FADE
IN:
EXT.
MOUNTAINSIDE ROAD - EARLY MORNING
A teal
colored car moderately drives along the mountainside on a desolate road. The
sun is barely peeking over the horizon. The driver is an average woman with
black hair with a pale face. The WOMAN is driving while listening to rock and
roll music and smiles happily. The car drives by a mysterious road side sign
with an unknown language on it. The music amplifies. The car comes to an abrupt
stop, the woman looks confused as she does not remember there being two paths
to choose from. She chooses to go down the left path after checking maps on her
iphone.
CUT TO:[POV SHOT]
Tracks
the car from a relative distance and watches it drive on.
EXT.
MIDDLE OF A DESERT LIKE ARIZONA - AFTERNOON
The sun
is red and slowly dips into the distant horizon. The shot follows the car as it
zooms quickly by. There is no more music only the sound of the road.
EXT.
GAS STATION - AFTERNOON CLOSE TO DUSK
WOMAN
(She
looks at the gas gauge.)
Empty.
(She
turns into a local gas station.)
The gas
station is old the fuel pumps and door hinges are rusting. There an OLD MAN
resides inside the gas station but his figure is hidden in darkness.
WOMAN
(Realizing
the pumps don’t use credit she walks into the gas station.)
Hello
can I get 20 on pump 7?
THE
OLD MAN
(Staring
at the woman intently. The man slowly reaches out and takes the money not once
laying his eyes off of her. The old man hands are dry, almost as if it was
decaying and his fingertips long and sharp, mold formed at the tip.)
WOMAN
(The
woman is now in an awkward standoff with the creepy old man, she tries to smile
back but cannot make out the old man’s face.)
THE
OLD MAN
(Staring
with red glowing eyes, reminiscent of a cat, with curiosity. He talks with a
deep and broken voice.)
The
gas here is different… but usable to a certain extent…
The
woman is confused, after all it’s just gas. The old man continues to stare at
her as he is waiting for the receipt while music is playing in the background.
WOMAN
(Staring
blankly back at the old man)
Huh…
I’m sorry what?
The man
does not answer back or break his stare. Still not being able to make out his
appearance, she breaks eye contact and looks around her surrounding. She
realizes there are no food or drinks, nothing, all the aisle are empty while
dust are everywhere. Then something catches her out the corner of her eye. A
room adjacent to the cashier register to the left there is an empty room that
seems to go on forever. She catches sight of a creature with long hair almost
naked with its long claws covering its eyes. It looked as if it was weeping on
the ground but making no sound as it wept.
THE
OLD MAN
(Abruptly,
in a deep and loud voice)
Your
receipt
WOMAN
(Snaps
out of her gaze looks at the old man)
T-Thank
… You
Immediately
she looks back at the room but the door is now closed. Nervously the woman
smiles back at the old man, and hurries out the gas station.
EXT.OUTSIDE
- DUSK
The
woman walks outside she can’t believe how long she was inside the gas station
talking to the old man. After she fills her car full she drives off into the
dipping sun.
EXT.
LOCATION - NIGHT
The
woman is now driving in a straight dark road for about an hour. She shudders,
she cannot help but feel fear for there is something very off about this road.
The map shows there being two roads and heavy traffic. There are no other cars
but hers and there is only one lane. There are no street lights to illuminate
the dark but the car headlight, thus she can barely make out her surroundings.
The car comes to a halt, she checks the fuel gauge and its empty. She gets out
of the car to get the gas can out her trunk.
WOMAN
(Looking
around her surroundings and talking to herself)
I
am alone… there is no one here… but me.
The
woman opens her trunk and takes out a spare gas can to fill her car up. When
she finishes she turns around, and in front of the car there stood a short old
woman. She wore a scarf around her head, wearing thick clothes. Her skin pale
with wrinkles and broken veins covering her face. Her eyes thick with cataracts
and hunchback. Her head slowly rises, her will was broken. As she finally met
eye contact with the woman she showed a grieve look on her face.
THE
OLD WOMAN
(In
a raspy voice)
We
should have paid close attention…
Then a
large hand the size of a tire grabs the old lady plunging her into darkness.
All you can hear is the old woman’s scream echoing through the night. The woman
heart beating faster, she sees several tall figures with red glowing eyes in
the distant. Their forearms longer than their body, the figures have surrounded
the car. The woman trembling in fear, immediately rushes inside her car and
attempts to flee. However, the car won’t turn on.
WOMAN
(Panicking)
Please…
not right now… not right now!
As the
figures gets closer, the car headlight flickers and the woman hand is shaking.
She panics locks all doors and reaches for her phone to call for help, but her
phone is missing. The headlight flickers one last time, she looks at the rear
view window and sees the monster sitting at the back comfortably, holding her
phone showing its dreary smile…
WOMAN
(Screaming
with Fear)
Aaaaaaghhhhh!!!
The
scene ends when the car turns off completely, slowly fading into darkness.
FADE OUT:
14 comments:
Eric, what a thrilling story. I love how you set up each scene and the suspense that grew throughout. Great work! -Paul Aureus
Eric, this was a really suspenseful story! I really liked the dialogue and the format structure of this blog. By choosing not to place it in a first person point of view and instead putting it into a dialogue/play manner, this gives the reader and the audience a greater sense of the scenery and the situation the woman is in. Also, your imagery was on point! You nailed it describing the old man to the gas station, increasing the tension the woman is feeling. Great job!
Brother what a great suspense story, I was literally confused half of the time but when it got to the end it all made sense. - Joshua Perez
Your style of writing was very unique. Rather than writing a prose to convey a flash fiction, I like that you formatted it as a movie script that provided both dialogue of the characters and details of the surroundings. I also liked that you adjusted the font to also match the script format. The scene that you portrayed was very suspenseful as well.
I love a good horror! Such a slow and ominous build up that did not disappoint!
I really enjoyed reading this! The script format made it visually appealing and I was amazed at how well you captured the woman’s fear without writing from her perspective. You developed the tone of the piece extremely well. Great job!
Woah, this was a very interesting script/dialogue you created here! I haven't really read anything thrilling for a while so this felt like a huge refreshment to me. I appreciate how you depicted each scene with visual imagery to set the atmosphere of the setting and give us readers an idea of a potential dark, frightening ending. The fact that there were a couple of creepy parts (such as the old man) also leads us to question what exactly is going on, which boosts the mystery that captivates many readers, such as myself. Overall, this was truly one of the best thrilling scripts I've read.
Wow Eric, I am amazed at how well your story was written. I especially enjoyed the build up to the end when it was suspenseful and the entirety of the story had all made sense. The imagery you gave was great and I was able to imagine the characters you involved in the story because of all of the great details. Good job!
This is was a very interesting story that you made. I truly recommend you keep on writing scripts, because they're very interesting read. The build up got me so stressed but it was definitely worth it in the end. A job well done.
I really enjoyed this scene as this obviously feels like reading a script to a movie that comes out in a month. I can imagine the tense vibe from this script as if I'm the woman there experiencing it. It has really good horror imagery overall.
I definitely loved how this is written in script form, it provides a new way to actually view the story. This was a very suspenseful and amazing piece to read. The imagery you included really drew me into and kept me focused throughout the story. You are a great writer. Good job!
Eric, as a screenwriter myself, I commend you for your excellent script. The story itself if very edge-of-your-seat, and I like that suspenseful element to the plot. I also loved the vivd imagery that you used in your descriptions of the scenes. I hope you continue to write more masterpieces like this in the future, great job!
Big oof. Real good use of the fear of the unknown there, all culminating to that ending... and that script format (which I must say was pretty aesthetic as well) adds a separate element of third person perspective while keeping the feelings of tension and suspense strong. - Ethan Ford
Eric, your work was a pleasure to read. You brilliantly used imagery and suspense to create a story that was as good as it was eerie. Fantastic work.
-Braden Bailey
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