The Girl cradled the hills of his shoulders in her cupped
hands, pushed away from his body, the top of her head pushed against his chest-
breathing barely, chapped lips, what did
he say?
The Boy pressed two fingers below her chin –oh that cleft
chin, baby I’ve never been an ass man but- “I’m sorry. Maybe it was too soon to
tell you.”
The Girl lifted up her head, shaking it slowly. “No, I want
you to say that again. Please. I swear I misheard you.”
The Boy looked at her, burning with naïve understanding that
there would never be another person who made him feel in shades of ink like she
did. “I love you. I have never loved like I love you. You are not the first,
but you are the last. I love you . When we kiss I taste the words “I’m sorry” a
hundred times before I ever hear a selfish sentence, tattooed onto your tongue
like a punk song. I love you. You are soft and murderous. Your vocabulary is
too ridiculous for me to keep up. Girl, I love you.”
The Girl looked at him with anxiety and a vigor
unparalleled- she practically shook with autonomy.
“Here are the things you need to understand before you
decide that you do love me. Boy, I am a collection of faults, sewed together
with stupid, stupid words. I know that you hate coffee but I love it. Something
about me needs to be caffeinated to sing. My scars are more dotted than
constellations and sometimes I shake so much in the mornings that I call my
mother and wake her up just to remember that I have a beginning in someone. I
fall a lot, in love, on concrete, into walls- Life looks better when I tumble. I
fall in love with the messy bits, the in-betweens, I am a constantly edited
storybook. I feel everything and anything, I am a wreck, a damn wreck.”
The Girl ran her nails against the edge of her teeth with
panic. Every little thing she knew about love was-
“Messy and thirsty.”
“What?” She looked up.
“I can tell what you’re thinking love. You wear your
thoughts on your face like a cactus wears sun in the summer. It is painful, but
resilient. You love messily and thirstily, with blood bitten lips and screams,
and that is okay. I could say your words a thousand times louder, but they will
never silence a room like you can. You are every kind of perfection I need. We
will be okay. I love you. Please say-“
“I love you. My atoms have always loved your atoms--know
that.”
14 comments:
well for starters.... can i say wow.. your vocabulary and grammar is amazing.Luckily i understood it or i would be totally confused. But i really like this story because it presses an issue young girls have these in days. Love. No-one knows what love is nor what it even sounds or looks like. So for you to give an example of what it truly looks like is beautiful. Hmm aha this story reminds me a lot of me and my boyfriend. There was a time where i said and felt similar things like her to him. And all he did was except and love the old,present, and soon to be me. But i tried to push him away saying "I'm a mess", and he said, " you are a mess but your my mess and i promise to love and help you back onto your feet and stand tall. Then we will stand side to side and i will love you forever." and i love him so much for that. so i really like how i could relate to this story so much :)
You know a lot of big words but i really liked it well the parts that i understood
Xavier Delgado
Period 2
This was very beautiful story the cruse words gave a kinda kick to the emotions of the whole thing but they were put into good use i dont cruse but i don't consider this in vain i feel did a great job keep it up!
Oh. My. Jeez. Chloë! That was great! I loved reading every word of it. You made it feel as if I was being with you and you were telling me one of your love stories that make my heart melt with every syllable. You are such an amazing writer! Your words rhyme together more dotted than constellations ever could. Keep writing love! :)
I absolutely loved your story, it made me smile. I also loved the vocabulary you used to convey the actions and words of your characters, it added to the story. But most of all I loved the emotion that you conveyed between the boy and the girl, it made me tear up a bit. This was an absolutely, beautifully put together story. Amazing job.
-Kimberly Tsuyuki
Period 6
Wow I loved the use of your vocabulary in your story. It really brought great meaning of his love for her and her insecurity to say it back. It was a good short story every word felt meaningful. I also enjoyed your use of similes and metaphors. I really enjoyed reading this piece keep up the good work.
This story is like a little escape from other pieces. For some reason us teenagers like to write about deep dark stories, maybe it's cause life sucks but that's just a guess. This piece however was completely different, I imagined a cliche scene you see in the movies that gets you every time you watch it. I just liked this piece, it had me going "awwwwww' by the time the last sentence was over. Great Job.
Angel Ramirez
P.4
I loved it. I had a couple of "aw" moments while reading your story. The diction choice throughout your story really made the dialogue between the two people seem much more heartfelt and heart warming.
Daniel Alaniz
Period 4
Well done on this piece! I absolutely love the image of love you have created here. The connection you created with the characters just adds the perfect touch to the story. I love the amount of detail used within the piece as well, it allows the emotion of the story to be portrayed. Once I finished reading this piece, I automatically thought about a scene in a romantic movie that gets everyone teary eyed. Great job with this piece. It was beautiful!
Idalys Martinez
Period 1
I like this piece even though I am not particularly found of the mushy stuff like this. You did an excellent job of putting feeling into this piece. I felt as if I was in the guys shoes and as if I had just put myself out there. You did a great job!
Nehemiah Barnett
Period 4
It's such a different type of love story for me. It's very strong and complex yet simple at the same time. I love how she pushes him away at the beginning due to her inability to know if she was in love with the boy and the way she described the imperfections of a teenage girl is spot on. I'm pretty sure most women would agree with her before saying I love you. We are so worried about having our faults we sometimes don't realize everyone has them. The way he expressed his love to her was soothing and sweet. I especially loved the last lines referring to science. Clever yet romantic.
-Katheryn Valle
P.1
The story is very strong for being very short. The use of intricate vocabulary and expressing the girl's insecurities made this story more emotional. Personally, I can sort of relate to this. Overall, this story was absolutely beautiful.
This was really adorable, instead of the girl going headfirst into the love she stops to explain all her faults and it was sweet the the guy knew what she was thinking. The diction was beautiful and overall it was a really well written piece. Good job!
Margaret Moyer
Period 5
This was really adorable, instead of the girl going headfirst into the love she stops to explain all her faults and it was sweet the the guy knew what she was thinking. The diction was beautiful and overall it was a really well written piece. Good job!
Margaret Moyer
Period 5
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