Once upon a time a goat entered an
abandoned building because he could smell a can of soup. He tried entering the
building, but it needed two keys in order to open the door. The goat then had a
problem, he couldn’t find the keys anywhere and his stomach was grumbling. He decided to charge through the door and
break it down. The first attempt he rammed right into the door and bounced
back. The second try he ran back and charged the door. Success! The door broke
down and he walked in. There was debris everywhere so the goat tried to diffuse
it so he can find the can of soup. He walked through the building for about
five minutes and finally he found it! It was his favorite soup, chicken noodle.
He grabbed the chicken noodle soup circumspectly and tried eating it. But since
he was very cumbersome he spilt about half the soup. The goat heard a very strange noise. He then
remembered it was abandoned and he had no idea why! He had to figure out how he
would get out because all of the debris. Just as he remembered how he came in
he ran into another dilemma. There was a breach right in the middle of the room
that he needed to cross in order to leave. There was no way around it! Then
because the building was so old it started crumbling down. Pieces of the roof
were flying! He was running as fast as he could dodging each piece. Luckily a
piece fell in the breach and got stuck so he could walk on that carefully to
get to the other side. He ran all the way out through the area he had broken
down the door at. He was still starving and hadn’t finished his soup yet. He
drank his soup and enjoyed it. He then went back to were he lived and told all
his friends about his adventure. It had gotten late and he was exhausted so he
finally went to bed. He went to his room and layed down quickly dozing into a
deep slumber.
16 comments:
This was such a creative story. I've never heard of a goat who liked chicken noodle soup. Your story was quite entertaining and unique. I don't know why but I really liked how used a goat in your story. Good job!
This was definitely an original story. The odd barriers to the goat's entrance/exit from the building made his journey rather comical. Plus, the prized soup added to the humor of the tale. I admire your use of high-level vocabulary and masterful imagery. Great job!
-Christina Tapia
This is a very nice story the slice of this goat's life. He ate his favorite soup and he got an adventure. His friends must be jealous. I hope he doesn't mistake it as a dream. I also love how you formatted your story. The large font and spacing makes this easy to read.
I like how the font is. The story immediately caught my eye and I didn't have to squint to read it. I also liked how you got vey descriptive with the goat's actions!
- Erin Napoleon
Aw that is very thoughtful, but its good that you realized the things that you have done so now you wont have to make the same mistakes that you did before . I guarantee learning for your mistakes make you a better person :)
-Funmi Sule
I really like how you made the goat trapped inside the abandoned building and how you made it an adventure throughout the story. it was very creative.
Alyssa rackley
period 2
This piece was humorous and entertaining, your use of such elegant high level vocabulary was simply marvelous.
This was one of the most creative and unique stories ever! You had such an excellent use of vocabulary and you made this story of a goat very intriguing and interesting, which is a difficult thing to do! Keep up the great work! :)
I love the idea of using a goat. Most stories are based upon human characters, so it was a refreshing twist. It was definitely creative! I had a smile on my face the entire time while reading. It was definitely a comical and endearing piece. Nice job!
I enjoy the imagery used in the story, especially the part where the goat attempted to open the door. I liked how you addressed every occurrence in detail; however, I would suggest revising a few of your sentences. There were a few words that felt as though they came from a thesaurus, such as “circumspectly” and “cumbersome.” Other than that, the story was executed well.
This is a good story I loved it I never would have thought that a goat would like chicken soup. I loved the adventure that he went on it was really descriptive. it is very detailed I loved how like I can invision it in my mind and think about I loved your story good job!....
-Laura Tormos
P.2
Good job. The ending part was very exciting.
Jade! This story of yours is very interesting and humorous! Your creativity really shines and I love your story even more because of the chicken noodle soup. I could totally relate to the goat. If I were starving and hungry, I would seriously just knock a door over to get some food. Too bad I don't have the strength to knock a door down. I also wish that I could smell a can of soup from afar. That seriously takes a lot of talent. haha. Anyways, good job with your story and I hope you continue to write more in the future!
- Tia Basa
This was an interesting story.
First of all, I enjoyed the concept of the goat going through an adventure to find a soup based off of his hunger.
It's definitely something I would do.
I also started laughing when it came to the part "But since he was very cumbersome he spilt about half the soup."
Again, something I would do.
The direction of which this story was headed, I felt somewhat of a tragedy building up since the goat had to face multiple obstacles that got in its way of eating the soup. Yet, in the end, it was a happy and "filling" ending.
What I'm wondering is how the soup got in the abandoned building in the first place.
And how the goat smelled it.
Was it precooked? Or was it in a can... Haha.
Great job! c:
This was an interesting story.
First of all, I enjoyed the concept of the goat going through an adventure to find a soup based off of his hunger.
It's definitely something I would do.
I also started laughing when it came to the part "But since he was very cumbersome he spilt about half the soup."
Again, something I would do.
The direction of which this story was headed, I felt somewhat of a tragedy building up since the goat had to face multiple obstacles that got in its way of eating the soup. Yet, in the end, it was a happy and "filling" ending.
What I'm wondering is how the soup got in the abandoned building in the first place.
And how the goat smelled it.
Was it precooked? Or was it in a can...? Haha!
Great job! c:
Fantastic job! This is a piece that's very well composed. I somewhat found this piece humorous and enjoyable, and coming from an assignment requiring to include parts I applaud your creativity because i had trouble to even come up with a concept! I also dig how you used the vocab words in the right moments. Overall keep great job and keep writing because you have a special talent.
-Hizkia Mambo
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