The ghoulish vibe of that Halloween night filled
the crisp autumn wind. She banded with her associates to do mischievous
activities, all while gathering gobs of sweets. None of them fully knew what
the night would entail, but they ventured into the darkness either way.
Midway through that fateful night, her group had
doubled in numbers. Creatures in masks became people with demented souls all
grasping candy. She befriended one person in particular who decided to tag
along for the mission. He didn’t dress up and when she asked for his name he
claimed it was “Nothing”. Nothing had a polite demeanor and to her, Nothing’s
features were in flawless alignment as if he was too complete, too symmetrical,
too perfect to be out on this night with her. However, She enjoyed getting to
know Nothing but as the night continued, She felt a nagging sense of foreboding
grabbing at her ankles. She couldn’t shake it but, Nothing made her feel
better.
Nothing liked her almost instantly and didn’t want
anything else to bother her so he made sure she had a safe and lovely night. Nothing
held her hand through the mazes; Nothing clung by her side all night and
Nothing offered to walk her home. As the cold fall fog set in, Nothing walked
her to the top of her block. The dim yellow street lamps solely accompanied the
pair. She didn’t want to leave, and Nothing had her in a trance. Nothing leaned
in for a hug and pulled her in close to himself. She gazed up and Nothing
kissed her. She gasped and fell to the
ground as blood oozed out her back. Nothing looked at his blood stained hand
and then looked at his last casualty, right before vanishing from this world.
As word got out, people couldn’t identify her body.
The people who were with her that night saw the story and thought “How sad”,
but no one remembered her. It was as if She was Nothing too, as if they both
didn’t exist, as if both their souls had been carried away, erased and
forgotten. Almost like they were dead before that crisp autumn night even
began.
54 comments:
Wow,what an ending. I love the detail and thought that was put into this, it made it feel real.
i love how you describe everything. starting at the first line, you described how the vibe of halloween filled the crisp autumn wind. great setting in the story. I love the way you describe halloween. this story shows strong literature skills. great job.
i loved it !!!!!!!! i really felt i was sucked into the story and was able to imagine every part because of the details you used . Great job
-abigail rich
Bravo this story was amazing. The story had so much description, I could really picture the setting of Halloween night. The characters also were developed superbly. Even though, the main characters were not described very much, the actions that the characters did gave a clear picture of their personalities and characteristics. Also naming the main character, "Nothing," made the story even more spooky and bone-chilling. Then the ending just topped if off, because when "Nothing" gave the girl a hug she died, or did she, which is a great way to end the story, having the readers think,"What happened to her."
Your story pulled me in from the very beginning because of the descriptive language you used and you're interesting title. When I read how nice Nothing was being to her I thought something bad might happen but I could not have guessed that he would have killed her in that way or that no one would be able to remember her. It was a great twist to add to your story because it made me think maybe there was something more to her and that maybe she wasn't just a normal girl and made me wonder how nothing got to be the way he was. I really liked your piece because your piece because it was clear and well organized. Great Job!
I like how the title is so vague but the story is so interesting. I love how you used imagery to create a setting for the reader and made them feel as though they were in the story.Overall good job!
This was really enjoyable! Your use of imagery was especially appealing; and I felt like I was with Nothing as well; and it was very intriguing. I also really liked the plot twist-- I wasn't expecting it all. I also thought it was great how you made something so short an actual story, as it was pretty effective. Great job!
This is a nice spooky piece! I liked how you created a calm feeling all throughout until the end, which added a great effect on the ending of the story. Since the death of the girl was not expected, the ending came out to be a great surprise for the audience. Your intentional use of "Nothing" as the name of the killer also increased the spookiness because even by the end of the story, "Nothing" has killed her, and nobody knows who "Nothing" really is.
-Ben Chang
Alright, I definitely was not expecting the story to end the way it did! I love how you made the setting Halloween night; the creepiness of the day in and of itself coincides perfectly with the eeriness of the plotline. Amazingly, within such a short piece, you managed to draw me to the protagonist. I was utterly horrified when she died and I felt like tracking down "Nothing" and punching him in the face! I thought your last paragraph was extremely insightful; it subtly pointed to our tendency as humans to be so consumed with ourselves that we fail to notice when harm befalls those around us, even those we consider our friends. Nice job girl!
-Christina Tapia
Nice story! The imagery is an attention grabber, and the twist at the end was unexpected. I also like how Nothing's identity is open for interpretation.
-Sabrina Rondero
Kyra, the descriptive words you used and the feel of the atmosphere definately made me feel as though I was transported into your story. I Thought the story was captivating, let alone frightening. I liked how in the end, you tied his name into the main characters feelings.
This was a very interesting and well-written piece. I was interesting in reading your story from start to finish. It was a little eerie but that only increased my interest and the ending was great. The way you used the idea of nothing and how it spread to the girl was unique and creative.
Reading this short piece was filled with marvelous suspense; it was almost as if I was reading a Nancy Drew book (well kind of, aha!). I love how you 'named' the characters, She and Nothing. That ultimately helped and created the suspense. At a quick read from your title, I thought your story was literally about nothing, just a mindless written little story; however, by the end of it, everything made sense. Your story was very clear and well organized. If this were to be written as a full novel, I'd totally buy it, eeek! I love the way you ended this piece, it really leaves an effect on the reader, and it the leaves the reader to question who or what Nothing really is. Good job. ☺
ooo this story gave me the chills.. I imaged this story clearly.I love how much detail and effort you put in this story.It really made it feel real -Alexis Chiong
Your story just gave me the creeps and I loved it. It was so well written. Your characters were described so well and the way you described the scenery kept me wanting more. Truly makes me wonder who or what Nothing is.
I really liked this story because it had to do with halloween and I really like horror stories. It was eerie and I really liked that. I really like how you show how no one knows who "Nothing" really is and it is open to interpretation. Great Job.
Chilling. I love the idea of the name nothing. I also love how even if nothing wasn't a name, it would still make sense in most of the story. Very good hook.
-Kevin McCondichie
Very interesting story with a great hook. The title is very clever and the story has a very nice double meaning... or I am imagining the double meaning. Either way, I had a blast with this story.
Chilling. I love the idea of the name nothing. I also love how even if nothing wasn't a name, it would still make sense in most of the story. Very good hook.
-Kevin McCondichie
-Kevin McCondichie.
Accidentally hit enter!
I liked how you put a lot of effort into this. I can tell you actually tried. I also like the structure of this story and how it goes with the flow. Good piece. Keep it up!
I really enjoyed how nothing is a actual person in the story, yet at the same time he wasn't, and the ending was a big attention getter because it's so mysterious.
Jose Mancillas
Chills. This story gave me chills. From the title, I assumed that your story was going to be about "nothing", just merely random things. However, the minute I read the first line, I was sucked in. The imagery you used set up the atmosphere of the story and it really captivated me into feeling as though I was in the story. I loved how you built up each character and gave them each a nice personality in such an eerie place. Your story had me reading the last paragraph over and over again because it left the me with a lingering question of who or what is "Nothing"? Amazing job!
Great ending! I honestly didn't expect the ending to end that way. I love your use of imagery in describing the setting. I also liked how you tied in the person's name "Nothing" at the end to show the readers why that person (or thing) called himself Nothing.
I liked the sudden twist in the story! This reminded me of Odysseus when he tricked the Cylcops by telling him his name was "Nobody". I guess it's similair in that way too, since in the end Nothing also tricked the girl, allowing the story to end in tragedy.
I finished the story and my first thought was, "What?" But it isnt a bad "what?" it was a shocked "what" because i didn't expect her to die. The part where you said, "Nothing held her hand through the mazes; Nothing clung by her side all night and Nothing offered to walk her home. As the cold fall fog set in, Nothing walked her to the top of her block." actually made me question if the whole story was a figment of her imagination because it sounds like she is saying she was by herself! so was the whole story fake? was the main character even real? Its all mind boggling but thats what makes this story interesting. Good Job Koyra!
-Araybia Brown
I finished the story and my first thought was, "What?" But it isnt a bad "what?" it was a shocked "what" because i didn't expect her to die. The part where you said, "Nothing held her hand through the mazes; Nothing clung by her side all night and Nothing offered to walk her home. As the cold fall fog set in, Nothing walked her to the top of her block." actually made me question if the whole story was a figment of her imagination because it sounds like she is saying she was by herself! so was the whole story fake? was the main character even real? Its all mind boggling but thats what makes this story interesting. Good Job Koyra!
-Araybia Brown
Your story was fearfully amazing. Right from the beginning you had me entertained with the eerie and bone chilling description and imagery of the setting. The title of your story, at first glance, appears to be light-hearted and exactly as the title states a story about nothing, but once beginning the story I realized my assumptions were dead wrong. Your character "Nothing" gave off a creepy feeling from the start, but I never knew that the story would turn out like that! Overall, this was a perfect story for Halloween, good job.
I love that Nothing could be both a physical character or a metaphor for loneliness that people can feel. It sort of feels like the young lady created the character Nothing so that she could make herself feel safer on that Halloween night, and then you get the other side of it, which is that Nothing makes her feel better. Nothing at all. A very insightful story, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
- Jack McDonald
Eek! Creepy!
His name made me guess the ending, but I was pretty far off. This was definitely one of those stories that kept me reading faster and faster until the end. I really needed to know what the girl had gotten herself into...
Way to get into the holiday spirit! Glad I didn't meet nothing on my way over to get some candy.
Great job!
I really did not expect this story to turn out the way that it did, and that's why I love it so much! Your focus on detail and decision to write a story cenetered around Halloween made it so interesting to read. I was totally thrown-off by the title; expecting the story to be about something completely different. You are also extremey clever to name the character "Nothing," it adds a sense of uncertainity and curiousity for the reader. I truly enjoy stories which arent predictable and this one defintely wasn't! Keep up the good work Kyra! :)
Absolutely an amazing story! It truly grabs the reader's attention from the beginning and the vivid but also, vague descriptions of the characters fused well together as it built up the story. I loved how he was named "Nothing", a very creative twist to the story, not to mention, played a significant role in the thought-provoking ending. It was an amazing story, Kyra! Great job!
This piece was so great! I loved the descriptions that you give during the story and insight to what the characters were feeling. The title is what caught my attention and was perfect, I was hooked from beginning to end. It was absolutely wonderful keep writing like this and I can almost guarantee there will be no complaints!
-Rachael Rubalcava
Oh my lanta! I though "oh how cute is that!?" and then all of a sudden she wasn't even real.. This is such a good story, it was captivating and definitely had an unexpected ending! I honestly loved it! You kept me enticed and wanting to read more!
Taylor Robles
Wow what an ending! I really enjoyed how descriptive your story was and how I was able to be able to envision everything in my head as the story went on. I was able to feel the "creepy" vibe that goes along with a Halloween night. Overall, this is very well written and I was able to get into the plot very easily. Good job!
That was really good.At first I thought it was a love story that was going to end.happily even though it was a Halloween Night.But the ending truly made the story and left me in awe. I liked.how you said it was as if they were already.dead, that made it really good. great story ! -Daijah Outley
Wow. I simply loved your story. I loved the fact that I had no idea what was going to happen next. I don't think I could have personally come up with something like this. Amazing job!!!! I really have nothing else to say than how much I enjoyed it.
-Jessica Berrie
"What?!" That was all I said after reading this piece. Great job, the tone was perfect and the imagery was great. I felt like I was in the story and knew nothing as well. The end was crazy though, but I liked it. Well done.
Kyra my goodness!! Please tell me you plan to be a writer someday because this was amazing. Your diction and the precise, descriptive words made me feel like I was watching the story unfold right before my eyes. The ending!!! Oh my gosh! I was defdintely not expecting that. You kept me sucked in from beginning to end. Great job
Alexis Santiago
Beautifully written! The ending was great, but i loved the irony in the story "nothing did this" and "nothing did that," I don't know if this is how you meant the story to be perceived, but I found it very entertaining due to this. When I first started reading, I thought it was going to be somewhat similar to the scene in Homers the "Odyssey" when Odysseus tells Polyphemus that his name is "nobody." I was a little caught off guard when the story line changed to something more serious, but it was a good switch that was expertly done.
i loved all the description and detail you put in starting from the beginning. i liked how there was a vibe of darkness and halloweenish. butt all in all it was a good story and the ending made it better.
At first when i read the title "A story about nothing" I was a little confused, but then i read it and it all clicked. It's really ironic and sort of sarcastic how you named the mysterious and nearly flawless figure "nothing" . The ending was the biggest shocker for me and like i think it was perfect to end on that mysterious and kind of scary note.
I was not expecting the end to be like that I LOVED IT! Your story is great i like how you used Halloween night as the setting it just makes the story even better and creepy.The title made me want to read this story and im glad i did. the title made a lot more sense after
-Chelsea Gonzales
I liked this story, I personally love reading creepy and paranormal stories in which this story caught my attention. It felt as if I was one of the "people" that saw the incident. There is not much imagery of "Nothing" but the events that occur around the it and the girl kept me reading the story. I really liked this story, Great Job.
-Emilio Pulmano
I enjoyed your approach towards this story. It clearly demonstrates that you put time and effort into a piece that cleverly written into a short story. With such a small constraint of words that you could use, you did a great job at meeting the requirement. Looking at the title, it was very deceiving. I assumed that it would literally be a story about nothing; however, you used situational irony that creates drama and convinces readers that possibly the deaths occurred prior to Halloween. I love the Halloween pieces for October, and you just contributed greatly to the Halloween collection. Great story!
Kyra, you are an amazing storyteller! I love the eerie tone and the creative ending. This piece was well written and entertaining. I read it in the British accent that you imitate so well in Econ haha, good job!
I really your writing style! Your imagery and description really captivated me and titling the anonymous guy "Nothing" was brilliant because the word play only intensifies the eerie mood and surprising ending! Good job!
Your use of descriptive detail had my eyes literally glued to the screen. You always kept me guessing, was it a horror story, was it a love story, was it a mystery? I loved it! I also liked how you always kept the reader on their toes and the unexpected always occurred. Especially with the conclusion and how Nothing wasn't real and was solely a fabrication within the girls own internal thoughts. Great Job!
- Alyssa Sanchez
What an interesting tale! I love how the eerie feeling mixed in with the Halloween theme of your due date and how no one felt that she existed. The characterization of Nothing made me feel like he was a vampire but the fact that he was a malevolent spirit (I think he is) was great! I do wonder what happened to their souls though, but I feel that made it a better piece due to the little bit of mystery. I really enjoyed it! Great job!
This is amazing !!! I loved how you named the antagonist "Nothing" because it adds more mystery to his character. But also, since the protagonist is unnamed, the reader is able to draw a connection between the two. I am also very impressed with how you were able to turn "Nothing" and the protagonist, into dynamic characters in such a short story! The storyline is also interesting, strange, and creepy, but all in a good way! Then the ending comes and - BAM plot twist! I was completely caught off-guard and shocked! Great Job !
Kyra! This was so good, I loved it so much I re-read it over and over again. It almost gave me chills how great it was, the whole idea of "Nothing." I loved how in a lot of your sentences, "Nothing" actually made a lot of sense instead of using an actual person! I loved how you ended it off too, it gave a really good sense of closure.
This story was accurately festive and I loved the whole plot. The ending of.leaving the reader pondering whether or not Nothing died was my favorite!
This honestly gave me the chills! It was so clever and entertaining, I loved it. I literally read it over and over. Your imagination is beautiful, the way you played with the word "Nothing" was awesome. At the beginning, i was thinking it was such a cute story, but I knew something fishy was happening because his name was "Nothing", and it got real creepy. I loved that it had all these different emotions to it, it causes an audience to keep interest. It was very detailed as well, which I really loved because I could imagine it in my head, every little part of it like it was a scene. Good job Kyra! :)
This story was amazing. it includes both a horror and a mystery. I loved the details and how you used vivid imagery. In the end, I thought you did a great job in leaving the audience in a daze of both chills and fright. Great job
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