Chapter 1
It was a cold winter day. There was frost covering the
window where the boy was sitting, which
blurred everything that was
outside. The fireplace was lit, but all that seemed to light the room was the
blaze from the window. The child's breaths were slow, almost unnoticeable as if
he wasn't alive. Although the fire was burning his breath was visible enough
that a blind person could see it. Everything was silent other than the
crackling of the firewood that his parents left for the boy before their
disappearance. The boy looked at the couch and observed it with a keen eye. He
looked at the stitches of the couch. The fabric looked rough but felt silky.
The boy from lack of interest placed his arms in front of him and rest his
head.
"Why am I alone? Where did my parents go? I'm only six
years old, I don't think I should be by myself. What do you think, Teddy?"
The boy sat there as if he listened to his teddy bear speak
to him.
"I know, Teddy. They haven't been home for a few days.
What do you think we should do?" He sat silently then replies, "You
know Teddy, I think we should go and search for them, maybe I can find
them."
The boy gets up and packs a luggage of clothes and doubles
up on jackets before he leaves with his teddy bear. The boy walks up to the
door and places his hand on the knob.
He stops.
He was unsure, but then looks at his teddy bear and opens
the door, leaving it open, and marches outside with his head held high.
An hour has passed since the child started his search for
his parents. There was a heavy fog, wind picked up and thick snow-flakes go
airborne covering everything from view. The child stood there and looked
around. A tear started to come down his cheek. He couldn't see anything around
him and in terror he starts yelling, "Teddy, do you know where we
are?" There was silence, "Where should we go, Teddy?" The child
begins to sob in fear.
"Where should we go, Teddy?' His voice was shaky and
filled with worry. He looks around trembling, standing there as a booger starts
to hang from his nose. He wipes his face only to smear his boogers all over his
face. "Teddy, where should we go?" More tears rolled down his face.
He misses home. He walks and fumbles, falling face first. Awkwardly, he gets
back up almost as if he wasn't sure to go on or to stay. He continues to walk
and yells hysterically, "Where should we go?... Teddy, where should we
go?... Teddy..." The child's voice fades as he goes further into the
white. The wind picks up making more snow to rise causing everything to be less
visible. As the conditions worsen the child couldn't be seen or heard.
Chapter 2
Sirens are heard outside around the neighborhood. It was a
clear day with snow on every lawn. The air was cold and smelt like fresh rainfall.
Outside, the sun's rays pass through the trees into the window of the house
letting a warm dim light in. Children can be heard playing, their parents
warning them to be careful. Inside a woman was reading. She was enjoying her
day by resting on her couch, then heavy knocks interrupted her peace. She sets
her copy of Hatchet on her coffee table and walks towards the door. She
places her hand on the knob- it felt as cold as an ice cube- and opens it to
see two officers. One was short with fair hair and the other was hunky with
acne.
"Hello, am I speaking to Anne Burkley?" asked the
short officer.
"Why, yes. What is the matter, officer?" She was
confused why the police were at her house.
"May we come in? as this is a serious matter to talk
about," Anne moves to the side letting them pass in. She closes the door
and leads them to her living room where she was prior to their arrival. The
warm light seemed to have darkened to a gray shade; the delightful room felt
heavy.
"So what's wrong, officers?" She hesitated to ask.
"Well... do you remember your sister Marie?" Anne
nods her head, "Well... this isn't easy for us to share, but... two days
ago we found your sister's son, Jim, out in the woods..." says the hunky
cop.
Anne gasped, placing her hands over her mouth. "Is he
doing okay?" Her eyes began to tear up.
The cops looked at each other with grief on their faces. She
knew then something happened and her feelings began to fluster as her vision
begins to blur from tears. Slowly, the shorter cop straightened up. Though he
still felt remorseful and hesitant to speak, he explained. "We're sorry,
but..."
Anne started to burst into tears. The cop hesitated to
continue, but painfully spoke the rest, "We couldn’t do anything to save
him. When we found him we believed him to have died after two hours of leaving
his home." Anne started to sob hysterically. "I'm also sorry to say
that we haven't receive any contact from your sister or her husband,
James."
"WHY! Why... why..." Anne burst out loudly
swinging her hands in the air, every word spoken softer than the last.
"Oh... why..." Anne was too overwhelmed; she became hysteric. She let
her hands and head fall down, then placed her hands in her hair. Silence. Her
face was covered in tears and her hands teased her hair. The cops without any
saying left mournfully for Anne to have time.
13 comments:
Woah, I love the cliffhanger and how the second chapter answers the first. What a sad story to read, the imagery, the dialogue was well written as it allowed the reader to put itself in the shoes of the character. The way you expressed the emotions of the two main characters really showed as I was reading. Job well done.
-Samar Elshekh P.3
Hey Malco!! This was actually super interesting. The imagery you used was excellent, especially in the beginning. It really helped contribute to the ominous mood. Also, your use of hyperbole when you said,"Although the fire was burning his breath was visible enough that a blind person could see it." definitely portrayed the cold setting more vividly and helped connect your audience more to what was taking place in the story. The ending left me wanting to read more, you should write another chapter!
Wow this a sad story but good and well written. It really makes you want to know what happens next. This was very interesting, I hope to see more of your writing. Great job!
JC Bagro
period 3
This was really interesting, I felt so bad for the poor boy who had died. I thought it would have a happy ending but it ended up with it not being another happy ending. I loved the piece great job!!
Such an interesting story now i'm left wondering what happened to jim's parents.
-Jazmine Hernandez
Period 4
I like how Teddy was silent as soon as it started to look bleak but when the child wanted to go out and search for the parents Teddy was all full of words #teddydipped. Forgetting Teddy, this was an amazing piece because of the great use of visual imagery; you painted a very vivid picture and it was clear that you had a clear cut vision on where you wanted to take the story. Somehow you gave me the impression that the boy didn't just fall on his face maybe something was done to him, who knows?
This story is so sad. What was really heartbreaking was how he was talking to his teddy bear it really emphasized how young he was. What happened to his parents?
This was one of the best stories that I've read and it was crazy that that happened to the little boy, and I really loved how you had a second chapter to explain and close the story.
Marco you are an incredible writer. This story is sad and actually made me tear up when the cops came into the house and told Anne what had happened. You were really able to use imagery to convey the fog and Anne's reaction throughout the story as well as describing the child as everyone would imagine a small 6 year old kid to be if his parents were gone. Overall great story and i hope there are more chapters to come.
* Malco. it auto corrected to Marco -.-
Wow...! When the news that the boy died my heart cringed! this was such a sad story but i loved how you used imagery to captivate the scene! I do wonder what happened to the parents though. I would love to read the rest of this story to get my questions answered. Remarkable job!
Woah. That was a very sad story for the kid to die. Lots of imagery and characters made this story really great! I also liked how you put 2 chapters that cleared everything up. Nice job!
Ricky Martin
Per.4
What a story! The atmosphere was perfectly set through the diction inscribed, yet it was never over indulgent, leaving a nice taste in the readers' mind. The splitting into chapters was genius, and the imagery encompassed all of the elements of this work into one. Excellent job, Malco!
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