For centuries, philosophers and thinkers have sought to define love. Some believe it to be a chemical reaction—an influx of hormones to the brain meant to initiate humans’ primordial purpose of reproduction. Some perceive it as the joining of two souls into one, like the celestial bodies of the universe colliding to create stellar explosions, bright and powerful. Others go as far to say that love is the driving force of humanity—the means by which the world goes around. It seems that in each person there exists a version of love that is unique to that individual. But the problem with defining love is that love itself cannot be defined. Its full capacity cannot be condensed into the boundaries of a short phrase or a simple sentence. We can only attempt to capture its essence. The Greeks, for example, believed there were seven types of love: Eros, love of the body, Philautia, love of the self, Storge, f amilial love, Pragma, practical love, Philia, friendship, Ludus, playful love, and Agape, universal love. Still, even with these classifications, love’s meaning remains abstract.
In modern times, its meaning has been complexified by the internet and social media. Love has taken the guise of Instagram likes, heart emojis, and hashtags. Popular culture has normalized jealousy, competition, and toxicity. Love has become synonymous for infatuation. Movies and TV shows have taken love and watered it down to clichés—people look for love in the quiet corners of a coffee shop, or in the romance section of a bookstore. It seems that love can be found in an instant with a swipe right, and it can be broken just as fast with a status change. At some point, the value of love was lost somewhere amidst the sea of phone screens and text tones. For these reasons, “love” as defined by society simply does not exist.
This “love” is not real.
And so, the question remains answered. What is love?
Perhaps instead of trying to define exactly what love is, it may be wiser to describe what love is not:
Love is not something that simply appears. Just as trees do not spontaneously generate, love starts as a seed that must be planted, nurtured, and cultivated until it bears its fruits.
Love is not a moment, but the amalgamation of moments that becomes the water to nurture its seeds.
Love is not a feeling—feelings fade. The butterflies in your stomach eventually fly away and the pounding in your chest eventually dies down. When this is gone, what will you have left?
Love is not the fulfillment of needs. It is not doing this in exchange for that. A gardener does not
water his plants in hopes that they will water him back—he does so because he wishes they
would proliferate.
Love is not discriminant. It is neither male or female, black or white, or anything in between. Love is not the opposite of hate, for hate is love’s burning passion without the empathy.
Love is not a duty, because then it becomes an obligation—another task you have to perform and another worry on your plate. It is not a business contract.
Love is not dependence, because love should not make you a slave. If you cannot provide happiness for yourself, how could it be fair to rely on someone else to do it for you?
Love is not the merging of two halves into one, but the bridging of two wholes in the sharing of happiness.
Love is not yesterday, nor is it tomorrow, for love must withstand the test of time. Love is not only selfless, it is selfish, but it may never be self-righteous.
Love is not possession. It does not seek nor does it expect.
Love is not listening to respond—it is listening to understand.
Love is not a test of faith, for it must be a reminder of why your faith is strong.
Lastly, love cannot be contained. It may radiate like the sun, and its warmth may be enough to distort your vision of the horizon, but you cannot reach out and touch it, save it for later, or throw it away.
The idea of love is ever-changing and constantly evolving. Its presence is as certain as the beating of your heart in this very moment, but its strength is only as mighty as the heart that chooses to use it. And because no one will ever be able to truly define what love is, we can only assume what love is not, and when these conditions exist, only then is love real.
Love is not discriminant. It is neither male or female, black or white, or anything in between. Love is not the opposite of hate, for hate is love’s burning passion without the empathy.
Love is not a duty, because then it becomes an obligation—another task you have to perform and another worry on your plate. It is not a business contract.
Love is not dependence, because love should not make you a slave. If you cannot provide happiness for yourself, how could it be fair to rely on someone else to do it for you?
Love is not the merging of two halves into one, but the bridging of two wholes in the sharing of happiness.
Love is not yesterday, nor is it tomorrow, for love must withstand the test of time. Love is not only selfless, it is selfish, but it may never be self-righteous.
Love is not possession. It does not seek nor does it expect.
Love is not listening to respond—it is listening to understand.
Love is not a test of faith, for it must be a reminder of why your faith is strong.
Lastly, love cannot be contained. It may radiate like the sun, and its warmth may be enough to distort your vision of the horizon, but you cannot reach out and touch it, save it for later, or throw it away.
The idea of love is ever-changing and constantly evolving. Its presence is as certain as the beating of your heart in this very moment, but its strength is only as mighty as the heart that chooses to use it. And because no one will ever be able to truly define what love is, we can only assume what love is not, and when these conditions exist, only then is love real.
Source:
Burton, Neel. “These Are the 7 Types of Love.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201606/these-are-the-7-types-love.
Burton, Neel. “These Are the 7 Types of Love.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201606/these-are-the-7-types-love.
50 comments:
I really enjoyed how you started off with using scientific data to define love and then it progresses into today’s era of lives perspective is likes and follows.
Plus the words you used was very distinctive and it flowed so smoothly. Over great job!!!
I'll admit the title of you piece, that being "Love Isn't Real," stung my heart a bit! But I love how in the beginning you describe what love is to an individual, everyone has their own version of love. In which I agree with, I love the idea or message you convey at the end of the piece, where love seems to exist under certain conditions but is also "ever-changing." You describe what love is NOT and that is what I enjoyed reading, great work! :)
wow this was beautifully written. Because of the expected "love" that society pushes upon everyone, many settle for less just to have something superficial to show off, instead of waiting or holding a higher standard.
-Dahrien Trotter
Beautiful writing. So profound without sounding to gaudy or flashy. I am really captivated by the line "Love is not the opposite of hate, for hate is love’s burning passion without the empathy." It's such an eye opening statement that sometimes we don't realize as people. AMAZING writing
I agree that love in this day and age is non-existent. It is still unclear to what the true definition of is, but you are right in that it is something that is not instantaneous but something that must grow. With how vague the definition of love is, the way you were able to define what love isn't was clever and I really like that.
Great job! I loved the way you used imagery to describe what love is not. It really brought your response to life.
I really like how you wrote about love in a way not a lot of people write about it. You writing about what love is not helped to show what love is. Overall a really good job on the piece !
The first thing that struck out to me about your piece was how beautifully AND thoughtfully it was written. I like that you focused more on what love shouldn't be, rather than what love is supposed to be; love cannot be defined but it still has its conditions. I agree with you that popular culture has normalized toxicity/jealousy in relationships and that "love" has truly become a cliche. Your piece was very insightful, nice work!
PERIOD! I absolutely agree with everything you just stated! From the beginning, your introduction to the “common” and “traditional” idea of love really brings it back home especially when you talk about how most people see love: “Some believe it to be a chemical reaction… Some perceive it as the joining of two souls into one… Others go as far to say that love is the driving force of humanity…” Then I love you go into talking about how this traditional perspective of love has changed in our modern society and then offered your own views about the reality of love. Keep up the great work! I thought you writing style with the anaphora of “love is” is super cool. :D
I really like how you take the strong stance that love does not truly exist in your quest to define what love is. i also think that your definition of hate as love's burning passion, but lacking empathy. - Cameron Hunter
Great work! I love how you drew emphasis on the blurred view of love through the structural aspect of your piece (from stating, to objecting, then to resolving). Your emphasis on words, such as "attempt" and "love", and the use of rhetorical questions accentuate the message to the reader.
This was really good. I liked how you defined what love is and what it isn't. I also liked how at the end you said love is always changing and evolving. This was a great piece.
This writing captures perfectly our ever-changing society, and the idea of love. Reading this was very interesting as it made me reflect upon what love really is. I couldn't agree more with what you had to say. - Nathan Sandoval :)
Wow. I love the approach you took by choosing to describe love by what it's not instead of by what it is, and I think you were extremely successful in doing so. The Greeks were masters of languages, so including their plethoras of words for the concept of love was a cool move. Overall, though, your writing style is extremely enticing to read, and this piece definitely made me reevaluate my definition of love. Great job.
Absolutely amazing! I love how you decided to use scientific data and evidence to gain the attention of the reader. I agree that love is something that cant be ever truly defined. It is something that holds a different meaning to people depending on what's going on in their life. The idea of Love is ever changing, and we do know in our hearts what love isn't.
At first after only reading the title I was thinking to myself dang this girl is like getting serious wow. But then I read it and it really shed light onto why you chose that as the title. And honestly I love the way you did that you really made me go into it with certain expectations but then you changed them. I also agree entirely with the new definition of love that you gave that is different than most peoples.
I loved this. Every single aspect. I liked how you started describing what love meant to society in different time periods and how its definition has evolved and "changed". But my favorite part was where you described what love is not. The structure of those sentences made the content soooo meaningful and I feel that you really got your point across. Also, just the topic in general is so complex and the way you talked about it, I LOVED IT! Great job.
I love how you switched from love is to what love is not. Most people try and define love when it is undefinable but you changed the way in which people perceive love and stated what love isn't. I also loved the part about how you stated the Greek types of love. -Kaj Miranda
I am completely speechless! Love is an abstract concept that is so difficult to define yet you beautifully articulated what love is not within your post. I also appreciated how you broke down all the different components of love in order to juxtapose it with what is it not for your reader. Your analysis of how we have diluted and disguised love within our modern, digital society was also very insightful. Thank you for sharing that love is not real unless we recognize what is not love!
I really like how you started off with a bit of historical context before moving on to the modern take of love. It helped to clearly showcase how the understanding of love has changed over time. I also liked the sentence, "At some point, the value of love was lost somewhere amidst the sea of phone screens and text tones." as it is such a powerful claim that could very much be true. Good work!
Absolutely beautiful. The title itself has an underlying negative connotation that is reinforced by the confrontation of "modern, fake" love. Your elaboration on what love is not is particularly my favorite, especially with the add ons of what love is, what it should be yet there lies a mystery on how many define love itself. I've never seen this type of interpretation of this universal idea and I'm so glad I got to expand my look upon. Amazing Isabela!
I enjoyed reading this because it really made me think. You were able to invoke deep contemplation in your audience with your engaging questions and break down the concept of love in a few Greek allusions. I appreciate how you were able to address all the perspectives of love first, then introduce your thoughts on the topic. Also, thank you for not just considering love as romantic love, but also as self-love and familial-love!
I really liked the way you described everything, and as well I agree with your statement that love is not real or at least not the one we have today.
A super enjoyable read on that mysterious word most people our age, and even those older, still have trouble defining or even relating to the emotion itself due to its socially misleading definition. I really like how you provided repeated examples in a fashion that is easy to understand, resulting in an audience to not shy away from reading this seemingly complex piece. Describing a key emotion and word in a way anybody could understand by relating it to familiar feelings and experiences made this all the more interesting and helpful in getting the point across
This piece of literature was absolutely beautiful to read. I enjoyed reading this very much. The way you defined love really opened up my mind about what it truly means and symbolizes and i thank you very much for that.
The title at first made me think this was going to be a break-up you had gone through and it made me feel a pain in my heart, but after reading this, I can clearly state I agree with this almost 100%. I adore the fact that you stated the science behind "love" and how an society may feel about it. I also enjoyed that instead of defining love like many try to do, you created a list of what is not love and your reasoning behind it. I loved reading!
I really enjoyed reading this because it evaluates love from many different aspects, not only romantic love. I like how the title is very bold and attention grabbing, but the content of this piece itself is very informative and rebuts a common topic in society today. This was very well written and enjoyable to read!
I am fascinated by your definition of love. I like how you began your work with facts and then described with detail how everyone has their own definition of love and how there should not be any rules to follow since everyone has a different perspective of things.
Wow.Not only was this so accurate but the tone in which you spoke of it as if love is an issue made me really open my eyes. As teenagers the love we perceive as ideal is getting morning texts and posting pictures on the internet, but you're right that isn't love. Its important that we look at love with ought thinking about what others think or measure how much we can get out of it.
I enjoyed your perspective on how you defined love. Your unique writing style captured my interest. The transition you made incorporating a poem into your piece was delightful and refreshing. I was also fascinated by how you decided to describe what love is not because I agree with how you conveyed there really is no concrete definition for love. - Lauren White
Wow! I like how you wrote love in a different perspective. Not only did you define what love could possibly be but also what love can't be which gives me a fresh new take on defining love. This so beautifully written especially the part where you evoke a question on what love truly is after listing the different meanings of it. As a reader it makes us think twice and wonder whether the love we have no is actually love.
I 100% agree on your outlook on love and the way you broke down what it actually means to love by drawing examples from everyday activities highlights your point very well. I LOVED it.
This was such a wonderful piece of writing. I think that the beginning was really intriguing with the different ways that love could be interpreted. It was very informative as well and opened my mind to rethink what "love" really is or what it's not. I think you did an amazing job relating it back to the present time and comparing it to social media and how it evolved. I think that you did a great job! -Linda Hung
Honestly, I don't think I've ever contemplated the actual presence and meaning of love. You really put the concept of "love" into perspective for all those reading this and with that, the audience was able to understand how you feel about love as well. I also found it amazing how you could take something that we all take for granted and put it into play and show us that love is never as simple as it sounds or seems. I think you did an amazing job and please keep up the deep contemplation. *p.s. I've never questioned myself so much*
Honestly, this was an absolute beautiful description of such an abstract idea. Pulling the readers away from the common and everyday idea of love and instead replacing that description with the word infatuation to then describe how love should truly be practiced. Through all I've been through and all I've seen in this world this perfectly captured everything I've seen, amazing job. -Justin Lim
WOW. This piece was great and I really like how you said what love is not. Especially how you continued to enhance your argument by saying you can not define love and gave the examples of the Greek's different forms of love. Great job! :)
I expected this to be a sad story from reading the title, and this really caught me by surprise. I really like how you looked at this from many different perspectives by using both science and society's standard of love. I also liked your definition of hate towards the end, I've always though of love and hate as opposites until now. - Tyler Denton
beautifully written with eloquent speech and a true understanding of you ideals. such an interesting take on today's views of love.
Love is such a complex idea yet you managed to capture it in a light that's completely different than the average perspective. Your approach of talking about what love isn't is what really caught my eye. It's easy to tell how much thought you put into this piece and I absolutely love it!
I love the philosophical nature of your writing and how it's meant to make you think of a question that can't be answered. It's well structured and well thought out.
I really enjoyed reading this because it evaluates love from many different aspects, not only romantic love. I like how the title is very bold and attention grabbing, but the content of this piece itself is very informative and rebuts a common topic in society today. This was very well written and enjoyable to read!
I love that you used scientific reasoning to back up your story. I think that you clearly stated that love has changed over the years and I agree with you. Your story has a lot of abstract and it was very detailed. I really enjoyed your story. - Ariana Hernandez
Wow! I like how you wrote about love in a way different perspective than the norm. Not only did you define what love could possibly be but also listed what love can't be, this just gives me a fresh new take on defining love. This is so beautifully written especially the part where you evoke a question to your readers because as a readers it makes me think twice and wonder whether the love we have now is actually the true meaning of love.
I really enjoyed this piece! The way you included the scientific explanation of what love is was really effective. Your explanation of the common norms today's society puts on love was effective as well. The second half of this piece was very moving as you seemed to describe all the various aspects of love and defining it in whole. Overall you did a great job on this piece Isabela! - Yuan Maneje
What a very thought-provoking blog post! Your evoking an uncertain questioning tone to what is love really has people really think about what a serious relationship means between people. The fact you have thrown questions to the audience reading your paper makes them reflect whether they are truly showing love to others.
Great job!
Wow. You beautifully captured the ever differing ideas of love with your interpretation by pulling the reader away from the common view. Replacing the vague idea with how it should be practiced from your unconventional evaluation of the different aspects of love.
I love the way you wrote about love in a way that not many others do. I enjoyed your thoughts on focusing on what love is not, to find out what is truly is. This piece was very well written!
I couldn't have worded it better, "But the problem with defining love is that love itself cannot be defined." that was beautifully said and very true in my opinion. On a side note I really loved how you implemented the science belief of love, its good to learn others opinions of topics and the that was something new I didn't know people believed in.
Really enjoyed how you stared off the ideals of ancient philosophers and how they view the concept of love. The part that really stood out to me was how you brought up the current generation and how you can easily find someone with the swipe of a finger and how the meaning of love shouldn’t be associated with that.
Really enjoyed how you stared off the ideals of ancient philosophers and how they view the concept of love. The part that really stood out to me was how you brought up the current generation and how you can easily find someone with the swipe of a finger and how the meaning of love shouldn’t be associated with that.
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