RING. RING. RING. I woke up to the sound of my alarm going off, and I rolled over in bed to look at the time. 6:00 am. Shoot, already late. I hopped out of bed, put on my rehearsal clothes, and stared at my reflection in the mirror. Time for another day. Yet another where I didn’t get the chance to be who I wanted to be. I found that living with yourself is not an easy task; the person I saw in that sheet of glass just didn’t show me who I knew I was. My mom was already downstairs, making me breakfast before school. “Buenos días, mama.” “Buenos días, mijo.” I inhaled my food and ran outside to throw my instrument in the trunk, and we took off. 6:30 am. I’m definitely going to be late.
As we drove along, my mom began talking to me about a Filipina girl that she had met in the hair salon the other day. “She was absolutely lovely, and beautiful to boot. Perfect dating material, I’ll take you next time,” as she nudged me and winked. Never going to tell her. How could I? I was trapped between a rock and an equally hard place. It was much easier to keep my mouth zipped. Maybe I just didn’t think the world was ready for me yet. Maybe I just wasn’t ready for myself yet. “Any girls you’re interested in at school, mijo? Who’s that girl you always hang out with?” Again with the girls. Always the girls. I just laughed it off, but she saw the look on my face. “What’s wrong?” I was ready, I was going to tell her, if I could only open my mouth and say it. A million words climbed to the tip of my tongue, but then only one came out: “nothing.”
One day. One day she can know. I had been waiting for the right time, but when would it be? 6:40 am, and we still hadn’t arrived at school. The clouds were covering the sun, which was barely beginning to rise, and the sky threatened rain. I stared out the window, watching my breath fog up the glass. I’ll graduate first. I’ll go to college, then she can know. Running away from the truth was much easier than accepting it. It never occured to me that there was the slightest possibility that she knew me better than I knew myself. Maternal instinct, had to be sharper than glass. Still, I knew that for the time being, my secrets were best kept secret. 6:45 am, and we pulled into the school driveway. “I’ll make sure to get her number for you next time!” she said. I opened the door, unlocked the trunk, pulled out my instrument, and then - “Mama, I’m gay.”
Before she had the chance to process what I had just said, I closed the trunk and bolted up the stadium access road. Why did I just say that what happened why did I say that what happened WHY. I was not ready for the truth, but it was ready for me. Tears flooded my eyes as I assembled my instrument and joined the band. Why did I say that? What just happened? I could barely breathe; the world had just collapsed, and I with it. How would I face her when I got home? My heart was pounding, my mind was going a million different directions, and then, all of a sudden, everything stopped. I took a breath. It’s going to be okay. The world didn’t collapse, it just changed a bit. I checked my phone, and saw a notification: “I’ll check and see if she has a brother.”
I have come to realize that the world can be a very scary place. The last thing anyone
wants is to be left vulnerable and alone in a place as big as planet earth. Every time we reveal
something new about ourselves, we think we are risking that chance, and it begs the question,
“Will it all be okay?” Now, I know that the answer is simple. Yes. I kept my own reality hidden
behind lock and key for so many years, and for what? To keep the rest of the world safe from
myself? The truth is that the world could do with a few changes. I look in the mirror every single
day and I think - no, I know - that I can be whoever and whatever I want to be. The world is not
planning on falling apart anytime soon, and neither am I.
63 comments:
Eddie! I absolutely love this! I could literally hear your voice telling this story and could feel the emotions running through your head and I must say I'm so envious of you and your ability to bring about confidence in yourself in a world that may seem to be falling apart, but isn't, like you said. Additionally, the way you structured this piece was so well put together, especially with the pauses of racing thoughts, the explicit irony in your mom's dialogue, and conclusion of reassurance that really wraps up the writing. Not only was it so transparent, you acknowledged a mindset of "Everything will be okay," which is something I believe everyone deserves reading about. All in all again, I love this piece.
This is an amazing reflection of yourself and who you are. Being able to express your feelings is something that not a lot of people can do, and it's also not easy to be yourself all the time, since we are trying to hide behind an image. I know for a fact that a lot of people are struggling with this problem nowadays, where they are not able to let go of that "cover up" because they fear that everyone else will judge them. It is true that lot of people judge, but if it doesn't affect your well-being then there should be no reason to shy away from your reality, and like you said, everything will be okay.
First, I'm so happy for you for having the strength and the courage to let our something that you thought could potentially end horrifically and change your whole life and i'm so happy for your mom being so cool with it! I'm also glad that you now know that you can be whatever you want to be in this world because in the end everything will be ok! Also I really liked the built up of the story and the overall theme of how everything will be ok and the world could use a few changes. -Kaj Miranda
I really really really really REALLYYYY loved this so much. Although nothing like this specifically has happened to me, I do know how hard it is to be vulnerable, especially with the people you live with, because their opinions tend to manifest themselves in crazy ways, but I'm so happy that everything worked out for you!!! In regards to your actual writing, though, I love the way you used italics to make your thoughts known to the reader throughout the story. At the beginning of the story, you start off by hiding who you are from everyone around you, and only through those thoughts does the reader get a true sense of who you are, but the way you take ownership of your identity by the end of the piece was beautiful. Great job!!!
Eddie! This was a great story about your own experiences. I really liked how you took the readers through the your thought process and how you personally felt through that situation. I also liked all the detail you used to really give the reader a picture of what was happening. Great job!
Wow Eddie. This is an amazing piece. Knowing you I knew where it was going, but it changed not the suspense I felt building up. I couldn't take my eyes off the page. This is some top tier writing thank you for sharing. ~ Nathan Sandoval
This was such an inspiring story! You're a very talented writer, and I'm glad you decided to share this. I love how you implemented your thoughts into the story to give the readers a sense of your internal conflict. I'm so proud of you, Eddie!! Great job!
This piece was beautifully written and it was something amazing to read. The fact that you were so confident in yourself and willing to do that is so brave. I could not be any more happier for you!
I'm so proud of you for having the courage to do what most people often times can't find the courage to do. You provided so much detail and imagery that I felt as if I was right there with you. Great job!! - Isabel Quintanilla
I applaud you for your courage to even type that in your story and share it on the blog with everyone else reading. I know that society has their own levels of acceptance on things and that supposedly if you are different from what the standards are you are to be alienated from everyone else, but with the recent years and society now it is easier and easier for difference to appear more and more. The matter of the fact is that there are always people defying society standards and that's what makes them admirable. Everyone will get hate for doing something, it is impossible to have everyone agree on one thing in this world, if there are people disapproving of something you are, there are also people just like you, and it is important to ignore the negative and embrace the positives for everything. And being self confident in yourself is really just you telling the world I'm here and you can't break me down.
Inspiring essay! From an average day to a shift in your world can happen at any moment. The use of aside in the essay let me know what you were thinking and what was going on in your head. Wonderful to see that you were finally able to come out and your mom had such an astonishing response. Great Essay!
I love the way this was told in sort of a fairytale manner by including the internal thoughts you had. This is a great lesson everyone should take and implement in their own lives regardless of what their situation is. Great job!
Honestly so inspirational eddie! I think we all get in our head sometimes but taking that leap of faith is scary but also rewarding. I'll channel this positive energy into myself as i go through out my life.
amazing writing honey!
Eddie this is so beautiful. Everything from the transitions between time and reality to the multiple allusions made about glass and mirrors.This personal reflection made me anxious and worried for you but I was happy to find out near the end of your story that everything turned out alright.Thank you for sharing - Zoe Corbett
Wow! What a beautiful story! I am so glad you had the courage to finally come to terms with yourself and be who YOU are! That’s what is most important. Regarding your blogpost, though, I really love your vivid imagery and detail that you put into the story. It’s almost like I am reading a novel about your life from your perspective; I loved how you emphasized specific words and phrases with the italics like, “Never gonna tell her,” rhetorical questions like “Why did I just say that? What just happened?”, dashes, etc. It really allowed the readers to truly seep into your thoughts and feeling and to really get a glimpse of your “Reality.” This was a wonderful story! Keep it up!
Incredible piece! I couldn't stop reading, and I didn't want to either. Your mom is so caring and sweet, her message to you made me smile, and I hope it did the same to you. I am so happy and glad that you are no longer afraid to be whoever and whatever you want to be. Whats the point of living if you cant be your true self? Amazing Job!
This was a great story. I loved how you were able to learn something really valuable from it. I've been in this situation before and it was very scary to show people who I really was, but in the end, it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I also loved how your mom reacted! Amazing story.
I really loved the realness of this entire piece. You used specific diction to incorporate effective description and imagery that allowed me to visually see your experience and empathize with your emotions. I especially liked the internal dialogue that you included in your writing to move the plot forward and reveal your inner thoughts. The development from you not being ready to accept yourself to the truth being ready for you provided a pivotal turning point. Thank you for being you! And thank you for sharing your story!
I absolutely loved reading this! An amazing story written by an amazing person. As you allowed the audience into your internal conflicts, we were able to understand more about the beautiful person that you are. Including the weather change was very clever as it also gave foreshadow to the change of mood as you confessed to your mom. Also, your mom's reaction was so heartwarming and precious. Thank you for sharing your story!
Powerful is the first word that came to mind when I read this. I can only imagine how much strength and courage one must have to come out to anyone, let alone their parents. Your use of auditory imagery in the beginning really got me interested in your story immediately. Then, the way you developed the story chronologically made it really easy to follow. However, the most amazing part of your story to me was how you just threw in the "Mama I'm gay" at the end of the paragraph which I completely did not expect. I feel that it paralleled the way it actually happened in that you had to just blurt it out. Amazing job on this Eddie!
This is a really beautiful story. I was remained that everyone has a story and a fear that pull us in making us shake on fear. Where in reality is not as bad as what we imagine.
Wow this was absolutely amazing!!!!!! Literally my eyes were glued to the screen from beginning to end enjoying every piece of your story. It honestly takes so much courage and strength to be able to not only understand who you are but to open up to the world about who you are. It's beautiful that your mom was supportive and loving throughout this time in your life. There was a lot of dialogue which helped drive the plot and I believe that you did a great job showing the audience your inner emotions.
Eddieee! I loved this, thank you for sharing your personal experience with this. It speaks so much of yourself and dabbles with the struggles anyone faces with anything that they feel would alienate them. It is so much easier to sit down, read your story and comment on the strength you had to do this than doing anything ourselves of the same magnitude and I applaud you for that.
Eddie, I am so proud of you and all you have achieved. You are such a strong person and I appreciate you for sharing this piece with us. It was very strong and full of emotion. I was intruigued from the start. Amazing job, keep it up. - Jaeyeon Romero
This was an amazingly well written reflection. I truly could not stop reading from the start to the end. I especially liked how you use the time to convey a sense of pace to your decision-making to the reader to show how fast it all happened. - Cameron Hunter
This is a beautiful way of telling how everything came about with Mom. The incorporation of the italics as your inner thoughts was very well done and the diction you used was perfect for the scenario. I also loved at the end where you talked about how you were happy again in your reality. I’m glad everything worked out in the long run with Mom.
First of all, I loved your mom's response "Ill check and see if she has a brother" because that is honestly so sweet and pure. Secondly, I know how hard it can be feeling like your whole world can change in an instant just from one simple truth coming out so I applaud you and your courage. I also loved the way you showed how you where thinking one thing but your body another and it was just an overall beautiful story! Much love for you always.
Eddie, this was beautiful!! I loved how vividly and detailed you portrayed this personal experience of yours. The way you weaved in various pieces of imagery and the repetition of key details such as the time of day made the narrative so engaging and great to continue reading. I loved how after facing yourself and your biggest fear, your mom was still there, loving and supporting you. It’s difficult not to think the worst in certain situations and I commend you for your courage in challenging this fear. This was such a powerful piece. Well done!!
I'm in love with your essay and your story was so inspiring. It is always better to be honest and truthful since you can lie to everyone but yourself. People who love you, will love you just the way you are. I appreciate the fact that you decided to share such a heartwarming story. I loved the amount of detail and even from the setting of time and weather because it made it so realistic. Great job!
Oh my God Eddie! Thank you for sharing this with the world and having the courage to do so. I know how hard it is to be vulnerable with someone you love and care deeply about their opinion. Your words flowed together and your inner dialogue really carried the story along well. I can tell you poured a lot of emotion and soul into this piece. I loved how you used that looking in a mirror but not seeing your true self in it, it really resonated with me and helped me get into your shoes. Great job Eddie :) !! - Zoe Picon
Absolutely amazing!! I really enjoyed reading your story and I'm happy that you decided to share your experience with others. Many people today face the same problem thinking that society won't accept them when in most cases that's not true. It warms my heart to hear that you're happy and could finally be yourself and don't have to hide it!
Despite the fact that this may be the third time I've heard this story the suspense and intensity of the situation and the feeling of satisfation at the end has not changed from the first time. Your story was so absolutely inspiring and heartwarming in letting everyone know that if you have the courage to do something, everything will turn out alright. Thank you for sharing your story Eddie! - Aaron P
I loved reading this so much! Your piece was so nicely articulated and structured. The interjection of your own thoughts with the use of short, concise sentences really brought to life the fast-paced chaos of your experience. You developed and demonstrated your newfound confidence and mindset at the end of the story so beautifully as well. By FAR, one of my favorite pieces!
Eddie, this was beautiful. As others have already stated, thank you for sharing such an intimate, personal experience with us. You are such a strong, courageous individual. Your usage of internal dialogue really helped us readers get a glimpse of how you must have felt when you told your mom. The structuring of your piece was also beautifully thought out. I really loved reading this piece, amazing job!
This story was absolutely amazing. I did not lose interest not even once, I carefully read each line word for word and I found myself more and more interested. The struggle you went through telling your mama about who you truly were made it even better when you found out that everything was okay and everything will remain okay. Great job, I truly loved this story!
What a beautiful story! I love your willingness to open up and share this. One of my favorite parts is the response from your mother. What a difference it can make when we know we are loved, accepted and supported for who we are.
Eddie! This was truly an amazing piece and had such explicit detail. It speaks so much not just for yourself, but for other people. The details throughout your piece really transported me into that car with you. Many people struggle with being comfortable in their own skin and you showed that the world isn't going to fall apart because you are being yourself. I really liked how you said the world didn't collapse and that it just changed a bit for you and I think a lot of people can learn from that. Many of us don't want to be ourselves because we feel that the world is going to turn on us, but you showed that change is good and that you're happy because of that change.
Wow! This actually made me tear up a bit because not all can come out to their parents because they fear that their parents will disown them. Your story can inspire those who can't tell their parents what they actually are by showing that not all parents are against LGBTQ+ community. Your story is so far my most favorite one because I was once in the same position as you were. Congratulations and good job!! - Leigh Rubillar
I love the detail put throughout the entire story. There wasn't a second that I was bored. You made it very easy to be able to see into your brain and understand what you were feeling. It is also a very true struggle for many people and you bringing it to light was perfect. The title was also a great hook for your writing. I applaud your bravery and am glad you have become confident with who you are. :) Great job Eddie! -Kayla M.
Aww eddie :( This was such an inspiring story to really be who you truly are and not be afraid to hold anything back. I really really enjoyed this story because it shows your reality and that you're not afraid of anything and that you should be your true self and express it not just within yourself, but with the people closest to you which in this case was your mother. I really loved this piece eddie and i think you did an amazing job :)
Eddie!!! Iḿ so so so proud of you for having the courage to be yourself and tell your mom! I really loved your use of imagery and detail in this piece. Thank you for sharing your story with us! Such a great job! -Jadyn Young
Your story is really inspiring and I know it is for many others reading this. I can't form the right words to begin telling you how much I admire your courage. I can tell this is a big part of your life story and I'm glad you have a family that can accept you for being yourself no matter who you love. You've also did a great job at telling us readers that change can be good and not all bad, and that sometimes we need to take risk to release whats been building up inside.-Katera Perry
Such an lovely story Eddie! Your story and message attracts the audience in such a way that we can't help but put a smile to our faces and tears to our eyes. The ambiguity in the beginning of the story has the audience questioning what kind of sensitive topic could really upset a person this much. As the story progress and your message and identity comes across, we are able to see a new character along with a compassionate mother. This story overall is able to have us connect us with the question what it means to be family and to what bounds should you open up your identity to. Overall, such a great, inspiring story! -Nathaniel Alvarado
Eddie! I loved your piece so much! It shows who you truly are as a person -strong and courageous! I find you very inspiring because you weren’t afraid to show the real you despite of how judgemental our society is nowadays. Additionally, I love how you wrote your piece! It was beautifully written with your stream of consciousness and inner speech. Wonderful job!
Despite hearing this story for about three times now, it still hits me with its suspense and intensity. Your details in what happened that morning was so vivid it felt like I was in your shoes. Your courage is so inspiring and just gives the feeling that everything will be alright after. Thank you for sharing this delectable story! -Aaron P
Coming out to parents is the hardest and most unpredictable experiences that I could ever think of. I understand those conversations of a seemingly planned out future of a husband or wife. I also really loved the way you wrote the second paragraph, expressing that fear and doubt in your mind so perfectly. Thank you Eddie! Amazing work!! - Hannah Colunga
Eddie, seriously, this was really amazing. I really liked the structure of it, with the way you used italics to signal your thoughts. I really loved the emotion you put into it, you can definitely tell you put your heart into telling this piece. Absolutely loved it! -Kyler Lovett
The way the world is it's hard whether to know if it's going to be ok or not. But the world is changing, it's progressing in a way things are starting to be ok, this blog entry shows that. You were still very brave in the way you came out to your mom like that more than that, come out to us. -Mj Ibarra
This was definitely a challenge for you but you had enough courage to face it. I'd say this story showed how strong you are and the chance to be who you want to be one step at a time. The emotion that you wrote this story touches the audience so that they can hear your story more. Truly, an amazing story.
Eddie this piece was absolutely beautiful! I could feel the intensity of your words and their tone. Nervousness, anxiety, fear, relief, I could feel all of that just through your words. Your story was very inspiring and a masterpiece!
Eddie, the vulnerability that you expressed in this piece was genuinely breathtaking. Sometimes it can be so hard to let people see who we really are. Especially our parents. Your courage is admirable. The way you described how it was eating away at you, I feel, is probably how many people in your shoes must have felt. The way you mentioned how you "inhaled" your breakfast was probably the most descriptive way you could have recounted the struggle you had to endure. I loved every word of your writing. Thank you for sharing, my friend.
What a great piece! Your piece had a lot of detail and was full of emotion. Although it may not have gone exactly how you wanted it you got through it and you were still happy.
I’m glad that you overcame such a big obstacle in your life and I loved the way you shared your experience. Each little detail of emotion really brought your story to life and allowed for me to make connections about accepting who we are first before allowing others to because the world is always going to be here. I think you did an amazing job creating such a powerful message! -Linda Hung
Very inspiring story! The way you turned such a tense and frightening situation and constructed it into a long life lesson shows how much of a fighter you are. This essay is real well done, good job!
The tone you used in this piece was very intense. There were so many different emotions throughout your entire piece. this really had me in serious awe in a very good way. This was a tough challenge but im glad you overcame it. You can inspire many people with this piece.
I's so glad you shared this experience with us, I can't image the stress you must have been going through, even from reading your piece, I was stressed and scared of the outcome. As soon as I read your mom's text message she sent you, I was filled with so much relief and happiness!! You wrote this piece perfectly and with great detail.
-Stephanie Cabrera
This is such an important experience to share and i’m glad to hear your perspective. The writing was amazing and I felt as if I was in the car with you guys. Great imagery and detail and i really enjoyed the plot twist text from your mom. Good job!
It's an amazing a great feeling that in the end everything turned out great. I am sure there was a talk about it but when you mom sent you that message must have been the most relieving thing that must have happened to you. The build up your use of words and overall mood of the piece was all swept away at that last message from your mother. Glad she was socially accepting of you.
The times in my opinion helped build up suspense. This was a great piece overall but ,most importantly, way to overcome your anxiety and fear of not knowing what your family will think of who you really are. Good job Eddie!!
I really loved this story. I overthink things a lot as well so I understand the thoughts that went through your head. I'm glad everything turned out alright in the end and that your mom's reacted so well to the news.
You did so amazing on this piece Eddie, your life experiences and feelings were so vivid and astounding through the entire piece. I can see you actually saying this and I remember the day this happened, you wrote so wonderfully but most importantly you were able to have the courage to face who you really are which not a lot of people have the courage to do so, so proud of you.
Eddie, first i would like to thank you for writing this fantastic story, it brought me to tears. After the first paragraph i couldn't stop reading. You're attention to the narration and first person dialogue really helped portray like you were in person telling me the story face to face. Great job once again. -Nathaniel Patterson
Beautiful story! This is so well written and reminds me of my own experience. A beautiful example of support and love.
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