The quiet man looked through the window, the window that sat on the side of a regular two story, suburban house. Inside he saw them, the smiling happy family that he saw everyday as he passed by walking from the bus station from work. He would stop, just for a moment or two, and look on inside feeling more empty than ever. There they sat cozy in their house laughing and smiling, joking, talking. Sometimes they were still at the dinner table by the time he came walking by, their conversations carrying them till the late hours of the night, sometimes they were sitting on the couch in the family room just beyond the kitchen watching movies or playing games. He wanted that, he wanted a family like that. Sometimes after he left the bus station, and started his lonely trek home o his small empty flat, he would pretend that he was walking to that house as if it were his. He pretended that it was his family that he was going to, he wanted, more than anything in the world to be able to walk in through that front door and smile, laugh, joke, talk, and eat with them. He wanted to say at the end of the meal, “Anyone up for a movie?” or, “Anyone want to play a game?” He wanted so badly for this life to be his but he knew it could never be. He knew it the moment he reached the house, the moment he looked in the window, sometimes he would forget this and when he looked in he remembered, “This isn’t my house, this isn’t my family… This isn’t my life.” Then, one dragging footstep at a time, he finished his walk home.
Then there came a day when the quiet man no longer walked silently by to the house. There came a day when the seat he always occupied on the bus laid vacant. One day his work put an ad up saying that they were hiring. You see, the quiet man realized one day as he sat up in bed that the life he had led up to that point was no life at all. All in one big, life-changing moment, he realized it. He stood, looked around his small and empty flat and said to himself, “This isn’t my life.”
43 comments:
This story was very vivid I liked the idea of using your imagination to fill in the blanks used great detail as well great story Rachael!! -Haley B.
I very much enjoyed the central theme behind your story and I thought it to be very creative and relatable. However, a few of your sentences were a little awkward and could have been separated in a more clearer way. Overall though, I thought you did a great job in expressing the sentiments behind your character
Scrolling along the stories this story caught my eye on how creepy it sounded in the begining.Liked the details.Good job! -Alexis Chiong per6
Oh, Rachel, this story broke my heart. The man's longing for a family made me wish I could open up my front door and welcome him in. You did a wonderful job at conveying the gentleman's inner turmoil. As a reader, I couldn't help but empathize with his plight. I must admit, I was somewhat confused as to the ending, but sometimes ambiguity is the best conclusion. Great job!
-Christina Tapia
I really liked your piece! The imagination and detail put into this was amazing. The way the quiet man realized that he wanted a better life made it inspirational. You really did a good job on this piece! I can see you put real effort in writing this.
This is relatable on so many ways. Especially for the seniors who are contemplating how our actions/decisions we make now are pivotal moments shaping what the rest of our life will be like. This guy's life is the exact depiction of what we fear our lives will turn out to be. I LOVE your strong message at the end basically pointing out that if you don't like the way your life is headed just do something about it. Simple but very strong piece, good job!
-Danieh Abu Alrub
Rachael, the ending line, “This isn’t my life,” gave me chills! You did an amazing job building up the atmosphere of isolation in the piece, allowing the ending to be powerful and dramatic. Your story's powerful message, reminds the audience that at any time they have the power to say, "this is not how my story will end." -Emily Wilt per 1
Your use of imagery truly conveys the theme of the search of identity where the quiet man does not fit in his own life or the other family's. Its shown through his sad emotions and actions. This is a really good story.
Very intense ending. Kept me reading the entire time.
-Kevin McCondichie
I really enjoyed your story. I found it inspiring as it spoke the message the me that at any point in time we can decide to make changes in our lifes. I liked your use of imagery and the way that you wrote the story in a way that allowed me to feel as though I was on the same journey as the man who after desiring something he believed he couldn't obtain, finally realized that his life was in his own hands.
Just by looking at the title it makes you want to read more about this man. Once you read the title it makes your curious. Especially because it can relate to a lot of us. I had to read it once more just to get a full feel for it but very nice piece!
This was a heart felt story that I really enjoyed despite the fact that dramas or sad stories aren't really my thing. Overall excellent job with making the character as loveable as possible and making his story worth reading. :)
I like the ending of the story, it gives hope that the man will change his life into a life he is proud of.
-Sabrina Rondero
i like how even though there is little specifity when it comes to the characters you still feel sympathy for the quiet man and his quiet life.
-Justin Myers
This story honestly kept me reading and wanting to find out more. It was amazing it captured my attention quickly and never let me look away. The end of it made me wonder how his life is now and if it's like the one he dreamed of. Great Job.
Jose Mancillas
Wow, that was pretty intense there in the end. Through out the entire story I felt very sorry for the old man. It seemed that he did not deserve this misery but somehow was unfortunately stuck in this endless mindset of sorrow. Your use of imagery and description made me further sympathize with the unfortunate old man. Great story all around. Keep up the good work.
Rachael, the way you described the man looking into the window allowed me to feel for him and I found myself hoping that the family would somehow notice him and that he would find a friend. Your use of description, emphasized just how alone the man was and how he truly did go unnoticed. The last paragraph of your story was really well organized because when I read that his seat was empty I thought the worst had happened, and when I read that he had not died but decided to take control of his life, I felt joy and relief. This story is great because it conveys the message that when things get bad there is always a way to fix them and that we all have the power to decide the course our life will take.
The narration of this story makes me feel like I'm walking there with the man in a dream. The reader feels connected with him but disconnected from his life which is sort of a contradiction that feels uneasy but involved; I enjoyed every word.
The beginning of this story is what really captured me. My first conclusion to this man was that he was creepy and strange. However, although his watching of the family was unconventional and outlandish, I started to feel sympathy for him, which is what made me really appreciate your story. This man was searching for a life that he knew he wasn't living and that is very understandable. Great job Rachael!
Great imagination you have. Its very relistic and deals with some peoples life problem
~Ashleigh Perez
Aw this piece was very touching. I felt so bad for the poor quiet man! I think we all know how it feels to be lonely and desire the company of others, which made it so relatable. The end was my favorite, I love how the story turned around and the quiet man decides that this isn't the lifestyle he wants to be living anymore. I think this can motivate all of us to change our life for the better if we aren't happy! Great job Rachael :)
you used very good imagery and i was able to picture everything in my head . it was really amazing !!
-Abigail rich
The ending of this piece surprised me. I thought, by the man's thought process , that he would end up commuting suicide a d that's it. However, you ended this with that one line of dialogue and left the interpretation up to the audience. It can either evoke pity or inspiration in the audience's minds. This was great.
I overall really enjoyed your story! I felt sorry for the man as he looked at someone else's life and found his to be insufficient. All he wanted was to be happy and loved. However, I loved the ending when he realized that if he didn't like the life he was living, he should go out and change it. It is an inspiring piece. Also, I love the concept of the piece as a whole. I'm not certain I could have come up with something like this myself. Great job.
- Jessica Berrie P.1
I thought that this story was a really good and creepy story. Especially the last line. Good job.
-Justin Hoffman
This story reminded me very much of Frankenstein, but with a lighter ending. I really liked how you narrated the thoughts of the man’s mind. It was clear to me that this man was highly isolated and depressed. The imagery you shared through the descriptions of his daily routines gave me the impression that his depression drove his motivations with hope that he would someday be able to have people that’d love him back.
i like how the quite man realized that isnt his life or his family because theres a lot of people who what to change that and have a life thats not theirs.
AWH! I can feel the pain that the old man felt as he watched the family and wished it was his. Then with the ending of "This isn't my life" gave a heart breaking yet inspirational feeling. Great job!
First off, I was expecting a story along the lines of horror because of the title. However, after finishing your story, I'm so glad it wasn't.This topic is very deep because not everyone in life could have such a life. Life is full of a million different variables and nothing is always planned out. It's not a game where all it takes is follow an arrow on the ground pointing to a sign that says, "Happy Ever After" . Plenty of people in the world want a loving family and never have to worry about making money. Heck, I'm sure we all want that in life at some point. Although a short poem, not a bad thing in anyway, the true pleasure comes in the meaning behind it. Great job.
Wow. At first I thought that this story was a run-on, but the more I read the more I realized why you used that type of effect in the beginning of the story. It was rather depressing and made me feel a bit sad. Your story was interesting to the point that I thought I could understand what the quiet man was feeling without ever feeling like that myself. Great imagery and great use of repetition.
Great story. It made me wonder what happened to the man after he realized his life wasn't really his. I guess you have to infer on your own.
Awww, Rachael this story was so sad but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I liked that the story was told from a narrator rather than the man himself. I also thought it was creative and simple to name the character "the quiet man." There was great use of imagery and I felt the emotions of the poor man as you described how lonely he was. Nice work!
-Alexandra Aguilar
This story is very attention grabbing. Its very sad but has a lot of truth in it as well.
-Hunter Randle
The story was very interesting. As I was reading, i don't know if this was on purpose, but I thought of Frankenstein. The story reminded me of the monster in the forest watching the family and yearning for what they had, but never being able to have it. Great job.
Your piece was really good. I enjoyed your imagery as well as your concept. Your piece was sad and strangely uplifting at the same time. Fantastic job.
-Lauren Williams
Your use of imagery got me deeply into the story. The way you described how the man watched the family and how he imagined he was going to a welcoming home with his family truly got me to feel sympathetic for the man. This piece reminded me of a famous Danish short story by Hans Christian Andersen called "The Little Match Girl." I can connect the feeling of the man and the match girl, as they both desire a welcoming family that they will enjoy being with. Great job!
-Ben Chang
This was a very interesting story about self-realization and becoming what you truly want to be! I love how you set his current life; his lonely, empty lack of fulfillment. It made me feel happy for him when he decided that this awful life didn't have to be his. Great job!
This was a touching story. The last sentence was a great way to end it. It sends a strong message that we can make changes in our life if we don't like the way things are. Good job.
- Oscar Salazar
I really loved the meaning behind it. I also admired the beginning when you made the audience visualize what he was seeing everyday, you made the audience feel like the "quiet man" so it really let us feel the connection he had with them. It had a really good ending with the realization that this wasn't his life and he wasn't satisfied so it kept it open-ended to keep the audience wondering what his true destiny is. Overall, good piece!
This is a piece that left me contemplating about life. It is a story that provokes deep thought and conveys an important message to the reader. This is what I was puzzled about in the ending: did the man commit suicide because of his loneliness and regret of the way his life turned out to be? The ending left me a little confused because a "life-changing moment" is usually interpreted as a positive change in one's life, but in this case the story develops it to appear that this "life-changing moment" is literally him changing his life by committing suicide. Maybe you left this ambiguous cliff-hanger to conclude your story on purpose to let the reader choose which outcome would occur. Anyways, this was a very good and though provoking read. Good stuff!
The vividness of this story was amazing! It was as if I was in the story and was just making up endings. After reading all the science fiction endings it thought this story was going to end with him dying. Thank you for giving me some hope back with this happy ending. This was very inspirational because the pain he was going through during the first part of the story made me feel depressed and just wanted to give up but he didn't. Awesome story!
I liked the fact that the rhythm of the story was rising in tempo as the story progressed. Then, at the end there was the crescendo. Very much like listening to an orchestra. In addition, you were able to probe very insightful topics with this simple narrative. This will surely provoke thought!
I like how the story was very real the man was saying how he wishes to be happy and at the end he realized that it wasn't his life how he wishes to be.
-Chelsea Gonzales
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