Well I am going to tell you about my mom. Me and my mom were really close .So what I am going to tell you was very hard on me. But first I am going to tell you a little bit about her first.
First when me and my mom went to amusement parks like knotts and Disneyland . She would make me sit next to her on the rides mostly rollercoaster’s. I never actually knew why but she always did. But I always did I guess she wanted me because like I said we were close and she was scared. I think she just liked me the best and don’t tell my brother I said that because he would get mad at me. She would always make me go on the rides I didn’t want to go on. All those rides she made me go on I think are fun and now I have to ride them when I go to the amusement park.
Second my mom would always try to baby me. When we would go to school she would say bye be careful. She wouldn’t let us ride our bikes to school. Sometimes she wouldn’t let us go outside to play football or anything. She said it was to dangerous because we lived In a apartment and it was a bad neighborhood. So she wouldn’t let us go anywhere without her. Our dad would say she is to protective of us.
Then one day our mom got sick. She said she was getting dizzy. So she would lay down. She was sick for a while. Then on the other hand she was sad because our sister was in the air force. Then our sisters would get mad at each other and my mom hated it when they would fight. Also she was sad because she couldn’t see her for two years. She could barely talk to her because she was stationed in south Korea. That was when north Korea was fighting with south Korea so my mom was worried. So i think our mom was depressed about our sister. Then our other sister wouldn’t come over to see us very much. Then our dad would either go to work or go golfing. So he would come home late. Then our mom said she wasn’t feeling good so she layed down. Our dad said he was going to take her to the hospital but she didn’t want to go. Then one night we were watching a movie and we would check up on her. Then we checked on her and we thought she was sleeping so me and my dad tried to wake her up and my dad told me to check her pulse. I didn’t fell anything so my dad called 911 and they told him to do cpr. So me my dad and my brother took her of the bed and layed her on the floor. that’s when my dad started to do cpr. The ambulance got there and they took her to the hospital. They said they were surprised she started breathing again because she wasn’t breathing for 20 minutes. They said she had a slim chance of making it. But if she did make it she would not remember us at all. They said because she didn’t have air to her brain for a long time. Then we were waiting for hours and they said we could see her one last time and they told us she wasn’t going to make it. So they pronounced her dead December 15 2013 at 1:35 in the morning. So I was very sad for a couple of weeks but I had to go to school even though I didn’t want to.
So know from this experience we all became close. Now we see our dad mostly every day so we all miss her very much. But what came from a bad experience became a whole new one.
16 comments:
this is a great story, could use a spell check though.
i really felt what you felt but i know you were able to get through something that was really tough for you and i am proud and thankful that you would share something so personal with us.
-abigail rich
This story is very sad and it made me feel compassionate for the author. The only thing I would fix is the multiple grammar errors. Also the date in which your mother passes away said December 15, 2013 but the date has yet to come ??? I assume 2012.
Im so sorry for your lost. Just know she will always love you and be in your heart. It can be tough butin the end you will know she's in a better place and god will take care of her in his hands.
Wow, I cannot even begin to imagine what it would feel like to lose a parent. I respect the courage you demonstrated following the death of your mother and I think its wonderful that your family has grown closer as a result. I loved how you mentioned the various details of your family dynamics; they amplified the personal quality of your writing. I would only recommend that you proofread your work for grammar errors next time.
-Christina Tapia
This is such a touching story and I'm glad that you were able to share it. I enjoyed the last sentence you wrote about a whole new experience coming from a not so great one. This is a great reflection. On the grammatical aspect somethings could be improved but it didn't take away from you story. Overall good job.
This story was very touching, I am sorry for your loss. Reading this, I can tell you have been through a lot. Although, what you go through only makes you stronger as a person. Also, agree with Laurin R., this is a great reflection. Personal entries really connect the reader to the writer.
-Leia S.
period 6
I am so sorry for your loss, it's truly tragic to lose someone who was so close to you especially someone who has been with you all your life. I think it's wonderful that your family has grown closer in the end, and strength you have to write such a tragic story. My only advice would be to read over your work when your finished, you never know what you might miss, just like me i write essays that sound great in my head but when it reaches paper i realize my mistakes after it comes back to me graded. I really did enjoy this story and i think it would be really nice to have another piece of work on how your family is now.
Fantastic job!
I'm so glad that you were courageous enough to share this story with us. I loved how you used short sentences to emphasize what was going on and if you did a second draft, this story would be even more above and beyond (:
Taylor Robles
I'm so glad that you were able to open up and share your story with the rest of us, I know it must have been very hard on you. This was extremely touching and your details of how your family acted around eachother made it clear to how this has impacted all of you. I want to thank you for writing this as it's a reminder for myself to appreciate all the moments you have in life because you never know what the future holds. Stay strong and keep up the great work!
Wow . Im very sorry to hear that. I bet your mother is in a better place. I could only imagine how hard it was to let go of someone so close to you. Im glad you are fine now :) Keep your head up , your mom will be proud of you
- Funmi Sule
Your story touched my heart in every type of way. I know exactly how it feels to have someone you love so much taken away from you. When reading your story I relived mine. Towards the end you lifted my spirits. You made me realize that one bad occurrence leads to a good one. I admire your strength to carry on and it inspires me to be strong. I truly appreciate you sharing your story. You did an excellent job and I made a connection like no other.
Thank you for sharing something so personal. The inclusion of your family's interaction, or unfortunately, lack of, made your piece really raw. I'm sure plenty have told you about some prevalent grammatical errors; however, I'm really glad that (regrettably) the entire experience has brought your family closer together.
Your use of imagery and detail mad me feel the exact sentiments that you described. I also related to your story when looking at my own mother and how she responds to my older brother who is LAPD. Except for a few misspellings I thought you did a great job.
I am sorry for your lose. You were strong and brave to tell us something personal. I know your mom is in a better place now.
I am so sorry for your loss and I know how it feels, I've been there before. I really respect how you would share something personal with us. I don't think I could even write something like that to everyone. At least your mom is in a better place right now. Take care Eli.
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