About a decade from present, I remember standing in awe, watching moonlit tides ebb on the
shore of San Diego’s beautiful Mission Bay. Salty seaweed stuck to the sand as pearlescent
shells washed ashore, all the while translucent sand crabs struggled to traverse the mossy
obsidian rocks which peaked above the bank. A light mist hovered over the black lagoon and
shrouded any smooth rock which attempted to skip farther than the previous. The focal point of
my mesmerism arrived afar, under a glossy illuminated lighthouse at which three venous canals
splurged viridescent sewage upon a dense haze which eventually crawled into the sea. Such a
spectacle trembled my young heart! How could we possibly plague this tableau of grandeur with
our own machinations? Agitation gripped my throat and increased my heart palpitations in which
I vowed to do whatever in my power to retain the natural beauty that still hypnotizes me today.
Oceans provide us with new medicines, food sources, and a homeostatic climate in which we
turn our heads and propel another million tons of waste hereto. Few things rip me out of my
placid disposition than when someone tosses “only one wrapper” or “just a bottle” onto the floor
with little conscience of where it might end up. All I merely ask, all the oceans merely ask, is that
you make sure to be mindful of how and what you do with your waste products.
42 comments:
The way you described the beauty of the ocean and how it should it be seen was great. Explaining how machines are hurting our waters and they feel pain as humans. Great job! Erick Gutierrez per. 4
Good job Eric! I like how you entwined your personal experience with the ocean into why we should protect the ocean. Overall, this is a very descriptive piece and is very high quality.
Very evocative writing = strong pathos. It only renders the importance of environmental protection all the more acute.
I loved how you were very descriptive from the start of this. You used a lot of imagery to really convey what you were seeing in Sand Diego. I loved how you stuck a message within this entry as well.
Great job taking a beautiful scene and turning it into a positive message. The way you described the ocean atmosphere made it easy to visualize the beauty of the ocean side, and made it even easier to get behind your purpose. Overall, amazing post with an even better message.
Great job on this Eric! Great use of imagery and creative diction, I really feel as though I was there too. Your piece was very well written and to the point but surprisingly detailed. I really like the call to action at the end as well and I will definitely make sure I'm mindful about my waste products.
I love the imagery used in this, as well as the purpose of it. I think that it is so important to be mindful of what is getting put into our oceans and hurting the marine life. I am glad you shed some light on this catastrophic problem. I also enjoyed your use of description words, it added to the effect of the beach. Nice work!
Short piece, but very descriptive. I can tell you really love the ocean and want to preserve its beauty. The call-to-action at the end was a little abrupt and I wish it went into more detail, but I think it was still effective at conveying the change you desire.
This was such a great piece and has amazing imagery. It made me sad reading the end and how trash is ruining such a beautiful creation
Eddie Avila
Period 1
The imagery you used really captures what some would consider the heart skipping a beat at a glorious sight. I admire how well you portray these feelings while expressing a message to the reader. As the reader reaches the end, it's almost as if you became one with the ocean.
Good job ! The way you talk about the ocean and the crabs the words you use I can actually see it for myself. How the ocean and just nature can provide so much.
WOW! This short piece had me in awe, Eric. Your use of imagery of made me visualize the setting very well. This made me realize that we need to do something about machines that we use in order to preserve the ocean and its beauty. This was a great piece and an even better message. Great job!
-Ikwaak Dhillon P.2
You used a lot of great imagery in describing the bay with every distinct detail. In a short piece you really described an entire ocean and was straight and to be point. Good job.
Good job Eric! I enjoyed your piece and liked your use of detail and personification to describe the ocean.
Mia Tolliver
Period 1
Eric I always knew you were great at writing. It crazy how you can write a small piece that could be so descriptive and just overall great. I really loved the amount of imagery and descriptive words you used. Great job!
Well done! I enjoyed reading this piece because of its immense detail, I could stop reading if I wanted to!
Great environmentally friendly message and even better imagery to emphasize the need for change. Amazing ability to intertwine emotion with message
The description you presented in the beginning gives an importance on your view of the ocean and its beauty. I really enjoyed this piece because you bring up a controversial message within, you did a great job with this.
Eric, this was a great piece with lot of imagery. I felt like i was there. overall great piece
The piece was a bit short but it was packed with so much imagery. You managed to make me feel like I was standing there with you in a few sentences, great job. Your word choice also made the piece more captivating and kept me interested from start to finish.
Your imagery is absolutely stunning and beautiful. My imagination finally understood the word limit when I read your story. I was no longer imagining the scene because I knew where I was in the story. Keep up the good job.
I think this piece has a great transition; from vivid imagery of the beach to the dangers of careless human habits. I also love the message and how it's conveyed.
This piece has a great use of imagery and I could tell that that you have great vocabulary. I love how the great story turned into a life lesson everyone needs to follow!
Great! When you went in perspective about the beauty of the Mission Bay and then transitioned to your point, it made it clear on what polluting can affect.
I love the imagery of the ocean you presented.The imagery made me feel like I was there telling people to not destroy the ocean.Your story was beautifully written.Good Job!
The overall message had a very powerful delivery, describing its beauty and asking for a simple appreciation by maintaining the beaches. Great piece
Very nice piece Eric! Based off of your title alone I knew that your story was going to be about the ocean. Your specific detail on describing the little things such as the rocks and sand made this a very entertaining piece to read. I also liked how you threw in the message at the end of the story to keep our waste managed so we don't affect the ocean.
Wow Eric, this a brief but powerful piece of writing that gives a detailed depiction of the ocean. I also like your use of alliteration when saying "Salty seaweed stuck to the sand as pearlescent shells", because it created a more powerful image in my mind.
Wow, this was so beautifully written and I love the overall message. Your use of imagery painted a vivid picture in my mind- I might as well have been there! It is truly great to know that you care about the environment. I'm happy that you shared this piece of literary art with everyone.
Woah man this is filled with so many descriptions and details that make the ocean appear more beautiful than it already is. As someone who deeply cares about our world and environment, I really love the way you took on this topic by telling a story of how magnificent the ocean truly is and using that to tackle the reality of people leaving waste and littering.
Eric, this piece was amazing! I admire your extensive use of imagery, because it captures your strong emotions of cruelty in relation to the ocean. I love the power contained in this writing, and the selectivity of the words you used, great job!
Eric, this piece was amazing! I admire your extensive use of imagery, because it captures your strong emotions of cruelty in relation to the ocean. I love the power contained in this writing, and the selectivity of the words you used, great job!
Eric, this piece was amazing! I admire your extensive use of imagery, because it captures your strong emotions of cruelty in relation to the ocean. I love the power contained in this writing, and the selectivity of the words you used, great job!
I loved this so much! The imagery used was great and I loved the overall message! Great job!
Eric this was an extremely well written piece of literature. Your wonderful use of imagery helped me visualize the ocean. I especially love the message that you conveyed at the end.
Steve Martinez P. 1
I really loved your use of imagery which caught my attention from the beginning. Moreover, you used this opportunity to express a message of yours which I can confidently say worked beautifully. Great job!
Although this piece was short , it was jam packed with great imagery and high vocabulary. I would have loved it as just a memory but I love how you connected your passage into a pressing environmental issue, it really gives this writing purpose. Great job.
The imagery of the ocean was beautiful! I can really feel emotions you evoked in this story.
DeAndre Siringoringo P.1
Wow, I really love the amount of imagery you have in your blog post! It definitely does paint a picture of San Diego’s Mission Bay. My favorite part was, “while translucent sand crabs struggled to traverse the mossy obsidian rocks which peaked above the bank.” Nice job!
Good Job! this was very well written and i love the imagery you provided. it was almost like i was there. it was a great lead up to a perfect point. you did amazing and we should all be more conscious on this subject like you are.
-tiana wheatley
Wow great job! I enjoyed the imagery in the short piece of writing ! I also was fascinated by the way you described the ocean! Phenomenal job !!
The imagery you used in this short story really brought the story to life! I loved the message you conveyed at the end. Nice work!
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