Cameron came home
from school one day and his mom started to yell at him because the dishes
weren’t done. He was confused as to why his mom was yelling at him because he
remembered doing the dishes before he left for school. Cameron just ignored it
and went into his room to do his homework. As he was doing homework, he was
looking at videos of him and his friend, Jackson sneaking into an underground
tunnel. Suddenly he saw something on the video that scared him to death.
Cameron saw what seemed to be a figure with red eyes on his back. He re-played
the video and the figure wasn’t there. Scared to death, his mom called him
downstairs for dinner. “How was your day Cam?” asked his dad. “Good,” said
Cameron. He couldn’t say anything about the video because he wasn’t supposed to
be going into the tunnel in the first place, so he just didn’t talk the whole
time. As he went to his room, Cameron figured he wanted to finish the project
he was working on in the basement. He went to the basement, and the project was
on the floor in pieces. Cameron was furious. He went to the kitchen to tell his
mom and they all went downstairs, and the project was perfectly fine. Cameron
was starting to think something was wrong, first the dishes, then the video,
then his project. Someone or something was messing with him. Everything started
to go downhill from there. He had a nightmare that night.
The figure was in the
street waving to him in his dream. That night he woke up and called his friend,
Marissa to go on a walk outside in his neighborhood. As they were walking,
Cameron saw the same figure at the end of the street, slowly waving to him.
Marissa didn’t see anything. Cameron was freaking out. This wasn’t a dream either.
Scared to death, he asked her to stay the night. The next morning, he woke up
realizing it was the weekend. Cameron was so happy he didn’t have to go to
school. He was too scared to go anywhere. He was home alone, so he just stayed
in his room. Today he just planned on trying to work on his project. Marissa
was sleeping in the other room, still. Cameron went downstairs to the basement
to see if the project was there and it was in perfect condition. So he just
ignored everything that happened the past few days and got to work. He was
building a diorama of the ice age for history class. When he was finished, he
went to the kitchen to eat a sandwich. He sat down and turned on the TV to
watch some movies. Cameron was soon disturbed to someone running around upstairs.
He slowly went upstairs to see what Marissa was doing. Her door was still
closed. Cameron went into his room because he got a text. He sat down on the
bed as he heard a loud, squeaky laugh coming from her room. Marissa knocked on
the wall, so Cameron knocked back. Cameron texted Marissa asking if he woke her
up too early. She replied, “I went home two hours ago…” Cameron ran as fast as
he could outside to his neighbor’s house and looked up to his window to see
that same figure he saw in the street the other night…
34 comments:
That was a very original piece. I've never seen anything like it. The way you described the "figure" was very interesting. Thank you for entertaining me with this short story. I encourage you to keep writing
Great job on creating this chilling story. It was quite intriguing. I wish it was longer and had more detail though. It would have been even better.
- Deborah Fraire
- Period 1
Awesome story! I like how you had detail, and how the figure was making the noise not Marissa it ads another element to the scary effect.
Karina Blocker
Period 4
First of all, this is a very compelling story! I love paranormal stories because they usually always have that eerie, give you the chills feelings. You were extremely descriptive and you really used great word choices. You sentences were properly structured. All of this just really added to your whole story. I could imagine how it all looked. I really like that you talked about the figure that follows your main character. It reminded me of Insidious! Overall this was a really great story and was super fun to read. I am so glad you wrote it!
Thank you for writing such a spooky story! In all honesty, you have the potential to become a very good story writer. I really like the pace of the story. It felt like I was reading a Goosebumps book! I wish that you made the story a little longer because it was very interesting.
The story was amazing and well formatted. I like spooky stories such as this one. It definitely gave me shivers down to my spine. I wis to see more stories like this , because they are mystery and scary. Never the less it was a splendid story.
great job! I really like scary stories and this was really good. I wish you would have made the story a little longer because it was really intriguing but other than that I really enjoyed it. keep up the good work.
This story was great. It was a spooky and short amazing story. I think you should keep writing, because this was great.
Logan Donoho
Per 1.
Wow I got so into this story its ridiculous. Once I finished reading it I was sad that it was finished. Wish there was a part 2.
-Jazmine Hernandez
Period 4
great job! I really like scary stories and this was really good. I wish you would have made the story a little longer because it was really intriguing but other than that I really enjoyed it. keep up the good work.
This wasn't an "ordinary" story for December, but I like that. The story was eerie and interesting, it was a great and short story to read. However, I wish you continued the story or made it longer because I really did enjoy it! Great piece.
Daveena San
Period 2
I was not expecting a story like this in December but it made nit even more refreshing. I liked how you left room at the end to leave the readers wanting more.
This story was amazing the ending shocked me! I really liked the details you had in it too,Keep up the good work.
Zya Woody
period 4
This story was awesome i loved the spooky parts in it and how i got goosebumps for Cameron.
~Madison Behee
Per.1
Amazing piece Garret by far this the best story I have read on here. Great job. Suspense was great and the ending really got me. It was excellently written. I rate it a 10/10. Keep up the great work.
Ashley Garcia
per.4
I really liked this piece and the detail that was put into it. The ending had shocked me most, this piece was written amazingly.
Lailah Harris
period 1
12/13/15
8:29
At first i thought it was his sister messing with him then you never mentioned a sister so then when i got to the part where he is the only one that can see it that is what made me think that Cameron was crazy. but then the fact that the shadow was laughing and Cameron thought it was Marissa. But that was a great story. Even though it is christmas and that was like a halloween story. I thought it was great.
MIKAYLA SEALS
Per. 4
Ok. You really got the hairs on my arms to stand up. That was pretty intense. You really grabbed me beginning to end. I love those little plot twists in the end of stories, "I went home two hours ago." It makes the story much creepier than it already is. It was amazingly written and it was very intriguing with a perfect mix of suspense.
Ok. You really got the hairs on my arms to stand up. That was pretty intense. You really grabbed me beginning to end. I love those little plot twists in the end of stories, "I went home two hours ago." It makes the story much creepier than it already is. It was amazingly written and it was very intriguing with a perfect mix of suspense.
This piece really caught my attention because of the fact that I really enjoy scary stories. The way you described the figure haunting the boy gave me chills. Good job!
Michael Dingle
Period 5
Wow. Great Cool story! It definitely gave off the creepy feeling towards the end. I had nightmare about those creepy guys when I was little. So cool to see a story somewhat like what I went through. Great job!
Ricky Martin
Per.4
Oh dang. This was creepy. I couldn't imagine if this situation happens to me in real life. I would go crazy. Way to use precise detail to explain everything. This was truly a scary weird story. Good job
Talk about a scary story. It was really well written, really creepy and honestly put me back into the Halloween spirit. Very very well done^.^
Very creepy! I liked the concept of your story, only, i wish it were a bit longer! I definitely was not excepting such a story during December but that made it more interesting to read. I wish you would describe 'the figure' more other than the fact that it had red eyes.
-Zoe Wong
I really want to know what else happens and who that mysterious figure was! The story was creepy and suspenseful and thats how you know a piece was nicely written, when someone wants to keep reading. It would have been a great story for October but this works too. Good job on your creative writing !
woah this was very scary and I was reading this at almost midnight aha. I think I'm scared now lol, but great story!
I thought that was a great story, I especially liked how the creature actually didnt do anything directly to the character, it was more messing with their heads which i thought was more scary than if something did actually happen. So great job!
P5
-Marvin Virola
This really creeped me out so very good job with that. You had a great use of imagery and I also loved that it wasn't predictable.
Great story the way the messed with them was more scary than If the actually did it it's like saying something's going to happen and it never does the suspence was real
This scared me, OH MY GOD! This should be a movie film. It was completely intriguing and kept the reader stuck to the story, impossible to stop reading! I love your use of diction and the build up!
This story honestly got me scared. As much as i hate stories that leaves me hanging it worked with this one. Because it just wants me to want more, like "What is their creature?", "Is it anything?", "Is this boy just crazy?" and i really liked it.
Woah! Nice job! what a completely creative and original story we have here. You skillfully wove short sentences with concrete detail and imagery into this story to get the plot line going, every line was filled to the brim with raw anxiety and anticipation. I hope to see more of these from you in the future! Great job!
Jordyn France
Per 3
Cogswell
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