Find the shape and tell it!
Monday, April 13, 2015
"Adventures" by Imalla R
I tried my boat off and started to climb the cliffs. I knew that no one had lived to tell what was at the top, but I still climbed. Slowly I was approaching the edge of the cliff while rocks were falling apart towards me. My nerves were getting the best of me but I knew I must get to the super magical pagical water. The super magical pagical water is thought to have special powers to heal the sick, give walking ability to those who can’t, seeing ability to the blind,and new ears to the deaf. Nobody for over 500,000 years has ever been able to rechrieve the water or even survive coming back. I was halfway up. I tried my best to not look down or i would fall from the nerves of being scared of being so high and still have so much to go. Still knowing that it would be bad for me, I looked and I slipped. There was no more reliable rocks. I was literally holding on for my life through only two rocks , one for my right hand and one for my left foot. I panicked and decided to head back down or I would die. As I was going down I slipped again. This time though, the mountain began to create an opening and it revealed a mysterious dark cave. Out of curiosity I walked on in. Once I walked in a door of rocks closed behind me. I noticed I was surrounded by a beautiful layout of crystal, gems, diamonds, and probably whatever other beautiful rock that exists. Suddenly one of the most gorgeous thing i have ever seen, turned into the scariest. The cave was getting darker and darker. Terrifying noises were echoing and made it so much harder to make out where the sound was coming from.The noises sounded like long sharp nails scratching a chalkboard mixed with a hissing sound that rattlesnakes make. What was the noise coming from ? Is it a type of creature? Am i gonna die? It seemed like there was no where to go so I just lied down on the ground. I hoped to fall asleep so i can get away from the ugly creepy noises but who could sleep in a horrible setting. Instead i just dramatically waited to die on the floor. Out of nowhere something carried me and started flying. It was definatly something furry and tiny. But how can something tiny be flying me, a 96 pound girl, to who knows where. I thought i died already and an angel was taking me up to heaven. Sadly I soon found out it was a strong little bunny carrying me to its home. The bunny was a very nice bunny named Gerald. Apparently the “scary noises” came from him and his bunny family. They were kind enough to get me some of the super magical pagical water. I immediately drank some of the water. The water made me tired so I went to sleep. I woke up to the sound of my moms voice and was brought back to reality , except now I could see , walk , and hear. Was it a miracle or was the “dream” real?
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16 comments:
Imalla your story was so good. Your use of detail made it even better, how the character was scared to reach the top of the cliff and struggled throughout her journey and then had help and made it to the magical pagical water. Can't wait to read more from you!
This piece was very interesting to read!! It had a lot of great detail that helped set up the piece beautifully!!!! This piece was scary and creepy then turned cute and amazing!!! I really was fascinated to see how this story would turn out and you did a great job at the end to keep the reader thinking after the story was finished!! Great job!!
Sarah Skibby
Per. 6
This was an interesting story, as well as a well written piece. Looking at your descriptive writing and great imagination, I hope to see more of your writing in the near future.
-Jobelle Dauz
Period 2
Great story! The title perfectly describes the story without giving anything away. I love story's that end n a question, kinda like a "You make up the rest" type of thing.
Josie Starr
Period 2
You did an amazing job with the detail. It's so funny how the scary monster was a bunny. My favorite part was the end. She was so brave to even try to get on top of the cliff knowing not that many people make it. You did an amazing job.
Jocelyn Rangel
P.2
Your story fit the title perfectly, it was fun to read about the unique adventure that the character was going through. I liked how the story progressively got a little bit more intense as I kept reading. The dark caves and mysterious sounds made the tone a little bit more suspenseful but exhilarating. It was a really nice, imaginative story good job.
This story was really good and interesting and how your character was to reach the top of the cliff and it was also well written with really good detail.
This was such a good story. It came alive with all of the details about the cave and the noises. I like how it made u ask in the end if the girl was sick or if it really was just a dream. - Tatiana Nunez per 6
Good job imalla ! I loved this story. all the details made me understand the story .
period 6
izabel linn
Really enjoyed your story and how much effort and detail you put in it making the reader have an idea of how it looked or heard great job at explaining and telling your story
Valerie Perez
period 6
I really liked this story. It had scary parts and was very detailed. Great job.
~Mia Tolliver
period 2
This was a great story overall and very detailed. Good job!
Joseph Mendez
per.2
I can't claim to know what magical pagical water is, but your story was very charming nonetheless. I like the focus on crafting a traditional adventure story, one that hints at a fantasy influence. I like the imagery of the gem cave, as well as the rabbit's reveal at the end. Keeping the story's credibility ambiguous also helps the fantasy adventure feel come to a familiar but still very enjoyable close.
I liked this story on how you described all the details of the setting. Overall the story is really good.
-Angel Gonzalez
P2
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