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Thursday, February 20, 2020

"The Perfect Date " by Jada H.



     Saturday, June 5th, 2015: Daniel and Evelyn’s wedding date. It had been 5 years since they had been married, but they had known each other for what seemed like forever. They were high school sweethearts, all 4 years. Daniel made dinner reservations at the fanciest, most extravagant restaurant in town, with a beautiful view of the beach and all the shining stars in the sky. Evelyn had brought a gift that her husband had been wanting for quite a while, and couldn’t wait to see the expression on his face when he opened the gift. They sat on the outside patio, amplifying the picturesque view.  Everything was going to be perfect.
     After they had eaten, it was time to exchange their gifts. Daniel first handed his wife the card, and decided to express how he was feeling.
     “We’ve been together for so long, and yet, I still can’t help but smile and blush, like a middle school boy, every time I see. You push. You encourage me. You believe in me, more than I believe in myself. We mess around like teenagers, and you constantly keep me laughing, I’m so grateful to hav-...”
     Before he could even finish his sentence, he was interrupted by this loud, indistinct noises coming from the front of the restaurant.
     *BOOM BOOM BOOM*
      “EVERYBODY, PUT YOUR HANDS!”
      Daniel and Evelyn immediately looked at each other in confusion. They could only hear some of

what the intruders were saying, but couldn’t see them. As they sat in confusion, they could only help but think, “What in the world was going on? Is someone robbing the restaurant? Is it a murder? Are we going to die?”
      As she sat glued to her chair, she thought to herself, “Are we going to die tonight? We have children waiting for us at home. What if they never see us again?”
     “What are we going to do?”, asked Evelyn.
     “Let’s hop the fence, and get the heck outta here!”
      But, it was too late. They heard the footsteps coming closer and closer, and knew they wouldn’t have time. Daniel ran over to his wife, forced her under the table with him, and wrapped her in his arms, trying to use his body as a shield to protect his wife for whatever was coming. He always said he would give his life for her, without a doubt, and thought this was going to be that moment. Their heart beats that always seemed to sync, were now out of rhythm as fear filled their entire body.

     “PUT YOUR HANDS UP! Evelyn Baker, you are under arrest!”, a squad of policemen shouted as they busted open the door and flipped over the table they were hiding under. They pried his hands off of her, ripped Evelyn out of his hands, and put her in handcuffs.
     “I’m going to fight for you, baby. I’m not going to let them take you away from me, forever!”, Daniel cried out as tears streamed down his face and his blood and anger boiled like lava erupting out of a volcano. And that’s exactly what he did. He hired the best lawyers and attorneys. He visited her every single day in jail. Daniel did everything he could to get her out of there. He didn’t understand why she was even in there in the first place. His wife was completely innocent...so he thought.
The hardest part was explaining it all to their kids. “Will she be able to make it to my game tonight?    When is mommy coming home? Will we ever see her again?”, they asked. Daniel tried his best to answer their questions in a way that they would understand the situation, without totally breaking their
hearts. Each time he visited her, Evelyn made him promise to always be there for the kids and to love them unconditionally. He ensured to keep those promises every single day.
     One day, the police called Daniel in for questioning. They asked a million questions: What is your relation to her? What is her occupation? What does she do in her spare time?. Question after question, Daniel couldn't take it anymore. Anger, frustration, and confusion swirled inside of him, and he finally exploded saying, “My beautiful, loving wife is NOT a criminal! Just leave us alone please, and let her go home”, with tears once again streaming down his face. Yet, as he lifted his head up, they showed him a multitude of different pictures with a woman with a weapon in her hands, seconds before a crime was committed. As he looked closer, he realized that the woman looked exactly like his wife. The same wavy hair, same dreamy, hazel eyes, and same clothing style. Sitting there completely perplexed, he thought to himself, “How could this be? Evelyn is a surgeon, and works long hours, sometimes not coming home for 2 days straight. Yeah she works crazy hours, but could she really have murdered people during that time??? 18 PEOPLE???? Nah, my wife could never do that.”
     However, after the investigation showed that the DNA was a match, and she was convicted of first degree murder and sentenced to life in prison, he started to have second thoughts: All the proof is there....but, could she really have done all that? He started to visit Evelyn less and less, and eventually stopped completely. He stopped talking about her, and the kids stopped asking about her.    Slowly, but surely...he fell out of love with her. He forced himself to. She was never going to get out of prison. He forced himself to move on.
     Years and years passed, and Evelyn became resentful. She hated prison. She hated the people there. She hated the world. She missed her family. She felt that she was innocent. One day, the police came into her cell, and said, “Evelyn Baker... you are free to go.”, and walked away.
The officers explained that there had been a mix up. Evelyn was adopted, and didn’t know her biological family. Apparently, she had a twin sister, but they were split up at birth. Evelyn was adopted into a loving family, while Eva, her sister, was put in foster care for most of her life. After she aged out of foster care, Eva had to try and survive on her own. Completely envious of her sister, Eva tracked Evelyn down and copied almost everything she did. Eva brought the same car, same clothes, and later framed her for a horrendous crime. Evelyn turned red as a cherry, and couldn’t even get a word out. She missed her kids’ graduations and weddings, the birth of her grandkids, and lost the love of her life. She lost her career. She lost everything. And it was all for nothing?!?!?!?
     But she couldn’t just let it all go. After a few days, she went back to what used to be her and Daniel’s house. Ready to proclaim her love and to be joyfully accepted, she excitedly knocked on the door.  After what seemed like forever, Daniel opened. Yet, her excitement quickly faded as another woman walked up: his new wife...her replacement.
     Every holiday, Evelyn would drive up to the house, and would watch them from afar. There they were, looking like a perfect family. There she was, taking on Evelyn's role. There she was, hugging her kids. She sat there, wishing things would go back to the way they were, but she knew that wasn’t going to happen. She hated her replacement.She hated the world. She hated everything.

22 comments:

Izaiah Rojas said...

Good job on writing this one, I really enjoyed it. The twist ending was satisfying and completely unexpected that nicely ended the story. Evelyn's character could be interesting to write more about in a subsequent story.

Alyssa O. said...

WOW! I loved your piece, the descriptive details you gave really helped bring the story to life!

Lauren White said...

I love the twist at the end and how you placed an emphasis on how she felt when she saw her replacement. The intensity you created at the beginning at the restaurant drew me in. - Lauren White

Brianna Yang said...

Amazing piece! At first I clicked on this title because I thought it was a how-to on a perfect date, but I was pleasantly surprised at the twist you gave this story. Your imagery and attention to detail increased my empathy for Evelyn and I despised the officers too for mixing her up with her twin sister. Thank you for writing this story!

Anonymous said...

Jada, you kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time! I didn't expect that plot twist at the end, and the ending was so bittersweet, as she got out of prison, but was replaced by her true love. You expressed your character's emotions well, and explained the plot twist with no holes. Great job! :) - Zoe Picon

Shreeya Candipali said...

I was not expecting that! This story had me biting my nails, waiting for what will happen next. You're such an amazing writer and I can definitely see the screenwriter in you while reading this story. It's so touching that Daniel wanted to stand up for his wife without even questioning what she had done, but why did he have to stop standing up for her? He sucks! It's also not fair that Eva decided to ruin Evelyn's in such a sinister way. It is not Evelyn's fault that she was adopted by a nurturing home! Although your story definitely made me furious and sad, I loved reading it and I can't wait for a Part 2!

Isabella Patterson said...

I really enjoyed not being able to predict the twist and being truly shocked when it hit me. I find the "twists" in stories tend to be very predictable but you challenged that like it was your practiced art form. In addition the ending was powerful as well as the fact that Daniel had to force himself out of love which eventually hurt an innocent woman. -Isabella Patterson

Breanne Ha said...

I love stories with a twist at the end and I didn't see that coming! Great job writing this piece, including a lot of imagery to show the situation and emotions of the characters.

Aleeyah Staten said...

You really had my attention when I was reading the entire piece. I love how you had some unpredictable plot twist. The story was really sad especially when I found out that the mother had a twin sister and that it wasn't her that committed this crime. I wanted a happy ending but the fact that there wasn't one made your story unique because most stories have a happy end. Great job!!!

Tanner Nel said...

This story is so well written! This story was far from what the title lead me to think it would be which was awesome to experience. Now a days the titles of stories seem to give away the main focus of the plot which was the exact opposite here. I loved how you used imagery to include the audience in the restaurant and the plot twist! Great job!

Ian Taylor said...

It's a super cool story that's full of twists and explanations that make this story its own thing. Without having these it probably would've been boring, but you made it a way more interesting story.

Anonymous said...

That twist ending!! Jada you are so immensely talented and it shows in absolutely all of your work. So incredibly proud of you and so excited to see what is to come for you and your career. - Kristin Harris

Katera Perry said...

I really enjoyed reading your story. The plot twist was something I didn't expect! I really enjoyed the emotions you gave the character,especially when she went over all the life events she missed.-Katera Perry

Sabrina Musharbash said...

There were so many plot twists throughout this whole piece, and it really kept me on the edge of my chair. At first I thought the restaurant was getting shot up, only to find out she got arrested. Then, the wife that once seemed so sweet and innocent is suddenly a murderer of 18 people?! The craziest part, by far, was finding out that she had a twin sister who framed her for the act. Overall, this was such an amazing piece, and I really enjoyed reading it.

Stephanie Cabrera said...

As I read, I kept trying to predict the end, but you included multiple plot twists. I really enjoyed reading this, good job!
-Stephanie Cabrera

Unknown said...

I love how you formed the story plot. It was very interesting and the plot twist was great. This had my emotions going from happy to sad too quick. This could seriously be a lifetime movie.
-Dahrien Trotter

Isabel Quintanilla said...

I was not expecting that at all! At first, reading the title, I thought this was going to be a story about your perfect date or what the perfect date was but once I started reading I realized it wasn't. This story had so many twists and turns, once I thought I knew where things were going in the story something completely different happened. Great job! - Isabel Quintanilla

Madia Wright said...

This was written so nicely! I really enjoyed all of the action that you incorporated during the dinner, I was so invested in the plot! :)
-Madia Wright

Amari O said...

This story should be a short film with all the great details and awesome twists it had in it. I enjoyed reading this piece a lot and overall Great job writing this story

Anonymous said...

Your writing is so advanced, your use of detail and plot are really spectacular, throughout the story and the twists it holds it's hard not to become enthralled in your story, amazing job!
-Rebecca Clinton

Unknown said...

I enjoyed your piece! This was like a movie with a twist at the very end but I love how from the very beginning your title emphasized the main topic of the story and how it wasn’t exactly like any other regular love story.
-Aneika Madrigal

Hannah Ekelem said...

I loved how you told this story, the suspense you created throughout this piece was very well developed. I loved the twist you added in the end it really made the story come together. I also liked how you captured Evelyn’s true emotions in the end. Overall, great job. - Hannah Ekelem