The people in my neighborhood treat me like the fair. I make rare appearances, and when I do, people like to visit, take advantage of their time with me, step out of their comfort zone, say hello… all that mess. Usually I’m unable to hear them, but when the static that fills my ears washes away, and I begin to hear the crows’ wings and the leaves falling from the trees, all that manages to come out is an awkward grunt that resembles a displeasurable gesture. Is it intentional? No. Does it get the people to go away? Yes. But now, the looks on the kids’ faces as they skip past my house irks my soul.
I never wear colors, and the hair on my head is scarce. My face doesn’t, or should I say isn’t? My face isn’t able to show a variety of expressions anymore, nor do I leave my house. I don’t socialize with anyone. I never let them see me. Not without her.
Everyone’s house has a fence, and mine just happens to be the tallest, with spikes, to keep the birds away, of course. I’ve started to notice that the yard is beginning to resemble a prison yard. Our house looms over the unkempt garden, the sprouting weeds with the potential to grow as tall as sunflowers, herrusted car with a flat that blankly sits on the driveway, and her wilted roses that sit in the flower pot by the door that I don’t bother to care for anymore.
Now, every Halloween, groups of children of all ages pass by my house on scooters, bikes, and what they please, but as the parents help their kids on tricycles down the road, they hasten past my house with widened eyes and worried faces. Their whispers are loud, and their comments trickle through the wind while they attempt to discreetly utter that I have the haunted house on the block, but it sure does keep those meddling kids away on Halloween. Withouther,I don’t feel obligated to give out candy to the little kids that bounce up the sidewalk. I tried once, without her,but the parents gawked at me wondering what happened, and in their eyes, I had turned into “the creepster”. The kids received their candy, the parents pushed them away from the door, took the candy out of the bags at the end of the driveway, and threw it into my trash bin. I never had visitors after that year. Sure, I never come out of my house, nor do I let anyone see me, because I don’t like socializing. Especially now. Not without her.
As I walk through the mysteriously tall halls of our house with the chipped crown molding hovering over my head, herghost haunts my thoughts when I glance at our wedding photos that she placed in the anciently furnished rooms and pathways of this vacant chamber. The family room houses most of the cracked and dusted frames that shewas obsessed with, scattering them around our house during the holidays to show off our three-member family including her,Emily, and me. We were getting up in age, and our Emily would always see after us, but I suppose I was too much of a reminder for Emily to stay around after herdeath. So, here I am, abandoned by the only person I had left.
Readying myself for bed on the night before Hallows’ Eve, I begin to remember her excitement for the day to come. She kept my spirits up and my energy moving.She'd always dress as Mother Nature, her kindness radiated throughout the neighborhood on every kids’ favorite day, and I’d simply accompany herto take in all of her greatness. And she,my dear Jane, lit up my life, and without her…I guess I’m the man in THAT house.
*Told from the perspective of the stereotypical, grumpy man living in the “haunted house” in the neighborhood.
26 comments:
That was amazing!! I really liked how you took a different approach to the point of view of the interesting individuals who live in "haunted houses" in our neighborhoods. Great job!
I really enjoyed your story! I liked your use of detail and how you explained why the man was the way he was. It was a very lovely story about how the man was sad about his wife's passing. Great Job :)
Wow..this blew me away. I genuinely could picture everything as a read. I honestly didn't expect it to be a man. Wow..I..you wrote something so creative. You seriously did a fantastic job.
Luvly Lopez: I loved the concept of this. The way that the tone kind of shifted as it went from really eery because personally I assumed "she" was like a haunted evil spirit, but then to figure out she was someone who you had known, which is why you had so much love and attachment towards her and weren't mad about the isolation she caused you. The imagery of this is absolutely amazing, it was so well thought out and detailed that it felt like I was there in the story.
I loved this story so much and I found myself imagining that I was in the neighborhood you portrayed and could see the grumpy man and his haunted house. The repetition of the words “she” and “her” made the story more mysterious, as I began to assume that this person was his late wife. I liked how even though the neighbors see him as grumpy that in his heart, he’s a better person because of “her”. It’s such a wonderful transformation in his character. It’s sad that “she” is still not alive but I enjoyed reading every part of your story. Good Job!
I love how you build suspense with a non-described character. I love stories like these. I also like how you described in detail the scolding judgement of the parents towards the old man despite the children's innocent willingness to accept the candy he gave out.
I like how you went into so much detail to let us know how you were feeling. Malachi Hawkins
I like how you went in to so much detail to describe how you were feeling. Malachi Hawkins
I really enjoyed reading this! Your story reminded me of the movie Monster House but told from the man’s perspective. I really enjoyed how you used a different perspective to show how emotional and vulnerable the man truly is, and how it contrasts to the way that other people actually perceive him.
This was definitely an interesting and well written short story. There were a handful of great examples of imagery that created an overall extremely vivid image in my head. This story for sure fit well with the spooky theme of Halloween.
I loved the detailed imagery and word choice that you used because it really allows the reader to picture the story and it makes it so much enjoyable to read. I kept wondering who "her" was but at the end I finally realized who so the suspense really made this such a great story.
This was such an amazing story, I loved how I would imagine everything that was happening. You did a really good job!-Candace Jones
I loved this! In my opinion it was perfect for the month of October due to Halloween and the overall theme of spookiness. The story showed true detail about the man that gave an eerie tone and a suspenseful effect on the overall story, that made me want to keep reading. Great job!
This was so amazing! You did such a good job of building suspense the entire story, and because of that I totally was not expecting the ending. The detail you used was so unique also. You very vaguely described yourself (or the narrator), but also went into a lot of detail about the house, neighborhood, etc. Good job!
Firstly, I loved the perspective of the old man. It reminded of "The Haunted House". This type of story opens up the audience eyes to the perspective of different people and their conscious of what could really be going on in someone's mind. I saw that the old man was lonely and his life wasn't the same lonely, as it probably would be for an old woman. Secondly, the repetition of her made it apparent that the deceased wife was the source of his pain and joy.
This was an amazing story! I loved the style in emphasizing the words that reference "her," and how it highlights the main reason why the "grumpy man" is so secluded. The fact that his wife used to dress up as Mother Nature every Halloween really shows how she was a source of light and happiness. Definitely heartrending.
I really liked how in the beginning there wasn't that much information given on who "her" was so it left me guessing on who it might be throughout the entire story. So when it was revealed, it created a nice twist of what I initially thought was an evil ghost haunting the house and scaring the neighbors.
This was amazing! I liked how you took a generic trope, haunted houses, and transformed it into a compelling message about loss. The repetition and bolding of "her" helped to emphasize the effects of the woman's death on her husband and helps the audience to truly understand the depth of his loss. Overall, great job!! (Arabella Bautista)
I really loved this story! It reminded me of the movie Monster House or movies in general that only show the perspective of the outside without revealing the internal conflicts that made a person the way they are. It definitely fit in with October and the spooky vibe, overall great work!
You did a great job, and it went with the month of October. I liked the imagery that you put it, and you did an amazing job.
This was a really interesting take on a classic halloween trope. You brought up something that I think no one ever thinks about, the fact that there is a person, a human being living in the supposedly "haunted" house. Also, the prevalence and repetition of "her" added another cool touch to broadening the backstory of a man no one had cared to get to know before. great job
I really loved this story and the suspense it brought! I liked how you incorporated a different perspective that we don’t typically see! I also really enjoyed how this added to the creepy vibe of October
Your story is amazing I loved the imagery you used throughout and it was a pleasure to read. It gave me great halloween vibes and I liked how you took a new turn on how you explained everything in a creative way.
I really enjoyed reading this story! I loved how you told the story of the grumpy man in the haunted house from a different perspective. The emphasis on "her" kept me thinking about who she is and why she is so important which progressively gets answered in the story, Awesome job!!
I loved the way the story unravels itself as it goes, making you piece together what's going on as you keep reading. It's really well done! And I think it's really cool how you told the story from the perspective of your neighbor with a scary house and subverted expectations of a grumpy neighbor who scares others by creating a story about what the man has gone through and standing up for him. Great work!
The mysteryious atmosphere you created by only saying "her" and not their name really helped to make the story compelling and I was very invested the whole way through. It was quite sad once I realized who her was, but it was an amazing story nonetheless.
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