NOW
I held too tightly, it began to sizzle my fingertips and burn my palms and bruise my arms, and then it burst... I saw what it contained, and it all made sense.
6 Months ago
I found it, I’ve found what I’ve been looking for, I asked the universe for a sign, an object, a thing. Something to make me happy. And I found it today, an orb of light tucked underneath the bushes by the Willow tree down on Arrow street. It glowed and it was beaming, with a shimmer that sparkled, it was compelling to the point of drawing me in, almost like it found me instead of me finding it. It brought me joy with its pastel palette that it changed to fit my moods and comforted me at night to resemble the moon. It fit in the palm of my hands when I needed it most and hovered over me, protected me. It was my greatest light and it replaced the sunshine. Until one day, it began to turn dark gray on a sunday afternoon and crawled back under the willow tree where I found it. When I tried my damndest to return a favor, it shot lightning from its orbs and shocked me; it was an accident, I shouldn’t have touched it, I had no business dealing with it, something I knew nothing about. Weeks later, it would come back with a knock on my door with the same beautiful colors I originally found it with. Weeks later,... it leaked dark clouds that surrounded me while I slept and when I awoke it felt like just a bad dream. In the mornings, it would resemble that beautiful sunshine, so I let it be “just a bad dream” because after all, it was my little personal piece of sunshine... more often than not, it began to shock me more, coming back with apologetic pastels. Until one night, I shocked it back. All the charge I received I threw back at it, it stayed dark, it had longer periods away before I saw those pretty pastels. Gradually, I wasn’t me any more, I was this electric girl, with lighting strike burns. Out of hurt, pain, sadness and this intense love-longing for my once perfect piece of light, I held on to it, I held it tightly, I held too tightly. It began to sizzle my fingertips and burn my palms and bruise my arms, and then it burst. I saw what it contained and it all made sense. It wasn’t sunshine at all, it was fire, fire that was good at looking and feeling like sun, but none of what I thought it to be nor none of what it sought to be.
17 comments:
Wow!! This is such a beautiful piece and it was well written. I loved the use of imagery throughout the story.
Your story was very engaging and fun to read! I like how you incorporated a lot of imagery to help the audience picture the story and how you feel. Good job!
Wow! This is an amazing piece. The imagery and detail really demonstrates how you trusted this sunshine, but how it betrayed you. I feel like we all have that one person who pretends to be sunshine, but really isn't. Using the sunshine as a symbol was perfect and the description of it, really connects to the reader. Overall, an amazing job!
Beginning with the present time then using a flashback of 6 months to explain the first sentence was very powerful because you immediately spark the interest of the reader. You told them in the first sentence that this unnamed object suddenly burst and you know why without telling the reader so they become curious to find out the reason and what the object is. I also love how descriptive your piece is, it paints a beautiful picture. Great job!
This was so ironic because i feel that everyone has someone that they thought was perfect and the one but then you finally saw their true side and it was hurtful. This was a great story you did everything so well and made it easy to understand. Great job!!
Tiana, this is simply beautiful. Im speechless because it took me for a turn i did not expect. It is beautiful in a way that anyone reading it can draw a connection between the ball of light/fire and someone or something that shocks and damages the way the fire did the speaker. You didn't even have to directly speak of a particular subject to tug at the reader's emotions. I also love your use of unadulterated description and chronological manipulation, and how it helps in drawing the reader in and keep the reader there to relate to and feel what the speaker feels. Amaaaazing !!
-Imani Crenshaw, per. 2
The way you organized the story was really unique, my interest was definitely piqued after reading the short, vivid and mysterious beginning. You gave great detail that really immersed me in the story. This story all around was extremely different from anything I've read on this blog so it was refreshing to read. Awesome job!
I like the In suspense your first sentence created. I was captivated by the whole story it was really interesting to see how the light changed how it develops at the story. I kept wondering if it was a metaphor for your emotion any and I was it wasn't answered but it was still like a good enough answer that it was good .
What an intriguing story you wrote. Starting In Media Res it perfectly hop's right in your description of the scene with wonderful use of imagery that complement the wonderful story you wrote.
Okay, wow. I had to read your piece a few times to admire how beautifully and how vivid this was written. I admire what I believe to be one huge metaphor, drawing me into your emotions and growth when you eventually realized that this orb of light wasn't sunshine or full of warmth, it was just simply fire that burned you, no longer giving you joy or comfort. Great job Tiana, you have an amazing way with words.
This was a really interesting read. Although I'd only wish that you broke up the second part into more paragraphs, I commend your choice to combine a seemingly realistic setting with a seemingly symbolic magical situation.
I really like how there was a flashback in time and explained what was happening in present time. I also enjoyed the detailed explanation and imagery used to explain the light and dark and the different feelings that the character felt.
I found this piece interesting because we usually refer "the light" to something good and powerful that will lead us in the right direction, however in this entry it wasn't quite like that. The orb seemed to act 'good' when it wanted to and when it didn't. Overall, imagery really contributed to this. Great Job!
First, plot twist! You really had me believe that this was going to be happy ending... actually it could be. Yep I'm taking it as a positive, so from your story I grasp that what you think is good for you isn't always, and the fact that they protagonist was able to fight back shows control of ones self. SO I loved your piece because the simple and seemingly sweet was actually complex and empowering.
Wow, this was such a beautiful and well written piece, Tianan. I especially enjoyed how the beginning of the narration was again recited in the end, but with a TWIST because it wasn't sunshine at all, it was fire, which I wasn't expecting at all. I love how she was able to fight back and I definitely see you in this character: a strong woman.
Wow, love this piece so much because it has a personal connection with me. So, being able to make a very descriptive and informative that can allow anybody to be able to enjoy, you did so very well here, is fantastic and great !
Tiana, your writing continues to amaze me. The imagery in this was entrancing and your words flow so beautifully. The use of sunshine and fire was genius as it symbolized something greater. I also love the message this piece because it makes one realize that things that make you "happy" can be very toxic and decieving. As always, great job!
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