“Once upon a time, there was once a man who loved his family very much. He worked
the toughest jobs and the longest hours to feed his wife and two kids. As time went on he grew
older and had many grandchildren, two of which he would become a second father to. He taught
them how to peel an apple, play baseball and the best way to sneak snacks out of the kitchen to
eat later. He would tell his grandchildren silly stories about how if you eat a watermelon seed
then a watermelon baby would grow in your stomach and all the kids would pick out the seeds
just in case. Even though he was poor, it didn't mean that they didn't have fun; infact, the
memories were twice as sweet. One day, the two grandkids wanted to play baseball but had no
ball, he could not afford it. Instead, he picked a lemon off of the tree that was still hard, not quite
ripe and green and used that as the baseball. It was an absolute mess with lemon guts and seeds
splattering along the ground and two kids soaked in the sticky sour juice. They laughed and
laughed even as they rinsed off with the cold hose water so they wouldn't stick to every surface
they touched. This man was a good man who gave his all to his family and raised me as his own
for years when my parents weren't around. I love him and I miss him.” I finished my story and
readjusted myself on the chair next to the hospital bed where an old man around the age of 90
lay. “Where is he now?” asked the silver haired man. “I’m sure he’s not too far away,” I respond.
“If you have the time, bring him here to see me. I would like to meet him.” the old man
responded tiredly. He fell asleep after a few minutes and I decided that I should head home
before it gets dark. As i got up to leave, I turned and looked at the small old man asleep in his
hospital bed. The way his thin silver hair looked like feathers and how his wrinkles traversed
across his face like lightning showing years of hardship and laughter. I breathe in deep the smell
of saline solution and the clean, steril smell hospitals have. The little old man with hazel eyes
who was usually grumpy, asleep peacefully, smiling. His dementia getting worse as the days go
by. I've seen him every other day for months, watching him drift farther and farther away. My
heart grows heavy and my throat tightens like I’m choking as the tears roll down my face. Those
who never have to experience this are lucky. To watch a loved one die and be forgotten or forget
you like you never existed. Nothing left but stories and rooms full of strangers. I miss my
grandfather wherever he may be, but the delicate old man who will spend the rest of his days in
this hospital room is not him. Tucked away in memories is where he remains. I leave the man in
the bed as a stranger, his grandchild, his kid.
34 comments:
Wonderful, heart felt story! This has me remembering when my grandfather was still here with us, going to church every Sunday, eating at his favorite restaurant, oh the joyous memories.
Your writing style here is absolutely beautiful. The way you start off describing how much of an amazing father and grandfather he was during your childhood contrasted with the frail man on the bed really struck a chord with me. My grandmother has dementia too so I know what it's like to miss who they were even though they're still with you, and I think you captured the raw emotions of this situation perfectly. Great job!
I love how you started off your piece, I didn't realize that it was you reading a book to your grandfather until much later. That's a very unique idea! I agree with you; those who don't have to go through such an experience truly are lucky. Your story was very sweet, I loved it! Nice job.
This was a very impactful piece. Your writing displays perfectly your emotions toward the subject. The use of precise detail is a very elegant way to describe not only his appearance, but your feelings toward him as well. The story was interesting and I'm glad you could share. ~ Nathan Sandoval
Really well writen. I know how hard it is losing someone to a sickness, my grandpa had cancer and all the treatments and surgeries made him grumpy and not as talkative. He used to always be the funniest person in the room but because of all the medicine he was on it really messed with his emotions and how he spoke to people. although he never forgot who he was, he never was the same. i felt like i lost my grandpa way before he actually passed away.
I absolutely loved this piece. This gave me so much realness. The way that you described the appearance of your grandfather, the smell and feeling of the hospital made me feel as if I was there in that room. Its tough losing a loved one especially watching them slowly fade away and become forgotten. Just know their spirit lives on within you.
I really enjoyed your use of detail when you began to describe your grandfather and the smell of the hospital room.You did an amazing job capturing your emotions in this piece,and your love for your grandfather was very well executed through this piece. - Hannah Ekelem
I can totally relate to this. My great grandma has alzheimers and she doesn't remember most of us either. The important thing is to just stay strong and be with them as long as you can. It's hard but it's all you can really do. Thank you for sharing your story
I was so shocked to find out the old man he told the story to was his grandfather. It must be terrible to slowly be forgotten by a loved one and your imagery of the old memories captured the feeling perfectly. Wonderful job and touching story!
This is an amazing story Kayla! Your ability to create this mental picture of the hospital so effortlessly is jaw-dropping. I found that because of your masterful writing I could easily follow the progression of the story and I was able to feel like I was part of the story too. However, I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope things get better for you.
This was a really deep and emotionally piece, the imagery you used really made me feel like I was in this situations. This deep hurt is something I wouldn't want to wish on anybody.
I loved the structure of your piece in which you embedded a story within your story. You allowed the reader to feel the depth of your pain. As well, the title beautifully foreshadowed the content of the piece. I especially admired how you expressed the experience when you said, "Nothing left but stories and rooms full of strangers." I hope your grandfather is doing well wherever he is and I hope you are doing well as well. Much love!
Your writing really struck a chord with me. Having recently lost a grandparent, I was lucky enough for my grandma to go quickly and painlessly. I can't even imagine the pain of losing someone you love over such a long, drawn-out period. Your story was really impactful to me. - Cameron Hunter
I like how you described the features of the mans wrinkles and the smell of the hospital. It is very well written to the point where you can feel yourself as part of the piece and I think that is a good perspective to have considering the emotion that comes along with the situation.
This piece was beautiful. Reading this was truly touching and heartwarming. I really liked how you started off telling a story and then it switches to the actual setting. But there was so much emotion in this piece and I related to it as well.
This was a really touching story. I loved how you started it off, it really drew me more into the story. I'm sorry that you have to go through this because I know how it feels. Amazing piece!
This was such a touching story. I loved the way you structured this piece and the amount of detail that went into this. I cannot even imagine going through this and I would not wish it on anyone. -Jadyn Young
This was a really great and emotional piece for me to read. A tear ran down my cheek as I read the last few lines. I had an experience similar to this with a family member so I was able to relate and connect. I really enjoyed the similes and comparisons you used to describe the wrinkles on his face. It really brought into light how much this man has worked for his kids. This was a really amazing piece kayla and very well written.
I love how this story could open up and relate to many people, however, the point of view that was used and the words that dictated the story gave it that special touch. It was very touching to read, but easy to be immersed in your thoughts. Thank you for sharing such a special moment.
First of all, I would just like to say sorry for what you are going through and I think it is very brave of you to share this part of your life to the public. I felt your emotions through your words which makes it such an empowering piece. The shift from past to present had me in disbelief because I then realized that those two gentlemen were the same people. You did a beautiful job.
Thank you for writing this piece. I know it is not easy to watch a loved one suffer from dementia and you have my sincere condolences. I think you wrote this in such a way that perfectly explains not only the basis of the disease, but also the larger effect it has on those that have to watch the loved one fade. Thank you for being brave and putting out this piece as I know it is not easy to talk about. -Isabella Patterson
What a emotional story! As we grow older and older, more of us can relate to this harsh reality which makes it an inevitable sadness. I really loved your shift of tone in your story and how it was able to progress from a simple family relationship to one that drifts apart like strangers. This is able to capture the audience's attention and have them start appreciating the moments we still have with family. Your ability to convey emotion and sensory imagery puts me in this situation with my grandparents, something only beautiful writing could do. Great job!!! -Nathaniel Alvarado
This piece is absolutely amazing yet also very sad. I could feel the emotions of the story that you poured into this piece. Your imagery and descriptions of the situation really brought out the tone of the story.
Your story touched my heart. Your piece was emotional and I feel like many people can completely relate to it. I liked how you started narrating a story and then changed to describe the environment and how you ended with a conclusion. You used a lot of detail and imagery which allowed me to picture the scene better and feel a connection to the story.
Beautifully written! I really enjoyed your style of writing and how you described certain events. I also thought it was very touching as you started out the story being lighthearted and then switched it to being more emontional. Well done! -Halie Montes
Very heartfelt! I felt as though I am there with you, walking past this sleeping old man. Your sensory imagery in stating, "I breathe in deep the smell of saline solution and the clean, sterile smell hospitals have" gives life to the piece alongside many other components. Furthermore, I love how you transition from a speech you had said, to a more introspective piece surrounding your grandfather. Great work!
The imagery of losing someone is so strong, and beautifully written. I loved the part about the games he would help them play, its so heartwarming.
Wow! I really loved the suspense build up when addressing the dementia. I love how you used it to connect both parts of the story. Very well thought out and very well done. Good job!
-Kyler Lovett
Losing people, especially loved family members is never an easy experience and also leaves a mark, whether that be good or bad, on you. I can relate to the devastation and heartbreak you have gone through, you wrote this story so beautifully and have been able to recall your events and emotions so skillfully that empathising is very easy in your story, very well done.
Wow, this was a really impactful piece, as a person who has lost a family member to dementia I felt this story on a very personal level, great attention to detail really brought the piece to life as well with the hospital atmosphere, once again great job!! -Nathaniel Patterson
Kayla Wow, thank you for sharing this story with us, from a person who has lost a person to dementia it is a very hard struggle and I can see this in the writing, it really connected to me on a personal level. The Imagery was fantastic, while reading it i imagined a hospital bed with my grandfather and the smells. Thank you once again for writing this and sharing -Nathaniel Patterson
Reading this touched my heart, I dread the days to come when my family will grow old but I enjoyed the story you had to tell from the memories you had of your grandfather. Although it is really sad that you have now became a stranger to him, don't forget who he is to you!
tHis story is an incredibly real and haunting experience. Brilliant writing.
Such a good story! You structured the story very well to build some suspense. I am so sorry, I can't even imagine what it is like, but I think it's great that you can speak so highly of your grandfather and remember him for the mark he left on your upbringing.
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