I run through the field with her. We both
laugh and play. Stacey wants to play hide and seek. Before anyone can say a
word I'm gone. The wind flowing through my hair and legs charging through the
tall yellow flowers. I look for my special spot.
“Stay
away from that place.” She says.
My small tiered legs carry my body through the
tall weeds, around the old abandoned car, to my special spot…..
With
eyes as black as the night, intentions as evil as the devil…. He lurks. His
blood stained, heavy boots help him through a road often traveled. A plan clear
as day replays over and over and over an-
Finally! My special spot! They will never find
me here. I reach my hand out to the rust covered handle and open the door. It
looks the same, just as I've left it! My favorite things in one spot, a special
one. The small, broken down, wooden table showcases the objects I love most. A
small yellow ribbon catches my eye first. As always, I take it between my
fingers and feel the smooth silk brush against my skin.
“Feels the same.”
I bring the fabric up the my face and inhale
the familiar cinnamon smell.
I sigh, “Smells the same…”
Huffing
and puffing He breathes. His heart beats a million miles a millisecond just at
the thought of it. It's been a few weeks since the last time and He already
misses it. His tools are at bay, ready to be used once again. Ready for their
usual blood thirsty job. They still have reminders of the last. A little dent
here and a stain there, all just small trophies to represent the real victory.
My eyes shift and a yellow photo album sits
tall with a thin layer of dust. My lips pierce as I blow air to brush the dust
off. My fingers slowly open the book full of pictures. Pictures of the most
beautiful woman in the world. Her hair long and flowing. Her dress as golden as
the sun and then the ribbon that wrapped proudly around her narrow neck.
“I miss you.” I say. “I'm going to be just as
beautiful as you one day.”
My lips curl into a smile. My eyes begin to
water.
“I miss you… mommy” I whisper.
His eyes
widen as He nears the old abandoned house.
“Here it goes.” He thinks. His hands began to
sweat, just a little nervous moisture. His footsteps are light. Wouldn't want
our pray to hear us coming would we? His old wrinkled hands curl around the
ledge under the window. Slowly his head rises as his eyes peek through the
window and He sees it.
The
yellow dress.
The
yellow hair.
In
between her fingers a yellow book.
His
breathing hitches as she begins to speak.
“I miss
you…. mommy.” She says.
He
grasps his first tool of “fun”.... Maybe He can reunite them.
I hear footsteps.
“She found me! How? Not in my special spot!”
My feet hurriedly carry me into a small closet. She'll never find me here.
The steps get louder and now she's here.
Inside my special spot! She'll never find me! My heart begins to pound as I can
hear her walking throughout the room. I laugh quietly to myself. I taunt her in
my head. “Can you see me, can you see me, can you see me?” A small giggle
escapes. “No-”
The door swings open wide with a slam. There's
a man. He's not Stacey.
We stare at each other.
“Who are you?” I ask the tall dark man in
front of me. He doesn't answer. “Is this your special spot too?” Again silence.
“Are you too hiding?” He holds up a
hook. I think. It's big and scary with some kind of mystery stain on it that
isn't really a mystery at all. He walks forward and holds the hook up to my
neck.
“Pretty girl with a pretty dress and pretty
necklace.” His breath smells and his voice is dark.
“A girl as pretty as her mother deserves the
same fate as she, yes?” His crusty lips smile. “A slice here” The hook brakes
skin. “A slice there” He glides it across my tummy and I can see the thick red
gushing from it. “Maybe even a twist..” The hook, it curls and the pain is too
much for my mind to handle.
Over and over it's jabbed into me. My screams
and cries of pain are loud, but never reach his ears. I cry and all I want is
my mommy. Why isn't she here to protect me? Why does she have to be in heaven?
Can she see me now? Does she see what's happening to me?
I try to fight, but my weak arms are no match
for his. He holds me down and my vision is blurred. Once again the hook is held
to my neck. “This finale shall be grand. It will end with a reunion. If she
can't see you now, she will see you then.”
Those words will be the last I hear.
With my last thought I think, “Mommy, can you
see me? I hope to see you.”
“At last
another victory.” He thinks. Her necklace, He keeps. Her hand he counsels in
his own. “Maybe I will wrap you in a yellow blanket and decorate you a yellow
box.”
“They
can't see you now, but soon they'll see you all.”
15 comments:
Nysiah!!! This was such an intense story! The plot, the detail, the intense imagery, everything was perfection. That man is the definition of violent. I honestly did not expect this story to be so dark and intense. You grasped my attention because of it. This was such an enjoyable piece to read and I don't think I'll stop reading it! 100% support this as one of the best pieces I read to date.
- Eric Duong Period 4
I liked the way you switch between a innocent and a menacing character. The descriptions painted a clear picture. Very well written.
Wow this is really good! At first I was confused but then wow did I get it. What a sad way to go. I love the storyline and the insight to both characters!
Oh my! That was great. My heart started racing as soon as the second line of narration begins of "him". I could feel the evil emanating off of his description, "eyes as black as night" and "blood-stained, heavy boots". I felt genuinely scared for this silly, naive girl who hides in the abandoned car. I was sickened and appalled by the death of the little girl, but I felt the evil of the man even more through its description. I enjoyed reading this.
Your story had me glued to the computer screen! The intensity and dark descriptions brought a fear in me to keep reading to find out what happened. The ending was sad with the girl passing away, but I hope she saw her mommy again. This was a well-written piece and I can see you have a talent for writing literature!
-Joseph Madere Period 1
Wow good job Nysiah! I love the amount of details along with the imagery that you include. To me it gives that spooky feeling that gives you chills.
This was a very amazing story, you really used sensory details. Everything you wrote came alive on the page and that truly gave me a better understanding of the story.
This was so cool to read. It felt like a movie, honestly, with the imagery and the narration. I felt like I could see the villain closing in, stepping quietly, all while the little girl thinks lovingly of her mother. I also loved how you showed the audience two very different characters, the contrast made their unique qualities stand out that much more.
OH MY GOSH NYSIAH!!! When I first started reading your story I had no idea where the story was going to go, you did a really good job hiding how the story was going to end. I was super surprised by the ending and loved the attention to detail ,like all the yellow objects. Your word choice and imagery really immersed me in the story.
As I was reading this story it made me more interested to see how the ending would be! Very intriguing piece of work, I especially loved the imagery. Nice work !!
Oh...my...glob...NYSIAH WHAT THE HECK MAN!!! THAT WAS SO SCARY!!!! AGGHGHHG I LOVE IT!!! I was frightened throughout the entire story because everything was so intense. I felt like I was in another world when reading this!!! This is crazy, seeing what you are fully capable of and also seeing another side of you all just through your writing skills!! MARVELOUS!!! I LOVE YOU!!
OH MY GOSH! Your story was super intense and had my heart racing from the line "Stay away from that place." I loved the amount of detail and imagery you put into this story, it makes it easy for the reader to visualize what is occurring such as "the yellow dress, the yellow hair and the yellow book" and the entire story in general! I could feel the intensity of the darkness radiating through my computer screen, I absolutely loved this piece!
When the main character wished to see her mom, it sent chills down my neck and gave me that tingly "Imani, you're about to cry" feeling in my nose. I have never read a story that could be so chilling and so heartwarming (Is that even the right word?) at the same time. You really outdid yourself with this one, Nysiah. The use of dramatic irony, the descriptions used to link the two stories together, and the parallel nature of the little girl's perspective and the murderer's perspective was absolutely amazing. Beautiful writing. -Imani Crenshaw, per 2
Wow... the suspense is killer. the way you switched from character to character and brought me to the edge of my seat. So intense and in detail is amazing. I love that you used the color yellow as a key point thought it all.
Okay, then. I wasn't expecting that at all. I thought that this story was going to be something innocence and harmless, but instead I stumbled upon something spectacular. I was confused at first with the dual commentary, but I soon found out, with too late of a realization, what was actually going on. The second commentary helped to create a sense of suspense and dread of events we all knew, but was hoping wasn't, coming toward the end. I can only hope that the little girl gets justice someday, but we will never know what becomes of the killer since he seems to have done this before and gotten away with it. This is a great read and I'm glad I found it.
- Justin Presto (Per.1)
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