story drove me crazy. your such a good author I hope you write again.
Madison Behee
Per.1
Very interesting to see an interest in roman mythology!. I really enjoyed reading something supposedly very ancient written by someone so contemporary. The piece was refreshing. You well use of diction for demonstrating the fight between the two characters. You succeeded in being able to depict a clear scene of the fight. Good job!!
Very interesting to see an interest in roman mythology!. I really enjoyed reading something supposedly very ancient written by someone so contemporary. The piece was refreshing. You well use of diction for demonstrating the fight between the two characters. You succeeded in being able to depict a clear scene of the fight. Good job!!
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