Screeeeeeeeeeeeech!
*Whew…just missed them.
SLAM!!!
*Alright, collect yourself. What do I do? That’s right…the yellow
triangle…alright…now get over.
A train of cars with flashing
yellow lights pulled off to the side. Seven looks of disdain exited five cars.
The first belonged to a man with legs any woman would be jealous of. Waxed with
the utmost precision to show off the khaki FedEx uniform.
*Wow…can teeth even be that
white? The only thing more blinding is that overly upbeat personality.
Seriously dude, we get it…you stopped quickly to avoid an accident. Tell that
to the four cars behind you.
After Ken came Ike and Tina,
closing their doors to everything but their current argument. Tina and her fro had
never been in an accident before and were understandably upset. Ike however
seemed indifferent, listening to his music rocking his fisherman hat back and
forth.
*Yeah, yeah, yeah I get it Tina…32 years old and you’ve never been in
an accident. Just keep rolling…rolling.
Silent Gandhi followed Ike and
Tina. Pleated slacks and aftershave were the only noticeable aspects of Gandhi.
He didn’t speak a single word. He didn’t have to speak, as the next face out of
the next car did enough talking for all seven village people.
Hair-brained Mother Theresa stepped onto the
scene. I say this only because that is definitely the description she would
have given herself. Well, the Mother Theresa part at least. She was the yacker…the
Chihuahua of the group. Never has anyone heard someone say more that something
wasn’t their fault. The innocent one of the bunch who was overly concerned with
keeping an already calm bunch calm.
*If I hear her say, “Alright everyone has the same story right? I
stopped in time and didn’t hit anyone and everyone knows that. I’m so glad
everyone is calm and knows that I am not at fault,” one more time I’ll jump
into moving traffic.
As if Ken, Ike, Tina, Gandhi, and
Mother Theresa weren’t enough excitement for one night, Miley exited her car
and entered the scene. Although on her way back from spring break, Miley was
quite the calm one. She was more Miley circa 2006 than 2015 Miley. She
tirelessly apologized for being the 70mph caboose that gave us all a big jolt.
*I’m sorry…did you say Adrianna’s Insurance? Is that a real insurance
company? …Oh God,…my car is never getting fixed.
Red and Blue flashing lights
appeared. Chuck Norris exited his car
and told the village people to get off the next exit safely and pull into the
parking lot of the local YMCA. He
made the village people line up in train car order so he could get an accurate
assessment of what went on that night. First of course was Upbeat Ken, then Quarreling
Ike and Tina, Silent Gandhi, Yacking Mother Theresa, then 2006 Miley. That
makes six…seven including myself. Where was I in the lineup you might ask?
…Yep…standing next to my yacking mother.
21 comments:
I thoroughly enjoyed reading through this story. I think that your title could not be more appropriate, as someone who has driven in Pasadena before, I can definitely attest to the driving conditions there. I laughed at the way you changed people's names to represent their personalities for example Ken and Gandhi. The organization of the story makes it seem as though you are hearing it firsthand, alternating between the narrator's observations and her inner thoughts. I found myself laughing throughout the story as you poked fun at the various quirks of each individual driver. Finally, the ending was just the icing on the cake, completely changing the implications of some of the narrators statements. Overall a very entertaining and engaging story. Well done!
Wow I was wondering when you were going to come in. This was a funny story. I liked the difference in characters and how you explained what they were saying about the accident. You used a good use of comparing the people to well known people or characters like Ken, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Chuck Norris and the others. This was a good piece, good job.
I enjoyed the way you shifted between the characters' thoughts and the narration by the daughter/son, and the allusion to the Village People (I saw you snuck in that "YMCA" reference), and my favorite aspect of the piece is the way your characters were archetypes of different personalities, especially pertaining to their reaction to calamity, as Upbeat Ken sees business as usual, the Quarrelers seize the opportunity to complain, Silent Gandhi suffers in silence, Mother Theresa asserts her innocence, Miley is carefree but genuine, and the narrator is just a silent observer. Well done, I thoroughly enjoyed your piece fam.
Melissa, knowing the actual story made reading your writing so enjoyable! I really like how you gave everyone a specific role based on certain traits that you observed. The tone is very informal, giving the reader the impression that you personally did survive this ordeal. Great job!
I liked the small details and character traits you added, and if fits your personality. Without the small details like the afro or the names you gave the people the story would be completely different; which is a good thing because it shows how much control you have over what you want to dictate in your stories.
Katelynn Gutierrez P.4
I loved how you compared the people to popular people like Gandhi, Chuck Norris, Ike and Tina Turner that was pretty cool. I also liked how you imputed so many small details that make up whole story great job!!!!
Andrew Hernandez
Period 2
I loved all the details you used to describe this story! I felt like I was actually in the scene and I could feel and enjoy every part of it. I loved how you described each character as well to give us a visual of what everyone looked like and what exactly was going on. Great job! I loved it!
Oh man, Melissa. This was so funny. I loved the archetypes and imagery you used to really draw the reader in. I could perfectly imagine what was happening and the people. I think the people you described are people that you can pick out of any crowd and you caught their very essence perfectly. I loved your piece.
Amazing! This definitely made my day a lot better. I really like how you threw in all those little references but then I realized that there are actually people like that. The overly jovial Ken and charismatic Tina. I personally would have probably been the Gandhi but I wish i was the Chuck Norris that helps people. Very detailed and funny. Great Job.
This story has a nice little look into the general personality groups of society. There's always the bickering ones, the ones that try to help everyone, the ones who do nothing and the ones trying to save the day. It was a humorous short story and I'm curious if this has anything to do with a real even. An enjoyable piece that was easy to read.
Melissa, I loved reading your story especially since I already knew it from when you first told me of your encounter with this event! I loved how descriptive you were with describing each character. The way in which you presented each character was very helpful in allowing the reader to see each person through your view of them. The imagery you used when comparing the characters to popular people and the way in which you described how the events played out alluded to a sort of ironic and frustrated tone. I absolutely loved your story! It was very comical and entertaining all the way to the end! Great job!
-Sophia Bobadilla
Period 1
I really enjoyed the stream of consciousness approach that you used with the story. Also, I thought it was smart to not really describe the characters but rather substitute them with famous people. The image with all the well known people made the story more hilarious. Also the thoughts show that the narrator is just simply annoyed by the crowd of people and I could definitely identify with that.
First I wanted to say that this piece was hilarious, and I can almost hear it in your sarcastic tone. The sort of stereotypes that you put on the poeple that you encountered were so fitting and the imagery used really brought it to life. My favorite part would have to be when the dialogue would cut to what you were thinking and when you said "yes...we get it". Good job homegirl.
Anthony Hurd
Period 4
Madi Cordura P.1
I'm just going to start by saying I could not stop laughing the whole time because I imagined you actually telling me this story in real life. I really love the structure of this piece and how you described all of the characters, it's hilarious. The commentary is just awesome. I love you Melissa you're amazing !!!!
"When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways." On that note, I found your entire piece very comical and enjoyable to read. I thought it was funny that you used famous people like Chuck Norris, Miley Cyrus, Ghandi, and Mother Teresa to describe those in the accident. This method helped me depict certain traits the people had without explicitly telling me so. There was great use of descriptive imagery to help me picture the entire ordeal and overall I thought this was very well written.
That piece was amazing the imagery and detail you put into it was astounding. Good job !
This is a great piece. I found it pretty hilarious at times and really enjoyed the sarcastic comments from the narrator and the specific names she would give everyone. I also think the title is perfect, and was initially what caught my attention at first. Good job!
Melissa, you always have a sense of creativity and I see that in not only your art, but also in your writing. I liked how you formatted your story, it made it different from everybody else's. I liked the humor you used behind it, it helped me start my morning off in the right hand.
Melissa! I truly enjoyed your piece because it was very comical and sarcastic. You allowed the readers to know the characters by using the famous people. I also enjoyed how you used imagery throughout the entire story because it kept on catching my attention. Great job!
This was awesome, truly splendid work. It took me a minute or so to fully comprehend it but once I did I throughly enjoyed it. Great Job.
-Richie Gaspers, P. 4
28 April 2015; 10:46 a.m
This was awesome, truly splendid work. It took me a minute or so to fully comprehend it but once I did I throughly enjoyed it. Great Job.
-Richie Gaspers, P. 4
28 April 2015; 10:46 a.m
Post a Comment