Note from Mrs. C: I overlooked Haley's submission somehow and didn't get it uploaded with the rest of the October entries. My apologies, Haley!!
Europe wasn’t a safe place anymore but luckily she wasn’t
going to be there much longer. She quickly returned to her house and gathered
her things, she knew the only way to survive was to get out and get out fast.
The consequence of being caught or suspected of doing magic was death. The sun
rose but brought no warmth the joy was gone, the day she and her family would
travel to the new world, but instead she was alone as she boarded the boat. She
found a spot near the bow next to a man she couldn’t recognize; she wasn’t
excited for this journey anymore
The forest was still the one place she found comfort, so as
soon as the ship docked she found her way to the forest. For days she roamed
the forest, surviving off the fruit and water the land provided and eventually
stumbles upon people living in the forest. She watches them from a far and
notices them chanting in a strange language around a fire. As she got closer
she realized they were performing a ritual of some kind, she moved closer until
she felt someone grab her, she looked up to see one of the strangers behind
her. The stranger speaks a strange language to her, confused she stares back in
silence, the stranger then takes her to a man standing near the fire. The
strangers push her down in front of the man, afraid of what could happen she
closes her eyes and begins to chant the people fall silent. Realizing nothing
has happened to her she opens her eyes to see the strangers staring behind her,
she turns to see that their fire has grown to half the size of the trees. She
stops chanting and the fire returns to its normal size, in awe of what they had
just witness the people bow to her.
They took her in and taught her how to survive draw power
from the elements instead of her emotions. The chief took her out to the large
oak that their tribe considered holy and she healed a an animal they found
wounded, as the animal stood to its feet, she saw a man she recognized from the
boat, and as their eyes met he turned and ran toward the village. She followed
the man trying to stop him, but when she finally caught up to him another man
knocked her out. She awoke tied to a tree with a small pile of wood surrounding
her in front of the townspeople. They yelled and accused her of witchcraft, and
then split allowing a man carrying a torch through. As he got closer she began
to scream for help, but they all stood by quietly she closed her eyes and
chanted in here head, and when she opened her eyes they were gone, nowhere to
be found. She managed to release herself and looked around and found no one.
25 comments:
Wow Haley, this story definitely gave me chills. The scene in the forest caused my pulse to quicken; I half-expected a demon to appear from out of the fire! The plight of the narrator reminded me of the Salem witch trials and the Crucible. You did a great job of establishing empathy for the narrator; I felt like I was the one tied to a tree and awaiting death at the stake!
-Christina Tapia
I liked your story. I liked how you didn't reveal everything in a straightforward manner and allowed the reader to figure it out for themselves. I even enjoyed the end because I could imagine different situations that could happen. The whole idea of witchcraft and the girl being on her own was very interesting. I could see this piece being a part of a novel or movie. Nice job.
This story was so detailed I felt like I was actually in the story.I totally imagined this story clearly with all the detail you put in it! Nice work! - Alexis Chiong
Great story. I like how you kept the reader anticipated to know what happened because unlike many stories, you didnt reveal the story in the beginning and only gave us the setting and not the plot. A very unique piece of literature.
This story was an amazeing it deafenatly gave me a good scare. The setting fit perfectly for a story with that kind of mood.
Wow this was a really nice story; I really like the part with the forest and how the demon just popped out of nowhere. I really liked the idea of witchcraft. Great Job.
Your story was very suspenseful and interesting! The use of second person narrative gave the story a introspective feel; similar to impressionist writing! This technique really kept me wondering what was going to occur next, just as your character in the story did! I thought it was creative how you incorporated witchcraft and the use of elements, it made me think of avatar! Good job!
Haley, this was so great! I really loved how descriptive you were when describing the ritual. It was super creepy and it made me feel like I was actually there witnessing it taking place. I also enjoyed the use of witchcraft which was very much unexpected but it made the story very interesting and eerie. I thought that the girl was going to be "burned at the stake", but the crazy plot twist at the end changed that idea! However, I'm particularly sad about the ending cliffhanger because now I want to know what happened to everyone!
I love the spooky feeling that the story had! I like the little twist at the end as well. Usually with stories like this the witch actually dies but she clearly didn't! It was interesting to see the persecutors get the punishment instead of the witch. Good Job girl!
I really enjoyed your story. I like how you described each setting and location mysteriously, it really added an interesting factor to the story, making the reader have to use prior knowledge of what may be occurring within the story. Your use of imagery is great and you did a good job making sure that you got through the main idea of the story in the short amount of words. Overall, great job.
Haley, I really like the mystery of your story. I like the fact that you kept the time period and what situations were occurring hidden because it allowed for me to make my own connections to what I have learned prior to reading your piece. Your use of imagery was great and you kept the story fast paced and interesting. There was never a dull moment, which was great. Overall, your story was entertaining.
I love it when writers just immerse you into a story without much explanation. It honestly gives the reader an opportunity to try and gather their bearings and become a part of the story too. Thank you Haley!
-Jack McDonald
Nice job Haley! I loved how you kept the main character as a "she," making her unknown and it adds more mystery to the story. When you ended the story, I liked how she didn't wake up from a dream, like you leave it up to the reader to decide what happens!
Taylor Robles
Overall, I really enjoyed your story. I liked how you didn't divulge everything at first, but revealed it as the story progressed. I also liked the topic of the piece. I wasn't expecting it when I first started reading, which I liked. Your grammar and punctuation could be improved in certain areas. However, I really liked your story as a whole. Great job!
- Jessica Berrie
I felt like I was reading a passage out of a novel. The story and character were both very developed. Keep an eye out for awkward sentence phrasing. Now I want to know what will happen next.
I really enjoyed this! I like how you told the story so vividly and with so much emotion! It was almost as if I was running through the woods, feeling exactly what the character felt. I also liked how you could clearly tell how much time and effort you put into developing the piece through your use of stylistic devices for example, the oxymoron you used as "the sun rose but brought no warmth" in order to emphasize the setting and tone of the story. Overall great job!
- Alyssa Sanchez
Great story. It was very suspenseful and kept the reader at the edge of their seat and wishing that the story kept going. By withholding the main characters identity and only giving minimal background information on her added to the air of mystery of the story. Well done I really enjoyed it.
This was great! The way you started the story really intrigued me and drew me in. I loved the was you were able to keep us guessing throughout the entire story. The witchcraft and underlying darkness of the story was a great touch. Great job haley!
Alexis Santiago
Haley your story seemed so cinematic, I could really imagine all that was going on. My favorite part of this story was when she left Europe because she was in danger of being suspected of witchcraft, and found a sort of safe haven where she was accepted and admired for being different. I really like the ending, where everyone who tried to harm her vanishes and she frees herself. I think it's really symbolic that she went from fleeing from her problems and in the end, she was able to take care of her problems and more importantly herself.
This was a great read. It was a good idea to make it so that when she closed her eyes she would do amazing things...it kept me interested and on the edge of my seat whenever she did that. Both the ending and the beginning were well written because you were detailed enough that the reader got the gist of what was going on but you also left the story open to the reader and allowed for readers to make both her life prior to getting on the boat and after she escaped the town's people their own. Great use of descriptive language at the start of the story. It definitely drew me in and created a dark and foreboding tone. Such a good idea for a story! I really enjoyed it.
Nice Job on your story!! i liked it a lot, your story was very detailed and that's my favorite part. It's a very interesting story. Good Job!!
-Natalie Anguiano
This was a very interesting piece that had a really supernatural feel to it. I loved your idea of "drawing power from the elements instead of her emotions" as that is definitely something I know a lot of people would like to do, myself included!
I agree with Christina! This story very much reminded me of the Salem Witch Trials that influenced The Crucible. I enjoyed the story, gave me chills considering I love animals and nature. Well done
Haley, great job! You found a unique topic to write about and you definitely did it justice. I really enjoyed the ending, and the mystery that came with it, where did everyone go? Is she safe for good? This would be a great story to expand on, and like Laurin said, could easily be made into a novel or a film through a bit of embellishment.
Your use of vivid imagery was on point, I literally imagined the entire story play out in my head. The suspense you incorporated into it helped make it very interesting. I enjoyed reading your story Haley!
- Danieh Abu Alrub
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