“How To Love Yourself” by Francis A

Being a senior in high school isn’t easy. Rigorous courses, deciding what your next path is, part-time jobs, and balancing a social life, all in the same breath? Most definitely not a walk in the park. Especially around this time of year, things like college decisions and Valentine’s Day can be huge influencers over our self-image and can cause us to begin to look at ourselves in a negative light. Whether it’s a conflict with your best friend, getting denied from your ideal university, or you’re tired of people posting about their relationships on social media, loving oneself should always be a top priority: before you can love others earnestly (Jack and Algernon say hi) and genuinely, you have to put yourself first. Here are a few steps on how to enter the road of self-acceptance, and love yourself. 

First things first: avoid being perfect. Starting off, I already know this step is a hard one for many us: being AP students, we are bred to believe we are expected to always be on top, and to constantly be the best of the best. But the reality is, sometimes we come up short, no matter hard we try. We’re human. We make mistakes. Self-acceptance stems from the realization that we don’t have to look, speak, or act a certain way, and owning our individuality as human beings. If anyone expects you to consistently fit to a standard, the most essential thing to do would be to ignore their comments, or completely cut them off. You failed a Physics test last week? That’s okay. Reflect on your study habits and the grade you received, and develop a plan to ace the next one. You are not perfect, neither is the richest human in the world (which currently is Bill Gates, by the way). Use your shortcomings as stepping stones for improvement. 

Secondly, take time for yourself. In 2019, we are in an era of exponential technological advancement, where everything is digitalized and quickly spewed out from a computer screen. Trust me, I get it, we’re becoming more efficient as a species. But, that doesn’t mean you constantly have to be going at that same pace. When you feel overwhelmed by your personal or educational situation, slow down and participate in something that brings you joy. Whether it’s playing a video game, listening to your favorite playlist, taking a nap, strolling through nature, or just petting your dog for a solid 10 minutes straight, these simple activities can greatly decrease stress and put one in a better mental space in order to feel more comfortable with themselves. 

The third step: rewards. This could be considered one of the more fun parts of self-love! Consider all of the effort you put into the many facets of your life: family, friends, grades, and so much more. You deserve to treat yourself for the things you did well, right? Yes, the answer is yes. Let’s say you just passed all of your finals after some serious study time. Great! So, buy that new phone you’ve had your eye on. Take yourself out to see that new movie. Turn on the faucets and take that long bath you’ve been craving. You can even challenge yourself to do these things

on your own; practicing autonomy and independence is essential in the quest of loving oneself. This helps to not rely on others for one’s own happiness. 

The fourth step in this process is to have a plan for when things go wrong. Again, we are human, thus we are bound to go through setbacks and experience negativity that will only stunt our development. It is essential to recognize the people, places, or things in general that block the path to your current road towards self-love. Once they are identified, keep in mind that it is not always possible to have power over others’ actions and words, so tackling the problem head-on is not always the best choice. Rather, have power over the way in which you choose to respond and react. For example, if such negativity comes from a specific person, such as a family member or friend, try to figure out why they are treating you in such a manner, and if there is no valid explanation, address that person and their behavior, or even consider distancing them from your personal life. Recognizing your feelings and turning others’ negative energy into positive reinforcement is the base of building a confirmed sense of self-worth. 

Lastly, one must “speak it into existence”. This colloquial term is often used as a joke to express a hope for a positive event or outcome, but in reality, holds true influence and is essential in learning the practice of self-love. Think of positive thoughts that are capable of lifting you up, and continue to repeat them to yourself throughout the day, even if you initially don’t believe in what you’re saying. It may seem a bit cheeky or facetious at the first try, but once this turns to habit, these positive affirmations will begin to spread throughout the mind and eventually come true. This process can take time, as is true with the other steps, but if you were to say “I am loveable” with repetition when you feel at an emotional low, the brain will continuously process that information as you “speak it into existence”. The key is to believe in yourself, and the power that is held in your own voice.
Genuinely loving yourself isn’t a particularly easy task. In fact, it sounds a bit daunting when stated on its own. But, in reality, we have the tools we need: ourselves. I personally look back to the times where I felt that no one understood what I was going through internally, the times where I felt that no one was suffering more than I was. But when I look at the process of self-love holistically, I could see how it was possible to at least try to implement these steps in my day-to-day life. I am now in a better place mentally, yet I know that I still have a long way to go before I can say I can accept myself fully, with both the good and the bad. We are all capable of doing it. It just takes time. Take your time.