" Dear Diary" by Jaden B

Dear Diary,
It’s November 1st. The holidays are approaching and all I can think about is him. Why do I think about him so much? Why is he always on my mind? Why doesn’t he notice me?
I can admit, I’m shy, not as confident as I need to be, and tend to get nervous in many situations, especially when it comes to boys. I mean, I've had conversations with boys before, but only when it involves class work or taking their orders in the student store. We’ve been in the same class for the last two years and both years we’ve sat next to each other, but the only thing I could talk to him about is class work. Why can’t I be like my best friend, who’s able to talk to boys without any hesitation. I just don't know what to say or what to talk about when it comes to him?

Dear Diary,
It’s November 20th. The best thing happened today. I finally talked to him. I finally had a fun conversation that didn’t involve homework.
While we were working on an assignment, I noticed he was arguing with one of our other classmates about sports. I listened closely of course, but I didn’t have anything to say because I don't know anything about sports and stats. Then, fate lies in my hand. He starts talking about Kobe Bryant and I knew this was my in. All dad talks about is Kobe Bryant and how he’s the best NBA player of all time. Anyways, he says, “Kobe needs to leave Vanessa!” and I go “why?”. As he looked at me, anxiety started rushing through my body. He explained that by Kobe staying with Vanessa, he will never have a boy who could take his throne in the NBA and that Kobe needs a male heir. I didn’t know what to say, but I had to defend Vanessa Bryant because I’m a feminist at heart. Next thing I know, we’re both arguing about Kobe and Vanessa Bryant until the bell rings. It was not so much of an argument in that it was probably one of the best conversations I’ve had in my life. I wasn’t that shy girl who hesitated every time she spoke, but some who showed confidence and humor. Oh diary, I can’t wait for tomorrow!

Dear Diary,
   Sorry, I haven’t written to you since break started. It’s January 7th. The first day back from break and the first day of the second semester. Over break, I made the most bold decision of my life. I commented on his on Instagram story. He shared a photo of his younger self sitting on Santa’s lap and I couldn’t help but say how adorable he looked. Not only did he like my comment, he told me that it took his mom thirty minutes to take the picture because he kept pulling Santa’s beard and when he got home, he got one of the biggest spankings of life. For the two hours, we went back and forth texting about our worst spankings and most embarrassing moments. For the entire break, all we did was text each other and play among us with some friends. I couldn’t wait to see him today. I feel like I need to tell him how I feel. I guess we’re friends now, but I don’t wanna ruin that. It took me so long to get this point. The last time I told a guy how I felt, he basically laughed in my face and told me that he didn’t feel the same. Things got awkward and whatever friendship we had no longer existed. But he’s different from the last guy. We have so much in common and sometimes I pick up a vibe like he likes me too. I honestly don’t know what to do. Maybe I should just leave it alone and let nature take its course.

Dear Diary,
    It’s January 30th and I decided to do it. I told him how I felt. I told him that I like him. I mean we got so close over the last couple of weeks and it feels like we're best friends. He knows things that I haven’t told anybody else. It’s always been hard for me to express my emotions, especially to my parents, because I’m just not an emotional person and it doesn’t come natural for me to tell people how I really feel. I’ve been rejected enough times that I’ve built this wall up that protects from rejection.
 It’s gone on two hours now and he hasn’t opened my text, but he’s probably at football practice, so I guess I have nothing to worry about, right? He couldn’t have read the message because it still says delivered. Unless…
 My cousin told me about this trick she uses with the guy that she’s talking to. When he sends her a text, she doesn’t open it right away because she doesn’t want to look thirsty. She slightly slides the message to see what it says without actually opening the message. Maybe he read it already and doesn’t know how to let me down easy because he doesn’t feel the same way. OMG! Why can’t I think about anything else?

Dear Diary,
    It’s  February 14th. Valentine's Day. A day that I’ve always hated because I was never asked to be someone’s valentine. I was woken up by a gift from my parents, which I appreciate, but it's not the same. I went to school and watched every girl get a gift from their boyfriends. Even the janitor gave the lunch lady a Valentine’s Day gift. I was surrounded by my friends who all got gifts from a boyfriend or a friend they were talking to. All of a sudden everyone went silent and looked at me. I turned around and there he was holding a pink teddy bear and a basket full of chocolate. I’m not an emotional person, but I was on the verge of crying. Not only did I get a Valentine’s Day gift, I also heard words that I've been waiting for since January 30th. He said in front of everyone, “I like you. I’ve always liked you and I want you to be my girl.”. Yes, it was a corny line, but it’s a line that I’ll always remember. Now I have to go get ready for the rest of my Valentine Day with him. I can’t believe this is the most perfect day of my life!