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Monday, March 19, 2018

"Deceived " by Sophia P

            Amy woke up feeling disoriented not knowing where she is, she stood up with a perplexed look upon her face and she started examining the room. The room was occupied with a vast amount of windows, green plants cemented in white pots, modern furniture, and abstract paintings. Amy slowly muttered, “Where am I?” while admiring a gold and white abstract painting. At a slow pace, she started receiving vague memories of her family and herself bonding in this room. Amy decided to make breakfast for herself in the small kitchen near the entrance door way, she left her phone on the vanity table, and started walking to the kitchen. For breakfast she made scrambled eggs and poured a glass of milk for herself. Amy realized she left her phone on the vanity table. When Amy went to grab her phone, she noticed her phone was not there. Amy sensed someone is in the room with her. She walked around slowly, trembling with fear and beginning to sweat. Amy noticed a body-like shape on the bed, under the blankets. She slowly lifted the blankets and saw her sister asleep. Amy released her breath in relief. She woke her sister up and exclaimed, “Eva, you scared me!” Eva sat on the bed without blinking and no expression on her face. Amy tried to converse with her sister, Eva; unfortunately, she could not get a reaction out of her. The doorbell rang; Amy went to go open the door, when Amy opened the door her sister was standing right by the door. Amy nervously said, “Oh hi, Eva” Amy was confused because she just talked to Eva in the bedroom, then Eva said, “Amy! I missed you so much turn the T.V. on, let’s watch our show!” Amy replied in a low, scared tone, “ok, ya sure” Amy walked near the bedroom and she peaked in to see if the other Eva was still occupying the room, and she still was. Amy walked back to the living room not knowing who her actual sister is. She decided to find out by observing their body language and the way they speak. Amy thought, “Eva is usually cheerful, sarcastic and very reactive, I’ll put that to a test”. Amy walked over to Eva in the living room, Amy whispered, “Eva come here I want to show you something.” Eva replied loudly saying, “What?” Amy whispered again, “Be quiet, just follow me” Eva curiously asked, “Why? What are you going to show me?” Amy said, “Come on, you’ll have to see it for yourself” Amy walked in the bedroom followed by Eva. Amy whispered, “Look” while pointing on the bed. Eva gasped in shock and said, “Oh my God! She looks exactly like me!” Eva started seeing specs of black dots everywhere then she collapsed on the floor passing out. Amy watched the other Eva sitting on the bed suspiciously. When Eva glanced down on the floor noticing the other Eva is laying on the floor unconscious, she slowly started smiling. Amy realized the Eva on the bed is a doppelganger and the one laying on the floor is truly her sister. Amy turned her fear into anger and she grabbed a baseball bat off the floor and started running towards the bed filled with rage and she jumped on Eva’s doppelganger and started beating her up with the baseball bat. While Amy was trying to hurt Eva’s doppelganger, the doppelganger smiled maliciously and disappeared in midair as if it felt no pain. Amy quickly ran to her actual sister and she woke her up by shaking her. All of a sudden, furniture started disappearing. Amy exclaimed, “This can’t be real, this can’t be real, this is definitely a dream!” Amy woke up in bed dripping in cold sweat, she felt like a presence was near her. When Amy turned to her side she saw a black shadow rise up to the ceiling and disappear. Amy was afraid to go back to sleep.

18 comments:

Amber Duran said...

Wow, this story was so interesting and suspenseful. At first I didn't know what to expect when she woke up in the room and was relieved to find out that Amy's "sister" took her phone but then when Eva was at the door, I was shocked and confused but still wanted to read more. The way you revealed the true Eva was creative to explain how it was a dream but when Amy woke up and saw the shadow, I became scared for her. Amazing job on the piece, I really enjoyed it!

Unknown said...

This is a pretty intense post! Lots of imagery to help paint a picture of what's happening and I love the simple ending to the post.

Janae Stowers said...

This is a very creepy story. It keeps you at the edge of your seat throughout. If this was me, I would have left the house. That is the demon spirit's house now. I will find a new house.

Unknown said...

This is a pretty intense post! Lots of imagery to help paint a picture of what's happening and I love the simple ending to the post.

Cassidy Baker said...

I was drawn into your piece the entire time, reading faster and faster, trying to get to the end to see if Amy was actually dreaming! You have a great imagination and used very vivid description, making me feel as though I was there watching the whole thing happen! Great job, Sophia!

Anonymous said...

Your imagination is fantastic, the concept was great and I love the little it of suspense that you added at he end when Amy woke up. Great job!!
Sara Perez
Pd. 5

Marcela Morelos said...

This story was entertaining to read and caught me totally off-guard when she started beating up the fake Eva with the bat. Very creative and the description of all that is happening really made me feel like I'm there watching all of this go down.

Unknown said...

This story is so creepy and filled with so much twists and turns. I liked the whole idea of the doppelganger because it added even more suspense. You did a great job creating so much intensity and suspense. Great Job!

Unknown said...

Interesting post. The first half was normal enough, but you really got me with that violent, supernatural ending. It feels like there was just enough description to understand what Amy was feeling while simultaneously keeping things mysterious.

Andrew Brown said...

I really liked your story I liked how the main character instead of being afraid and screaming actually picked up the bat to beat down the doppelganger. Great story!

Unknown said...

Despite not being a long passage, your story was still captivating and fascinating. I was impressed with your imagination. You did a great job setting up the scene for the audience. I was quite shocked with the ending. Nice work!

Unknown said...

I really enjoy dark stories like this. The way you worded the story almost made me feel like what Amy was feeling was slowly finding its way to me. Great work

Unknown said...

Well. That was intense! I had a suspicion it was a dream! You were very good at hinting without giving away the surprise at the end though. This makes me want to know more about Amy and this shadow. Nicely done!

Anonymous said...

Oh goodness Sophia, of course I had to read this right before going to bed hahaha. To begin, I want to commend you on your creativity. The idea was effective and I am left somewhat concerned to fall asleep myself. Terrifically utilized the doppelganger concept in a simple yet elegant submission that reaches the audience rather well. I can deeply appreciate your writing, and I can see such great potential in your literary skills. Especially once that talent is coupled with your creativity and some additional practice, you’ll be the next Shakespeare. To conclude, I must say I thoroughly enjoyed your piece and find it excellently done. Fantastic job Sophia!

Anonymous said...

I was confused at first about what this story was going to be about, but I didn't expect something like this. The beginning seemed so normal and it didn't occur to me to look at the title to try and form some sort of prediction for the story. It'd be creepy to me too if someone who looked exactly like one of my siblings, but wasn't was in my home. You fooled me again when she supposedly woke up from her dreams making me believe that it wasn't real. Next thing I know, she sees a moving shadow in her room and now I have to question whether or not she's still delirious or needs protection. It was a pretty great suspenseful story with a good mystery behind it that I'd like to figure out myself one day. Good job.

- Justin Presto (Per.1)

Anonymous said...

Great piece of writing, it was so informative and descriptive that I enjoyed it very much so. I really liked the idea that you put together such a nice piece that is very important to our contemporaries. You definitely provided something constructive, and we very much appreciate it !

Anonymous said...

This was a very well thought out piece, I loved the intense mood and the supernatural twist you had me biting my finger nails. Everything was described so well it felt real! Great job well done I love scary stories.

Unknown said...

This passage was honestly really amazing. You described everything so well and it had me at the edge of my seat !