Slam! The door went as she forcefully closed she bedroom door. Steam spewed from her eyes as he paced back and forth. Her heart began to boil over with hatred as she attempted to fathom the fact that his father cheated on her mom. She grew even more furious knowing that her mom wouldn't have the strength to leave him for his infidelity. “How can she be so weak” she thought to herself. The more she pondered on the situation the more pain she felt for her mother. She despised her father for hurting her mom like this, and vowed to never speak to him again, severing a relationship that was once full of trust, admiration and joy. Over the next two years the young girl never told her father she loved him anymore, seldomly ever thanked him and especially never displayed the slightest bit of appreciation or kindness towards him. This severely deteriorated their relationship. Despite all the fathers actions he was unsuccessful in gaining his beloved daughter back, and rekindling their relationship. His daughter had set in her heart that she no longer wanted nor needed him in her life. Now in his daughter’s mind, he was just a man she used to love and trust. She constantly expressed to him, “If you couldn’t love the women that gave birth to me, how can you truly love me” The father hated that he couldn't be trusted anymore so he decided to take the initiative to reestablish their estranged relationship by attempting to earn her trust and win her heart back. He thought it would be a bright idea to take a trip up to their family cabin: one of their favorite place to spend time together, in hopes to remind her of the relationship they once had. The girl hated the thought of spending time with her father, she despised him and wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. “I hate him” she exclaimed to her mother who was forcing her to go. “Why do I have to go with him...why are you even still with him...he cheated and you stayed, now...now our family is broken,” she said with burning hot tears racing down his face.” Her mother comforted and embraced her with her love. She looked deep into her eyes, tears rolling down her face, and said, “Please...please forgive him, you can’t hold onto this hate forever. No matter what he will always be your father and I your mother.” For a split moment the girl understood what her mother was saying, but her own stubbornness drove her back to the hate that festered in her heart. “Please go on this trip” her mother said crying. Despite how much she did not want to go, she couldn't stand to see her mother cry so she complied.
On the day of the trip the father realized they had no road trip snacks so he decided to stop at a gas station. After they each found snacks for their trip, they walked to cash register to pay. As the father pulled out his $12.63 to pay, suddenly two six foot men, who happened to be wanted for kidnapping young girls, armed with loaded handguns, staggered into the gas station and began firing. The first few shots were to scare everyone into submission, but the father wasn't afraid, he wasn't going to let anyone harm his daughter. He very courageously shielded
her with his burly body and stood firm. One of the gunman turned to him and told him to step
away, but the father didn't budge. The gunman said “You have five seconds to move” and began
counting down. “Five”...the father did not budge, “four”... the girl’s heart began to race
uncontrollably... “three”, the gunman was growing immensely impatient, “two” the father
whispered one last I love you to his daughter, “one”...the young girl closed her eyes tight. Pow!
The gun went off, the gunman’s eyes widened. He didn’t think the father would be so stubborn
and not move, he only wanted to kidnap the girl not take his life. Out of fear, he and his partner
fled from the scene, leaving the girl behind and drove away before the police could catch them.
Meanwhile the young girl waited a moment until she could bring herself to open her eyes, and
when she finally did she could not believe what stood before her. There he was, her dad, lying in
a pool of dark red blood, with burning tears running down her face she dropped to her knees and
slowly placed her hand on his heart, no rhythm. She then cupped his face in her hands, he was
cold, ice cold. It was too late. Her heart shattered then sank, her mind whirled, she began to
break down sobbing uncontrollably because all that seethed in her mind was that for 2 years, 4
months and 187 days she never told this man, her daddy: the one who raised her, the one who
would capture the boogie man under her bed, the one who protected her from wild california
drivers while crossing the street, the who mended back to health when she was severely sick,
how much she truly loved and appreciated him and desired to spend more time with him. Gasp!
She suddenly woke up, heart nearly pounding out of his chest. “Daddy?” she cried out. As her
parents rushed into her room together. “What wrong,” they said. She paused for a second, “It was
just a bad dream, it's not too late.”
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30 comments:
woww! I loved how detailed your story was especially during the part about your dream! The way your story built up to this surprising climax really had me on the edge of my seat as I read it! I was so shocked while reading it and it was so unexpected and I had no idea what would happen next. Also I feel like it's crazy the type of things that your mind shows you through dreams like things you never even knew you needed or wanted in life can suddenly appear to you one day changing your whole perspective on life and especially such sensitive topics. -Kaj Miranda
Wow, the real connection with this piece was something else. I felt this deep inside, when my own father betrayed my mom when I was younger, it really hurt, but over time we can overcome these hardships and conquer.
What a heartwarming story! Your usage of descriptive words in the first half of the story that set the scene really made the situation appear more life-like and act as important as the situation was. The description of the situation was a rather strange but well written, and it led very nicely up to the climax of the gas station incident. Many times in shows or movies there´s always the mistake of saying something awful to someone close to you and next they are gone, and it would such an awful thing to have that be your last words to that person. So I perfectly understand the situation here. The fact that it was all a dream made it the perfect scenario to use the title as the last words and that really was good touch.
They story was amazing. Your writing was spot on and the plot keep me reading it. The way you described the daughters hatred for her father that turns into the this horrible sadness once she realizes he is gone. After it being a dream making the girl realize that she can mend the relationship.
Oh my goodness I loved that! I thought all hope was lost for that girl and her relationship with her father but that twist ending really brought everything together. I really liked the stylistic choices you made when the robbers started to count down. Great job! :)
Sper amazing heart wrenching story. I loved the realistic thoughts of the stubborn teenager and then the development of the characters thoughts after losing her father. Great job and portraying that and keep up the good work!
Incredible! Your blogpost really reminded me of how important it is to let our loved ones know how much we love them because no one is every guaranteed another day. You narrated this story very well, and I, as a reader, could really imagine myself being there with you in the car and at the gas station. In addition, your illustration of the narrator’s thoughts really allows readers to feel sympathy for the characters in the story as these types of thoughts and events really DO happen in our lives. Keep up the great work!
What an incredible story! I liked how you included the thoughts of the daughter and the father; this gave a way for the audience to understand both sides of the story. You were able to convey all the anger and hatred that the main character was feeling through your use of description. It was interesting to see how the daughter's emotions evolved, from anger to ill will to appreciation. By using a countdown as the gunmen walked in along with the daughter's commentary, you were able to effectively create a sense of suspense which kept me hooked onto the story.
Wow! Your story perfectly captured the emotions the protagonist had. I felt the immense sadness and regret she did when she realized her father was shot and I became relieved just like her when she discovered the occurrence was only a dream. Your imagery and diction made this story even more intense and beautiful!
Good Story! That was uncomfortably relatable but does show the importance of appreciating those around you, even when you are upset or angry. Despite anything that may be going on, resentment and spite can only go so far which you showed wonderfully in your short story.
This story actually took my breath away and kept me on my seat! It felt so real the emotions the girl had towards her father from beginning to end and it made me think of my own dad and just how much I appreciate him. The emotions to the changes in the scene was just so wonderful and nicely blended.
This was such an incredible story. I loved the amount of detail to represent the emotions shown and how it felt so realistic. This story was very relatable and it showed how sometimes it is hard to forgive someone but it is no good to hold grudges since it becomes anger inside you and you never know what could possibly happen in the future. Other than that I really liked how the story turned around at the end and it was not real so that the person still had one last chance to forgive.
This was such an interesting story to read! You brought the characters to life with details of their feelings and development. I loved the twists at the end which took me on a rollercoaster of emotions. I really appreciate the message behind the story as well, showing readers to not take the people around us for granted. All in all, it was a great story!
Hannah, this was a great story! You were able to show the importance of appreciating your loved ones while they’re still here in such a relatable way. The gas station scene was climactic and emotionally strong which showed the daughter’s character development that would later help mend her relationship with her dad. This was an important topic to discuss and you did so very well! Great Job!
This was an good story, it really captures the emotions someone might feel having been in the situation and it shows that even when you are angry at someone you should try as best as possible to forgive them for their mistakes before you can no longer forgive them as then you may not be able to forgive yourself.
This piece to me emphasized the importance of not allowing hatred to fill your heart and allowing yourself to forgive because you never know when anything could be over. I loved how you ended it because it allowed for a realization that potentially changed the character's disposition towards her father. The raw emotion she felt at the thought of her father being killed trying to protect her perfectly displayed that.
This was a great story that I believe will be relatable to many readers. I really love how you slowed down time with imagery while the gunman was counting down and getting ready to shoot. I also really liked the development of the father's character from a seemingly immoral man with no hope to a hero by the end. I know you didn't want me to read this but I didn't listen and I have no regrets.
To see that your story starts out like a real-world scenario that has and will continue to take place in many households and relationships is very unique compared to the other stories written that adhered to more fantasy-filled stories. Similar to almost all of your audience, I was in suspense during the climax of your story because you used amazing imagery and facial/mental characteristics of emotion during this time, and the way you chose your dialogue when the shooter was counting down between him and the dad and daughter was something I could easily imagine and was like something in a motion picture film.
You absolutely played me and my entire life, but great job!!! Your incredible attention to detail, such as how much the snacks exactly cost and the hot tears flowing from her face, absolutely captivated me. This serves as such as great lesson as to why you shouldn't hold grudges and should forgive people.
You played with my emotions! Making me think the dad was dead but it was a dream,your use of imagery and strong language drew me in. Furthermore it made me feel emotionally invested in the story, but honestly I would still not forgive him. Great story!
This story really caught my interest and I just couldn't stop reading! The suspense that lead up towards the ending was amazing and the way you played it out was even better! The detail within the story really set the mood which made me anxious to reach the end even more.
Wow Hannah you did that! The story was very interesting and moving. I love the message behind it. It made me think about grudges that I may be holding on to, and that at the end of the day life is too short to not forgive everyone. Not everyone gets a dream to wake them up however, many get a sign like your story.
-Dahrien Trotter
wow your story was really good! I loved how you incorporated the dream into your story. you really had me thinking that the dad had died. once trust is broken it truly is a hard thing to fix and earn back. it is such a sensitive topic, but so well written. your story had emotional and really drew me in. good job! - kayla j
The twist of it all being a bad dream was pretty cool and lent the story more to go off of. I loved that the father is portrayed as a man who still loves his daughter and willing to risk his life and that's how the daughter sees him.
This story really amazed me. There was a lot of suspense in this story that kept me in awe. I give this piece an A+.
This story was amazing. It felt as if I could really feel the anger and frustration that the girl went through and the heartbreak she felt when her father died in her dream.
This was absolutely amazing, your plot organization and use of details kept me entertained and intrigued throughout the whole story. Your use of love and it's different variations of showing up is also very advanced and you describe it very well through a father's love and the love of family.
I liked how the end of your story had a twist, it was overall a good story, and I enjoyed reading it :)
HANNAH! This was so good! Your use of words like seething,and whirling really added to the intensity of the plot, it was so vivid. I especially enjoyed the moment towards the end where you used the counting down and how everything began happening so fast to increase the tension of the conflict. I was so invested, the ending was so relieving! ;)
-Madia Wright
Wonderful storytelling! So suspenseful and engaging!
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