Tear trails remain on her face as the sun peeping through
her window slowly awakens her. He went missing yesterday at around eight pm
last night after saying he was going to the store. It has now been about 12
hours, without a trace of his whereabouts. She remains in her dark desolate
room afraid to bear the giant vast empty home alone. His name was Joshua Brown;
a young accountant who she realized right away was very ambitious. He would
spend countless hours on his work, double checking everything for accuracy.
They recently married and planned to start a family but now he was gone without
a trace and she was suddenly stripped of her security. The next morning
relatives and friends set out to post missing signs with Joshua's picture
wishing for the best and hoping somebody would come forward with information.
As weeks went on detectives received no leads to further the case until one
blistering hot April day. They discovered Joshua's vehicle driven into a ditch
and lighten on fire with an unidentifiable body inside. Within the car they
discovered Joshua's belongings and from the evidence provided they assumed the
body was he. When she heard the news she couldn't believe it, she didn't
believe it. She knew he wouldn't leave her in the darkness, blind and suddenly
alone more than ever before. After hearing this news she waited for word from
the coroner anxiously for confirmation whether the body was indeed Joshua. Days
dragged on as she struggled to get out of bed and take care of herself. Until
the day the news reached her, the body discovered wasn't Joshua's. From that
day on the investigation turned to something even more bizarre and even she
became a potential suspect.
23 comments:
This story is really good i really enjoyed it. Congratulations, also i like how you threw a plat twist with the police discovering that it wasn't her husbands body.I liked even more that now she has became a suspect which i cant imagine is probably hell for her.
Hey Rickie! Interesting story, I enjoyed it:) I liked the imagery you used, especially in the beginning and how you depicted the saddened woman waking up. Your sentences were short, but they carried the story nicely in that every sentence gave the readers new information. I was relieved to find out the body wasn't Joshua's because that would be tragic; however, it made me upset not knowing where he was. Your story left me wondering what would happen next, but I liked the plot twist. Overall, cool story and good job!:)
Great Job on your piece rickie! Your story left me in deep thought about how scary and real this situation could possibly be. The twist at the end when she found out that the body was actually not his was an amazing way to end the story and keep us all in suspense.
-Nate Shepard p.1
Nice plot twist Rickie! There was good use of imagery describing how the women felt. The description you gave of her husband were nicely written although I didn't get a sense of who Joshua actually was. I'm kinda sad that you ended the story there because I'd really like to know what happen to him and why they started to suspect the wife!
-Evelin Conde
p.5
4/25/15
Rickie, I really enjoyed reading your story! It was very mysterious and kept me intrigued throughout the entirety of it. Your use of imagery with how you described the woman's feelings gave great insight into her internal battle with having to deal with losing her husband and finding out that he was not the person in the car and that he could possibly still be alive. I also really liked how you gave great details to imply the seriousness and danger of what was happening. Lastly, I liked how you added the plot twist at the end and never told what actually happened with Joshua. Great story and great job!
-Sophia Bobadilla
Period 1
Omg. This story was amazing! I'm wondering if Joshua killed the person in his car. It's so sad how she can trust a man that might have killed someone. That plot twist was amazing. You did a good job.
Jocelyn Rangel
P.2
Bruhh. The plot twist got to me fam. I instantly caught your references to existentialism (i.e. "the darkness" being an abyss), and your diction, particularly your descriptors for the protagonist (or antagonist, rather, considering her potential to be behind the misdeed) and her feelings of sadness, like her tears. And after re-reading it, I now see parallels to the novel/film Gone Girl. Well done, squad.
so maybe Joshua must had plan the whole thing out when they realize that isn't his body. well played. good story
-Isaac Garcia
per 6
Madison Pierce
period 4
As I read your story I so interested. I love mystery stuff and suspense so it was up my alley. I like how you explained both sides of the characters, the girl and her feelings and actions and also what the boy was doing before it happened. Made the whole lesson, live each day like it's your last, surface to my head because we never know if we will be here neither our loved ones. You did a great job with the simple structure and the great imagery such as her tears and aching body.
Very interesting story, I could easily imagine everything going on. I wasn't expecting the end and love the suspense.
Kenzie McEwan
Period 2
Rickie! These piece I absolutely amazing! I was so intrigued reading it and wish there was more for me to read. The suspense and mystery in this piece really grasped the audiences attention! Your diction and imagery really brought a greater presentation of your piece! I really liked how your story hit on issues of loss and disconnection from society. All in all this was pretty creative! Good job!
Wow, your story was great. I was very interested. I really enjoyed the mystery and intensity of how Joshua was found.I really liked hoe you made the structure very simple. though there were a lot of imagery. Great job!
Grace Panjaitan p4
Great Job you really made this seem so life like with all the irony.Keep up the good work.
-Noah Martinez
p.2
I really enjoyed the piece because I was expecting the body to be his, but when I found out it was not I was very happy because this ended on a kind of positive note. You definitely need to write a sequel to this so that we can find out what really happened to him. Great Job!
Nehemiah Barnett
Period 4
It was very interesting with all the mystery and suspense. It showed great detail as well. Keep it up.
You did a very good job. I enjoyed the story and the idea that you had. I would suggest developing your descriptions a little more by explaining what the woman was thinking, some of her behaviors as a result of the mystery, and so forth. I would also suggest a little more development in ending. The story was a lot of fun to read. You have a great imagination and are well with words. Keep up the great work!
Eva Badal
Per. 1
This was a pretty well done narrative; it had a lot of the common characteristics you would find in a Crime Scene Investigation or Law and Order episode, which made it very interesting. The narrative had the mystery portion well written, the confused and desperate tone helped set the scene and atmosphere of the narrative, and it was pleasant to see the little twist at the end, which was a little unclear and ambiguous to me, but a nice twist overall. Well done again.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece and I loved the elements of mystery throughout the entire story. I did not expect the plot twist at the end and it left me with so many questions. One favorite things about a story is when I cannot predict the ending and you manage to do just that. Overall, this was a great piece that left me wondering what would happen next.
Rickie! This was such an intruguing piece to me because it was so suspenseful. Your use of imagery helped convey the eeriness of your story perfectly. Great job!
Rickie! I loved the twist that you pulled at the end, it made me realize, hmm you never know who it really is. It really sounds like a 90s detective movie if you ask me, haha. The development as the story went by really added a nice chilling effect. Overall great job!
I really enjoyed your piece. Your use of imagery brings out a lot of emotions. The descriptions of the day, and the feelings of the girl really were really clear. It was pretty well done. It kinda reminds me of Gone Girl.
I read the title and the first few lines and assumed she would never find out where he went and that was going to the "The Unknown", which is extremely predictable and typical. I'm really glad you didn't go the typical route. You left the option for so much mystery with the ending. We all fear what we don't know so I can sympathize with her unrest but now the scenario is changed because of her standing as a suspect, good job.
This story is very good I was very interested in to Rickie at the end and that was a nice twist with Rickie and Joshua.
-Adrian Jones
-Per.6
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